PastTense

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Blog Post created by PastTense on Aug 14, 2019

It's a rainy, hazy, yucky day today.  I was driving to work feeling smug because I didn't have to worry about my hair going frizzy because I had the car window opened a crack so I could smoke.

That go me to thinking about all the ways I accommodated my smoking and all it cost me.  Not just the cost of smokes; which, at $8.75 a pack here, are real budget-busters.

All the time I spent thinking about smoking.  What time is it, can I smoke yet?  Where is the closest smoking area?  If it's raining, where can I stand that I won't get wet?  I'll have to smoke in my car because there is no cover over the only designated smoking area?  Can't smoke in the parking lot.  Where can I drive and smoke?  It's so hot, where will there be shade?  Do I have something to drink?  Where can I stop and get a soda?  Do I have gum or mints for afterwards?  Hand-wipes?  Febreeze?  Do I have a hat so my hair doesn't get stinky?

And on, and on. 

Heaven help me if I was not in familiar territory.  If I had to travel to a vendor facility or even on vacation. I spent more time figuring out how I was going to get nicotine than preparing for the business at hand.

 

I spent a tremendous amount of mental energy in planning for smoking and trying to hide it.  I spent more time planning on smoking than I did planning my lunch.  I would skip going shopping for food if the weather was bad, but never, ever ran out of cigarettes.

Writing all this out has actually stunned me.  I was more worried about smoking than food, than comfort, than my job.

 

Nicotine is a fearsome beast and I willingly let it out of its cage.

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