Blog Post created by indingrl.01.06.2011 on Nov 9, 2019

Please take what HELPS and let go of the rest to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you - please remember - I am talking about ME - NOT anyone else - thank you - CRAVINGS - for ME -  I craved ATTENTION -  since I came out of MY mother's womb - from her - MY MOTHER - she is a mean and vile woman - who said -  I should of been a born a boy -  because of ME -  her life is ruined - the Catholic married man didn't divorce his Catholic wife - because of ME - I was born a girl - so to punish ME - this woman that I respect and honor and give the title of MOTHER - I FORGIVE her and in God's love - I love her too  - because of MY Lord Jesus - in HIM - I love her - I don't like her for handing ME to her husband - I was 6 years old and letting him rape ME until I was 15 YEARS old - I have received professional therapy and have had a Bible based child rape survivors support group and have been HEALED and made peace with God and MYSELF and MY MOTHER - she has told ME - she was sorry - she didn't do anything for ME as a child and I accepted her sorry - MANY YEARS have gone by and WE are still are progressing in MY CRAVING FOR A MOTHER and her love in this HEALING process in OUR-  MOTHER and daughter -  relationship - at least it is a - REAL relationship between us- TODAY - 2019 - it ain't fake -  I don't like her and she don't like ME - WE LOVE one another - God's miracle and God's GRACE upon grace in MY Lord Jesus name amen  - MY next CRAVING for ATTENTION  -  relationships with other humans - TODAY - I used the excuse CRAVING NICOTINE when I am hurting - wounded or just plain FEELING  - NICOTINE is just an excuse  - for ME - it is MY CRAVING - MY REAL longing -  to be loved and have friendships -  from other humans and CRAVING the attention to be their friend or to be noticed by them - to be included in the -  CLICK - to be with those - called by society - the in crowd - to be number one and popular - the CRAVING to be talked with or missed by someone - I CRAVED a loving MOTHER - she hates herself - I CRAVED friends - I didn't know how to be a friend - I CRAVED love from abusive men and women - then that ALL CHANGED for ME - November 6 , 1986 - I became born - again - I accepted Jesus as MY Savior and Lord and wouldn't YOU know - HE used ME to invite that MOTHER of MINE -  to receive HIM as her Savior and Lord too - so I CHOSE to obey HIM and TODAY - I do not CRAVE the love of a MOTHER - who is incapable of love - I do not CRAVE NICOTINE - to lie to MYSELF - as an excuse to be immature and not grow up and become responsible for ME and MY NON SMOKER LIFE - to cope with MY insides - TODAY in Jesus love and name amen - I do not CRAVE other humans love - who are incapable of love - CRAVINGS for ME - are FEELINGS -  that I NEVER felt as a child or accepted to FEEL them and let them have their way with ME and to release them-a feeling is just that a feeling - they come and go and they are fickle and many more will come and go -  to LEARN a NEW way -  to NOT let MY feeling-thinking lead ME - NOT TODAY - I no longer CRAVE as immature little VICTIM TODAY - I ask God in Jesus name to HELP ME be a good WOMAN -  fully mature in ALL areas of ME - to love ME and be MY own friend in HIS way and HIS trurh and HIS life in HIM and to keep asking God first for what I need - NOT humans incapable of meeting their own needs  - TODAY - I am a NON SMOKER who knows her OWN HEART TODAY and I no longer CRAVE - abuse or popularity - for I know for a FACT - I am DEEPLY loved and highly FAVORED and richly BLESSED by MY Daddy God by MY Savior and Lord Jesus by MY Holy Comforter - it is written - by grace you have been saved it is NOT of yourselves it is a gift of God - please do NOT take MY word on it - read it for YOUR self - get a Bible - go to 1 Corinthians chapter 15 verses 1- 4 - God loves YOU - read it for YOUR self - YOU will NO longer CRAVE - for YOU will CHOOSE for YOUR self - the love freely offered by God in Christ Jesus - MY Lord  - YOUR CHOICE - thanks for letting ME share - MY experience - strength and HOPE - gentle hug