My mother is one of my triggers!!! The short version of the story: she left my father, sister and I when I was five. I spent much of my young life pining for her. (I did see her on weekends and she spoiled me rotten then.) When I was in college, I learned that she left because she had an affair with my later to be stepdad and most likely suffered some kind of major depression, likely unresolved post-partum. I cannot lord that over her forever. My dad was amazing to us and so was my stepmom. As a matter of fact, I really am grateful my stepmom came into our lives and took over. She's better at mothering for sure.
BUT...since I had children of my own, I have grown to resent her judgements over my choices. You see, I am stronger and more secure than she is, so when she tries to advise me, and she never fails to insert her opinions, I really have to work at my responses so as not to cause drama. I absolutely have no time or patience for drama and I think she lives for it!!!
She actually told me when I was going for my second interview at Life Time that I should try to just answer the question and try not to go on like I do... I chewed on this for a little before I went, but seriously??? I'm a group exercise instructor!! I'm SUPPOSED to be energetic, excited and have plenty to say--- that's what makes me GOOD at it!!! I got the job as ME and I know they want ME. Not some version of a watered down me...
Gosh did I just go on or what? Well anyway, she's up from Florida and we're going to lunch and here I am almost at panic attack again.
But I stopped it at "almost" because I realized why I was anxious and I told myself this:
-I have survived 100% of my conversations and interactions with her.
-She's still a person and has value. I can listen to her and decide what to keep or toss. I think indingrl always says, "Take what you need, leave what you don't." It totally applies here.
-Smoking doesn't ever change our relationship or make me feel better. In fact, when I smoked, I would wonder if what she said was true...
-No one is perfect and that's ok. I can be the bigger person and cut her some slack.