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2019

MY history of - MY NICOTINE ADDICTION - first puffs of NICOTINE for ME was from cigarette butts I collected off the street for MY grandma - directed to STAY on the NATIVE American side of town ONLY - I wasn't allowed on the WHITE people ONLY side of town - I grew up to LEARN -  to be a racist - against ALL races - THEY-  became the watch word  -  which became - any other peoples -  IF you weren't NATIVE AMERICAN -  I WAS NOT ALLOWED NEAR YOU - I learned to use alcohol and drug NICOTINE and perverted sex - all by age 4 - I was raised in this evil wicked vile dsyfunction by MY blood family which taught ME all I know from age 4 to age 62 yrs YOUNG in 2019 - God in HIS tender mercies had been transforming ME inside to be more Christ-like by MY Holy Spirit doing ALL the INSIDE work by rooting out litlle by little -  MY ingrained habitual patterns and habits - sometimes I become as DRY ADDICT and treat MYSELF mean and call MYSELF names -  just like they did when I was little - heathen - dirty little girl - fat little pig - fat cow - no good for nothing - I wish you were born a boy - MY mom said - I ruined her life- ALL these names and life training came from MY blood family - drunks - whores - drunk day and night - smoke filled houses and cars and raised in bars - these were MY learning places - I never understand when people ask - what story did YOUR mom-  read you at bed time - NOTHING - bedtime was rape time at 6yr old I was given to a 48 yr old man - MY mom married and I was his piece of ass - until I left the house at 16yr - this is MY history of using NICOTINE to escape -  to cope - to deal with memories of this crap TODAY - to STOP using MY  DRUG NICOTINE - I became a born again beliver in Christ Jesus MY Savior and Lord and MY Daddy God had to save ME from ME -  I would NOT -nor did I want to quit USING MY DRUG NICOTINE - I prayed -  Dear Jesus -  if YOU don't take these cigs from ME - I will smoke them until I drop dead in Jesus name amen - I went to bed and woke on January 6 - 2011 - COLD TURKEY QUIT - since then I am LIVING as a NON SMOKER - I have had to face MY immaturity and autopilot of OLD ADDICT behaviors - ALL rooted in MY INSIDES from MY childhood - sometimes I am NOT wiiling to admit complete defeat YET I have come to the end of MYSELF - I used NICOTINE to SMOKE at others- to SMOKE at change of life's - funerals - weddings - birthdays - problems - money woes - bills - accidents that happen and people end up dead  - I use to smoke 50 death sticks a day at everything - I lived in fantasy  and illusions - IF I smoked I REALLY believed -  life's issues would - GO AWAY - I would convince MYSELF after SMOKING -  50 death sticks in a day and I made it to bed - that night- I DID IT YAHHOOOOO I LIVED THROUGH THE CRAP OF THE DAY- I didn't think SMOKING was killing ME slowly - I thought I was LIVING and handling MY OWN life- Thanks to MY God and all of YOU - MY RECOVERY from NICOTINE family - using drug NICOTINE DOESN'T enter MY NEW MINDSET -  TODAY - I pray to God and by HIS grace and love HE gives ME - MY Lord Jesus to strengthen ME by MY Holy Comforter leading ME to deal with life on life's terms -  this month of October 2019 - for ME has had many deaths - IT HAPPENS- yet ALL these deaths are in MY family - ALL at once - I don't understand it ALL YET I will continue to TRUST in MY God no matter what - people say to ME - no one gets out of this world alive -  somtimes just being grateful to God was ALL I could DO for ME -  when I was born to this very minute - walking and STAYING MY age 62 and STAY grow up on the INSIDE - get professional HELP for other issues - this RECOVERY site - cannot HELP with other issues -  this RECOVERY site is to learn coping skills to - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER and to share MY experience - WHAT I use to be like and when I used MY DRUG NICOTINE to escape and cope over and over getting sicker physically - hacking cough - spitting out hunks of mucus - NOT TODAY - I was taught - HOW I STAY a NON SMOKER - TODAY. - by following - ALL YOUR examples - thank you ALL so much for HELPING ME to remain - open minded and to keep -  learning and growing and only by MY God's grace and love - MY God HEALING ME in HIS love and service to HELP the next suffering NICOTINE ADDICT to HOPE - IF WE CAN STAY NON SMOKERS SO CAN THEY - just choose for YOUR self in MY Lord Jesus name amen please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you - thanks for letting ME just SHARE - gentle hug  

Good day all,

 

 Just thought I’d check in. All in all, things are well in our little world. My new job is going well, though I really had to get in shape to perform it. Getting there as well. Since the loss of our son, we’ve been kind of in a shell of our own choosing. One that was both comforting and at the same time, confusing. We’ve given some thought to the upcoming holidays as these will be firsts for us without him. Those times when we must face things that were always comforting and yet now are different.

 

 It’s in those kinds of moments that we can find wisdom. A way to cope with things that have changed. For us this year, we’ve decided to change our traditions. To do things on those special days a little differently simply to ease the burden that naturally comes with those firsts in our lives. As I thought of this, I realized that once again this was a problem I’d encountered before. A thing that had to be overcome in my past because you see, I was an addict. A slave to nicotine and with that slavery came the things that seemed to be normal to me, even as I created this normal with every endulgance into the addiction.

 

 I created traditions that helped to feed my addiction with every passing day. Things that I expected to have happen such as the after dinner smoke or the coffee and cigarette on the deck in the mornings. The cigarette that gave me the confidence to walk down the road or drive. My days were filled with the traditions that I’d created as I continued defining myself by my belief in my addiction and the traditions that go with it.

 

 And when I decided to quit, I found that for me finding ways to change those traditions was an important key to my freedom. For every time that I allowed myself a chance to smoke, I attached a kind of tradition to it. It was something that was expected in my mind not because it was written in some kind of cosmic stone but rather because that’s what I’d always done, and over time I had an expectation of this.

 

 I found that by changing that expectation I was able to move more easily on from it and embrace something new because of it. Soon these new traditions WERE my traditions because my expectations of an event had changed. Sure it had to be learned but so too did the traditions I created in the first place. Like a holiday, the day itself is insignificant. It’s the expectation that we add to the day that makes it special, and because of this that expectation can be changed.

 

 So never believe that your life is written in stone. Never think that what you expect to happen has to be your reality. We decide our traditions by the importance that we attach to them. To change that, all we have to do is change the expectation. Just a thought I had that I thought I’d share with all of you dedicated people.

 

ONWARD TO FREEDOM!!!

 

Chuck

indingrl.01.06.2011

D.E.E.R.

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Sep 28, 2019

In the beginning of learning a NEW mindset -  i was learning to live as a NON SMOKER - and during this past week of going threw MY grief  -  I was over whelmed SUDDENLY  -  by a ball of EMOTIONS -  all at once - because I saw a Kawasaki motorcycle at the stop light - I remembered - MY adopted son Carlton was killed - end of August 2019 at 9pm in Oak Harbor, Washington - BAM!!! MOTORCYCLE ACCIDENT-  DIED  - I went - TODAY - to MY support group for GRIEVING - it was SUGGESTED to ME - keep this in MIND when OVER stressed - physically - emotionally - mentally and spiritually - to BE gentle and kind to MY self -  and REMEMBER to take care of YOU - D. E.E.R. - the D is for Drinking WATER - the E is to EAT - the E is to EXERCISE - the R is to REST - D.E.E.R. - I needed simple solution to HELP ME - I get confused - I want to stay in bed - I want to sleep the GRIEF away - it is SUGGESTED to take care of ME THROUGH MY grieving - I NEVER think of using drug NICOTINE to cope- I BEEN A NON SMOKER TOO LONG TO USE MY EXCUSES OF OLD ADDICT MIND - NOT TODAY - MY NEW MINDSET - thinking is for ME - asking for HELP -  from those who have EMPATHY because THEY too have grieved loss of loved ones and remained NON SMOKERS - walking in their REALITY THROUGH the PAIN to heal and keep moving forward - to HELP others to learn - grow - heal and the pass on the love and solutions to unexpected GRIEVING - in this MOMENT - to let GRIEVING have its way and go THROUGH the pain - Drink water Eat Exercise Rest - D.E.E.R. while GRIEVING - please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is my only aim - thank you - gentle hug

If anyone asked me if quitting smoking was easy? I'll be saying HELL NO!!!! BUT if you asked me if quitting smoking was worth it? I'm saying HELL YES!!!! If you stop and think about how decades upon decades you smoked then it only stands to reason that it's bound to take time to relearn life without the smokes because every blessed thing we did was wrapped around them talking on the phone, before a meal, after a meal lighting up before starting the car for a drive, because your angry, stressed, sad, happy any emotion would do for that crutch like a job well done thankfully  I finally wised up and made the decision to quit after 40 years of slavery of smoking at least 30 a day with at least a half dozen failed attempts at trying to quit with the help of this community I made it through and so can everyone because with the right Mindset we can do just about anything we put our minds to and quitting smoking is DOABLE and it's definetly the best gift that any of us will ever give ourselves which is the gift of LIFE!!!!!

nevergiveup

Hovercraft :)

Posted by nevergiveup Sep 25, 2019

Nothing to report really. Just sort of lingering (and perusing) the site when I can. Reached out to Quit 4 Life yesterday as an additional resource through my employer. Hanging onto music as an outlet.

PastTense

First time for everything

Posted by PastTense Sep 25, 2019

I went out for a beer with a co-worker after work yesterday.  Driving home later that night I had an absolutely INTENSE craving.  This startled me; I'm at day 55 and clearly no longer in withdrawal. I couldn't understand where it came from.

Then it hit me: this was the first time I had gone out since I quit smoking.  So this was the first time I got hit with the after-drinking trigger.

 

My number one trigger is driving.  I have resisted that one at least 100 times, so that particular habit is broken (or at least fading).  I haven't had to resist the after-drinking trigger before, so it was full-color.  It will probably take me a few more times of pushing through that trigger before it fades to nothing.

 

I was pondering other situations where I got hit with a trigger "out of the blue"; like going to a certain store.  I used to smoke in that parking lot (trees for shade).  The first time I went back there after I had been quit maybe a week, was really tough.  I was practically hyperventilating.

 

The lesson for me is to be aware.  I don't know how many triggers I have out there, laying in wait, ready to pounce.

The price of liberty is eternal vigilance.

 

PT

Day 56

bonnie.s

Scan of head and neck done

Posted by bonnie.s Sep 20, 2019

Test was done this morning after another episode of my neck swelling and shortness of breath.  I was told with today being Friday, I  probably will not get results until Monday.  Praying for a positive outcome.

Yahoooooooooo -  news report this evening in Illinois area - THEY FOUND CANCER CHEMICAL IN VAPING FLAVORS AND ARE BANNING IN CHICAGO AND NEW YORK- ALL PRODUCTS OF VAPING  - OTHER STATES ARE JOINING BANNING ALL VAPING PRODUCTS - PRAISE THE LORD - YOUNG CHILD WILL LIVE

indingrl.01.06.2011

Flooding

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Sep 16, 2019

Flooding in areas next to where I live - TODAY September 16 , 2019, - I went out walking to survey the roads - most of the side walks I usually walk on - flooded  - some roads still blocked - NO worries it happens every YEAR - NO bible study tomorrow - the church where I go to participate in Bible study is flooded - at MY bank - the drive through area and bank parking lot is flooded - MY aquaintance with a person shared that her home - which she has been in 40 years is flooded in Spring grove - she has been through this before - and Chicago has BANNED VAPING products - TODAY it was reported in the local news and reports of the desplaines river - the water is still rising - using MY DRUG NICOTINE has NEVER entered MY mind- I am HEALED in MY heart and soul - - I am a NON SMOKER TODAY -  I have a NEW MINDSET TODAY - I made it to MY Alanon support group at 930am - NOW it is nap time for ME - gentle hug and REMEMBER - PRACTICE one day at a time - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER N.O.P.E. - Not one puff ever - gentle hug 

indingrl.01.06.2011

TIME PASSES

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Sep 15, 2019

Time passes SLOWLY for ME -  when I first surrendered MY NICOTINE ADDICTION to MY God - Time passes FAST - when I realized -  I had 30 DAYS - then 60 DAYS - then 90 DAYS - NICOTINE FREE - Time just passes - as EACH of MY DAYS added up and then I had - 6 months NICOTINE FREE - Time passes and before I knew it -  I had 9 months NICOTINE FREE - Time passes by - somtimes quickly and sometimes SLOWLY - then in TIME-  I had ONE YEAR NICOTINE FREE - as I faced MYSELF and the issues inside of ME -  that I tried to DRUG away with NICOTINE  - in MY PAST life -  in this MOMENT of MY time TODAY - MY TIME is still passing YET - TODAY - 8 YEARS have passed with a lot of adventures - some so DEEPLY painful and shocking and grievous with suffering -  with hurtful afflictions in MY body and mind and soul and spirit that lately TIME has gone into SLOW MOTION - Time sometimes just weighs heavily on MY heart - MY example- which is due to MY powerlessness to CHANGE another person or CURE another person or CAUSE another person to USE THEIR DRUG NICOTINE over MY speaking the TRUTH to them with FACTS - NOT feelings - which come and go and are fickle -  NICOTINE ADDICTS USE -  because they want to USE - they THOUGHT of USING long ago before they take that FIRST PUFF - Time has taught ME - no one has power over ME - unless I give it to them  - Time has given ME the greatest gift of ALL - IN TIME - NEVER ONE PUFF OVER ME - I have chosen to STAY a NON SMOKER and NOT to take that FIRST PUFF over ME OR over anything LIFE has dealt ME in 8 YEARS - because I have prayed ALL this TIME and ONLY by God's grace - Time took -  it's time - God's perfect TIME in MY God's will for ME and HIS love and tender mercies - HE had given to  ME - Christ Jesus - MY Lord's wisdom -  every time hell came -  PERSONALLY -  to ME -  on this planet called earth -  I was filled with grievous and wild emotionalism and metal torture came - for ME - please I am NOT talking about anyone else but ME -  so please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you - this TIME - I was brought news of 2 deaths in ONE week -  for ME - this SUFFERING was  - s- l-o-w - motion - time dance in very SLOW moving at the wake on Saturday - mother looks at her baby boy dead at 27 yrs old - YET - I stayed a NON SMOKER crying harder then the MOM - she and I just cried hard together - the next MOMENT of TIME - WE all celebrated with fellowshiping with family and friends eating and sharing memories - some were smoking NICOTINE to cope and some were drinking ALCOHOL and smoking pot and NICOTINE to cope YET I remained the whole celebration A NON SMOKER-  so the SUGGESTIONS- made to ME and I took those SUGGESTIONS 8 YEARS ago and even use them TODAY - in TIME - I am still accepting and willing to remain open minded to keep learning and growing and HEALING in MY Lord Jesus name amen- gentle hug

Flooding and some roads closed today in MY area -  one family member's bedroom flooded and she is grateful for no carpeting in that room - another family member HANDLING her adventure in her 4th hurricane season with her 11yr old son - they are grateful to be on second floor - these family members are MY own daughter's - MY other friend of 25 years will be moving her mom into senior housing TODAY and is grateful for her mom receiving a fully furnished room and she is dropping her other son off at the military base TODAY and her other son who died in motorcycle accident at 27yr has a military funeral which is tomorrow -  YET she is STAYING in the breathe moments of her TODAY - she drove through the messy roads to get her hair done TODAY  - so if she can live TODAY and STAY in her TODAY - so will I STAY in MY TODAY -  in an attitude of gratitude  - I am grateful - we are dry and no flooding in our home -  just in the streets - TODAY - I AM PRACTICING - being able to be taught by Y'ALL -  HOW to handle MY REALITY -  without any excuses or without hurting anyone with MY twisted perspective which is trying to take ME to SELF pity -at this time when MY selfish emotions immature and fear filled I must remember to pray for everyone - FACTS -  NOT - MY feeings -  know that everyone -  has gone through - THE DEEP PAIN OF -  funerals and weddings and floods and birthdays and operations and cancer treatments and broken shoe laces and losses of everyday happenings - which the list can go on to infinity - this is called - THAT'S LIFE ON LIFE'S TERMS - DEAL WITH IT  - I am NOT unique - EVERYONE has been THROUGH DEEP PAIN and GRIEF in their TODAY - the mature question I ask MYSELF -  how am I coping with MY REALITY - in the NOW responding with other's above MYSELF OR am I reacting out of MY old selfish victim mentality absorbed in MY selfish and self centeredness only feeling sorry for ME OR am I using MY spiritual tool's - freely-  taught by Y'ALL and given to ME -  by Y'ALL - TODAY - I use MY slogan  - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER OVER ME- it is so GOOD to be FREE - from MY OLD reactive addictive child victim mindset and TODAY- 2019 - FREE LY I AM choosing NEW ideas to keep growing and HEALING - TODAY I use - MY NEW POSITIVE MINDSET to RESPOND - to MY NON SMOKER LIFE STYLE in MY Lord Jesus - HIS FREEDOM to live FREE inside of ME and in MY heart - to be in HIS love and service to all others - to MY friend - who has lost a 27 yr old son -  in a SUDDEN TRAGEDY - HE WAS JUST RIPPED OUT OF ALL OUR LIVES - on August 31st - 2019 SUDDENLY - and I am trying to -  PRACTICE MY NON SMOKER LIFE STYLE - in GRATITUDE - to MY God FIRST and then thanking - MY God for ALL of YOU - and thank you - ALL for teaching ME to keep learning to focus on ENJOYING MY DAY - thank you ALL for teaching ME to - please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be helpful is MY only aim - thank  you -  thanks for teaching ME to share - for sharing is caring and teaching ME - this too shall pass - I know the flood waters will pass and the roads will be cleared - so I will be able to GO to the funeral tomorrow for MY friend's celebration of her 27 yr old son life - STOP! it is NOT tomorrow - STOP - think what I am THINKING about.- do NOT let MY feelings lead ME in MY TODAY - state FACTS to MYSELF - tomorrow isn't here YET - just enjoy TODAY - I AM living in today as a  NON SMOKER - heading out to walk - just walk and I am grateful to DO that - just walk - I like walking in puddles - I always enjoyed walking in puddles - gentle hug

indingrl.01.06.2011

SMILE ANYWAY

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Sep 12, 2019

Smiling is contagious ....went out and made the decision to smile - regardless of being half paralyzed on the left side of MY face - its ONE of the side effects from getting a flu shot 12 YEARS ago and it was SUGGESTED to ME that SUCKING ON DEATH NICOTINE -  wasn't a solution for ME - then or TODAY - Thursday - September 12, 2019 - OH please -  don't THINK it is easy going out in this world of 2019 with a paralyze half face - I try and PRACTICE one day at a time to NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER over ME - please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you  - so I am practicing smiling -  no matter WHAT - MY fears and insecurities are feelllingggg inside of ME - I have learned FEELINGS come and go - I am the manager of MY OWN feelings and they NO longer lead ME to insanity - I was taught to T.H.I.N.K. and ask MYSELF-- is what I am THINKING about ME - Thoughful-Helpful-Intelligent-Neccessary-Kind - T.H.I.N.K.  - also to REMEMBER -  I will have many many many MORE feelings coming and going - and to KNOW - this too shall pass- smiling is contagious because - TODAY every person I met at the food store -  SMILED back at ME  - thanks for letting ME share - live and let live works for ME TODAY- gentle hug  

indingrl.01.06.2011

FLUFF......

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Sep 11, 2019

Fluff - MY understanding - fluff is taking a FACT and twisting it to keep selling BULL POOP - that flavored vaping is safer than cigarettes - cigarettes stink - vaping YOU smell sweet like candy - YET the vaping company says we created the vape for ADULTS - flavors are vanilla - dreamsicle - cotton candy - FACT- 6 deaths from vaping - twisted advertisement and NEWS report - the deaths are from THC vaping NOT NICOTINE vaping - FACT - regardingless - IF -  NICOTINE pods or THC pods - DEATH is caused by VAPING - 490 reported cases due to VAPING -  ending up in ER nationwide with mainly teens patients that are NOT breathing due to VAPING - the OIL that sticks in their LUNGS causing infections - FLUFF - taking an easier softer way to keep all those involved in the VAPING BUSINESS making money at the cost of teenagers - with the NEWS fluff - WE are still RESEARCHING the cause of these death's -  thanks for letting ME vent - gentle hug

DonnaMarie

Still out here

Posted by DonnaMarie Sep 9, 2019

A small victory - I pulled off a surprise housewarming for my daughter and her husband in their new house in Richmond on Saturday. About 20-30 people were there off and on. When one of my friends pulled up, she said, "Oh good, Arthur (her husband) has a smoking partner!" I said to her, "Sue, I haven't smoked for 260+ days!" Damn, that felt good. Really good. The housewarming went off without a hitch. They had no clue and weren't pissed that I planned a party at their house

 

I'm still working hard on my diabetes and am off another medication. That's one BP medication and one diabetes medication I've gone off of since I quit smoking, for those who are keeping score.  I'm eating very low carb and exercising in the pool, and my numbers are coming into normal range, not diabetic range. Oh, I still have the stupid disease, but it's my b i t c h now instead of the other way around

Bravo to all the new quitters. It is so wonderful to see this community grow and grow and grow. 

 

Donna

Day 266

when it gets fixed, let me know

Please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you - the SERENITY PRAYER was SUGGESTED to ME October 28, 1986 and I still use it TODAY -September 7, 2019 - saying it HELPS ME and  KEEPS ME in .......Just for TODAY - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER over MEJust for TODAY - I will PRACTICE breathing in and out Just for TODAY I will be grateful to MY God for HIS love in ME and thanking HIM continuously for HIS grace that HE has blessed ME and I remain a NON SMOKER Just for TODAY I will live in this present moment not in MY pastJust for TODAY I will DO what's best for ME - HELP the next suffering NICOTINE ADDICT by passing on HOPE and to share MY experience strength and HOPEJust for TODAY I will thank MY God for ALL of YOUJUST FOR TODAY  I will think of others above myself Just for TODAY I will live through this day only WE are heading out to visit - MY husband's MOM - I don't want to yet. - Just for TODAY - it is the right loving action I will choose and make MY decision FACT - MY REALITY -  the doctors have done ALL they can for her and sent her home - MY husband is MY example -  to be love in ACTION -  it is HIS mom and MY MOM is very sick - yesterday she received a blood transfusion - she is 88yrs old - sooooooo- JUST FOR TODAY -  I PRAY -  Dear Father God thank you that - I am a NON SMOKER only by YOUR grace love and mercy to ME and thank you for teaching ME to live MY OWN NON SMOKER life -  free and joy filled - SPIRITUALLY and singing -  ALL IS WELL WITH MY SOUL- Just for TODAY- NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF OVER ME OR life on life's terms - Just for TODAY - gentle hug

indingrl.01.06.2011

Gathering

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Sep 6, 2019

It is a wonderful gathering CELEBRATING OUR brother- in- love service - 4 hours travel -$8.00 in tolls and half a tank of gas with MY God's blessings - NOT ONE THOUGHT OF SUCKING IN A DEATH STICK - to cope with DEATH - I am so glad God transformed ME on the inside to grow up and be responsible to feel MY feelings and breathe in MY REALITY in HIS love - to watch MY husband enjoy and grieve and greet and meet childhood family - 35 - 40 YEARS later - he recognized them - they did NOT recognize him - they apologized and they laughed together and remembered their Dad who met MY husband at age 13 yr old - so the kids grew uo together and their dad was like a dad to MY husband - BEAUTIFUL flower arrangements throughout and it smells so good the mixture of scents of flowers - each person bringing peace and happiness while grieving and sharing their individual relationship with Ron - at work - at church - family and friends - ALL knowing - WE WILL MEET AGAIN - SOON AND VERY SOON - you NEVER know - thanks for lettimg ME share - gentle hug

I seem to only blog the negative things in my life. There are SOO many things going on right now that ARE negative that I don't want to complain about them here. I know it won't help a thing to smoke but I really want to right now. What the heck, the rest of my life is in the toilet so why not go back to the demon? Because I am completely wholly committed

to never smoking again.  I really want to unload some baggage but don't want to be the sad sack, whiny, b++++ that I seem to excel at lately.  Maybe if something positive happens (yeah right) I'll blog that.  It's already started to be yet another s***y day in paradise!  I'm going to go cry somewhere alone and try not to punch holes in walls. Maybe I'll blog t about the hell going on at a later date.  Until then I'll try to be positive and helpful to the EX community!

 

Julie

indingrl.01.06.2011

Vaping Deaths

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Sep 5, 2019

Just passing on the national news current update on -"2 vaping deaths in state ILLINOIS -  and an almost death - due to a severe lung infection from vaping -  the report said - another teen heading off to college ending up in ER and confessed to parents and doctor that she was vaping daily and also vape THC - she nearly died - the parents came on with their attorney and said they are NOT suing - they just want the government to DO something about these company's targeting teens and about their daughter almost dying from vaping and to WARN other parents - to watch their teens - JUST UPDATED NEWS TONIGHT IN ILLINOIS -  

hattonc

Checking in

Posted by hattonc Sep 5, 2019

Good Afternoon. 

I hope everyone is doing well. I have not been on here in a while but I am still not smoking. Thank you all once again for all the support. I know I should be on here more often but life has really thrown a curve ball to me.. I’m surprised I’m not smoking 3 packs a day .. but if anything I can say that I have managed to keep my quit constant.. today I’m coming here asking for prayers for my oldest daughter Dana.. she is currently in the hospital with pneumonia. They are not sure what has caused this but we do know that she was vaping for a couple of months . She’s very sick . We have an infectious disease doctor working with us now and pulmonologist they are wanting to do a broncoscopy to be able to test tissues..  they are treating her currently with antibiotics, steroids, etc. she has an 11 mth old daughter who I’m helping take care of as well with the help of my other daughters.. we just really need prayers right now for all of us.. thank you again ..

Cindy 

Please I am talking about ME only NOT anyone else - please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you - As a non smoker TODAY - living in MY OWN skin -  every now and again -  I tend to be hanging on by a piece of thread that's unraveling - and at the same TIME - as I am praying - Dear God - HELP - I no longer suck on DEATH STICKS to COPE with MY REALITY -  I am hanging in there - because I am responsible to God and MYSELF -  whenever ANYONE reaches out for MY HELP - TODAY 2019 - I have a godly desire to be of service to those who ask ME - since Jan 6 , 2011 - I surrender to PRACTICE seeking God's will for ME - and - I keep surrendering MYSELF and MY will and MY NICOTINE ADDICTION and the list goes to etc. and - day by day - to MY Lord Jesus - I must do MY part - I am NOT a robot - I get to THINK- THINK - THINK - is it Thoughful - is it Helpful  - is it Intelligent .- is it Necessary -  is it Kind.-   first things first - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER over ME  and to continue asking -  MY God - for HIS will for ME and to keep CHOOSING for MYSELF - healthy and wise and knowledgeable thoughts and feelings and ACTIONS - it is known that - MY ACTIONS speak louder than MY word's- TODAY as a NON SMOKER in 2019 - I pray for MY God to keep HEALING ME inside and to CHANGE ME for HIS purposed - to  NOT live in 2019 as a DRY person who lives addicted to people approval- that's the OLD ME - I have NO desire to live STUCK in MY OLD SELF - YET THERE ARE SOME - MOMENTS in 2019  - I get confused and mixed up INSIDE - then MY automatic switch comes on and MY OLD PAST DRY ADDICT tries to get ME to feeling victim thinking to live in MY PAST - in MY NEW DAY - here is MY example:  I was taught- IN MY PAST - it happens in 3's - the person who trained ME in this deep rooted - fear based thought life - and she lived for that 3rd person to die - so she could say - to ALL -  in the household where I grew up - SEE I WAS RIGHT - DEATH happens in 3's - THAT WAS MY OLD VICTIM CHILD ADDICT PAST THINKING - IN MY PAST - the example for TODAY -  in 2019 - I went to MY support group called Alanon -  it is for people - who were raised and trained in ALCOHOLISM - which is an illness of the soul - mind - will - emotin - and I was infected with this illness - I was living -  OTHER people's lives - On monday morning I go to Alanon - to get HELP - and to learn from other's - HOW to live -  MY OWN precious life - TODAY in 2019 - anyway - after I shared what I was going through -  2 death's and 2 funerals pending - I was just - HANGING IN THERE AND OVERWHELMED WITH DEEP GRIEF - and after the meeting ENDED - this woman came up to ME -  she said to ME -  REMEMBER it happens in 3's - I said -  yes -  I heard of that and walked away from her - see - I always ask MY God to protect ME from other's and other's from ME -  I know I am very ill at this TIME - weak and fearful of the unknown - and also so worried about OTHER'S - MY friend of 24 years - she is the mom -  who's 23 yr old son -  A DEATH called - a  SUDDENLY in this thing called life - and then-  the UNEXPECTED life happens  - MY husband's MOM 95yr old in hospital and then -  the FACT DEATH HAPPENS TO US ALL - MY husband's brother-in-love age 75 - died of heart attack last Thursday and he quit sucking on death sticks for YEARS - which MY husband shared with ME - NOW 2019 - MY thoughts go to the black and white victim- martyrdom thinking in MY PAST and intruder in MY present day 2019 - TODAY - MY thoughts run WILD - who is the 3rd one to die ?????? Will it be - MY 86 yr old mom OR will it be ME - oh MY I am a NON SMOKER too - I sucked on cancer death sucker for 38 yrs -YIKES!!!! OR MY husband - will he die of a heart attack ???? JUST like HIS dad died of at 89 yrs old in his sleep????? I USE COPE - BY SUCK ON DEATH STICKS - IN MY PAST OLD LIFE - TO AVOID ALL THESE - feeling thoughts - FILLED WITH THIS FEAR AND LETTING THIS 4 YEARS OLD VICTIM CHILD MARTYRDOM run the show TODAY - in 2019-  cheeeeezzzzzeeee louise - just from that comment - it comes in 3's - I CHANGED THE CHANNEL - MY FACT: DEATH is a part of life - so now 2019 - MY NEW thought -  as a practicing NON SMOKER - and only by God's grace is spiritually prayed up - MY Christ Jesus focused on HIM is a thought life -  as a HEALTHY knowledgeable women with - FACTS not feelings - MY fact - I cannot predict deaths -  MY FACT - there is a God and I am NOT HIM - so I am hanging in there and trusting MY God - and sharing MY experience strength and HOPE by telling MY TRUTH about ME -  what I use to be like and how I cope in MY REALITY OF TODAY -  2019 in MY REALITY - grieving is real and I will be OK -  while I accept MY humaness - HANGING IN THERE -  by living as a NON SMOKER with God giving ME - common sense - to change MY thinking with FACTS in 2019 - gentle hug 

DonnaMarie

Day 262

Posted by DonnaMarie Sep 4, 2019

Lots has been happening in my life and most of it pretty amazing. 

 

I know I've talked about going to a new doctor. He and I have been working on things that my last doctor didn't seem to have a handle on, and man, is it a blessing to have a doctor you can put your trust into! Now that my stomach woes are gone, my surgeries are all over, and I'm back at the pool swimming three times a week, it's time to address my ****** diabetes. For the last 6 days, I've been tackling a low carb (almost keto) diet at his suggestion. A little background - I take three meds for my diabetes, one of which is a blood sugar lowering drug; the other two work with my pancreas to encourage it to function better. In 6 short days, I am off of the blood sugar lowering drug because I was having blood sugar lows consistently. Amazing. And the quit smoking weight is starting to come off. 

 

I mentioned swimming. That's why I had my shoulder repaired (twice!). I've been working for a few  years to get back in the pool and swim laps. I'm going slow and my goal is to work in the water for an hour. Not all of it is swimming, but I'm there. 

 

I haven't even begun to think of smoking. Getting out of the house and doing things that I enjoy is helping. On the way home from the gym today, I remembered all the times I had swam, showered, and got into my car just to light up. Not today. I'm really enjoying not being the one that stinks, is outside by the back door at my place of employment, and is wasting money on cigs. 

 

Sorry I've been scarce. I come out here and read often. I have to. You guys help keep me smober. As we now wait to see what Dorian has in store for us, if anything, I smile and am glad to be alive.

 

Donna

Day 262

(The update is at the end of the thread for those who’d like to read it)

 

 Hello all,

 

 Just wanted to drop by and leave a message for all of you dedicated people. It’s always a good feeling to write to all of you because even though so many are in the hardest fight of their lives, there’s still a sense of belief in a brighter future if we can just beat our addiction. And as so many have learned through experience, we really can! All we need is that amazing determination that comes from deep inside of us and of course understanding.

 

 When I chose to quit, I studied all I could because there’s a kind of power that comes from knowing our enemies when we must fight them. And yes, I saw my addiction as an enemy that lived inside of me. One that over the years had become quite good at manipulating me and to be honest, I was terrified of fighting this monster that I’d allowed to grow within me for all of those years.

 

 As I learned, I realized that my internal monster wasn’t anywhere near as scary as I thought. It was really a set of impulses sent from the brain that I allowed myself to react on for so long that I quit thinking about it. I realized that the addiction to nicotine was merely the catalyst of my addiction. The rest was all created my own mind. I realized that much of the fear I felt was simply two things. A reaction to my brain impulses that I’d learned to attach to my life as well as the thoughts that went with it. I realized that I’d have to learn how to control those thoughts as I fought my addiction.

 

 I used a lot of tools to help me to do this, including what I called practice quits where I’d quit smoking for several hours and I’d observe how my addiction was creating these thoughts within me. The only difference to an actual quit was that at the end of that time, I knew I’d be able to smoke again. This helped to take much of the mystery out of my addiction and the more I learned, the more confident I became to the point that I began looking forward to my quit.

 

 This understanding made it easier for me because it took away the fear of those first hard days and also helped me to understand that in reality, after the first days I’d simply be fighting my own thoughts without the baggage of the addiction to torture me. I chose to use the patches because I wanted to allow my mind some time to get out of the way of my own freedom. Even then, I continued to study my addiction. Each time I stepped down, I made a mental note of what it felt like with the understanding that when I take off the last patch, I’d be ready to continue without one.

 

 All I can say is that my success came from understanding my addiction and my freedom came from a burning desire to see it. If you’ve already started your quit, keep learning! It’s never too late to understand what’s happening to you and if you haven’t quit yet then take a little time to understand your addiction and how it interacts with you because once you really understand it, you’ll no longer fear it and once the fear dissipates it leaves our mind room to form a cohesive plan. No matter what method you use, the most important thing is that you actually quit. There’s an incredible world out there. I look forward to the day that you not only see it, but feel it.

 

ONWARD TO FREEDOM!!!

 

Chuck

 

Update

 

 I’ve begun working this new job and so far, though it’s hard to get going again, it’s been quite good for me. My mind has been too busy to create those scenarios that I always create because of my brains desire to protect itself from trauma. Also I don’t have much time afterward because I need to sleep sometime, leaving me just the right amount of time to see my wife and our dog.

 

 I did just work a total of 36 hours with only four hours of sleep as I get used to working nights but like anything, the mind will eventually work things out if we give it a little time. Switching to a vampire's schedule can be difficult, but I have experience with that from my past job of running inventories. Some that started at midnight.

 

 I’m waiting for a couple of weeks before I restart therapy for PTSD as I need to get my mind and body acclimated to this new kind of living, but I haven’t given up on doing the therapy starting in a couple of weeks. All in all, doing well and looking forward to the future again instead of just automatically fearing it. I hope all is well for all of you!

 

Chuck

Waiting is what I am doing these past few DAYS - please I am talking about ME not anyone else - please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you -  MY days are of WAITING while LIVING as a NON SMOKER coping with MY REALITY - I am WAITING to travel out of state for a family funeral - I am waiting for MY husband's mom to be released from the hosptial and I am WAITING for another family funeral on the 14th of this month - I have been WAITING 12 YEARS to be healed of bell's palsey from a FLU shot side effect! WAITING seems to be a frustrating struggle for ME - until I take the SUGGESTIONS offered here - from those who are sharing their experience on their OWN -  WAIT - WAITING - WAIT MORE - for some reason - I try to MAKE it happen quicker- MY pride rooted in self will run riot for ME - I want MY WAITING to be DONE - YESTERDAY- example : when I first quit using MY DRUG NICOTINE to cope with MY REALITY - I taught MYSELF to take 3 DEEP breaths FIRST when MY emotions hit - I said out loud - I do not smoke anymore - then I go out into the world and spot every single cigarette butt on the ground and I would stop and stand there looking at how long it was and in MY OLD DRY ADDICT MIND - I called the person - who threw it on the ground - wasteful - MY NEW non smoker thinking was still DRY ADDICT thought life - living in ME in automatic pilot of using days - I thought it was wasteful - because there was so much left to smoke- I would smoke it until it burned me at MY finger tips - as I held on and sucked DEATH deeply - STOP! - what am I thinking about - then I remembered - I had to CHANGE and to learn - STOP MY OLD addictive thoughts -  then I put on MY NEW MINDSET and taught -  MY NEW NON SMOKER SELF - to say out loud to MYSELF - over and over - I do not smoke anymore -  every time I saw a cigarette butt on the ground - sometimes I thought of picking it up and smoking it - STOP! - what are YOU thinking about - I had to keep teaching MYSELF - no one else can do it for ME - I must be responsible for ME and MY NEW learing thinking NOT feeling victim thinking - NOW while I was changing MY OLD thinking to NEW thinking - I had to - WAIT - 21 DAYS to UNLEARN OLD and 21 DAYS to LEARN a NEW habit. - WAITING - took time and growing for ME meant WAITING more -  to be HEALED on the inside - I asked God for HIS help - in HIS time -  while WAIT and WAITING and WAITING more - for HIM to change ME - deep in MY mind and will and emotions - deep in MY soul. - HE has HEALED - MY WAITING inside of ME -  TODAY -  it is September - 4th - 2019 - I changed MY heart attitude and asked God to put a song in MY heart to sing while I WAIT - WAITING and WAITING more - I sing over and over - I gonna HOLD on and WAIT ON GOD - I am gonna sing - I am grateful to be a NON SMOKER - while I WAIT - TODAY - I sing and NOW MY WAITING is a blessing to ME because I prayed and God helped ME and I changed MY NEW MIND to WAIT MORE and be JOYful - I don't seek out the cigarette butts and when I do see one or a NICOTINE ADDICT pick it up and suck on death - I lift them up and prayer quickly - when I see that cig butt - TODAY -  I lift the NICOTINE ADDICT who threw it down -  in prayer too and I sing thanking God for MY NEW song - while I am WAITING in MY TODAY and STAYING in TODAY -  fully present to come here and read and keep learning from ALL of YOU - WAITING - together in -  UNITY to NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER and then READ YOUR blogs to keep growing -  to be of service to ALL who come here for HOPE and HELP - I PRACTICE -  in HIS love - to continue WAITING more -  to meet ALL the newcomers here and to spread the love of MY God and ALL YOUR experience and WAIT in HOPE in knowing - I am NOT alone -  living this NON SMOKER LIFE STYLE - I look for the similarities NOT the differences - gentle hug

I reached the one month mark.  It is, perhaps, a time of celebration, but I prefer cautious optimism.

This is a danger zone for me.  I am quit enough that I don't feel as though I need to stay so close to this site for support.  I also know from past experience that I am not really ready to stand on my own, either.  Smoking is not just an addiction to a chemical.  It is a habit.  A habit I reinforced with every single puff on every single cigarette.  I know I am over the withdrawal from nicotine.  I know am NOT over the deeply ingrained habit of picking up a cigarette.

A major part of my written quit plan was to check in every day in order to anchor myself to my commitment.

Failing to check in every day, and not blogging every day, and not sticking to my Plan is the reason past quits have crumbled. 

So here I am, needing to come back to the basics and remind myself of what works.

Quitting sounds like it should be passive - just don't smoke.  But it isn't; it is a process and an activity that requires practice.  Lots and lots of practice.

Here's to the next 30 days of practice

 

PT

TODAY I seek NEW routines - example : OLD NICOTINE ADDICT - I would start MY DAY reaching for MY lover and best friend - CANCER STICKS - DEATH STICKS and sucked on TWO just to get MYSELF moving in MY morning - then it was SUGGESTED to ME to EDUCATE MYSELF and  to get NEW ideas - NEW thoughts - POSITIVE NEW MINDSET -  to keep ME learning and growing and healing on the inside of ME - to seek NEW routines to COPE with this thing called - daily living and to DO a NEW routine - example: NEW NON SMOKER ME - I get up in MY NEW morning and get spiritually dressed - then I pray and then I worship and praise MY God by exercising in HIS body of mine- I am a NEW creation in Christ Jesus - MY Lord-  this NEW seeking rountines - did NOT happen over night - EACH NEW DAY - I came here to blog - to vent - to cry - to whine - to complain - to share what's happening in MY NEW NON SMOKER LIFE - or to just BLOG - BEFORE I took that first puff over ME - and I asked for HELP and I still do TODAY- I AM A NON SMOKER and the OLD ME dies daily - to continue seeking - MY Gods will for ME and to continue seeking NEW routines - NEW phases of MY NEW ME -  discovering changes inside of ME .- being transformed by MY God. - to learn to love MYSELF and treat MYSELF gentle and kind and be filled with JOY - at being ALIVE inside and to want and desire to be HELPFUL - for ME -  MY NEW seeking routine - I PRACTICE daily -  to remember the faithfulness of MY God - for HIS grace upon grace. - by telling ME the TRUTH about MYSELF through others who use to suck on DEATH STICKS and how they do NOT take ONE PUFF over themselves or their NON SMOKER LIFE TODAY - they live FREE inside of themselves and they think of other's -  above themselves -  to be of service to ALL -  that suffer from NICOTINE ADDICTION -  to give it ALL away - to STAY A NON SMOKER. - seeking MY NEW routine -  living fully present in this moment - living grateful in - DOING - love is ACTION - for ME in HIS love and service - day by day - thank you ALL for teaching ME to seek NEW routines - then share MY experience strength and HOPE - please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you - gentle hug  

Woohoo, I made it to day three everyone! The support from the group has been a great help! When I am craving I use the text message program, I come look at the comments here and interact, I read up on quitting info and look at the Quit Smoking app to see how many hours I am into it and what milestones I have achieved. I have been using hard candy, pens and straws to help with the cravings as well and A LOT of deep breathing. Soooo much deep breathing, lol! I am still doing the thing where I will search for my vape pen, so I have been trying to just grab a regular pen as a sub or the straw. It's not much different than quitting regular smoking except that there are more places that I had to break the habit of using in. You can get away with vaping EVERYWHERE and at least with regular cigarettes you have to go outside and it is way harder to sneak since they smell so damn bad. (my husband would ALWAYS know if I snuck cigs, even after I washed up etc). Well, I'm going to keep checking in and going strong! There have been some weak moments where I came close to giving in and having support has made the difference this time around! Thanks all!

MY daughter and grandson - WHO live in Port St Lucie - Florida - and I am relaxing on MY day off TODAY - she just now - text ME - she let ME know that they have done their best to prepare and by the time Dorian hits their area - she said - she HOPEFULLY will be asleep -  no worries - this is what is called LIFE -  it is happening to EVERYONE - so I am choosing to relax and trust MY God - trust and believe that MY daughter and grandson have done their part and so have the doctor's working with MY husband MOM and MY friend's Pastor is HANDLING the preparations for MY friend to bury her son - WE ALL have chosen to leave the outcome in God's will and I come here to HELP the next suffering NICOTINE ADDICT to HOPE - you will CHOOSE - just like it was SUGGESTED to ME - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER - gentle hug

indingrl.01.06.2011

Labor Day

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Sep 2, 2019

I googled the meaning of Labor Day and in a nut shell - aka - short version - it is a day to celebrate the American workers who have LABORED DAY AFTER DAY AND YEAR AFTER YEAR - ALL WHO  HELPED blessed this NATION through their WORKING THEIR INDIVIDUAL job's to HELP KEEP America as a NATION -  to prosper and to keep AMERICA AS A NATION to grow strong in ALL areas -- WE HELP each other and support one another to teach the next generation to pray to God to keep America ONE nation under God - each INDIVIDUAL responsible to this NATION - where FREEDOM RINGS -so I thank EVERYONE who has participated to teach FREEDOM to themselves by working a job they love and paying their share of individual taxes and fighting to protect this NATION and keep America strong from ALL our NATION'S  enemies - foreign and domestic - May God bless this Labor Day celebration with HIS mighty hand on America in HIS will for this NATION  in MY Lord Jesus name amen - please take what HELPS and let go of the rest- to be HELPFUL is MY only aim- thank you - be safe and please remember - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER - gentle hug  

Cricket

I miss my moma!!

Posted by Cricket Sep 1, 2019

Died of COPDMy moma and me.  We were very close. I miss her.

indingrl.01.06.2011

TRAGIC!!!!!!

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Sep 1, 2019

Tragic!!!!!! MY friend just called ME -  her son. - who is in the NAVY -  early 20's - was killed in a motorcycle accident this morning - please know I AM NOT USING DRUG NICOTINE AND IT NEVER ENTER MY MIND- I AM A NON SMOKER TRYING TO PRACTICE ACCEPTING LIFE - ONE DEATH AT A TIME - just sharing - RIGHT NOW - MY main concern is MY friend who I have know 26 years and I have known her son since he was a boy - TRAGIC - that's life on lifes terms when it hits ME in the face and breaks MY nose - grief DOUBLE DEATHS - brother in love  died Thursday the 27th of August 2019 and NOW MY friend's son - TODAY - September 1 2019 - also husband just got a call - his 95yr old mom is  on way to ER -  can't breathe- just asking for prayers for MY FRIEND AND MY HUSBAND - please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you - to ALL here - NEW or Elder or in between -  thanks for teaching ME to blog. - BEFORE I RESPOND AS A NON SMOKER in HIS service and love in MY Lord Jesus name amen - gentle hug    

indingrl.01.06.2011

Just for TODAY

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Sep 1, 2019

Just for TODAY I will show more compassion toward MYSELF when an urge or carving HITS - Just for TODAY I will practice MORE attitude of gratitude to thank God for HIS love - tender mercies -  NEW every morning for ME -  Just for TODAY I will look kindly at MY body and to treat it with love and respect as I learn to be a NON SMOKER -  Just for TODAY I will be attentive to how MY body feels and rest when tired - Just for TODAY I will choose foods that make me feel good - Just for TODAY I will feed MYSELF when I am hungry and honor MY body's signals of fullness - Just for TODAY I will pray for all those who suffer from addictions and afflictions in MY Lord Jesus name amen - Just FYI -  two recovering ladies - taught ME this - TODAY - thinking NOT feeeelllliings victim thinking - to break the negative habits of victim feeeelllliings thinking and practice getting A NEW MINDSET - 21 days to learn a NEW habit and welcomed ME to pass it on to ANYONE suffering inside of SELF - so please take what HELPS and let go of the rest to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you and please remember -  JUST FOR TODAY - I will NEVER take another puff ever over ME - Just for TODAY  I will choose to live and love God 1st and ME and others - for I cannot love without God - it is written - God is love and I cannot give away something I don't have if I do not receive God's love first to MYSELF and then I will give it away to all others- freely just like I received God's love - freely  - gentle hug 

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