Crutches

Blog Post created by DonnaMarie on Nov 17, 2019

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I recently gave away my jar of cinnamon sticks and then shortly thereafter, bought another jar to keep in the car... just in case.

I was driving home from Richmond yesterday, about an hour, and thought it would be a good time to grab a cinnamon stick. But something stopped me and made me think that I'm still addicted to something if I do that. I did not open the jar, but rather thought about how I am almost at a year quit and shouldn't need a crutch any longer. Do we ever not need a crutch? Does it (the addictive desire) ever go completely away?

I still have the jar in the car, but didn't "smoke" one on the way home yesterday. I've had a couple days of "I wanna smoke" and know they're transient.

Argh, smoking is hard, even almost a year out.

Donna

Day 335

Outcomes

10 Comments

YoungAtHeart Nov 17, 2019 11:40 AM
When there are moments and activities that we don't have a huge amount of time relearning, it's true that we can start stinkin' thinkin' - and being addicted to cinnamon sticks is not such a bad thing - right? You did good to not use them THIS time, but don't let the fear of that outcome keep you from enjoying one from time to time. Not a thing wrong with that......as long as YOU are in control of their use.
I can become addicted to most anything sweet. I chose to use an small ice cold Pepsi as my chore break "reward," and I could easily start to drink one with a meal - but I have chosen to only have one as that reward. Again, I am in control!
That's the key here, I think.
Nancy
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- DonnaMarie @ YoungAtHeart on Nov 17, 2019 11:45 AM
  You are right. It was *my* decision not to grab a cinnamon stick just like it's my decision to not smoke. I think control is what I was going for subconsciously and consciously. Allowing an addiction to control me is pretty scary these days as I whiz toward one year. Anyway.. you made me think!
  
  Donna
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jonimarie Nov 17, 2019 1:22 PM
You did what you had to do to get to where you are now. Now you see it as a crutch and realized it. Nothing wrong at all with that. You worked to get where you are in your QUIT and that is something to be very very proud of!
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Mandolinrain Nov 17, 2019 1:43 PM
I think your doing fine. I also don't see a problem using the cinnamon sticks but I like that you recognized what was going on. Thats growth. Great job!
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Giulia Nov 17, 2019 1:50 PM
"Do we ever not need a crutch? Does it (the addictive desire) ever go completely away?" My crutch was to "pretend smoke straws." Don't recall how long I did it, but eventually I just didn't need the crutch anymore. Granted I was repeating the hand-to-mouth behavior, but I wasn't getting any nicotine and that method worked for me. And whatever works, works. It also wasn't ultimately very satisfying, so stopping it was not a problem.

Does the addictive desire every go completely away? Given the amount of quitters who have had long-term quits who have relapsed, I'd have to say for some the answer is no. For me, personally I also have to say no. There are just times when I would like a cigarette. "And so what." That's my attitude. The desire is hardly a "craving" any more. (Well, once in a blue moon you might get slapped upside the head.) But generally that desperate ache in the gut isn't there. It's just a momentary pang. But it does still present itself. As long as we understand and accept that, are prepared and use the tools we've developed along the journey, we will never go back to another day one. BE PREPARED

It's all about YOUR quit and what's true for you. We are each different and have different journeys. For many they have absolutely no desire for a cigarette again, ever. For me - I've developed a bantering kind of back-and-forth with my inner demon and know her ever so well. A Quit Dialogue in IV Acts
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sweetplt Nov 17, 2019 3:51 PM
Hi DonnaMarie Donna...I get what you are saying, but honestly it should be so ok to turn to the cinnamon stick if it helps you with an urge...even though we are coming on a year quit...we still have to stay vigilant and work through some things...Happy Sunday ~ Colleen 349 DOF
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indingrl Nov 17, 2019 5:00 PM
CONGRATS acceptance is a key and self honesty is a key and RECOVERING NICOTINE ADDICT - one day at a time - I believe it delends on YOUR NEW mindset - whatever YOUR CHOOSING to dwell on you will ecentuamky DO - WAY TO GO DONNA STAYING A NON SMOKER - learning and growing and HEALING inside and overcoming your OLD MINDSET - Yahoooooooooo - GOOD JOB - gentle hug
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Roj Nov 17, 2019 8:33 PM
Ugggggg I hope the craving goes away...when I get them now they seem strong but I breath them out...guess I will forever be breathing...better than the alternative
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constanceclum Nov 18, 2019 8:59 AM
I used deep breathing and prayer to get through craves. I doubt if I'll ever give those up. Cinnamon is also very health.

Conie
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AnnetteMM Nov 18, 2019 10:28 AM
I completely understand that feeling of wanting to not be addicted to anything anymore.
Fact is that once we're addicted we're always addicted, just not acting on it.
But in any case, I felt that same way about my sleep aid, and so endured months of crazy bad sleeping just to get off of it.
So if you feel like the sticks are controlling you, get rid of them.
If you're actually okay without them but just like them, no biggie.
Just my humble opinion.
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