It's a rainy, hazy, yucky day today. I was driving to work feeling smug because I didn't have to worry about my hair going frizzy because I had the car window opened a crack so I could smoke.
That go me to thinking about all the ways I accommodated my smoking and all it cost me. Not just the cost of smokes; which, at $8.75 a pack here, are real budget-busters.
All the time I spent thinking about smoking. What time is it, can I smoke yet? Where is the closest smoking area? If it's raining, where can I stand that I won't get wet? I'll have to smoke in my car because there is no cover over the only designated smoking area? Can't smoke in the parking lot. Where can I drive and smoke? It's so hot, where will there be shade? Do I have something to drink? Where can I stop and get a soda? Do I have gum or mints for afterwards? Hand-wipes? Febreeze? Do I have a hat so my hair doesn't get stinky?
And on, and on.
Heaven help me if I was not in familiar territory. If I had to travel to a vendor facility or even on vacation. I spent more time figuring out how I was going to get nicotine than preparing for the business at hand.
I spent a tremendous amount of mental energy in planning for smoking and trying to hide it. I spent more time planning on smoking than I did planning my lunch. I would skip going shopping for food if the weather was bad, but never, ever ran out of cigarettes.
Writing all this out has actually stunned me. I was more worried about smoking than food, than comfort, than my job.
Nicotine is a fearsome beast and I willingly let it out of its cage.