Order  47/90

Blog Post created by PastTense on Jan 22, 2020

I spent yesterday on an emergency visit to a vendor who is having some…”difficulties”. I got in to the office at 7:15, was told I need to pay the vendor a visit at 7:35 and was out the door by 7:45.

I feel badly for the vendor. I am not a pleasant person when my routine is upset. I am an even less pleasant person when I don’t have a chance to plan for a trip. Planning gives me a sense of control over the uncontrollable. Or at least a sense that I have done what I can to know what comes next.

I like order. I like knowing where I am going to be and what kind of shoes I need to wear. I love to travel, and when I do, I make spreadsheets outlining what activities are planned, what the weather is predicted to do, what I am going to wear, and which shoes. Not even kidding about this. My husband laughs at me, but I tell him it’s all part of my charm.

Quitting smoking as a great, giant, leap into the unknown and unplanned. It is safe to say that quitting is more than just unknown – it is unknowable. At least in advance. All the planning and reading about the effects of withdrawal aren’t going to help you when you get hit with an unusual symptom. I will say from personal experience that even withdrawal symptoms you are expecting can be quite shocking in their intensity or extent. Like a headache that won’t go away or constipation. You know it can happen, but WOW – did not see that coming.

Not having control or the illusion of control over the direction and dimension of my quit has been agitating, at best. I hate being out of my comfort zone. I detest it. Even with my written quit plan and several spreadsheets to track my progress, it is completely out of my control and I have no idea when things will get better. OCD? Not clinically, but, heck yeah – and some ADHD thrown in for when I get bored! And I know many of us are dealing with some level of mental health issue that is exacerbated by quitting. Anxiety, depression, ADHD, OCD, PTSD, at all levels of the spectrum.

We are all battling our demons along with fighting nicotine. My hat is off to every single one of you who fighting the good fight. I know that our efforts will eventually pay off.

Keep the faith

Keep the quit.