PastTense

Sneaky Stuff 4/90

Blog Post created by PastTense on Dec 7, 2019

I've been a closet smoker for the better part of 15 years.  The fact that I felt I needed to hide smoking should have been the first clue that I shouldn't have been smoking in the first place.  Who hides things they are proud of?  No one.

 

So I snuck around.  I found places to stop on the way home from work that offered some shield from the weather and had a cigarette before I got to my house.  I added at least 20 minutes to my commute every night so I could have an extra smoke.

 

I sprayed myself down with odor spray, hid packs and lighters in a shoebox in the closet.  I wouldn't buy a purse unless there was an inner zipper pocket where I could secret my supplies.  I always knew exactly where I had supplies and how many were left and when I would have to go buy more.  I always bought other stuff so the cashier wouldn't think I had only come in to the store for smokes.  I mean, why on earth would I care what the cashier thought?  Because it was all about being better than smokers.  I was better than those silly people who smoked out in the open

 

I consider myself to be a person of integrity.  I didn't exactly lie about smoking, but I could change the subject faster than you can imagine.  And I always, always had a cover story.

 

Being a non-smoker is much less fraught.  I don't need a cover story - there isn't anything to cover up.

Now I can learn what life is like without sneaking.

 

PT

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