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It’s Time

Posted by MindaLee Nov 30, 2019

I knew vaping wasn’t the safest but safer than cigarettes. I knew I couldn’t do it forever but hoped I could. As I type that I lay here tired. Exhausted really. I’m detoxing from nicotine. threw away my vape this morning and everything that went with it. I’m ready. I took a restless two hour nap and am laying back down in bed. I’m mad for not using the full Thanksgiving break to quit and should’ve started on Wednesday but at least I started. I choose to embrace this quit. It’s my final quit. If I don’t quit, it could be my final quit. I cast my care to God and lean on him first and foremost during this time. I know you all will be here with me too and I thank you in advance for that. 

God Bless You All,



Please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you -  It came to 3250 NICOTINE FREE DAYS only by MY God's grace and the support of EACH INDIVIDUAL person here on this site - DAY after DAY after DAY after DAY after DAY in MY Lord Jesus name - the first 30 DAYS life hit HARD - family member killed by a drunk driver - I believe it was his 3rd arrest yet MONEY talks- this is what I learned DAY after DAY after DAY after DAY of living 3250 DAYS as a NON SMOKER - there is NOTHING new under the sun - same POOP different DAY - life on life's terms - MY personal choice and MY decision DAY after DAY after DAY to live THIS DAY ONLY - for ME - I GOTTA pray to God FIRST and then TRY to come here in HIS love and service to HELP the next SUFFERING NICOTINE ADDICT to Hear.Other.People.Experience. H.O.P.E. - thank YOU EVERYONE here for 3250 DAYS teaching ME to learn and grow from YOUR EXPERIENCE DAY after DAY after DAY after DAY after DAY - FYI whoever got up THIS morning of THIS DAY has the longest NICOTINE FREEDOM - thanks for letting ME SHARE  



Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Nov 26, 2019

Please I am talking about ME - not anyone else - please take what helps and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you MY SMOKEMARE -  I was smoking with this man and I knew him since 1987 and we were smoking like chimneys - one after the other - that's how I use to smoke at the end of MY using nicotine addiction lifestyle - we were splitting up the cigarettes - 2 for YOU and 2 for ME - there wasn't many left in pack and the cigs were fatter than usual cigs with white filter and they reminded me of -  Kent cigarettes - they were all white looking - then I was I was thinking of a way to get this man to marry ME- THEN I JUST WOKE UP  -  the man in MY SMOKEMARE has been dead for YEARS - he died from a massive heart attack - from his own personal chain smoking lifestyle - I woke up so GRATEFUL - MY SMOKEMARES have come and gone through MY NON SMOKER LIFESTYLE - YIKES - this SMOKEMARE - scared ME - smoking with a man that has been DEAD for YEARS from SMOKING - so I was taught in the BEGINNING - to tell about MY SMOKEMARES -  right away -  so NO seeds are left to plant in MY mind by ignorance on MY lieing to MYSELF - THINKING maybe after ALL these 8 YEARS - I will smoke just ONE and be OK - well this SMOKEMARE cleared that FAKE seed of a LIE - it's -  OUTTA MY MIND  -  just ONE will kill ME - I was smoking with a DEAD MAN - I knew HIM-  he owned HIS own business -  heat n cool company was married - who cares -  I was after HIS money to keep ME in MY cigarettes - that's what I thought when I woke up - ADDICTION knows no morals OR gives a crap - I stole money from MY mom when I was 15 years old to get MY cigs - If I stole from MY mom then as a USING NICOTINE ADDICT - I will steal YOUR money too - to get MY fix - please I am talking about ME - I made sure I had MY smokes BEFORE I brought food for MY kid's - it is a known FACT - an addict will steal YOUR wallet and HELP YOU LOOK FOR IT  - MY WARNING -  SMOKING STILL KILLS AND JUST ONE WILL KILL ME  - I thank MY God that by HIS love and grace and tender MERCIES for ME in MY Lord Jesus and by MY Holy Comforter by MY PERSONAL belief - I will REMAIN a NON SMOKER NOW to eternity in Jesus name amen - I was taught a SMOKEMARE is a warning - to go tell on MYSELF thoughts of using just ONE death stick - and to REMEMBER - to thank God - I am a NON SMOKER - just for TODAY - it is all I have to live through - TODAY- only by HIS grace and I am given - ONE DAY at a time to live -  THIS day ONLY fighting the good fight of faith - MY BATTLEFIELD OF MY MIND - not anyone else's - whoever got up the earliest - TODAY -this DAY ONLY -  has the most SMOBRIETY - FOR THIS DAY ONLY- IT IS ALL WE HAVE - THIS DAY - THIS 24 HOUR DAY -  yesterday is gone and tomorrow ain't promised to NO ONE! Thanks for letting ME share MY experience strength and HOPE - TODAY


Hello Day One

Posted by Baby-J Nov 25, 2019

I have been looking for this for a while now. Going through the cycle all over again really sucks but I'm glad that I'm psyched up to try it out. I am going to be on nicotine replacement (gum) I cannot take chantix because I just found out we are expecting so never a better reason than that. But I think the gun will help me this time because I've got experience with quitting. And practice makes everything easier. So here we go! Keep me occupied tomorrow ladies and gents send funny comments and post encouraging words. Humor works wonders for day one. Thanks for the support!!


Feeling Ready!

Posted by razzelbal Nov 24, 2019

I have moved up my Quit date to Nov. 25 tomorrow I'm excited and some of you have already given me a lot of positive feedback thank you very much. Just learning how to use this site and trying to quit smoking has been a long journey and I feel I'm ready. 

Hi Everyone at Ex’s...


I received a beautiful gift in the mail today from Missy, our very own Mandolinrain.  Thank you so much Missy for this reminder of when I joined Ex’s and my approaching 1 year quit.  If there was one thing good about this addiction it was finding Ex’s and all of you...I can’t thank each of you enough for helping me to stay focus on this journey....Blessings and a Happy Saturday...~ Colleen 355 DOF 



Phone calls need to be made

Posted by Roj Nov 22, 2019

Spoke to the man I consider to be my dad last night...he has been in the hospital for weeks and I didn’t even know it. We get so wrapped up in our own crap that we forget how fragile life is and to make those calls more often, especially if you are in a different state. The guilt I felt and sadness for all he went through and I wasn’t even aware made me want to smoke....what a great idea that would be to lose my quit and speed up my COPD...NOT!!!! during this holiday season I hope everyone reaches out to all their loved ones at least by phone...blessings


It's the little things

Posted by PastTense Nov 19, 2019

I used to imagine that quitting smoking was like fighting a beast.  It was a tough fight, but once the beast is dead; the beast is dead.

I no longer think that's an apt analogy.  I think smoking is more like getting rid of cockroaches.  You have to really WORK to get rid of cockroaches.  You can't just spray some chemicals and BOOM, they're gone.  You have to make sure your house is spotless so they don't have a food source.  You have to make sure you don't have an plumbing drips, or dampness in the house.  You have to make lifestyle changes so you never leave a dirty plate in the sink.  And STILL, some night you'll creep out to the kitchen for a snack, throw on the lights, and see the scurrying little nasties run for cover.


That's my stage of quit.  I have made the lifestyle changes and bombed the house and now I'm slogging through the maintenance.  Not complaining, mind you; I just mulling over my quit on the drive to work (whilst remaining smoke free), and this popped into my head. 



Facing MY face

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Nov 18, 2019

I got a flu shot in 2007 - ONE of the side effects is bells palsey - it is the 7th nerve paralyzed - like a having a stroke - so for 12 YEARS  I have been suffering with it and when Missy asked if she could paint ME - I was frightened to show MY face - in MY MIND - I am the face of the ugly witch with bulging eyes - anyway- I prayed while she painted that God would paint through her hands -  I sent Missy this picture of ME - the one shown above  and her painting has shown ME the beauty Missy caputured on her canvas -  God painted MY face I believe by using Missy to show ME HIS love on facing MY face - I believed MY God answered MY prayer - MY eyes are filling with tears and MY heart bursts with MY God's grace - I look at MY portrait - the bells palsey is hardly noticeable - I thanked God and Missy for giving ME a beautiful face to face - I just kept thanking Missy for a job well done - WOW GOD'S GIVEN TALENT TO MISSY- thanks for letting ME share



Posted by DonnaMarie Nov 17, 2019

I recently gave away my jar of cinnamon sticks and then shortly thereafter, bought another jar to keep in the car... just in case.


I was driving home from Richmond yesterday, about an hour, and thought it would be a good time to grab a cinnamon stick. But something stopped me and made me think that I'm still addicted to something if I do that. I did not open the jar, but rather thought about how I am almost at a year quit and shouldn't need a crutch any longer. Do we ever not need a crutch? Does it (the addictive desire) ever go completely away?


I still have the jar in the car, but didn't "smoke" one on the way home yesterday. I've had a couple days of "I wanna smoke" and know they're transient. 


Argh, smoking is hard, even almost a year out.



Day 335



Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Nov 16, 2019

Now is MY time to say - congratulations to EVERYONE - just for TODAY - I was taught - it takes 21 DAYS to break a habit - 21 DAYS to live a NEW habit - CHOICES - please take what HELPS and let go of the rest to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you - I have also learned to fast and pray to MY God for others - the fast and pray is called a Daniel fast which is eating -  veggies and salads and drinking water only - I was taught to lift OTHER'S in pray - in fasting I am letting MY God know that I am serious about praying for this person and to discipline -  MYSELF for 21 DAYS for this specific person in MY Lord Jesus name amen - NOW is the -  21st day - TODAY and NOW - all I am concentrating on is - TIME to fly by and wanting it to be - ONE minute after midnight to eat - ribs - burger - turkey - pork - bacon - sausage - chicken wings- fish - tuna - I don't want to see a vegetable or lettuce for awhile  - thanks for letting ME VENT MY hunger for MEAT -  gentle hug

Just joined tonight.  I have been a member of the QUITNET since Oct 2001 and quit smoking on November 18, 2001.  I hope to be able to help as many people quit or stay quit as possible.  Call on me for help at anytime.


When grief becomes shame

Posted by redluvr Nov 13, 2019

I am 18d 20h 27m into my quit at the time of this writing. 


This being my first quit attempt, I didn't begin knowing what to expect or how I might do. I'd done some digging and wasn't exactly thrilled with what the Internet had to say about the likelihood of a first quit attempt being successful.  I was expecting it to be a challenge, but it's affected me in a few ways I didn't anticipate. As I previously wrote about, I was surprised to be feeling grief. But now that I've moved a bit closer to the acceptance phase in that cycle, I'm feeling another negative emotion: shame. 


How could I have been so stupid for so many years‽ I'm now ax ex-smoker at the age of 41, but being a 1+ pack-per-day smoker for more than 20 years has almost certainly done irreparable harm. My body can theoretically continue to repair itself until the day I die, but I can never get back the two decades I spent harming myself. I met with my quit coach yesterday and tried to explain the same thing I'm attempting here right now. She told me that I had to find a way to forgive myself and move forward.


I know she's right, but it feels like I'm not ready yet. If I consider a hypothetical scenario wherein someone else was slowly killing me for more than half of my life (but suddenly stops) do they deserve my immediate forgiveness? Am I supposed to give this person a hug and be happy that they're no longer killing me, or is it more realistic that I should want to punch them in the face and feel completely justified for the anger I have?


I've been told I should reward myself with something else since I no longer have the expense of cigarettes and that I should feel proud that I've quit. Part of me understands the logic behind that line of thinking, but the truth is... I'm not so proud, and definitely don't think I deserve any kind of reward. I did a very bad thing to myself for a very long time. I can imagine being able to forgive myself, eventually. I just think it's going to take a lot longer than 18 days. 

I have realized this as fact in my life. To deal with my surroundings. And it has really hurt me in the long run. I want to be better. 


Day 328...

Posted by DonnaMarie Nov 10, 2019

...and still not letting down my guard. I am a former smoker; I do not smoke. 


I mentioned the other day that I gave away the jar of cinnamon sticks I keep in the car. Well, today, I bought another jar for myself. I'm just not comfortable not having them in the car. How weird is that? I may never open them, but it's a comfort to know they're near if I need one. 


I'm there, but not there. Anyone else still reluctant to fully accept that they'll never smoke again? I won't smoke, but I like having my cinnamon sticks in case there's a super urge.

Onward to becoming a 6 percenter!



Day 328

TODAY -  only by God's grace -  I have 3230 DAYS as a NON SMOKER!!!!! Yahooooooooooo - WAY TO GO indin grl and GOOD JOB indin grl please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you - a gentle hug to MYSELF with a kiss on each side of MY face - I would like to thank - MY Daddy God and MY Lord Jesus and MY precious Holy Comforter - FIRST - for without THEIR love and grace in ME - I would be DEAD from smoking for 38 YEARS - I would be DEAD from SUCKING ON FIFTY DEATH STICKS A DAY -  to cope with MY inside issues - I PRAISE and THANK MY Lord Jesus -  HOORAY FOR JESUS HEALING ME I thank God for Doris who taught ME everyday to thank God - Doris who is in heaven NOW - she would vist MY page every NEW day back ON THE OLD SITE in October 2010!!!!!  - I would like to thank JoAnne who taught ME to send love to everyone here and share HOW I stay a NON SMOKER - ONE BREATHE at a time - I thank the good OLD boys with some TIME in THEIR NEW MINDSETS -  Thomas and Dale and Tommy and RickI thank Dakota grl who taught ME to smile each DAY the best I could with MY paralyzed face from getting a flu shot and boy did I hate to pray for the DOCTOR yet I did and do pray for him - that doctor who told ME - NOTHING -  about side effects from a FLU shot - NOW 12 YEARS LIVING with a stroke face!!!! It is written - VENGEANCE is mine saith the LORD- I hate the flu shot and that DOCTOR money grubber- yes I do God's will for ME and pray and love and forgive that doctor by faith in MY Lord Jesus in ME by faith and MY Holy Comforter teaching ME to pray for those I resent by faith in Jesus name amen - please I am talking about ME not anyone else -  yet I NEVER took ONE PUFF over ME or any of MY life on life's terms - it won't give ME back - MY smile   I deal with MY EMOTIONS and live in MY REALITY - so if you don't have a paralyzed FACE - smile and let YOUR face know YOUR in RECOVERY from NICOTINE - PRAISE MY God I am a  NON SMOKER - TODAY 3230 DAYS I would like to thank Aztec who taught ME to keep honoring God and HELP others and thank you legend aka Christine who taught ME to keep loving the spiritually bankrupt humans who are ignorant of living with bells palsy from the FLU shot I got out of MY ignorance and to keep moving forward in Jesus name amen and I thank mother goose aka Connie who taught ME to eat more veggies and jojo who got a DOUBLE lung transplant - WHO gave ME her WISDOM - I  remember one DAY I was wanting to SUCK on DEATH - I didn't want to be responsible for MY CHOICES - I wanted to die by SUCKING on DEATH STICKS again - I was feeling thinking - sitting on MY pity pot - getting another ring around me butt - sitting in MY OLD ADDICT habits and patterns of emotionalism and twisted OLD mindset - stinking to high heaven and I remembered -and I CHOSE to blog instead - MY VENTING BLOG -  MY woes about how I wanted to smoke again and jojo said she lived with stage 4 LUNG CANCER - her consequences from smoking at that time- BEFORE she got a miracle from MY God  - she told ME to put a plastic bag over MY head and then SMOKE - that was HER life at that time - stage 4 LUNG CANCER - she said - her SLOW suffocation as NON SMOKER LIFE - ONE BREATHE at a time - she NEVER TOOK ANOTHER PUFF EVER and I did not smoke that DAY- I CHOSE to believe jojo and NEVER TOOK ANOTHER PUFF EVER  - I remained open- minded and teachable - no matter what MY life threw at ME and I continue to blog - BEFORE - I take that FIRST PUFF OVER ME - jojo got a gift from MY God - a double lung transplant - she doesn't come here anymore - I thank God for Joe Spitzer at - Joe has been teaching NICOTINE ADDICTS for YEARS - he has dedicated HIS life to HELPING NICOTINE ADDICTS -  from HIS HEART -  Joe taught ME to -  NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF over ME ever -Joe taught ME - that NICOTINE leaves the body in THREE DAYS- PHYSICALLY  - then I need to - LEARN a NEW way of THINKING -  not feeling thinking - I need to keep learning NEW ways to handle MY thoughts and MY feelings  -  to COPE with MY one - DAY ONLY - not anyone else's DAY - that I learned from MY God - other human's are - NONE OF MY BUSINESS - I surrender ALL human's to MY God - they are HIS BUSINESS   gosh it is wonderful to be a NON SMOKER RECOVERING from MY big babyism - TIME to grow up - that's what I was taught by those STAYING NON SMOKERS - oh please forgive ME - I don't know how to @  names - so if your name isnt printed in MY blog - please don't be offended - this isn't about you-  thank you TODAY is MY attitude of GRATITUDE to MY God for those people who taught ME in MY EARLY DAYS - this ain't a popularity contest - this is learning to NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER - taught to ME by Joe at - these people here -  SUGGESTED -  I go there and EDUCATE MY self on MY NICOTINE ADDICTION ONLY - not anyone else's -  I am CELEBRATING MY DAY of LIVING as a NON SMOKER for  - 3230 DAYS -  of learning and growing and being HEALED inside of ME in Jesus name amen - I learned the hard way -  NO ONE will do it for ME - I was taught by Joyce Meyer who celebrated recently 40 YEARS LIVING AS RECOVERING NICOTINE ADDICT in Jesus name - HIS WAY - HIS TRUTH and HIS LIFE for ME - not talking about anyone else - please and thank you - one DAY at a time- Joyce Meyer - SUGGESTED to ME  - to STOP and to THINK what I am THINKING about - so I STOP when I get babyism - MY pride in ME rears its ugly head and tries to convince ME to play God in other people's lives - NOT TODAY - there is a God and I am not HIM   I continue to PRAY and I thank God for MY God and HIS tender mercies for I know only by HIS love and grace and tender mercies -  I live just for TODAY in Jesus name amen - gentle hug 



Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Nov 9, 2019

Please take what HELPS and let go of the rest to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you - please remember - I am talking about ME - NOT anyone else - thank you - CRAVINGS - for ME -  I craved ATTENTION -  since I came out of MY mother's womb - from her - MY MOTHER - she is a mean and vile woman - who said -  I should of been a born a boy -  because of ME -  her life is ruined - the Catholic married man didn't divorce his Catholic wife - because of ME - I was born a girl - so to punish ME - this woman that I respect and honor and give the title of MOTHER - I FORGIVE her and in God's love - I love her too  - because of MY Lord Jesus - in HIM - I love her - I don't like her for handing ME to her husband - I was 6 years old and letting him rape ME until I was 15 YEARS old - I have received professional therapy and have had a Bible based child rape survivors support group and have been HEALED and made peace with God and MYSELF and MY MOTHER - she has told ME - she was sorry - she didn't do anything for ME as a child and I accepted her sorry - MANY YEARS have gone by and WE are still are progressing in MY CRAVING FOR A MOTHER and her love in this HEALING process in OUR-  MOTHER and daughter -  relationship - at least it is a - REAL relationship between us- TODAY - 2019 - it ain't fake -  I don't like her and she don't like ME - WE LOVE one another - God's miracle and God's GRACE upon grace in MY Lord Jesus name amen  - MY next CRAVING for ATTENTION  -  relationships with other humans - TODAY - I used the excuse CRAVING NICOTINE when I am hurting - wounded or just plain FEELING  - NICOTINE is just an excuse  - for ME - it is MY CRAVING - MY REAL longing -  to be loved and have friendships -  from other humans and CRAVING the attention to be their friend or to be noticed by them - to be included in the -  CLICK - to be with those - called by society - the in crowd - to be number one and popular - the CRAVING to be talked with or missed by someone - I CRAVED a loving MOTHER - she hates herself - I CRAVED friends - I didn't know how to be a friend - I CRAVED love from abusive men and women - then that ALL CHANGED for ME - November 6 , 1986 - I became born - again - I accepted Jesus as MY Savior and Lord and wouldn't YOU know - HE used ME to invite that MOTHER of MINE -  to receive HIM as her Savior and Lord too - so I CHOSE to obey HIM and TODAY - I do not CRAVE the love of a MOTHER - who is incapable of love - I do not CRAVE NICOTINE - to lie to MYSELF - as an excuse to be immature and not grow up and become responsible for ME and MY NON SMOKER LIFE - to cope with MY insides - TODAY in Jesus love and name amen - I do not CRAVE other humans love - who are incapable of love - CRAVINGS for ME - are FEELINGS -  that I NEVER felt as a child or accepted to FEEL them and let them have their way with ME and to release them-a feeling is just that a feeling - they come and go and they are fickle and many more will come and go -  to LEARN a NEW way -  to NOT let MY feeling-thinking lead ME - NOT TODAY - I no longer CRAVE as immature little VICTIM TODAY - I ask God in Jesus name to HELP ME be a good WOMAN -  fully mature in ALL areas of ME - to love ME and be MY own friend in HIS way and HIS trurh and HIS life in HIM and to keep asking God first for what I need - NOT humans incapable of meeting their own needs  - TODAY - I am a NON SMOKER who knows her OWN HEART TODAY and I no longer CRAVE - abuse or popularity - for I know for a FACT - I am DEEPLY loved and highly FAVORED and richly BLESSED by MY Daddy God by MY Savior and Lord Jesus by MY Holy Comforter - it is written - by grace you have been saved it is NOT of yourselves it is a gift of God - please do NOT take MY word on it - read it for YOUR self - get a Bible - go to 1 Corinthians chapter 15 verses 1- 4 - God loves YOU - read it for YOUR self - YOU will NO longer CRAVE - for YOU will CHOOSE for YOUR self - the love freely offered by God in Christ Jesus - MY Lord  - YOUR CHOICE - thanks for letting ME share - MY experience - strength and HOPE - gentle hug



Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Nov 7, 2019

Please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you - TODAY. - Waiting is so comforting for ME - TODAY - in MY past - I would use NICOTINE - to COPE with having to WAIT ..........WAITING.........WAIT...... some more WAITING .....I would GO outside in MY PAST - experience with sucking on death sticks back in MY PAST.....I was referred to as  - smoking like a after the other and MY foul mouth spoke - ONLY death in MY life -  to complain and moan and get so wound up about NOTHING - TODAY .......Waiting for MY daughter's MRI to be done - just a check up per doctor's request - I am grateful she is HEALED and so grateful to lunch with MY husband and daughter and ME - it is MY husband and ME only - are in the 13th day of OUR - Daniel fasting and prayer commitment - to lift a blood family member in prayer for 21 days - this 13th day of this fasting and prayer is spent - WAITING - TODAY for 45 minutes - WAITING - there are so MANY - TONS of people - WAITING to get an MRI - the WAITING room is PACKED .....I am watching people down on the street from the 3rd floor window - walking fast in this cold weather ....I can hear all the city noise - I am listening -  to the cars blowing their horns....sirens blowing their LOUD noises too......I am sipping on hot water - November 17th - I am having a MEAT PARTY -   veggies n salads for 21 DAYS is tough for ME - I do NOT want to see a salad or any veggies for awhile - TODAY -  I prayed to remain grateful - I am a NON SMOKER ...just for TODAY WAITING with a grateful heart for life on life's terms in MY REALITY ...grateful that MY fingers are no longer STAINED BROWNISH YELLOW from using MY DRUG of choice - NICOTINE- so grateful to MY God for NICOTINE FREEDOM -  all these YEARS - ONE day at a time - thanking God - HE BLESSED ME  in MY Lord Jesus name amen - gentle hug 


I'm Back!

Posted by Mandolinrain Nov 4, 2019

I am back!  Vision will probably never be what it was but I moving forward.

I see better with stronger fonts and bold so I will be a bit limited. but Im here and will jump in when I can.


Missed all of you, looking forward to meeting Newbies. 


My new news:

1. Life is good

2. Snow headed here this Thursday

3. I am planning in skiing this year, so I am excited!

4. I ordered a Cello. I have no clue how to play one, but always wanted to   learn.

5.  I am 5 years a 2 months free of Nicotine

6. Life is good...oh, I said that already, right?

7. I am back to stay



Friday is a day for ME that centers MY mind on GRATITUDE to MY God for HIS love and tender mercies NEW to ME every morning - HE gives to ME -  by HIS breathing into ME - more of HIS love and peace and joy - in the midst of MY NEW DAY - to REMEMBER ALL God has done for ME - I smoked for 38 YEARS - at the end of MY using NICOTINE - MY drug of choice - talking about ME not anyone else - please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you - at the end of MY smoking - I smoked 50 DEATH STICKS - a day - I took MY inventory of -  how many times in 38 YEARS of smoking to COPE with life on life's terms - I TRIED TO NOT SMOKE - since 1988 - I tried the nicotine patch - the nicotine gum - the free seminars with panels of people telling their NICOTINE stories of RECOVERING from NICOTINE ADDICTION - I tried with smoking less nicotine - I tried filter and not filter - I tried and failed - I kept trying binge quitting - YET - smoke and smoke again and again was MY dilemma - then I finally admitting -  that since I was a born again Christian and had already given up tons of other sins - I could smoke - I wasn't as bad a sinner as OTHER'S - I told MYSELF anythng to keep SUCKING on DEATH -  I would convince MYSELF that other people get CANCER NOT ME - I am saved and NOT like THEM- I Bible read and study everyday - I go to church - I volunteer to HELP elderly - I give money to charities -  I don't use alcohol anymore to COPE with MY insides secrets - I go to support groups - so I don't live other people's lives - I am a RECOVERING person who WAS addicted to people approval - I dealt with MY childhood rape by MY father - ages 6 to 16 yrs old - PROFESSIONAL therapy and have a bible support group for child rape survivors - I eat healthier - I exercise daily - I deserve to smoke because I am a good person - I have changed and I am God's beloved daughter in Christ Jesus - I would tell MYSELF all this - to remove any guilt or REAL TRUTH - that I was addicted to NICOTINE and I COULDN'T quit on MY OWN - I was powerless over NICOTINE  - then one morning I took a SUGGESTION - made to ME to go watch EARLY DEATH video's. - about NICOTINE addiction at - Bryon's video -  brought ME out of MY LIEING TO MYSELF - MY denial - Dont even know I am lieing to MYSELF - MY DENIAL WAS FULL OF RELIGIOUS HAUGHTY PRIDE- remember I am talking about ME not anyone else - thank you -  I emailed - his family THANKING them for saving MY life through SHARING Bryon early DEATH from using NICOTINE - I tried to quit using NICOTINE on MY own - while reading the blogs here in October 2011 - I went from using 50 DEATH STICKS a day to 1 or 3 a day and then BACK TO 50 A DAY -  MY vicious -  PRIDE  -  I - I - I -  that said -  I WILL QUIT ON MY OWN -  I didn't - then in January - I fell to MY knees and prayed - Dear Jesus.s - if you don't take these cigs from ME I will smoke then until I drop dead in Jesus name amen - then the next morning on January 6 , 2011- COLD TURKEY QUIT - I NEVER TOOK ANOTHER PUFF over ME or MY life on life's terms - ONLY by God's grace  - that's WHY November 1st 2019 is GRATITUDE MONTH for ME - I pray and lift up this SITE and ALL THE PEOPLE and surrender ALL to MY Lord Jesus and continue to thank MY God for MY NON SMOKER LIFE in MY Lord Jesus name - ONE day at a time and MY CHOICE to break down MY DAY to minutes - YESTERDAY MY sister in Christ - her husband passed into heaven - dying from cancer - thanks for letting ME just be ME - gentle hug

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