For so many years, I was completely consumed by addiction. My mind had simply accepted my addicted life as what was normal. Because of this, I never saw it as a problem. After all, the cigarette was simply the foundation of my day, every day. I never knew that things could be different because I smoked for so incredibly long, I could no longer see it. (40+ years)
When I first thought of quitting, my mind turned on me. This was an incredibly hard thing to overcome. The first thing I felt when I thought of quitting was fear. I was terrified of the concept of simply not smoking, and to be honest I didn’t think it was possible to become free simply because my mind was fighting me. In reality, this was when I first experienced the divided mind. I think most of you who have quit knows the divided mind well.
In the beginning, I never really believed that I could quit. It was just such a forign concept to me that I honestly didn’t think it was possible, mainly because I feared the loss of a modified plant. How could this be? How could a plant control me so completely? As if it were a living thing that had tentacles intertwined within every part of my being in such a way that it seemed impossible to remove them. I realized that I feared being alone, and yet I knew that a plant wasn’t really company. In the end, I realized that the stimulations of the modified plant was what was really controlling me and generating fear at the slightest thought of losing it.
It took me quite some time to get over this fear, and what helped me most was realizing that the fear was there, because we can’t work on a problem until we know it exists. This is when my brain became my friend. As confusing as it sounds, my brain was the single thing keeping me from quitting but at the same time it was my brain that knew I needed to quit.
In the end, the rational side of my brain beat out the addictive side. It didn’t happen right away. No. I had to spend many hours comparing the pros and cons of quitting. I had to work through my feelings of loss and I had to overcome my fear of living without the plant that both brought me false pleasure and also tormented me throughout my life.
I mention this because sometimes it’s important to understand that those of us who are now confident in our freedom used to be just like those just starting out. Now, as someone who has found my freedom, I’d also like to say that freedom never comes easy. We have to first know why we want it and secondly understand why changing the foundation of our lives is worth it.
All I can say is that most of us work this out so long as we stay focused on change. We simply have to get both sides of our divided mind to work together in order to achieve change. The ability to lose our addiction lives within all of us. All we have to do is believe that freedom outweighs being enslaved by a modified plant. If you think about it, it all makes perfect sense to become free. It’s the single most important thing I’ve done for my future so far. Creating the confidence and my belief that so long as we never give in to the whims of the divided mind, we can make that mind whole again and when that happens, nothing can stop us!
ONWARD TO FREEDOM!!!
Chuck
