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I Appreciate NOW

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Aug 31, 2019

We traveled to Chicago to our family gathering at Pacific Garden Mission - the have a radio show called Unshackled - stories told when they were  living their OWN life until they cried OUT to God and surrendered their life to Jesus - what they used to be like and how they are living TODAY - FREE - hmmmmmm sounds like living ONE DAY AT A TIME - NICOTINE FREE in this Saturday on August 31, 2019 at 4:25pm - I appreciate the NOW - just met and hugged our Pastor Phil and our brother Stephen - our brother Martin - all family members coming in now - this funeral coming up this friday and saturday for MY brother in love just puts ME in the NOW precious moment - YOU NEVER KNOW GOD MAY CALL ME HOME - hmmmmmmm 

Just received call from sister- in- love - her husband - MY brother - in- love - died this morning of heart attack -  life suddenly happens to EVERYONE - MY husband and I talked about the memories and HIS sister told him what happened and that she is doing ok - she said - she is surrounding by her adult children and grand children and will call tomorrow with the details - she talked about him dancing in heaven and he gets to do all he COULDN'T do here anymore - she said her Pastor was with her at hospital when he passed away and her church family was with her too - life goes on in MY NON SMOKER LIFE STYLE - WE will be traveling out of state - no worries I remember what Y'ALL taught ME when MY other brother - in - love was killed suddenly by a drunk driver and had to travel out of state for the FIRST time at THREE MONTHS NICOTINE FREE - and NOW another suddenly  - that's LIFE!  A big thanks for being good teachers to ME then and NOW - gentle hug

We found out a little over a year ago that my husband's father had pancreatic cancer.  It's a quite aggressive form of cancer  He has been pretty good and outlived the doctors' prognosis by at least 6 months.  They live 1 1/2 hours from here so my husband has been going down every few weeks.  Over the course of a couple months he has been going to visit every other week. His dad has kept his sense of humor and was eating well.  When my husband came home last week he said he would probably go back this week.  His sister is still in town so it gives them all time together. When he came home this evening he said he was going back down on Monday.  He told them he'd see them next Wednesday.  Dad's wife said he should make it Monday, that his dad may not make it even that long.  His sister had gotten laid off work so she has been there and will continue to stay.  My prayers are that my husband will be able to see him one more time if he still has his faculties left. I pray that Dad's wife is finding her peace in therapy and meditation.  I pray that my father-in-law remains comfortable and passes quietly in his sleep.  I pray that Father God draws him close when he goes into the higher plane of life.

It's been one hell of a year.


UPDATE:  My father-in-law had been in and out of it for the last couple weeks and my husband has been going down at least twice a week.  He went down on Friday and his dad was just in the end zone where they're just keeping him clean and comfortable i.e., drugged.  They didn't think he'd make it through the night, same thing Saturday.  He couldn't go down yesterday and it has become just a 'death watch' at this point anyway.  His sister even flew home yesterday.  Back to husband, mini farm and look for some work. My husband's job(s) is getting more demanding by the second. Between that, his dad, and all my medical crap my husband is beat up and burnt out. He could really use some love sent his way, and his dad's wife could use the same.


Update 09/10/19:  My Husband's father passed away today at around noon. He went peacefully in his drugged sleep. Strangely, I woke up this morning and had a feeling it would be today.  It seems that a lot of people pass away near family celebration dates like birthdays, anniversaries, etc. and tomorrow is my husband's birthday. I knew he wouldn't do that to his son. His dad's wife let him know by text which I thought was odd until I thought about it. Christine has really been an absolute wreck. She's a manic as all hell as told by my husband when he came back from his last visit.  With a text she didn't have to show emotions to anyone yet. His dad was her 4th husband but I knew the minute I saw them get married that she truly loved that man and they would stay together til the end.  I wish I could do something.  I don't know anything about a service, get together, or any other arrangements.  I don't think they are doing anything except the business part of death.  My husband and Christine really need a lot of prayers and I know my warriors here won't let me down. I'm going to start talking to God and to Dad now that he has crossed and I know he'll hear me.  

Hello all,


 It’s been quite a week for me this week. Well, really it started with the weekend. On Saturday, I received an email that said they had passed me over for the job I wanted. What was confusing was that the day before, the corporate office had called and said they wanted to move forward with my application, and after my interview, the store told me I was already hired, so I was incredibly confused by the endless changing stories. To be honest, for a person with PTSD this would be called a trigger, meaning an event that causes us to manifest what for me is always hypervigilance which includes not trusting life, a kind of fear and even anger at times.


 I’ve learned to understand most of my reactions from the two therapy sessions that I’ve had, and this made this new crisis more tolerable. I think that this is because when we understand what’s going on in our brains, it helps us to handle the symptoms that we feel. This is actually a good point to make about quitting smoking. That if we understand addiction and how it interacts with us before we quit, we can handle the effects of that quit so much better. That’s why so many here preach learning about addiction before we ever quit. Knowledge really is power when we face the hard obstacles in our lives. That holds true for both PTSD and quitting smoking.


 Anyway, back to my story. On Sunday, I got a call from the work location and they assured me that everything was fine as far as my new job went. I went in on Monday to do the new hire computer classes and finished those and on Friday at midnight, I start this new job. Because of the trauma that I’ve had recently, I found the whole thing rather unnerving. Funny thing is that I’m not nervous in the least about the job itself. I know I can handle that job because of past experience as an inventory guru of sorts. (That’s what the inventory company that I worked for called me at least.) I am quite good at bean counting as some like to call it. Though it’s only part of the entire job, this past experience is a big help for me as far as getting good at that job goes.


 And then, a little more good news. I borrowed some money from my son and will be purchasing a car tomorrow. I won’t have to ride my bike to work every night after all!! But I’m so glad I learned to ride again and intend to keep it up. It just feels good to cruise around while working out my body. I’ve now found a new hobby. All in all, I think my re-entry into the world is going rather smoothly.


 One thing I found interesting as far as my PTSD goes is that when things started turning around, I think I’m fine and don’t need any help after all. But after I thought about it, I realized that I really don’t know what my normal psyc is because I’ve never really had an opportunity to experience it yet and as such, though things seem great, I still have to continue to change this baggage I’ve been carrying my whole life into something manageable. I look forward to this very much because I really want to have every bit of that incredible future that I worked so hard to attain a bit over eight and a half years ago when I quit smoking.


 Change is never easy but sometimes change is just what we need. I’m rebuilding my life on my own terms without the baggage of addiction to slow me down and to be honest, that decision that I made so long ago is going to help me now simply because I took the time to learn about myself and my addiction before I quit, and that my friends is a prize that I’ll carry with me forever! I hope we all gain that prize of freedom!






Day 263

Posted by DonnaMarie Aug 28, 2019

Today was my second day back at the pool and I took my fins and other play toys with me this time. I set a time goal of 45 minutes minimum and an hour maximum. Then decided to walk one/swim one, lather, rinse, repeat. I have a 12-lap routine for the kickboard and fins, and got that done for the first time in forever. I'm still going very slowly so as to strengthen my fixed body parts and not over tax them. I think this is gonna work out fine!


After my shower, I was going through my swim bag in the locker room. The bag has been living in the closet since last August. As I was picking out this and that to comb my hair, get dressed, etc., I smelled smoke. What? I don't smell like smoke anymore daggumit. Then I remembered that when I was going to the pool before, I would toss my swim bag in the back of the car as I drove home.....and smoked. What an icky reminder. Next stop for my giant tote bag is the washing machine and dryer. I can't go back till Monday, so that gives me plenty of time. 



My quit continue to grow and I have finally stopped growing in the belly area. LOL 


Happy hump day, everyone!



Day 263

Today - August 27, 2019 is 3,155 DAYS OF FREEEEEDDDDOOOMMMMM for ME - gosh it is so wonderful to live just being ME - no more bondage to PEOPLE approval - no more bondage to MY childhood - no more bondage to negative emotions - no more bondage to obsessing to IF ONLY - no more bondage to wearing FAKE masks - no more bondage to chocolate or caffine - no more bondage to comparing - no more bondage to martyrdom finally NO MORE BONDAGE TO EMOTION EATING YAHOOOOOOO AND PRAISE MY LORD JESUS. - no more bondage to - people - place -  thing - circumstances - situations  - no more bondage to past and future living and peeing ALL over TODAY- no more bondage to MY selfishness - no more bondage to MY ungodliness - no more bondage to OLD mindset - OLD habits - OLD patterns - MY Lord Jesus has set ME free from NICOTINE - set ME free hating OLD ME - HOORAY FOR JESUS- I am at peace with God and me in relationship to enjoy MY life Christ died to give ME and ONLY by God's grace I live in MY OWN skin wholly and holy delivered in MY Lord Jesus name amen -  IT IS MY TODAY-  finally ACCEPTING God's forgiveness to just being-  WHO GOD created ME to be -  in Christ Jesus - MY Lord - living free day by day by putting on the NEW ME by FAITH -  please I am talking about ME NOT ANYONE else - please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you - gentle hug

Unlearning MY habit to use MY DRUG NICOTINE to cope with MY inside issues - 21 days to learn a NEW habit - OK - 21 days MY NEW habit - NOW I am a non smoker living ONE day at a time YET for ME - please I am talking about ME - NOT anyone else - please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you - this NEW pattern - I don't use MY DRUG NICOTINE and MY NEW MINDSET doesn't even coddle a thought of MY USING DRUG NICOTINE TODAY - I have to UNLEARN all MY automatic child victim feeling thinking - I must think think THINK to ask MY God for help to focus on ME and choose a NEW mature response NOT react like a child when I am asked questions - general questions -  I respond NEW mature answers - YET when MY blood family asks ME a question - innocent on their part - ask ME - did YOU take YOUR picture from mom's house - WE were wondering - I said who is WE - MY old automatic child victim feeling thinking asks - automatic reflex of automatic defense - she gives all the names and I asked God for HELP - I knew I was slipping into the old me automatic re ACTOR - immature childish resentful mean hate nasty about age 4 ready to pounce - STOP - I asked God for HELP and I answered y'all can have peace of mind and yes I took MY picture and mom told ME too - she said ok thanks and I love you - bye - I was able to choose today's NEW MINDSET and remain a NON SMOKER responder in HIS love and I only ate half a hot dog at that time - I am a work in progress under God's construction - God has been transforming MY insides to UNLEARN to learn NEW for 32 YEARS - I did cry grateful tears and bitter tears because for ME this continued learning NEW and growing up on the inside of ME is a tough job to be willing and accept I need to keep changing to be healed and keep growing up - I get so tired of how soul sick I am yet I am very grateful for SOME of y'all examples at living as a grown up on the inside NON smoker responder NOT reACTOR - thanks YOU all so MY for teaching ME and giving ME HOPE to UNLEARN to learn NEW NON SMOKER living ONE day at a time - thanks for teaching ME to be kind loving and spread joy laughter and to thine OWN self be true - gentle hug

Strudel aka Kathy to be strengthen and filled with love and joy and peace to live TODAY in knowing God loves YOU and so do I - Kathy was put on MY heart just now - also prayers for Ellen to be strengthen and filled with love and joy and peace to live TODAY in knowing God is in complete control and holds the very best for her and her family during the storms of life hitting her family now - prayers for ALL those who are in the eye of storms in accepting life on life's terms- to quit using DRUG NICOTINE to cope with their inside issues  - to adjust and breathe as life hits hard - suddenly and unexpectedly - prayers lifted to hold on to their non smoker life style and to NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER and to wait on God for HIS outcome- to blog BEFORE taking that first puff over themselves - to WAIT on God and HIS outcome - which is the best for ALL involved in MY Lord Jesus name amen -  I believe God hears MY prayers by faith in MY Lord Jesus and by HIS faith in ME and in HIS mighty Holy Spirit working in ME to do HIS will and wait on God - no matter what life throws- in  HIS precious HEALING blood and finished work on the Cross for all humans-  to believe and receive God's  FREE gift of salvation -  YOUR OWN personal choice - to believe that-  Jesus died for YOUR sins and was buried and arose again on the third day according to the scriptures - believe or don't believe - it is that simple - just read the Bible for YOURSELF - 1 Corinthians chapter 15 verses 1- 4 - YOU choose -  YOU decide to take God at HIS word for YOUR personal salvation - amen THANKS for letting ME share and please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you - thanks for praying for those on YOUR heart - gentle hug 


Not sure who to tell...

Posted by DonnaMarie Aug 26, 2019 will do my talking here. First off, no, I did not smoke


I had the stitches out of my hand last week and was asked to wait until today to get back to the pool. The long story is two shoulder surgeries got me repaired enough to swim, but had the trigger finger surgeries to get my hands back in order, and now, my body is mine again. 


I checked out what aqua exercise classes were scheduled and joined one of those today, The swimming lanes next to us were calling my name...big time. I stuck with the class for a half hour and then ducked under the lane divider and got into a shallow lane of my own. I did a few walking laps and then decided to try breaststroke, then some floaty stuff with kicks, then a freestyle, then some walking again and could I do it? Yes, I could - I swam a lap of backstroke, my goal for the last year or so. I didn't use my left arm the whole way, but I did use it 10 strokes at a time before resting and just using the right arm. In all, I spent a half hour in the swimming lane doing swim/walk work, and damn, it felt like I was on top of the world. I'm sure to be tired later, but who cares?


The goal is to go very, very slowly at first and build the shoulder up to where it once was. 


Guys, I'm back in the pool. I'm almost in tears. 

For what it's worth, swimming, slow as it was, was easier than it used to be. (I found out walking uphill, though still hard, is easier when I went to Busch Gardens last week.) So, not only is my anatomical stuff back where it should be, my lungs are not as pissed off as they used to be and I didn't get short of breath with minor effort. I'll never swim as speedily as I once did, but perhaps, just perhaps, I can get my stamina in better shape.


No more medical stuff please. I'm moving on. I don't smoke. I eat right. I now exercise again. I sleep okay. I have a good personal relationship with my husband. Etc.....I'm ready to be the person I've become


Thanks for everyone's help with the quitting and for listening as I went through my surgical woes. Let's get back to it!



Day 252


The Car Trigger

Posted by aboyd63 Aug 25, 2019

Wow  I succeded and beat the car  trigger.  With everyones help I first sang., then i counted all the blue cars. and then i brought my dog mission with me. Got what I needed . Then headed home. I made it through that trigger With everyones help. I can say that I am proud of myself for doing the Exs suggestions it paid off.  I am grateful for the help from husband and the Exs support.Thank you All


Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Aug 25, 2019

It is wriiten God is love - please I am talking about ME not anyone else so please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you - I REMEMBER smoking like a freight train fully loaded to run over the people that used ME with MY permission - out of ignorance - TODAY I set boundaries instead of having MY addict mind running the show - I am NOT chief critic or judging ANYONE anymore NOT even MYSELF - I pray and ask God for forgiveness to those who use MY kindness as weakness to steal MY TIME that I offer freely in MY DAY to be of service in HIS love in ME to turn from MY OLD ADDICT brain and put on the MIND of Christ and grow in godly behavior toward MY enemy - MY self - the ONLY one who blocks MY spiritual growth in OLD ADDICT thinking - is the OLD ME - to ***** moan and complain about other humans is just MY excuse to behave like a DRY NICOTINE ADDICT in MY OLD ADDICT ACTIONS well NOT TODAY - I am a NEW creation in Christ Jesus -  MY SAVIOR and Lord - HIS love changes ME on the INSIDE to forgive MY self first and walk in HIS love TODAY - HIS love must be first in ME for how can i give away something I don't have - I am no longer blind to MY behavior for MY ACTIONS SPEAK louder than words - surrendering NICOTINE for ME was just the beginning and TODAY I am precious in HIS love in ME to any WHO so evers - one day at a TIME i ain't puffing NICOTINE over MYSELF or YOU - gentle hug


Wake up smell!!!

Posted by Eyes65 Aug 24, 2019

Today I had a craving.... Not a normal craving but a BAD one!!  After over 500 days.  Then one of my friends stopped by and lit a cigarette!!  Wow.. it was the worst smell in the world!!!  Craving gone!!! Thank you God for that ... I am so excited that I quit and so excited ex was apart of my journey!!! Love you guys!!!!


No bandages today

Posted by DonnaMarie Aug 24, 2019

After a year of fixing my shoulder and two hands, I am bandage-less today! So sick of medical chit

Just a little dried skin and before long, you won't even see the scars because they do the slicing right in a palm line if they can. 


It's a rainy day, again, around here. We could use some moisture (not). 


I have a very, very long way to go with the writing part of this sewing tutorial, but this is what I'm working on right now - how to make a patchwork tutorial. I haven't got all the photos up where they need to be and barely any narration, but here's what I'm doing on this dreary day:


Scrap Stitching - Let's make a patchwork tote bag. 


It will go on my sewing site when the tutorial is done. The bag itself is on its way to Vermont to a childhood friend. You know, the kid you learned life with, the one you got into a bit of trouble with, snuck out of the house with, and overall spent the best days of your life with? That's this friend



Day 251

TODAY is precious to ME - I am grateful to God for blessing ME for 8 YEARS NICOTINE FREE since January 6 - 2011 - to this very precious moment - TODAY August 24 - 2019 and it is only by HIS grace and love and tender mercies - I am living as a NON SMOKER - I pray to remain open minded to KEEP learning and growing and healing - I was taught that TODAY -  is precious - ONE DAY at a time -  broken down into breathes and into moments and into seconds depending on how well I am STAYING in TODAY - dealing with MY life on life's terms and STAYING in constant contact with MY God - I had a good night sleep - then I woke up and I pray - I do what I gotta do in the early morning personally to begin MY TODAY - then I exercise - I pray some more and then I learned that MY husband - who just happen to get this Saturday OFF- usually he works every Saturday  - He asked ME to walk the mall with him TODAY - our weather is rainy season the past few days - I was taught this prayer and asked MY hubby if he would like to start OUR TODAY saying it together - I prayed it out loud and he liked it and agreed to pray it  -  we say a body pledge prayer each morning in OUR Lord Jesus name- the prayer I was taught because I was desperate - I replaced MY addiction from mind mood altering chemicals and poison to FOOD - FOOD had become MY DRUG of choice  - for ME -  any FOOD to escape feeling MY insides - I was 275 lbs and lost weight and NOW weigh 220lbs - I ain't escaping over MY weight gain by USING MY DRUG NICOTINE -  I was ready to give up exercising and just pig out and gain ALL the weight back to be 275 lbs again and just die of obesity consequences - health issues - then I prayed and asked MY God for help - and I was given hope by two others who struggled with FOOD and HELP others - they SUGGESTED this prayer to ME - the prayer is - TODAY - I will feed MYSELF when I am hungry and honor MY body's signals of fullness. TODAY - I will be attentive to how MY body feels and to choose foods that make ME feel good. TODAY - I will look kindly at MY body and to treat it with love and respect. TODAY - I will practice more quite time with MY Lord Jesus to seek HIS will in ALL areas of MY Christ LIFE STYLE. TODAY - I will show more compassion toward MYSELF amen - We thank OUR GOD for HIS love and tender MERCIES for MY husband and I know ALL we have done in OUR past lives to OUR bodies and TODAY - is precious to us to show - OUR God by OUR ACTIONS - that WE are very grateful that OUR GOD let us live TODAY and to also show by OUR ACTIONS - WE are willing to go to any length to HELP other's WHO suffer from many addictions and afflictions - that there is HOPE - join support groups - that is where I started in 1986 and NOW in 2019 only by God's grace and love and tender mercies -  I have come here almost everyday to give away ALL that was given to ME freely to encourage other's who suffer from NICOTINE addiction and share MY experience strength and HOPE that I used MY DRUG NICOTINE for 38 YEARS and at the end of MY using 50 DEATH STICKS a day while doing MY bible study and just LIVING MY Christ life - I was in full flight from MY reality until I saw becomeanEX t.v. commercial and at I watched Bryon's early death video which brought ME out of MY denial - I am a RECOVERING NICOTINE ADDICT - only one PUFF away - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER  - TODAY is precious and no matter what - I will STAY a NON SMOKER and keep an open mind to KEEP learning from others and growing by taking what HELPS and let go of the rest and HEALING to be HELPFUL to any whosoevers - thank you- gentle hug


Day 250

Posted by DonnaMarie Aug 23, 2019

Seems like there's a celebration in order for myself! 250 days. Smober as I can be.


Things that keep me from smoking right now:


I just don't think about it all that often.

When I do think about it, I just don't do it. 

I remind myself and others that I just don't do that anymore.

Knowing that if the comet is shooting through the sky and headed for my house that if I really wanted one, I could have one seeing as how I'm about to be obliterated any second. 


N.O.P.E. is the bottom line.


Got my stitches out of my hand from the final surgery I had two weeks ago. I am released to go back to swimming on Monday. I'm going to start with the aquatics classes and slowly get back to the lap swimming. Until then, I'm still doing my volunteering. The hospice house had a brunch for the garden volunteers and as I am the Bird Lady of Hospice House now, they included me  (You can see the glove I had to wear to keep bandages on my palm in this picture, but it's gone now. I wear band-aids one more day and then that's done too.)

As you can see from the "ooooh" expression on my face, there was some really good food! 

Life is good out here in coastal Virginia. I'm ready for the temperatures to go down a bit, but can't change that, can I?


Hope all is well in your world and that you're doing N.O.P.E. with me. 



Day 250

leading CAUSE of PREVENTABLE disease and death- 480,000 per YEAR - more deaths than HIV - illegal drug use - alcohol use - motor vehicle injuries - firearms- related incidents combined - in addition to : lung cancer - heart disease - COPD - numerous serious health conditions - MANY types of cancer - premature birth - low birth weight - SIDS- respiratory illnesses- clogged arteries - reduced blood flow - diabetes - rheumatoid arthritis - vision conditions age- related macular degeneration - cataracts - ( pages from ref 8 - ref 9 and 10 - ref 8 again ref 5 and 6 ref 7 ) it goes on and on and on - this info is ONLY PARTS of a report on Dr Hays Blog - warnings - the FULL report TONS OF PAGES - UNBELIEVABLE -  YET FACTS-  for YOU to read for YOURSELF - I was blown away with the numbers - such as - 34.3 million U.S. adults - 1.4 million U.S. youth ( aged 12- 17 yrs) SMOKE CIGS - 16 million Americans ALIVE TODAY live with disease caused by smoking cigarettes - 2017 Nation survey on drug use and Health on average - EACH DAY in U.S. 2, 000 youth under age 18 smoke their 1st cigarette and 320 youth become DAILY cigarette smokers - 2009 report cigarette smoking directly responsible for 163,700 deaths from cancer - 160,600 deaths from circulatory conditions - 113,100 deaths from pulmonary diseases EACH YEAR - second hand smoke EXPOSURE an additional 7,330 deaths from lung cancer - 33,950 deaths from coronary heart disease annually - 87 percent of deaths from lung cancer - 79 percent of deaths from COPD - 32 percent of deaths from coronary heart disease in U.S. from 2005 - 2009 - heart attack - 2.3 million cases - cancer 1.3 million cases - stroke 1.2 million cases - I read this in the same report page ref 21 - 4,900 deaths from lip , oral , pharyngeal cancers - 3000 deaths from laryngeal cancer in U.S. each year -  found on page ref 30 - after read these PIECES of FACTS then came a page of reading on  what THESE RESEARCHS WILL PUT ON SIDES OF THE PACK OF CIGARETTES if the agree to which ones to put on the side of a pack of smokes  - I agree with Dr Hayes - a picture speaks loudest - than ALL these FACTS - cause it hasn't  STOPPED PEOPLE from using DRUG NICOTINE TO COPE with their individual PERSONAL LIFE CHOICES - I have READ on the packs of cigs that I bought when I was actively using MY drug NICOTINE and I smoked through ALL of  MY pregnancy - please talking about ME not anyone else - please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you - I read the side info of low birth weight to babies - it didn't get MY attention -  NOW these researchers are deciding - 10 NEW REVISED WARNINGS - putting on side of pack of smokes- smoking causes - head and neck cancer or bladder cancer lead to bloody urine or heart diseases strokes clogging arteries or COPD lung disease that can be fatal or reduces blood flow to limbs which can require ampution or type 2 diabetis which raises blood sugar or age- related macular degeneration which can lead to blindness or cataracts which can lead to blindness - OH PLEASE -  do they really BELIEVE people will NOT use DRUG NICOTINE - reading these RE-vised warnings - FACTS people addicted to NICOTINE -  in Illinois ended up in ER after vaping - it was reported on the news in Illinois and  did that STOP vapers - NO!  I believe that -  A PICTURE OF - LIP CANCER ON THE FRONT OF CIG PACK - A FULL BLOWN COLOR PICTURE OF LUNG CANCER - I BELIEVE would HELP more than FACTS on the side of a pack - I was just SHOCKED as I read this report that they BELIEVE STAYING the same written warning will make a difference in 2019 - just sharing thank you for letting ME VENT - gentle hug



Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Aug 23, 2019

First DEATH in Illinois TODAY - just reported on news! 

Good day everyone,


( I wrote this thread and put the update at the end for those who want to read it)


 It’s been a really busy week for me, facing my fears and moving forward in life after quite a few combined tragedies and problems in the recent past. The stress of these events has been incredible. I couldn’t imagine going through these kinds of things as a smoker, but that’s only because I’ve walked the long road to freedom. Because many years ago, I found freedom to be more important than slavery. I also found my health to be more important than nicotine. And of course I found my future free of addiction to be more important to me than smoking.


 I believed all of these things in the beginning but I also discovered a kind of terror at the thought of giving up my master, the cigarette. I fought myself for a long time before I decided to give quitting a shot. In the end, my positive thoughts won over the negative ones or rather, the addictive ones. My mind became focused on freedom and over time with the help of this site, I found the courage to actually put out my last cigarette.


 Those first days were hard but the reality is that every bit of my discomfort was worth it. The key for me was keeping my focus on freedom. I used visualization to strengthen my belief in freedom and I studied addiction all that I could, even as I was fighting my own addiction. Like everyone, I had those days where I began to wonder if it’ll ever end, but still, I kept my eye on my goal. The vision of the summit of Mt. Freedom that signified both my struggle and ability to reach the top.


 Whatever worked for me is what I focused on until that day that I really felt free. But I’d have never known what would work for me if it weren’t for my preparation. By the time I actually quit, I knew my enemy well, and how I would interact with that enemy as it began screaming at me. Again, I used visualization and created the addict within. I saw him as a screaming child, throwing a temper tantrum. I screamed at him when the craves were hard. I laughed at him when he tried to nudge me. I conversed with him when I didn’t understand and in the end, I calmed him to the point that he finally just faded away forever.


 The future is determined by the choices we make today. I’m so happy now because of the choices I made before. There’s a kind of peace that awaits you like you haven’t felt in a long, long time and once you find even a glimmer of that peace and grab a hold of it, then nothing can stop you!










 The last few days have been filled with the fear that is so common with PTSD. Still, I’ve managed to face those fears, much as I did when I quit smoking by facing them. Just as when I did practice quits before I ever put out that last cigarette so that I could understand what would happen to me, I’ve been facing my fears using the lessons I learned to quit smoking.


 In the beginning, my symptoms were so bad that I couldn’t even get myself to apply for a job. I felt weak because of this and my inability to get myself to do this was wearing on me badly, creating even more stress as I feared the future with no income. Well, this week that all changed. Not only did I apply but I’ve had an interview and after a background check, I should once again be employed.


The other fear I’ve been working on is riding a bike. I know, I know, you never forget how. Well, I pretty much did and have been facing that fear regularly as I need to use a bike for transportation for the time being. I have my session today with the therapist and will see what comes of that, but either way I see myself turning back to life more and more every day. 


 Thank you all for your support as I’ve gone through these trying times. It means a lot. That’s part of why I wanted to post some good news for a change. Still fragile, but not broken and fighting my way out of this every day. Just like with quitting, I’ll never give up or give in to my negative emotions and over time I’ll transform them into something useful. In the end, I'm going to come out a stronger person who’s even more in-tuned with my inner self then I already am and when that happens, I see a very bright future indeed. As I always try to remind myself, I just have to fight to get there first!


Thanks for reading.



We're all on this quit journey together whether we're contemplating quitting smoking or if we're on day one or day one thousand or two thousand it really doesn't matter where we are in our quits as long as we all continue stacking up those precious DOF - Days Of Freedom so each evening we can look ourselves in the mirror and say YAY for another Day WON......We're all here to help each other on the bad days as well as the good days we're here to support one another because our lives literally depends on us to nurture and protect the best gift that any of us will ever give ourselves which is the gift of LIFE.......


Month 2

Posted by bonnie.s Aug 22, 2019

Cravings are few and far between right now. Walked past the smoke booth outside work several times today, it smelled!  Glad I'm not in there puffing away anymore. I find it strange that I can smell the stink from a group but not on a single person.  In past quits I've always smelled people who smoked.  Weird!  While I've had no cravings I have found myself on occasion saying to myself, ok time for a quick smoke break!   Feeling good mentally not physically.  My throat has swelled yet again.  This now makes three times since I quit just 63 days ago.  Doctors appointment in the morning.  I think I'm gonna request some addition testing this time.  


Prayers for Luna please.

Posted by Christine13 Aug 22, 2019

Hi, just want to ask for prayers for Luna tomorrow, she has what could be life saving surgery.  She is my daughter's 160 lb. great dane puppy, with such a loving nature.  They need all the prayers they can get.  My daughter will be transporting her to and from the vet alone!  I feel a miracle on the way!!  I will be away for the weekend at my sister's cottage.  I really wanted to fly down to be with my daughter, but she said no mom, there is nothing you can do.

It's been such an anxious week for her and for me and her family.  I know some people don't understand just what a fur baby means.  But I know there are many animal lovers here.  I want to thank you for your prayers, I leave tomorrow morning, but will keep you posted after I get back.  Love you all.  Darn it, no smoking!!!  


Chrissie, keeping it smoke free for the weekend!!


Last can

Posted by Gtatonka Aug 22, 2019

I threw my last can away in early July 2019. I have not looked back! I am done! My goal was to be free from Chewing for my kids 15th Birthday. August 27th! I can say so far I have done it. No slips no dips! No meds just stopped! 

Thanks Ex program for checking up on me! I only ask that you build a program directed at the chewers that want to quit. We all use the same drug but in very different ways! 

Thank you for releasing me from the Grip of Big Tobacco!  

We probably all know people that still smokes I know several including my daughter Mandy and her hubby, my son quit 5 years ago in January before Mark and I finally wised up BUT his fiancee still smokes my oldest sister in law Linda she'll be 71 in September also smokes there's not much we can do BUT lead by EXample and show them that it's absolutely Doable and totally worth it  I bring up this site whenever the opportunity arises  my daughter has been here a few times visiting while I was finishing up on a blog for this community and a couple of times she read them and said they were good  so hopefully the people we care about and love will come join us in living a Smokefree Life........ 


Danger Zone

Posted by PastTense Aug 21, 2019

Tomorrow will give me 3 weeks quit.  I know this is a dangerous time for quitting.  The "threes" are quit killers. 

The third day when the nicotine is nearly out of your body and the addict is screaming for a fix. 

Week Three when the new habits are starting to take root, but the junkie old habits haven't quite died yet.

Month Three when confidence replaces common sense.

I speak only for myself and my extensive experience with quits.

I am following my quit plan and blogging when I feel tired, grumpy, dissatisfied, or tempted.

I am all of those things right now!!  I haven't been able to blog the past few days due to work commitments and activities.  Those same commitments have left me sleep-deprived which is probably why I'm grumpy.  I really thought I would see more improvement in my sinuses (and by extension, they bags under my eyes) by now - 'cuz 3 weeks smober should immediately eradicate the effects of smoking for 35 years.(rolls eyes).


I'm gonna take an aspirin and take a walk.  I'm going to follow my plan.  The Threes are sneaky but I am persistent.


Day 21

I'm going out for lunch with my three sister in laws today Wendy is Mark's sister I've mentioned awhile ago about her husband having kidney Cancer his first bout was about 25 years ago his surgery was 23 hrs several surgeons worked on him they took one kidney and several spots on his lungs which left him with lungs of a 70 year old, he'll be 59 this Monday, he had thyroid cancer about 7 yrs ago about 2 yrs ago he had lung surgery again to remove Cancer, back in May he had several rounds of massive radiation then 33 rounds of regular radiation Bob and Wendy found out on Tuesday none of it worked but actually spread into his one remaining kidney and more in the lungs plus it was already in a couple of his lymph nodes ugh stage 4 low grade Cancer!  Once his insurance okays it he'll start chemo pills and every 3 weeks he'll do some form of intervenious! I don't think I spelled that right anyway they gave him 12 to 18 months to live doing these treatments with the hope of new breakthroughs coming! Wendy said she thought she was prepared BUT of course she wasn't. Anyway neither one ever smoked BUT he was an auto body painter for years, my point is sometimes things happen that breaks our hearts because we have no control over it BUT damn it we do have control over smoking or quitting smoking, we all know that smoking kills and it doesn't matter who you are or where you live it's bound to catch up with you at some point! I'm sorry maybe I shouldn't be writing this BUT I'm posting it anyway! Quit smoking if you haven't yet and if you have quit and you're struggling you may not believe me BUT you will get through the roller coaster ups and downs and into that good place in your quit BUT you must believe it and stick with N.O.P.E and vigilance N.M.W - No Matter What.....

your life is literally counting on you.....

I almost forgot that it's HUMP DAY! Let's stick with our precious quits so each evening we can look ourselves in the mirror and say YAY for another Day WON it's up to us to look after ourselves because if we don't nobody else can do it for us......

Here's our patio area that my husband Mark built he set our Flags out yesterday so I thought I'd share this pic I took the Flag on the back entrance of the house is the Acadian Flag......

I am currently approaching the The 48th hour of living without cigarettes.

I have read many of the “quit” posts out there and remarkably they are all very well written.

I wonder if the posts are written by real people or just computer generated based on subject.

i find the whole “quit” process quite bizarre - all the comments - especially the “support” comments very StepfordWiveish! 

Would like to know if anyone shares these thoughts? By the way I have smoked for 45 years and just stopped - no aids.



Posted by Chuck_Quit_2-20-2011 Aug 20, 2019

Hello everyone,

 In life we face a lot of stress. Sometimes this stress manifests itself as anger. Other times it can manifest as fear. But stress is always uncomfortable, and in reality it’s a big reason why so many lose their quits. Because they end up believing that they were stressed to the point that a cigarette would help. There’s a good reason for this. As addicts, we always feel calmer after we smoke and over time I think we begin to believe that the cigarette is a kind of safety valve in our lives when we feel stress. When the addict flies off the handle or when one of life’s stressors hit us square in the face as can happen so often, the first thought is that calming cigarette.


 Of course, anyone who’s read anything about addiction understands that the only calming factor of this insidious addiction is the relief we feel when we feed it. I have to say that this release is false. It really doesn’t exist except in the life of an addict who chooses to base their entire belief system on the fact that if we don’t smoke, our stress will be ten times harder to deal with. I think this is how a modified plant becomes our crutch. Our friend. And in reality, our slave master.


 I know all of this because at one time, that was me. My belief system stated to me that the only way to find peace in this world filled with stress is to feed my addiction. Over time, this thinking becomes such a foundation of our lives that we find ourselves believing that we can never beat it, or in other words we decide that the slavery of addiction is the easiest option that we can find to live this life of stress, even as the cigarette makes our lives more stressful.


 When the thought of quitting first popped into my head, I didn’t believe that I could. It was just so foriegn of a concept to me that I could survive without them. That’s why I prepped for so long. Because I had to change my entire belief system to be successful. The number one thing that carried me through my entire fight with this addiction was my belief that I could tear down my entire belief system and replace it with a new one.


 Thing is, this takes time. It takes commitment and the ability to see through the lies that we created for ourselves in order to smoke. I never went to whyquit because I had my own smoking example in my father, who died from complications of throat cancer after having half of his face removed along with the jaw bone because of - you guessed it - a horrible addiction that just makes no sense, and one that I also carried through my entire life. 


 But what really matters is now. You see, a bit over eight years ago, I made the choice to become free. To rid myself of this baggage that I knew was slowly killing me. And as I approach my ninth year smoke free, I have to say that I don’t miss smoking a bit. This is because I kept my focus on freedom and let life’s stresses be what they really are. Normal stress that can be controlled simply by using our minds and to be honest, we do a much better job of managing it after we quit simply because we quit relying on the crutch to carry us through.


 We can all become free. All it takes is first a belief in our future and secondly a burning desire to lift ourselves out of the bonds of addiction because when we do that, the world becomes a happier place and one that we can again be confident in. Never give up on your quest. Never believe that it never ends, because it does. Even with everything that’s happened in my life as of late, I never lost touch with my belief in a better future. I’ve always believed I’d get there and now I’m living it. I can’t wait to hear of your own success in discovering freedom. 





Once we decide to bite the bullet and take back our lives from the clutches of the dreaded nicotine poison then we must choose to stick with N.O.P.E and vigilance N.M.W because as difficult as it is in those early days and weeks of quitting smoking it's much easier than waiting too long and having a Dr tell you to go home and get your affairs in order that there's nothing that can be done all because you wouldn't quit the damned Cancer Sticks! Thankfully with commitment and perseverance living a Smokefree Life is absolutely Doable and totally worth it to be able to go anywhere anytime whenever wherever and however without worrying about where to sneak off to suck on a damned Cigarette ......

It's a humid start to the day with showers and storms predicted BUT that's A OK because thankfully none of us has to smoke over the weather or anything else that's happening in life as long as we remember and N.E.F - Never Ever Forget that we don't do that anymore PLUS relapsing isn't an option Besides who wants another Day ONE grrrrr BUT   we'll all say YES to each and every Day WON  if you happen to be reading this and haven't quit yet NOW is the time to start living a life of Freedom you can turn your DAY ONE INTO DAY WON with many more to come   we're all here to help you in any way we can as difficult as quitting smoking is it's also very Doable and totally worth it to be Free.....

I disrupted this garter snake from relaxing in the Sun yesterday afternoon so I figured he was already ticked at me so I took a pic......

We watched my son's two dogs over the wk end thankfully our almost 16 year old Samantha Digger Jane Hartley doesn't mind Frank the Pug or Bella they've known each other for several years now Mason was here yesterday and enjoyed having them around. 

Here's Mason giving Sam some loving too in the bottom pic.... Frank wants more loving too.



Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Aug 18, 2019

We went to a picnic at noon TODAY - tons of good food and friends and chit - chatting and I risked by stepping out of MY comfort zone and ask MY God for HELP in meeting NEW strangers by introducing MYSELF and MY husband - I was a little nervous YET I stepped out anyway - I noticed that there were lots of people using their DRUG NICOTINE - I STOPPED - REFOCUSED BACK ON GRATITUDE and I was able to mind MY own business and let them use their drug NICOTINE - they are ADULTS choosing their OWN choices and living their OWN life and soon to face their OWN consequences  - next I prayed for HELP to REFOCUS again -  I remembered and I was grateful but for the grace of God go I - for 38 YEARS I used MY DRUG NICOTINE - now I am 8 YEARS clean ONLY BY GOD'S GRACE  - I am a miracle only by God's grace - enjoying the picnic and watching a baseball game played by friends who can run and hit and catch a softball - I chose to sit and watch and relax - awe - MY NON SMOKER LIFE STYLE IS BEAUTIFUL because of the prayers - I ask God to HELP ME THINK NEW - to HELP ME and teach ME to pray for other's -  who are sick in their souls - just like ME and to bless them with HIS LOVE and GRACE in MY Lord Jesus name amen - please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you thanks for letting ME share MY Sunday with y'all - gentle hug

Thankfully as difficult as quitting smoking can be it's also very Doable and totally worth it to be Free and besides anything in this life worth having takes time and effort and quitting smoking is the gift of LIFE which I consider the one gift that will keep on giving day after day week after week month after month and Lord willing year after year and it's super fantastic once you get through the roller coaster ups and downs and into that good place in your quit where you realize how much better life is without the crutch of cigarettes......

I'm wishing each of you a Stressfree hasslefree but most importantly Smokefree day......



Posted by Mandolinrain Aug 17, 2019

Thinking about a few members I have not seen here in awhile and wondering if they are okay?


SkyGirlgregp136 - anaussiemom - OldBones-Larry -Barb102 -



Justa lil shout out to let you all know you are missed. 

I'm drawing a blank but I know theres a few others, it will come to me.

 For so many years, I was completely consumed by addiction. My mind had simply accepted my addicted life as what was normal. Because of this, I never saw it as a problem. After all, the cigarette was simply the foundation of my day, every day. I never knew that things could be different because I smoked for so incredibly long, I could no longer see it. (40+ years)


 When I first thought of quitting, my mind turned on me. This was an incredibly hard thing to overcome. The first thing I felt when I thought of quitting was fear. I was terrified of the concept of simply not smoking, and to be honest I didn’t think it was possible to become free simply because my mind was fighting me. In reality, this was when I first experienced the divided mind. I think most of you who have quit knows the divided mind well. 


In the beginning, I never really believed that I could quit. It was just such a forign concept to me that I honestly didn’t think it was possible, mainly because I feared the loss of a modified plant. How could this be? How could a plant control me so completely? As if it were a living thing that had tentacles intertwined within every part of my being in such a way that it seemed impossible to remove them. I realized that I feared being alone, and yet I knew that a plant wasn’t really company. In the end, I realized that the stimulations of the modified plant was what was really controlling me and generating fear at the slightest thought of losing it.


 It took me quite some time to get over this fear, and what helped me most was realizing that the fear was there, because we can’t work on a problem until we know it exists. This is when my brain became my friend. As confusing as it sounds, my brain was the single thing keeping me from quitting but at the same time it was my brain that knew I needed to quit.


 In the end, the rational side of my brain beat out the addictive side. It didn’t happen right away. No. I had to spend many hours comparing the pros and cons of quitting. I had to work through my feelings of loss and I had to overcome my fear of living without the plant that both brought me false pleasure and also tormented me throughout my life.


 I mention this because sometimes it’s important to understand that those of us who are now confident in our freedom used to be just like those just starting out. Now, as someone who has found my freedom, I’d also like to say that freedom never comes easy. We have to first know why we want it and secondly understand why changing the foundation of our lives is worth it.


 All I can say is that most of us work this out so long as we stay focused on change. We simply have to get both sides of our divided mind to work together in order to achieve change. The ability to lose our addiction lives within all of us. All we have to do is believe that freedom outweighs being enslaved by a modified plant. If you think about it, it all makes perfect sense to become free. It’s the single most important thing I’ve done for my future so far. Creating the confidence and my belief that so long as we never give in to the whims of the divided mind, we can make that mind whole again and when that happens, nothing can stop us!







Posted by Chuck_Quit_2-20-2011 Aug 15, 2019

Hello all,


I hope all is well with you and that you’re finding peace on the journey to freedom. I’ve had setback after setback and you know what? It doesn’t even matter simply because I’m moving forward no matter how much life wants to throw at me. I did receive and have confirmed a diagnosis of PTSD. To be honest, it was a blessing to me because it validated the fact that my family was wrong when they said I should be over all of this.


 But, being a fighter, I went to a therapist and will begin active treatment for PTSD next week. I’m really looking forward to this and am hoping that it’ll be the answer for me, or at least something that calms the mind just a little.


 The dedication that I used to stay smoke free is becoming a really useful tool in my life as I fight a new kind of war. Just like when I quit smoking, I’m again a neophyte in a world that is simply different and just like when I quit smoking, I have to learn to navigate it. The main difference is that this time, I couldn’t prepare for what happened. But I also learned when I quit smoking that we cannot change the past and that looking to the future is really the best medicine as I create that new future.


 So even though times are hard for me right now, I’ve managed to keep my head above water as I learn to tread that water and find my new future. Change is always hard. I learned that all those years ago when I quit smoking and also as I’ve always said, every bit of learning that we choose to do in order to quit successfully are tools that we can carry with us for the rest of our lives.


 So even when you tear down what was once normal in order to create a new and better normal, you’re creating tools to help you forever. I’m now living proof of that. Not that I wouldn’t have learned it again had I not learned it before but because I’d already learned these skills and how to put them into practice in the everyday world that has saved me so much! 


 Never believe that you can’t change, because you can and that change is like the opening of the brightest flower you’ll ever see because one thing is certain. Freedom from addiction is the number one thing that can change our lives for the better. Sure it can be hard, but that’s no reason to find yourself stuck in that past life of smoking. Every fight that you make to find change and every tool that you use to get there are what will make this struggle worth it. Not just now but for the rest of your lives!






Day 5

Posted by Pattyann1962 Aug 15, 2019

Wow. I’m doing it.  Today has been full of naps.  I’m constantly yelling. I’m not a smoker. The nicotine is now out of my body.  The brain chatter can be intense for a smoke.  At least my mind is free from thought that I need to quit smoking.



Posted by PastTense Aug 14, 2019

It's a rainy, hazy, yucky day today.  I was driving to work feeling smug because I didn't have to worry about my hair going frizzy because I had the car window opened a crack so I could smoke.

That go me to thinking about all the ways I accommodated my smoking and all it cost me.  Not just the cost of smokes; which, at $8.75 a pack here, are real budget-busters.

All the time I spent thinking about smoking.  What time is it, can I smoke yet?  Where is the closest smoking area?  If it's raining, where can I stand that I won't get wet?  I'll have to smoke in my car because there is no cover over the only designated smoking area?  Can't smoke in the parking lot.  Where can I drive and smoke?  It's so hot, where will there be shade?  Do I have something to drink?  Where can I stop and get a soda?  Do I have gum or mints for afterwards?  Hand-wipes?  Febreeze?  Do I have a hat so my hair doesn't get stinky?

And on, and on. 

Heaven help me if I was not in familiar territory.  If I had to travel to a vendor facility or even on vacation. I spent more time figuring out how I was going to get nicotine than preparing for the business at hand.


I spent a tremendous amount of mental energy in planning for smoking and trying to hide it.  I spent more time planning on smoking than I did planning my lunch.  I would skip going shopping for food if the weather was bad, but never, ever ran out of cigarettes.

Writing all this out has actually stunned me.  I was more worried about smoking than food, than comfort, than my job.


Nicotine is a fearsome beast and I willingly let it out of its cage.


Day 240

Posted by DonnaMarie Aug 14, 2019

Saw the hand people yesterday and everything is healing fine. I don't have to go back to the hand therapist as I've kept up the motion on my own and have made progress without going to therapy. Yay me? They took of the super bulky bandage, so I can move freely again. That's a huge bit of goodness for me. I do have to keep the palm bandaged for another week and will wear a glove (fingerless, lightweight) to keep the bandage on. Much better. 


I made a stop at Whole Foods on the way home from the therapy visit since we don't have one here. I had a run-in with a raspberry/passion fruit cupcake. Holy cow. It was amazing and so worth busting my diet for. Now I'm glad we don't have a Whole Foods in my town!

I'm bored to tears already today. I might go meet the treadmill at the Rec Center this morning. Time to get to stepping.


And no smoking was done!



Day 240



Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Aug 13, 2019

Please I am talking about ME - I had to unlearn MY habit of coping with ME - the thoughts I kept chewing on over and over and over - like a cow - I was chewing on MY cud of resentment that I had to CHANGE MY WAY OF THINKING - how I thought about MYSELF - I smoked about everything - I smoked at everything - I smoked because I was uneducated as to HOW TO DEAL WITH MY CHILD REFLEX VICTIM EMOTIONS THAT I ALLOWED TO KEEP LEADING ME TO SMOKE AT MYSELF AND MY LIFE - then I read Joel's book at for FREE - titled - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER - MY brain eyes were opened to accept I was never taught to separate in MY brain thoughts that were twisted and distorted from all the crap that happened in MY childhood and how I had done all the work with a PROFESSIONAL THERAPIST yet this automatic child victim REFLEX kept RUNNING MY BRAIN on OLD THOUGHTS of a 4 yr or 6 yr or 17yr or 28yr old CHILD VICTIM REFLEX in MY non smoker ADULT LIFE TODAY - with prayer and SELF-education in ALL AREAS OF MY BRAIN - I dismantled EACH thought and made peace with MYSELF in ALL areas of those ages with wounds and hurts and memories and life on life's terms in MY BRAIN - please you are reading this in a NUTSHELL - that took God and ME YEARS to work out and learning NEW AND POSITIVE THINKING - while making peace and SEPARATING FACT FROM FICTION  - MY facts and truths FROM MY lies and fantasy - it is MY child victim reflex that lead ME to believe - other people get cancer NOT ME -  I cant quit smoking its too hard - I will never quit smoking I tried and fail every time - what's the use I won't quit - these are MY child victim reflex  that I chewed on like a cow chews on its cud - while living in MY adult body now not using NICOTINE- I was using MY OLD NEGATIVE ADDICT THINKING from a child victim REFLEX  - then I read Joel's book which turn the light on in MY mind to a switch OFF that OLD VICTIME REFLEX and I decided to flip the NEW switch on to starting using- from Joel and what I was learning from OTHERS here by reading their blogs - they were living a non smoker life style their OWN and happy living it - in TIME -  MY NEW MIND THOUGHTS were working for ME - I reframed and built a NEWMINDSET to positive thinking and NEW encouraging thoughts - I believed  - I will quit using nicotine to cope with ME - MY NEW coping with a NEW BRAIN AND MY NEW DAY - I had to get ONE NEW THOUGHT and hang on to it for ONE day at a time- along with NEW FRESH FEELINGS - it was weird at first thinking NEW - for ME - MY NEW thought was - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER -  JUST FOR TODAY - then I began to build a whole NEW MINDSET on thoughts that were positive - I will not use nicotine to cope with MY child victim reflex LEADING - I will get quite and ask MY GOD to HELP ME - I will be aware of what is going on in MY BRAIN - I will STOP the old reflex - I will separate fact from fiction and I will live this 3 minutes to feel MY feelings about ME as a NON SMOKER - I will take baby steps and appreciate MY ability to breathe in and out while coping with MY friend's death of her husband - or MY other friend - who's 2 uncles died in less than a week - or - that I over ate again to cope- YET I DIDN'T USE MY DRUG NICOTINE!  - or - MY mom's failing health - needing a blood transfusion every 2 months due to her body not producing iron naturally anymore - happens to some elderly- TIME- TO CHOOSE MY BATTLE OF MY NEW MIND- FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT- NOT ONE PUFF OVER ME OR MY LIFE ON LIFE'S TERMS  - IT ALL TOOK ME TIME - TO GET THIS NEW MINDSET ON POSITIVE THOUGHTS - so I could cope in MY REAL reality and dealing with MY EMOTIONAL AND MENTAL immaturity while - EDUCATING MY SELF on learning SELF- acceptance - SELF - awareness - SELF - discipline - all while learning all MY DAY long -  to take ONE NEW thought with all the feelings that went with all the circumstances and situations - in a NUTSHELL - I am a NEW CREATION IN CHRIST JESUS - I had to be willing to admit - I was never taught by ANY HUMANS in MY childhood - so NOW I CHOOSE TO EDUCATE MYSELF IN ALL AREAS IN MY BRAIN  - HOW to pay attention to what I was THINKING ABOUT- how to STOP and THINK and ASK MYSELF - what I am thinking about and ASK MYSELF where am I- TODAY - in the past or future or to STOP and check where is - MY BATTLE TODAY  - was I living in - MY PAST USING NICOTINE LIFE OLD STINKING THINKING LIFE A VICTIM CHILD TO COPE WITH MY NEW NON SMOKING DAY or WAS I LIVING IN THE FUTURE IN MY PAST FAILURES OF QUIT AND USING AND QUIT AND USING NICOTINE- in MY NEW DAY and was I allowing MY CHILD VICTIM REFLEX TAKE THE LEAD  AGAIN - I tell MYSELF to STOP IT AND DROP IT- I CHOOSE AND DECIDE FOR ME MY NEW BRAIN BATTLE - I AM RIGHT HERE - in MY present day - sharing MY NEW BRAIN experience and HOPE to keep enjoying MY NEWMIND SET - LIVING ONE DAY AT A TIME AS A NON SMOKER - sharing MY experience strength and HOPE with any one who choose to practice - practice - practice  -it did NOT happen over night for ME - this ALL TOOK TIME - I was willing to CHANGE by the SUGGESTIONS AND TEACHINGS OF OTHER WHO WALK THEIR TALK - THE BATTLE IN MY MIND - EACH DAY - THINKING WITH MY NEW POSITIVE BRAIN OR STINKING THINKING IN MY PAST USING MY DRUG NICOTINE - hmmmmmmm - I made a decision to live each of MY NEW day - to the fullest and enjoy MY NEW BRAIN - NEW POSITIVE FEELINGS AND MOST OF ALL - to HELP others to - STOP and THINK WHAT BATTLE ARE YOU IN - FIGHTING YOUR OLD LIFE IN YOUR OLD STINKING MINDSET OR FIGHTING THE GOOD FIGHT - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF OVER ME - thanks for letting ME share and please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you.


Day 239

Posted by DonnaMarie Aug 13, 2019

I've been lurking a lot and posting a little, but am still amazed at the power of EX. So many new people coming here and changing their lives. I, for example, have stuck with this quit due to my own strength and the help of all EXers, both new and elder. I'm dazzled every day I wake up and don't smoke. I don't even want to smoke! 


For new people who may be reading this - I do still have smoking dreams. They seem to be the last thing to get out of my head. I rarely think of smoking at this point, but when I do, it's like a bullet flying by my head - whiz and gone. I keep dodging that bullet and plan to keep it that way. There's that word - plan. It never leaves in your quit. Keep it in your pocket and make a plan for every situation. You'll save  yourself over and over if you know how you're going to handle something. 


Enough preaching.


It's just great not having to smoke and not wanting to smoke. We're all here for a reason and if you don't watch out, you might make a friend or two at EX.




Day 239

Wow. The first 24 hours absolutely suck. I woke up and just laid there for a few minutes just thinking about smoking. I thought to myself "well what's the worst that could happen if I just took one drag of my E-Cig" or "I will just take one drag and then I will be actually be done for good". But of course that's a lie. Its never just one drag or just a tiny hit. That "one hit" leads right back to smoking every ten minutes, can't be in the car without it, can't leave the house without it, and finding an excuse to go to the bathroom every 20 minutes to smoke. I am 19 years old, since December of 2017 I have not gone more than 8 hours without smoking. For what feels like forever I have let nicotine control my life. I wish I could go back to the day I was first handed a Juul, and walk the hell away. But I can't and that's ok. The one thing I can do is give it my all to quit this nasty habit. I have been preparing to quit for about two weeks and today was the day. Last night 8/11/19 at 8pm I took my last inhale and said goodbye to the thing has been controlling me for what feels like the longest time. I tossed everything I had in a trash bag and tied it in a knot 4 or 5 times. I kept myself busy for the rest of the night until I went to bed. I continued on my normal routine without the most normal part of my routine. I gathered up my quit kit. I picked out my favorite gum. I laid in bed and watched tv until I fell asleep. Jump ahead to the next morning, I'm still thinking about smoking. It really did take everything in me to get myself out of bed and directly in the shower without stopping to smoke. I have bit into several lemons today. Drank so much water I lost count of how many ounces. Done an unbelievable amount of jumping jacks. And gone through 3 packs of gum. The community on this site has been the biggest help. It sucked. It wasn't fun. I pictured myself smoking and how good it might feel. I definitely cried at times. But I didn't smoke, not once. I didn't think I could but I did. As I roll up on 8/12/19 at 8pm I can PROUDLY say that I have started a new chapter. A healthy chapter. 

- Kenzie 1 DOF 


Not prepared

Posted by PastTense Aug 12, 2019

I am a huge proponent of having a written quit plan.  I firmly believe that thinking about where quits have failed in the past and having a plan for those events makes a difference.  Here I am at twelve days, frankly incredulous that I have made it this far.  I have a tickle in the depths of my brain that this could be the last quit.  I don't think about that too much.  I am focused on today and staying quit today.


This weekend I was stuck in a situation that I had not prepared for.  My husband said we were going out to breakfast.  I grabbed my purse and joined him in his car for a trip to our small town diner.  We never made it.


We passed a car lot on the way that was having a sale and my husband pulled in "for just a quick minute" to see a new car model he was interested in.  We left the dealership 6 hours later.  Did I have my NRT-mints with me?  NOPE.  Had I taken St John's Wart that morning?  NOPE.  Did I have a cough drop, gum, mint, straw, or anything with me that might have helped?  NOPE, NOPE, NOPE.


On the other hand, I didn't have smokes or a lighter with me, either.

First rule of quitting smoking - stop buying.


Nothing of import here.  Blogging helps anchor my quit.


remember when I decided enough was enough that my life was worth so much more than the damned Cancer Sticks thankfully I went looking for a quit smoking site on line and found this one so I read everything I could find about this horrid addiction and by reading it helped strengthen my resolve to kick the nicotine poison to the curb permanently it's not easy by any stretch of the imagination BUT it's absolutely Doable and with the right Mindset we can do just about anything we put our minds to and quitting smoking should be at the top of the list of things to do for our health family and friends BUT especially our lives which literally depends on us to stick with our quits N.M.W - No Matter What! It's up to us to nurture and protect the best gift that any of us will ever give ourselves which is the gift of LIFE because if we don't look after ourselves no one else can do it for us and by quitting smoking we'll hopefully be around a few EXtra years with better quality of living...... N.O.P.E - Not One Puff Ever guarantees us a lifetime of Freedom.......



Posted by Christine13 Aug 11, 2019

I just want to be free for good.  I am alone too much like some others here.  For me, it's a big trigger, to solve my loneliness with my old friend the cig.  That's just it tho, cigs were never friends, all they wanted to do was maim and kill me.  I am trying to wrap my head around my quit and why I want to stay quit.

My Reasons for staying quit.


1. To look and smell better.

2. To be healthier.

3. whiter teeth

4. fresh breath

5.To set a good example.

6. To be proud of myself.


8;. To be calmer.

9. Save money

10. To extend my life


Honestly Chris (talking to myself) isn't it time you got real about this addiction and what it's done to you.  The only way out is through, you've got to solve this issue once and for all.  The only way out is through.  The only way out is to never take another puff, like Joel said.  So I'll keep it simple, and keep them out of my face.

It 11:40pm  and in 20 minutes it’s my quit date.  I just smoke the last one in the pack. I will be so proud of myself if I don’t break this commitment to myself.  There is a part of me that enjoys smoking but it makes my life unmanageable. I’m so sick and tired of THINKING about quitting. I quit for 3 years and started smoking again 10 months ago.  I miss my freedom.   It seems so much harder to quit this time.  I’ve been trying to quit for months and cave in day 2.  I’m gonna use the gum for a while. Looking forward to the support on this site.



Posted by DonnaMarie Aug 8, 2019

I had what I believe is my last surgery today - two trigger fingers on my left hand. I had the right hand repaired a good while back. This is a very good thing as trigger fingers are a pain in the arse.


No more waking up at night with pain. No more fingers getting stuck in position. And so on.


The best part beyond the repair itself was when the anesthesiologist asked if I smoked and I was able to say no. I felt like a billion bucks when I was able to answer that way! For that, I thank a lot of you here. 


The worst part today was before the surgery when I had to step on the scale. LOL I have officially gained 20 pounds with my quit. That was my outside allowable goal and so now it's time to put that chit back in order too. 


I wear these bandages until Monday, see the hand therapist that day, and get back to the pool a couple days after that. Progress!


Tonight, pain meds. Tomorrow, the world.



Day 234



Heck Week

Posted by PastTense Aug 8, 2019

Hell Week is over and celebrations are in order.  I have earned a reward which I will pick from the lengthy list I made for myself.  I have only gained 2 lbs (minor miracle).  I have stuck to my plan and my plan is working.

I should feel jubilant!   But, I don't. 

All I can think about in this moment is smoking.  I don't know that it's even a craving.  I don't feel "itchy", like a craving usually makes me feel.  But all I can think about is sneaking a smoke.

I'm doing the 3x3 breathing (breath in for 3 counts, hold for 3 counts, exhale for 3 counts) which is usually the best for crushing cravings - gives you a little head-rush, too, so fun.

I have been absolutely slammed at work.

And yet, my mind has got itself stuck in smoke-mode.

My quit plan says "blog when you crave" so here is my blog.

If I'm back again in 5 minutes, you'll know why!

A blog is better than a smoke.  A blog is better than a smoke.  A blog is better than a smoke.




Day 7 - My way

Posted by PastTense Aug 7, 2019

On Day 7 and so far doing well.  I haven't smoked, even if I am a little bitey to my loved one.

I was thinking about why this quit is working when several hundred previous quits haven't. 

And the answer is, and I am feeling exceedingly humbled by this, I didn't do it my way.


I read every website on quitting smoking that wasn't trying to sell something.  CDC, WebMD, American Lung Associate, etc. and they all will tell you the same thing: Have a plan.  Write down triggers and how you will respond.  Have a support group.  You know the drill. 


For YEARS I tried quitting without a real plan.  I felt I "didn't need it".  I could do this without following expert advice.

Guess what?  I couldn't.


The truly embarrassing part about this is that part of my job is continuous improvement.  I design processes based on best practices, and convince other people to follow those processes.  I tease my husband when he doesn't read or follow recipes.  When I do DIY project, I follow the instructions to the letter.


I had at my fingertips the best practices for quitting.  Thoroughly researched and documented.  All I had to do was follow it.


Welp; here I am at Day Seven, crushing this quit and all I can say is, following the instructions works.  I'm going to keep on following the instructions.  I'm going to keep reading here and following the advice of the people who have done it.

Humbled, grateful, and smoke-free


Blogging here because it helps me stay focused on why I refuse to smoke anymore.

I need to keep my reasons at the forefront of my brain and reinforce them regularly.  Otherwise, the addicted part of my brain will hide them.

And I have really good reasons to quit. 

First: I want to get rid of the puffy bags under my eyes.  They make me look old and tired ALL THE TIME.  I hate them.  I have bad allergies and smoking makes them much worse (I know, right?  Bad allergies and still smoking.  Not the shiniest dime in the piggy bank).  There is no pill, no potion, no serum, no acupressure spot, no device, no ice pack ever invented the will prevent or correct those puffy bags.  I know this for a FACT because I have tried every pill, potion, serum, acupressure, etc.  They might help a little, but reducing massive puffy bags to merely large puffy bags isn't the same as having no bags to begin with.

An ounce of prevention truly is worth a pound of cure (and many hundreds of dollars, too).


I woke up this morning and the bags under my eyes were there, and puffy, but not massive.  This is win!

I know it will take months maybe longer for my sinuses to recover and the bags to disappear.  I wish I had taken a "before" photo so I could compare.  I might do that today to see where I am in another week.


I confess that my number one reason to quit might seem shallow.  It probably is - but it motivates me so that makes it perfect.

Keeping the quit



Day 5 The Cure

Posted by PastTense Aug 5, 2019

Day 5 of quitting and right on schedule, my body has gone into complete failure.

The affect and reach of nicotine is astounding. I never really noticed what nicotine was doing to me until a stopped using it.  Now every system seems to be out of tune.

This is the point in the quit where the cure is worse than the disease.

I'm coughing all the time.  My sinuses are completely congested.  I have a low-grade headache, couldn't sleep, and my digestion is... unpredictable.  I have zits for the first time in ten - no, twenty years!

Since my major motivation for quitting is getting rid of the puffy eye bags, the nagging cough, and get better looking skin, this is all a bit demoralizing.

I know, it's my body cleaning itself out and getting rid of the myriad toxins I inhaled with the nicotine.  I know it's temporary. 

It would be nice if I could hibernate for a few weeks until withdrawal was complete.  Maybe in my next life.




Day 2 - The Rebellion

Posted by PastTense Aug 2, 2019

I like to think of quitting as a rebellion against the evil overlords who have enslaved the population.

Right? We aren't quitters, we're freedom fighters!

Of course, I allowed myself to get enslaved - in fact, I have paid dearly for it.

But for the purpose of this analogy; I am warrior, fighting a battle with each crave, and so far winning.

To further the analogy; winning battles isn't the same as winning the war. Quitting smoking is a battle of attrition.  The last one standing wins.  Will it be me or a multi-billion dollar industry?


Early days yet.


Day 228

Posted by DonnaMarie Aug 2, 2019



Time to stop by and check in again. Still having strong urges, and can't quite figure out why. I ride them out, but I'd like for them to stop. I know they won't, but they could at least stop bugging me as much, right? 


I was taken off of one of my blood pressure medicines. New people take note - my blood pressure normalized enough to NOT take two meds. I'll be off the other one when I get my exercise going. I'm sure of it. Smoking makes your BP go up. It's yet another way smoking leads to death.


I'm spending a lot of time sewing items for sale. This retirement thing sure can make a girl broke. LOL


Hope everyone is doing well. Newbies - keep up your quit. You will never regret it.



Day 228



Posted by bonnie.s Aug 1, 2019

I was a heavy drinker, coffee that is.  Day and night, pot after pot.  I couldn't get enough of its warm, caffeinated goodness.  Friends and family would franticly make runs to the store to buy coffee and have a pot ready for my visit.  It could be 100 degrees outside and I'd be walking around with my insulated thermos of coffee.  For many years it was all I would drink.  I lived my entire 20's and 30's on coffee, cigarettes and chocolate.   I remember quitting good paying jobs because I wasn't allowed breaks when I needed them and I'd physically get sick if I went to long without coffee.  I'd start out with a headache that would progress to feelings of light headiness.  I remember the feeling like someone was pulling all the skin on my face upwards. the feeling of starting to black out.   Then my headache was a full blown migraine and the pain becoming so intense that I would vomit.  I remember that feeling coming out of work one day.  I was praying to make it home in time but did not.  I grabbed an empty coffee cup, ex-large and had been drinking on my way in to work that morning, and with one hand steering down the highway vomiting and overflowing that empty paper cup on my way home.  The cure for the sickness was more coffee,  I'd make a pot and drink several cups and lay around on the couch till I'd start feeling better.  I told everyone my addiction  to caffeine was worse than my addiction to nicotine and I was convinced I could give up my smokes before I could my delicious black gold.  I may have been wrong!  I've noticed, now 40 some days into my quit that I could care less if I have coffee or not.  No sickness from not having it handy at all times.  I've been craving ice cold  drinks instead especially water! Not really missing the caffeine at all but the nicotine is a whole other story, miss them daily still.    No real purpose to this blog.  Just thinking about how one addiction feeds another, at least in my case.


Day One

Posted by PastTense Aug 1, 2019

First time quitters are adorable on Day One.  They are so determined to stop smoking.  Their quit and their resolve are so shiny the glow.

Serial quitters (like me) are far less attractive.  We have been here before.  We know that maintaining the resolve to stay quit and day 3 or 5 or 12 is hard duty.  We know that failure is absolutely an option.  Our resolve is tattered and frayed.

Serial quitters do have one thing going for them - we already know the traps that are out there.  We aren't going to be surprised by the unexpected craving, or the challenges of creating new habits.  We have been there.

A serial quitter has no excuses for not staying quit.  At this point, we have either learned the hard lessons and have planned for them OR we are just going through the motions.


I am not judging anyone but myself here.

I know what works.  I know what the triggers are.  I know all the arguments for having "just one" and I know they are all lies.  I know that addicts (that would be me) cannot be trusted with opportunity.

My plans are made.  I'll be hanging out most of the day and posting frequently.  I know that helps.

I am not "hoping" for the best.  Hope is the last refuge of the unprepared

I am not "trying".  I am quitting.

I am wary and humble about this.




Day 144

Posted by hattonc Aug 1, 2019

Good Morning.. I hope all is well with everyone. Day 144 here still hanging in there.. stress is still there but I’ve adjusted better with the no smoking.. I’m so glad I don’t do it anymore. I feel better in so many ways  and thankful again for this site . Have a great Day!!


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