Blog Post created by indingrl.01.06.2011 on Sep 5, 2019

Please I am talking about ME only NOT anyone else - please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you - As a non smoker TODAY - living in MY OWN skin -  every now and again -  I tend to be hanging on by a piece of thread that's unraveling - and at the same TIME - as I am praying - Dear God - HELP - I no longer suck on DEATH STICKS to COPE with MY REALITY -  I am hanging in there - because I am responsible to God and MYSELF -  whenever ANYONE reaches out for MY HELP - TODAY 2019 - I have a godly desire to be of service to those who ask ME - since Jan 6 , 2011 - I surrender to PRACTICE seeking God's will for ME - and - I keep surrendering MYSELF and MY will and MY NICOTINE ADDICTION and the list goes to etc. and - day by day - to MY Lord Jesus - I must do MY part - I am NOT a robot - I get to THINK- THINK - THINK - is it Thoughful - is it Helpful  - is it Intelligent .- is it Necessary -  is it Kind.-   first things first - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER over ME  and to continue asking -  MY God - for HIS will for ME and to keep CHOOSING for MYSELF - healthy and wise and knowledgeable thoughts and feelings and ACTIONS - it is known that - MY ACTIONS speak louder than MY word's- TODAY as a NON SMOKER in 2019 - I pray for MY God to keep HEALING ME inside and to CHANGE ME for HIS purposed - to  NOT live in 2019 as a DRY person who lives addicted to people approval- that's the OLD ME - I have NO desire to live STUCK in MY OLD SELF - YET THERE ARE SOME - MOMENTS in 2019  - I get confused and mixed up INSIDE - then MY automatic switch comes on and MY OLD PAST DRY ADDICT tries to get ME to feeling victim thinking to live in MY PAST - in MY NEW DAY - here is MY example:  I was taught- IN MY PAST - it happens in 3's - the person who trained ME in this deep rooted - fear based thought life - and she lived for that 3rd person to die - so she could say - to ALL -  in the household where I grew up - SEE I WAS RIGHT - DEATH happens in 3's - THAT WAS MY OLD VICTIM CHILD ADDICT PAST THINKING - IN MY PAST - the example for TODAY -  in 2019 - I went to MY support group called Alanon -  it is for people - who were raised and trained in ALCOHOLISM - which is an illness of the soul - mind - will - emotin - and I was infected with this illness - I was living -  OTHER people's lives - On monday morning I go to Alanon - to get HELP - and to learn from other's - HOW to live -  MY OWN precious life - TODAY in 2019 - anyway - after I shared what I was going through -  2 death's and 2 funerals pending - I was just - HANGING IN THERE AND OVERWHELMED WITH DEEP GRIEF - and after the meeting ENDED - this woman came up to ME -  she said to ME -  REMEMBER it happens in 3's - I said -  yes -  I heard of that and walked away from her - see - I always ask MY God to protect ME from other's and other's from ME -  I know I am very ill at this TIME - weak and fearful of the unknown - and also so worried about OTHER'S - MY friend of 24 years - she is the mom -  who's 23 yr old son -  A DEATH called - a  SUDDENLY in this thing called life - and then-  the UNEXPECTED life happens  - MY husband's MOM 95yr old in hospital and then -  the FACT DEATH HAPPENS TO US ALL - MY husband's brother-in-love age 75 - died of heart attack last Thursday and he quit sucking on death sticks for YEARS - which MY husband shared with ME - NOW 2019 - MY thoughts go to the black and white victim- martyrdom thinking in MY PAST and intruder in MY present day 2019 - TODAY - MY thoughts run WILD - who is the 3rd one to die ?????? Will it be - MY 86 yr old mom OR will it be ME - oh MY I am a NON SMOKER too - I sucked on cancer death sucker for 38 yrs -YIKES!!!! OR MY husband - will he die of a heart attack ???? JUST like HIS dad died of at 89 yrs old in his sleep????? I USE COPE - BY SUCK ON DEATH STICKS - IN MY PAST OLD LIFE - TO AVOID ALL THESE - feeling thoughts - FILLED WITH THIS FEAR AND LETTING THIS 4 YEARS OLD VICTIM CHILD MARTYRDOM run the show TODAY - in 2019-  cheeeeezzzzzeeee louise - just from that comment - it comes in 3's - I CHANGED THE CHANNEL - MY FACT: DEATH is a part of life - so now 2019 - MY NEW thought -  as a practicing NON SMOKER - and only by God's grace is spiritually prayed up - MY Christ Jesus focused on HIM is a thought life -  as a HEALTHY knowledgeable women with - FACTS not feelings - MY fact - I cannot predict deaths -  MY FACT - there is a God and I am NOT HIM - so I am hanging in there and trusting MY God - and sharing MY experience strength and HOPE by telling MY TRUTH about ME -  what I use to be like and how I cope in MY REALITY OF TODAY -  2019 in MY REALITY - grieving is real and I will be OK -  while I accept MY humaness - HANGING IN THERE -  by living as a NON SMOKER with God giving ME - common sense - to change MY thinking with FACTS in 2019 - gentle hug