indingrl.01.06.2011

3:45am- TIME 

Blog Post created by indingrl.01.06.2011 on Jan 19, 2020

TODAY - only by God's grace -  I am given - 3300 DAYS OF FREEDOM - I try to go back to sleep -  yet here I am BLOGGING - awe -  the memories of having two cigs - to comfort ME and then go back to sleep - MY PAST ADDICTION LIFESTYLE  - OH boy -  do I remember -  smoking like a chimmey -  while Bible reading and studying in the early morning - I remember -  the many many TIMES -  I REALLY tried to QUIT SMOKING -  on MY OWN - MANY attempts since 1988 to November 5th 2011 - I tried over and over to -  stop smoking - STOP SUCKING ON DEATH STICKS -  to live in MY OWN skin without using MY DRUG NICOTINE and I remember thinking -  smoking calmed ME down - I believed smoking - HELP ME - to think and to do better with MY coping with people - places - things - situations - circumstances - MY emergencies - in MY LIFE - SMOKING -  before and after and in between -  a funeral to COPE with loss of MY loved one  OR smoking while taking a relaxing bath - OR THINKING - I really NEED a cigarette -  RIGHT NOW - just so I could deal with MY DAY of having to deal with PEOPLE  -  I made the emotional thinking DECISION to - stop so MANY TIMES - I REMEMBER - I just bought a full pack of red Marlboro - cost ME $6.50 - sucked on two DEATH STICKS - real quick - then I said. - that's it - I quit and I REALLY meant it - EACH TIME I tried to QUIT - I made MY many many many - attempts to - QUIT smoking -  I took them out of pack and I wet them down and I also ran water all over MY cigarette butts in MY ashtray - then threw ALL in the garbage - cigs and ashtray with wet butts and lighters and went to bed - VERY confident - very PROUD - I quit smoking on MY OWN!!!!  I got up early the next morning  - I went straight for the garbage - took out ALL the cigs I could save and laid them out on papertowels - they were covered in coffee grounds and the garbage remnants of garbage - I blew them DRY with MY blowdryer and smoked them ALL -  didn't think twice about it and asked MY husband to go buy ME 2 packs of smokes BEFORE he left for work and he did - I did NOT BELIEVE -  I would EVER quit smoking -- hmmmm - MY memories of the lengths I went to get MY fix - I am so GRATEFUL - in MY God's perfect timing HE blessed ME with HIS grace TODAY - to choose to blog BEFORE - I take that FIRST puff over ME - saying to MYSELF - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER - SELF DISCIPLINE for ME takes prayer - I ask MY God -  to STAY NICOTINE FREE TODAY  - thanks for letting ME share MY experience strength and H.O.P.E. - oh MY and yesterday - I saw a driver with her window rolled down smoking- it is so cold here in MY neck of the woods  - and then I remembered - but for the grace of God go I - I remember to PRAY - for the smokers that I see TODAY and I thank MY God for HIS love and grace and tender mercies - I am NICOTINE FREE 3300 DAYS TODAY

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