Holy carp - not letting down my guard

Blog Post created by DonnaMarie on Jul 29, 2019

I haven't been coming to EX as often as I used to and it's for a lot of reasons, but I need to say pfffft to those reasons and come on back. I've had way too many urges, strong urges!, and smoking dreams lately and I wonder if part of it is that I'm not as obsessive about my quit as I was? 


For that very reason, I figure I need to keep reading here (daily!) and posting here (probably not as much as I used to) to keep my head in the quit smoking game. I do not smoke and do not want to weaken to the point where I lose my resolve. That ain't happening. I live with a sister who has COPD and a husband who quit 20 years ago and still has his last pack (he's amazingly strong and says he has to keep it to prove to himself that he's truly quit). I see the ravages of smoking every single time I brush my teeth and go for more dental implant surgery. And I just don't smoke.


Now to get these stupid urges and dreams out of my life. I know it will still take some time and that they will pop up whether I want them to or not, but I'm so done with quitting. I want to be quit, kaput, over it and have that be my new habit.


Even though we know it's not the right or smart thing to do and would be contrary to all our hard work, but do any of you ever just wish you could have just one, on the deck with a cup of coffee, watching the birds, hanging out in the sun? Of course, just one would get me dizzy, so I'd have to have another one to really enjoy it and oh, wait, that was so good that I'll have another, and just like that, my brain changes and turns them into something I want instead of something I abhor. Argh. Rhetorical question. 



Day 224