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2019

Hello all,

 

 I’ve been living in a different world as of late. Thankfully still a smoke free world but there’s one thing I wanted to mention that was evidenced by the rough times in my life. I have no desire to smoke whatsoever. In the old days, I’d have caved in an instant during stress, simply because I’d remember the way it felt to light that cigarette, and somehow that seemed appealing. 

 

 But now, even as I experience these hard days in my life, there’s nothing there as far as smoking goes. So from my personal experience I can say that it is possible to completely lose this horrible addiction. My evidence is that if it wasn’t, I’d be back here looking for support to quit again.

 

 So never believe that there’s never an end to this addiction. For some, there is. And it’s incredible! It took me many years to reach the point of true freedom and I think I’ve at last found it. My heart goes out to all of you who still must face this horrible addiction. Recovery can be a long road but I just wanted to let you know that from my experience, I have recovered.

 

 I have found that freedom that was and still is my shining banner. I’m proud of the freedom I’ve achieved, and you will be too just so long as you stay true to yourselves. It’s a beautiful life when there’s freedom in it. I have other problems, but I no longer have addiction as an issue. And right now, that’s something positive that I can cling to.

 

ONWARD TO FREEDOM!!!

 

Chuck

hattonc

Day 112

Posted by hattonc Jun 29, 2019

Good Evening..

I hope everyone is having a great weekend so far..today is day 112 of my quit .. I’m doing ok.. no cravings lately and I’m glad .. my eating habits haven’t quite leveled out yet and I’ve gained a few pounds.. but I know if I work on it hard enough I can lose it .. but I don’t want to lose my quit that’s for sure... well enjoy the rest of your weekend..

Cindy 

indingrl.01.06.2011

Hmmmmmmm

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Jun 29, 2019

Hmmmmmmm to ME - these days - seem to be flying by- please I am talking about ME not anyone else - I am sharing MY experience and strength and HOPE - I have been coming here almost  everyday for 8 YEARS - day in day out - except when I was sent to the CHATTY room while this site was being updated or worked on or repaired - laughing out loud - TODAY - I seen a movie - this man in the movie was lighting one death stick after another - I said to MY husband - gosh he smoked just -  LIKE I USE TO - then I thought - Hmmmmmmm -  I smoked 50 death sticks a day and was NOT even aware the damage I was doing to MYSELF  -  I was hurting MYSELF - I was in MY habitual pattern using desth sticks continually and I had to learn that - I was ignorant of the - FACTS of NICOTINE -  not think feeling - JUST THE FACTS - about all that goes on tobacco leaves - the chemicals put on the tobacco and they put SUGAR in the paper used to roll the tobacco - Hmmmmmmm -  I am so grateful to God -  TODAY -  I don't use NICOTINE to cope with MY insides- I remember I use to sucked on death sticks from morning until bed time - I smoked and smoked and smoked -  NOW I come here each - NEW day -  God breathes into ME and I read the blogs here and I sometimes share MY experience and sometimes I touch I like on answers from others -  relating to our similarities OR I just text congrats OR I offer prayers -  I pray for others addicted to NICOTINE - Hmmmmmmm long ago -  It was SUGGESTED to ME - to HELP others- they said to ME -  just like YOU were HELPED - it was SUGGESTED to pray for others- they said to ME - just like YOU were prayed for - Hmmmmmmm I am so grateful to God and  everyone of those that are still here from 8 YEARS ago - I think to MYSELF hmmmmmmm - if I don't see these certain people here from 8 YEARS ago - Hmmmmmm - if I don't see them blogging -  then I won't come here either - Hmmmmmmm - maybe I am suppose to leave like others do and come just on MY anniversary OR NEVER come here like others - Hmmmmmmmm -  then I remember what I was taught - you gotta give it ALL away to keep it - I believe this - for ME - I am to HELP - leaving the outcome in God's hands - please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you- no worries - I will be here for the next suffering NICOTINE addicts because those - WHO - of this small core group from 8 YEARS ago - I seek out and look for each DAY - are still coming here and still blogging -Hmmmmmmm for ME I believe are MY GOOD examples to follow by HELPING others -  just like they are still here - 8 YEARS later in MY Lord Jesus name amen- thanks for letting ME just VENT MY Hmmmmmmm - gentle hug ❤

I've been retired for 28 days now. Amazing. It's scary when I think of the money but it's also scary when I think about all that derned free time. So, I'm organizing my time (but not too much!) and will now have two volunteer gigs. I do most of my police volunteer work at the probation office once a week for about 3 hours. I had contacted our local hospice house about volunteering there and today, yep today, I got training for working there once a week too. The short story is that I'm going to be caring for and filling their multiple bird feeders. The longer version is that the man who was doing it passed away a couple years back (he was 97!!!) and his daughter tried to keep it up for him, but it wasn't her thing. So now, I get to do it.

 

These are my own bird feeders on my back deck.

 

Someone at the Virginia Beach EX meeting that I attended said something about stepping outside our comfort zones. Then not long after that, I read a thing about getting outside your comfort zone as you continue to have birthdays and how it's highly recommended. Well, volunteering at hospice is outside my comfort zone, but the work itself is not. I take care of several bird feeders of my own at home!

 

As my body continues to heal from surgery, the non-stomach stomach illness, and general stuff, I've been going to my neighbor's pool still. I bumped up my exercise time to 40 minutes and will hold it there for a bit.

 

All of the above wouldn't be as possible if I were still smoking. I wouldn't have the energy to do stuff, move around, go to the pool, or whatever. I wouldn't have any of what it takes to stick to it or anything; I'd be constantly thinking about my next smoke. Well, guess what? I don't do that anymore. What I do is live each day as if it is my last. I've been given several second chances over the last bazillion years and I'm working those second chances!

 

I am not boasting about what I am adding to my schedule. Nope. What I am doing is celebrating my free time and ability to fill it how I want - not by standing outside for 10-15 minutes untold numbers of time per day.

 

Here's to everyone's quit whether you be planning, on day 10, or several years into it - we are all so worth it and the world is out there waiting for us to grab onto it.

 

Donna

Day 194

jonimarie

Revisiting Mouseology

Posted by jonimarie Jun 28, 2019

This was from karenjones in 2018

Watched it my 1st week of quit

Thought it might help to share with newbies and remind myself whom is still a relative newbie

 

Mouseology 

DonnaMarie

Day 190

Posted by DonnaMarie Jun 24, 2019

I'm finally getting my life back, I think. As my stomach issues subside (not gone yet, but hope to be feeling much better in the next week or so), it's time to stop being a slug. The general malaise or whatever you want to call how I've been slogging through life, is lifting. So today, I decided it's time to get back to the pool. I'm woefully out of shape, so went to my neighbor's pool rather than going back to the Rec Center (local county gym), where I have to re-open my membership, which I froze before my surgery.

 

Anyway.... I went to my neighbor's pool and exercised for a half hour. A half hour! I have a way to go before I'm swimming significant laps, but it sure felt good to get a start, any start.

I have my probation office work tomorrow and then a follow up with my regular doctor about the EGD on Wednesday. I'm getting used to this not working stuff finally. Life is pretty damned good.

 

Oh yeah, it's also day 190 of my smobriety!

 

Donna

Christine13

Low dose CT scan

Posted by Christine13 Jun 24, 2019

I have to go for a low dose CT scan July 9th.  My doctor says they will do a series of three of them, so not to be alarmed.  I hope I have good luck with this.  It will be what it will be.  I have 48 years of smoking behind me, it will be a miracle if they don't find anything.  It was actually my Dr. that suggested it at my complete physical.  I didn't even have to ask.  Hoping all will be good.

No Matter What is happening in our lives we have a choice to relapse or NOT and choosing Not to Smoke is the gift of LIFE! Life is way too short to go back to to the clutches of the dreaded nicotine poison so once we've quit smoking and we've got through the roller coaster ups and downs and into that good place in our quits where we realize just how much better life is without the crutch of cigarettes then we must not become complacent instead let's always remember and N.E.F - Never Ever Forget that horrid DAY ONE or those early days and weeks of our QUITS I'm so glad that we have that choice to continue living a life of Freedom and choosing to stick with N.O.P.E and vigilance N.M.W is the best choice ever so hopefully we can be around a few EXtra years with a better quality of LIFE to enjoy the little things in life that's actually the the big things in LIFE.....I still smile at each and every Day WON.

I've been getting some Aaah just ONE would be OK thoughts BUT thankfully I know better because as we know just ONE would totally screw up a perfectly beautiful quit that's where N.O.P.E and vigilance comes in mighty handy .......

TriGirl

The Eagle has landed...

Posted by TriGirl Jun 23, 2019

My mother is one of my triggers!!! The short version of the story: she left my father, sister and I when I was five. I spent much of my young life pining for her. (I did see her on weekends and she spoiled me rotten then.) When I was in college, I learned that she left because she had an affair with my later to be stepdad and most likely suffered some kind of major depression, likely unresolved post-partum. I cannot lord that over her forever. My dad was amazing to us and so was my stepmom. As a matter of fact, I really am grateful my stepmom came into our lives and took over. She's better at mothering for sure.

BUT...since I had children of my own, I have grown to resent her judgements over my choices. You see, I am stronger and more secure than she is, so when she tries to advise me, and she never fails to insert her opinions, I really have to work at my responses so as not to cause drama. I absolutely have no time or patience for drama and I think she lives for it!!!

She actually told me when I was going for my second interview at Life Time that I should try to just answer the question and try not to go on like I do... I chewed on this for a little before I went, but seriously??? I'm a group exercise instructor!! I'm SUPPOSED to be energetic, excited and have plenty to say--- that's what makes me GOOD at it!!! I got the job as ME and I know they want ME. Not some version of a watered down me...

Gosh did I just go on or what? Well anyway, she's up from Florida and we're going to lunch and here I am almost at panic attack again. 

But I stopped it at "almost" because I realized why I was anxious and I told myself this:

-I have survived 100% of my conversations and interactions with her.

-She's still a person and has value. I can listen to her and decide what to keep or toss. I think indingrl.01.06.2011 always says, "Take what you need, leave what you don't." It totally applies here.

-Smoking doesn't ever change our relationship or make me feel better. In fact, when I smoked, I would wonder if what she said was true...

-No one is perfect and that's ok. I can be the bigger person and cut her some slack.

In order to EXperience the Freedom of living a Smokefree Life we must choose to stick with N.O.P.E and vigilance N.M.W. so we can reap the benefits of being an Ex Smoker Non Smoker or EXer it doesn't matter what we call it as long as we stick with our quit journeys, well I just got a call from my oldest grandson Adam he wants to come over so I better go get ready to pick him up...... I'm tired but I love being a Gram and I'm loving being a Smokefree Gram.....

let's always remember and N.E.F - Never Ever Forget that horrid DAY ONE or those early days and weeks of quitting smoking because another Day ONE would totally suck big time but another Day WON is totally super fantastic .

DonnaMarie

Day 186 - How'd you do it?

Posted by DonnaMarie Jun 21, 2019

There's my quit stat for today and it's amazing. Nowadays, I have people asking me how I did it. First, I remind them that it's not done; it's a constant work in progress. Then, I go over what worked for me. A lot of you have seen variations of this list, but maybe you haven't, so here goes:

 

  • EX: Coming here to read and/or post helps in knowing I'm not alone. It helps with logical knowledge. It helps with an occasional touch of tough love. It helps with having created a new circle of friends that don't smoke. I recommend this site highly. It has taken me a while to figure out my way around out here, but I'm getting there. Bonus was meeting people at the meetup in Virginia Beach!
  • Cold turkey:  This is the only way that has worked for me in the past. I tried patches when they first came out and immediately got a rash. It also didn't stop me from smoking. I used lozenges the last time I quit, but they didn't stop me either. I tried a Juul and used it for 2 days. Again, no help for me, so when I lost it, I let it stay gone. I smoked cigarettes while I used the Juul. So cold turkey it is. My thought is I have to go through withdrawal of physical and behavioral habits, so why not do them both at once? The whole initial quit process sucks donkey knees, but it's not forever and the good people here helped me get through it.
  • Water: I drank a lot of water to keep my hands busy, my mouth busy, and to help with detox. I drink more water now than ever before in my life.
  • Cinnamon sticks: This is my biggie. It was my oral and hand substitute. I still have a bottle of cinnamon sticks in my car, but haven't used one in forever. If I was really jonesing for a cigarette big time, I'd grab a stick and "smoke" it. Right shape, you can draw through it, and the little bit of burn that the cinnamon causes on your lip mimics a cigarette.
  • Allen Carr's Easy Way: This book saves lives. The first time I read it, I quit and didn't smoke for almost 8 years. Why I started again is another story. But I've read and re-read so much of this book since that time. It constantly reminds me that I don't NEED to smoke. That's a huge motivator there.
  • Walking: Just like the water, it initially was something to do in lieu of smoking. Now it's just something I do. It makes me feel good.
  • Sleeping: Lots and lots and lots of sleep, especially in the initial days when I wasn't fit for public consumption. I would take my bitchass self and just sleep. Why put everyone else through my misery?
  • So much more: I obsessed about not smoking, I talked about quitting with nonsmokers or former smokers, I constructed my day around not smoking at first, and on and on. Education from EX, books, other sites, etc., is key to quit and stay that way. Continuing to come here 6 months after I quit means I'm not done and never will be done quitting. I'm a quitter all right Giving back to new quitters is huge; they need us just like we needed our elders.

 

That's about the size of my quit. There's probably more to it than that, but if you ask me "how'd you do it?" this is the answer you're probably going to get and I won't let you move until you hear it all. heh heh

 

Donna

Day 186!

hattonc

Day 102

Posted by hattonc Jun 20, 2019

Hello.  Hope everyone has had a good Thursday so far. I took my grandson and granddaughter to the library this morning for storytelling.. I love my babies so much .. I remember when my daughters were young I use to take them to the library .. I’m so glad that I don’t smoke anymore.. I would look for excuses not to be able to take them places because I knew I wouldn’t be able to smoke much.. what a terrible life I was leading .. also my daughter is an RN she was telling me today that one of her patients has end stage COPD and needing a lung transplant.. guess what? She is still smoking .. I find that so very sad.. I thank God every day for giving me the strength to quit.. Everyone have a great evening 

Cindy 

DonnaMarie

Day 185

Posted by DonnaMarie Jun 20, 2019

I'm still riding the feeling-pretty-danged-good wave. It's amazing how my attitude about everything has changed in a day. No fried esophagus and no ulcerations and no other problems down that way makes me very happy. I just got my life back AGAIN! New knees, quitting smoking, repaired shoulder and fingers...I'm ready to go back to the rec center to start swimming next week. My ortho gave me some guidance on how to build that up, and it will take a while, but it's time to start.

My plan right now is to tighten up control of my diabetes as much as I can without feeling like I'm missing something. It can be done. It will take 2-3 weeks to get the Trulicity out of my body and to start the real healing in the gut. I'm looking forward to it. The whole situation for the last six months has reinforced my quit and I am so invested in this quit that I don't see anything interfering with that.

 

Life's pretty derned good right now. I see positive things ahead.

 

Donna

Day 185

DonnaMarie

Pretty fantastic news

Posted by DonnaMarie Jun 19, 2019

Since December, I've been "suffering" from a really weird stomach issue that precludes good eating and well being. I had a procedure yesterday to examine my esophagus and all that fun stuff leading to the stomach. And the good news is there is nothing at all wrong with my stomach. No ulcers. No burns. No evidence of damage done by ibuprofen (which was the prevailing theory until yesterday).

 

Recently I had an appointment with my diabetes doctor and she suggested I make sure the doctor yesterday know about a particular medication I'm on.

 

Add those two together and it looks like the medication the diabetes doctor was talking about has some nasty side effects after a while that mimic exactly what I've been experiencing.

 

I still need to deal with this med and get off of it and all that fun stuff, but I am over the moon to know that I don't have to live like this forever. The results from the test give me great joy and I'm truly ecstatic.

 

Now to deal with the medicine and get on with my life. I've been on hold since December and I'm ready to bust out and be well. The hospitalization in December which started my quit smoking journey is just the icing on the cake that I can now eat again

 

I really thought I was about to be living with another chronic condition and it was bringing me down every single day. It's like I've been given another chance yet again. There is also a silver lining to the scope yesterday - no mention of damage from smoking to the esophagus gives me even more joy.

 

So, on with life and here's a dose of joy for everyone!

 

 

Donna

Day 184

hattonc

101!!

Posted by hattonc Jun 18, 2019

Good Evening...

well 101 days for ME!!! I’m so thankful to everyone!! Thank u for your never ending support!!!! 

Cindy

Hello my friends,

 

I hope all is well with you. Me? I’m still working to come to grips with past tragedy. It’s amazing how the loss of a loved one can take the wind out of a person’s sails. But just like when I quit smoking, I have to relearn life and here we all know that this can take time.

 

Still, because of my experience with quitting, I understand these things and it helps me to believe that like quitting smoking, we do find a new normal. A new way to perceive life in a more peaceful and positive way.

 

Friday, I had to pick up my sons car from the sheriffs. He took his life in that car and it was incredibly hard to see it again. We’re actually donating it to the fire department so they can crush it and teach the newer fire fighters how to use the jaws of life to save people. It somehow seems like an appropriate use for the car, I think.

 

 Mostly, thanks to a message from Youngatheart.7.4.12, I wanted to  check in. I’m a non smoker for life and that is always something to celebrate even in the hardest of times.

 

I also wanted to wish everyone a happy fathers day and let you know that though I’m doing better, I’m still broken. But I know that if I could find my way to freedom from the most powerful addiction known to man then I can find my way out of this. I miss you guys and rest assured, I’ll be back. Slowly at first. I still have so much to share about how to rid ourselves of this horrible addiction to nicotine, and helping others to achieve freedom is still where my heart is. It’s just that for a little while, my heart must mend.

 

As always,

 

ONWARD TO FREEDOM!!!

 

Chuck

I have had so many days one that I lost count some time ago. But today, I'm having a day 180 of smobriety, a number that I haven't reached in a very, very long time. It's also a number that I wish to see grow to infinity and beyond.

 

My quit this time was unintentional; it sort of happened by convenience and serendipity. And so, I ran with it. I immersed myself in quit smoking culture, clip art, articles, Twitter hashtags, and found a cold turkey group on Facebook that suited me. I was already a member here and lurked till I was sure I was ready to post, and well, I'm still here. I quit that FB group  

 

Yesterday, day 179, I had a fleeting super strong urge. It hit me like a brick and then was gone. My husband reminded me that they go away faster every time. He's right.

 

Yesterday, I also cleaned my sewing room. I'm down to starting new sewing projects instead of finishing old ones and needed to reorganize so I could find my stuff!

 

When I go outside now, I sit on a bench, chair, or whatever and do pretty much nothing or play a game on my phone; take a walk; or do something purposeful. I don't stand for 7 minutes at the railing on my deck inhaling and exhaling combustible poisons.

 

After dinner, I relax. I watch the news with my husband and enjoy the satiety.

 

I drive now with a jar of cinnamon sticks in the car, but I haven't opened it in a very, very long time. I do still enjoy lemon/honey lozenges when my mouth is dry, but don't use them for a substitute anymore. Who knew they had a purpose beyond being a fake cig?

 

In the 180 days, I have hand sewn so much stuff. LOL It's almost comical the number of balls for babies I've made. Now to sell or give them away!

 

You can quit smoking with a lot of effort. Then the effort eases and it's the new you. I would be lying if I said I never wanted to smoke. I'm not there yet, but I will be.

 

Thanks, EXers for helping me get to 180 days.

CONGRATS MY BELOVED SISTER -" STRUDEL Yahooooo - WAY TO GO -  KATHY! Thank you so much for teaching ME - YEARS - ago - to think about others - above MYSELF and to get out of MYSELF and  HELP another to HOPE - YOUR experience is still teaching ME - in HIS ❤ and service - I love YOU - gentle hug. 

mercury87436

Day 6

Posted by mercury87436 Jun 11, 2019

Last night I was stricken by a tremendous amount of anxiety, dread, and grief, which are not feelings I have dealt with in my quit days yet. It was a really hard  and the temptation to smoke was strong, not because I was craving nicotine, because oddly, I haven't been, but almost in surrender to the feelings of grief and anxiety which I have no idea how to deal with. I have always tended to be a loner, fiercely independent (to use my dad's description of me) and I don't know if I ever really realized how much, during the hard times of my life, I was using cigarettes to lock away my emotional reactions, rather than leaning on other forms of emotional support. So when these feelings arose last night and everyone was asleep, I wasn't sure how to cope with it. But I did have this moment of clarity where I realized that I was very, very lonely, and that for 13 years, cigarettes were my best friend. They got me through a very turbulent upbringing. They were my support group. I believed they made me strong. They dried my tears. They received my stress without complaint. They didn't give bad or unsolicited advice, and they didn't share my secrets. All they wanted was my life. All they wanted was my breath and my attention. All they wanted was my ability to feel things in my heart. All they wanted was my attention and my time. All they wanted was my ability to trust myself and my confidence. Some friend. I didn't smoke last night. I sat with the desire until I was tired enough to sleep. I feel better today, a little raw, a little touchy, and still very lonely. The doom-and-gloom cloud is gone. Anyone have any methods or tricks that helped with similar feelings? Last time I quit successfully I got a counselor who, when asked the same question, stupidly (and somewhat lazily, I might add), recommended that I start smoking again. And just as stupidly, I did. This time I've been exercising, deep breathing, meditating, doing yoga, but I really want to process these emotions, not just burn them off/distract myself from them. 

AnnetteMM

Plan for Fear

Posted by AnnetteMM Jun 11, 2019

We are all afraid when we quit.  Search for blogs with the word FEAR and you'll be reading for a week, it's that pervasive.  It's what keeps us from quitting for years.  It's what derails our quits when the withdrawal hits.  Because it will.  It does. 

 

Withdrawal is the boogeyman.  Why else do commercials for Chantix and Nicorette talk about making it easier?  Actually I hate those commercials because I believe they feed the fear.  It gives control to another substance.

 

It does no good to deny that withdrawal hurts, it's uncomfortable, it's hard, it's emotional, and it can be overpowering.  And it doesn't last forever.  Having a plan helps to quell the fear. We are in control.

 

I had a plan, and it involved a calendar. I had one carton of cigarettes when I made my decision. I knew it would last me one week.  I ordered vaping materials ahead of time that would last me three months. I planned my final quit for the end of the vaping supply.  (I don't recommend this for everyone as it is still smoking nicotine and is just as addictive.)

 

So. I smoked the carton as I normally would.

I switched to the vaping stuff, threw out all the ashtrays and lighters, and cleaned the house.  Washed curtains and bedding. Near the end of the vaping supply, I bought a bunch of Tootsie Pops, Twizzlers, cinnamon tea, peppermint tea.

 

When the vaping supply was exhausted, I threw all that equipment away.  

I went out of town for Christmas for a week, to a place I knew I could not smoke.

 

When I got home, I got online and found this group, poured all my emotions into it.

 

Fear is real. Fear of failure, fear of withdrawal, fear of our own emotions, fear of illness...

But I think if we take a deep breath, come here to talk about it, and have a plan, we can regain control of our lives.

 

As our dear elder Marilyn.H.July.14.14. always says, it is DOABLE.

DonnaMarie

Day 175

Posted by DonnaMarie Jun 10, 2019

Soon it will be one half of one year! Holy frijoles

 

I saw my endocrinologist today (diabetes doctor) and really, I'm doing as well as I can with the stomach mess. When that is diagnosed and settled, everything else will fall into place. In the meantime, I'll be patient and eat as right as I can, and try to keep my blood sugar numbers down. The endo thinks that one of my diabetes medications might be exacerbating the stomach stuff. We'll find out!

 

I noticed something recently. Whereas the smell of someone smoking disgusted me and turned my stomach, it doesn't seem to be as bad now. I can tolerate it and don't feel like running away like a little girl. Someone here told me it would be less gross as time went on. It still doesn't make me want a smoke; it's definitely not a trigger. What does seem to be a trigger is boredom. I avoid that as much as possible.

 

I see that elvan is having a hard time right now, and I send her all the vibes I can to make what is ailing her better.

Every time I come here there is always someone who has a blog that helps me.  Marilyn and Sherri yours really spoke to me.  I did have 4 puffs of a cigarette this morning.  I was angry with myself.  My mind went to Brian struggling to breathe in the hospital that day.  I realized that's not what I wanted.  Somehow I must break the habit and pattern of serial quitting and I think I can do it now.

Down deep my want to stop is strong, it's the nicotine junkie's lies that bring me back.  Right now, I am looking for comfort.  I thought the cigs were doing that for me, but it was just a LIE.  I will have to learn another way to self sooth and find the comfort I need.

I have no more cigs here, I ran them all under water and squished them up.  Today, I feel lousy.  Not because of not smoking tho, just lost and trying to find a new normal, without Brian.  The grief is less than it was.  I have a good chance of making it now.

 

I will stay close.  I'm here everyday.  I will try to blog more.  

 

xo

hattonc

Need Encouragement!

Posted by hattonc Jun 9, 2019

I came so close to losing my quit tonight.. I was so angry earlier and my go to has always been cigarettes.. I went so far as to drive to a friends house to get one and I turned around and came home. My cup has run over and I need help dealing with things at this point ... I’m not doing well on the inside and I’m surprised I have held my quit this long ., I’m a strong person but feeling defeated these days .. the scary thing also is wondering if everytime life gets out of hand am I always going to have the urge to smoke .. it just saddens me.. sorry my post is not very positive tonight .. but I didn’t give in... 

I'm officially on my own with the left shoulder now. No more PT and had my last doctor's appointment. I have my exercises to continue and I'll do those religiously. I should be able to swim by the end of July, but have some conditioning to do before then. My PT gave me a Tidewater Orthopedic tee shirt for graduating Free advertising for them! When I left after the shoulder appointment with the surgeon the other day, I did make an appointment for the end of July to have the last of my problem areas addressed - two fingers on my left hand. And that should be it unless I end up tumbling down a flight of stairs or something!

 

Still not smoking and trying to get up off my ass and get some exercising done.

 

Donna

Day 173

hattonc

Day 90!

Posted by hattonc Jun 7, 2019

Good Evening..

Day 90 everyone.. I can’t believe it! So awesome.. I’m thankful to each one of you for your support! I’m doing better ., feeling better today.. I hope you all enjoy your evening..

Cindy

DonnaMarie

Day 171

Posted by DonnaMarie Jun 6, 2019

It's gotten to where I need to look up the number when I try to remember how many days I've been quit. I'm good with that. Thankfully, the site and my app tell me the number of days. I'm enthralled by the growth of the number. Hard to believe and yet, here I sit, a nonsmoker!

 

I have my final follow up visit with the shoulder surgeon today. I do not recommend rotator cuff surgery unless you're in dire pain, but I guess I can say at this point that I'm glad I did it. I'll start back at the gym next week if all goes well. Thta's what I've been working toward. I'll hate it, but I'll love it. The paradox of the pool.

 

Tonight, my sister and I are going to see Lion King in Norfolk. She's seen it before, but I haven't. I'm way interested in how they do the costumes and make the large animals come to life on stage.

 

This is day 6 of retirement and I can see it's still going to take some getting used to. Aging in general is one heck of an adventure!

Now to grab a cup of joe, not go outside and smoke, and watch Perry Mason. My morning

 

Donna

Day 171

hattonc

Day 87

Posted by hattonc Jun 5, 2019

Good Morning..

Day 87 . Doing ok with the not smoking right now.. the strong urges have subsided for now. Still having trouble sleeping and dealing with not feeling too good past couple of weeks..just glad I’m not battling smoking anymore.. Hope everyone has a great day!!

DonnaMarie

Quick catch up on day 168

Posted by DonnaMarie Jun 2, 2019

Holy cow - 168. I'm making it! Recently, there have been urges galore, but I think that's just the addiction poking me and making me think I want to think about smoking. I had a cigarette in my dream last night, but it wouldn't light. So there, cigarettes, even when you think you're the boss of me, you're not.

 

The day my company cut me to 3 hours a week and before I finally just resigned, I applied for several gigs online. Fast forward to a couple days ago and one of them contacted me. It took me a day to decide whether I really wanted to take their assessment to move to the next level of potential hiring process, but I just finished it. It didn't hurt a bit to try, right? The good news is I have a choice this time. I would like to work. It's not all of who I am, but I like the definition it gives me. I'm finding my way through non-work days just fine, so it's not the end of the world if I am either not offered the contract or I turn it down. Choice. Lessens the stress level a lot, you know?

 

I did a lot of sewing the last couple of days. I've made 6 potholders. It's starting to be fun going back and finishing up things I had already started!

 

So you guys, other than Richard and my sister, are the only ones who know I am pursuing this part time thing. I'm not 100% sure how I'm going to handle it, but I will definitely give it a college try.

 

Have a gorgeous day in your neck of the woods.Two of my kids are coming by to have cake and ice cream for dad's birthday. I'm always there when there's cake!

 

Donna

Day 168

PLEASE I am talking about ME-I am NOT talking about anyone else just ME- so please take what HELPS and let go of the rest- to be HELPFUL is MY only aim- thank you - this is MY experience from USING NICOTINE and anything else I could use to - NOT LIVE IN MY OWN SKIN - I WAS SO PRIDEFUL that I blamed God and all others for MY immaturity - emotionally and spiritually - I just finished a working through MY compulsive emotional eating and MY emotional immaturity by working through all MY uncomfortable emotions that I chose to NEVER  allow to live in ME - NEVER choose to be alive to express themselves - I used EVERYTHING NOT TO FEEL ALL MY LIFE - from MY OWN ROOTED causes deep with in ME - I finally confronted all those emotions that I ate and ate and ate over - I have gained so much weight and lost a lot of weight over and over - all MY life- a merry -go-round of SUGAR ADDICTIONS TOO - now that I don't use MY DRUG NICOTINE OR POT OR SPEED OR DIET PILLS FOR 32 YEARS OF INNER WORK -I  NEVER allowed these certain FEELINGS TO EXPRESS THEMSELVES IN ME AND THEN RELEASE THEM - so I will continue growing  and change each day to become emotional mentally and spiritually to finally be growing up and with the many choices I have made throughout MY NON SMOKER LIFE STYLE - MY moving forward to - GROWING UP from the inside out -NOW I live a non smoker life style these days with this constant changing inside of ME is to truly come out of MY denial -NO NICOTINE -  no alcohol - no drugs -no using people to get MY WAY to get them to walk and talk and agree with ME to be MY robots so I can manipulate them and control them to do MY life  - no WHITE SUGAR- no coffee - no pot - no speeders- no diet pills - no pepsi - no fast food - no sexual affairs - NO ADDICTIONS of any kind to STUFF MY SELF because I do NOT want to be responsible for MY OWN life and how it has turned out today - I USE TO USE 50 CIGS A DAY - just to stand living ONE DAY AT A TIME -  I use MY feelings that I grew up with in MY childhood anger and frustration in MY adulthood and say well I was raped as a child or MY husbands all cheated on ME - I use every excuse to convince people to join MY SELF-PITY POTTY -it was NOT a party that's for sure and just because I hated MY PAST- it has taken 32 years of EDUCATING MYSELF to quit bitching and moaning and complaining about God and people and change ME INSIDE and ONLY by Gods grace - I am becoming more and more -  emotionally mature and spiritually mature inside out - it is wonderful - to structure sentences without curses- to have a voice that speaks lovingly and gentle to MYSELF - with no name calling - to be kind to MYSELF for making a mistake and to learning from it and NOT BLAME GOD OR OTHERS -  to learn FACTS about ME -to feel MY feelings and let them express themselves through ME and be OK for the next ones that will come and keep coming to live fully alive in this present moment in love and joy and peace and patience and by faith and be good and kind and gentle and in full self control of MYSELF - it is so beautiful to have relationships of all kinds and to have honor and respect for MYSELF and others - to let them live by their OWN CHOICES and still have a relationship that keeps growing and giving and loving with NO strings - NO compromising of MYSELF to kiss anyone jackass to be friends - to know  that I will make many more mistake and I will learn to keep changing for the better in ME and the willingness to admit MY PRIDE has kept ME in the prison of MY SICK MIND OF MY PAST - I am responsible to keep growing and learning to accept Gods love and healing in all areas of ME AND MY NEW RENEWED MIND IS ALIVE with NEW FEELINGS with NEW THOUGHTS OF ACTIONS and BEHAVIORS - that are inviting to other HUMANS that ask ME - have you lost weight and I say no I gained 20 pounds in the last 3 months but I aint SMOKING OVER POUNDS and I leave people alone to take their OWN inventory - I do NOT point it out anymore like it was done to ME and I do NOT need to smoke 50 cigs or live on caffine only or diet to lose weight - so I will be like by the people of this world or smoke pot or take people hostage - until they agree with MY WAY of living - thinking - talking and just plain being a manipulator to say the last word or to interrupt you in the middle of a sentence - because I don't care what you have to say  - because what I have to say is more important or be a jackass or be arrogant or a liar or a theif or just plain mean or give you dirty looks because I am jealous of people or do what others say or be what others say or drink beer until I vomit and then drink more or be a sober ***** or eat compulsively emotional to hold a conversation to express MY opinion or feelings or USE any thing - just to live in - MY OWN SKIN - I worked through the last of MY INNER PAIN and TODAY it really is nice to be - FREE FROM THE BONDAGE OF SELF in MY Lord Jesus name amen and amen 8 YEARS NICOTINE FREE- because I took YOUR SUGGESTION and educated MYSELF on MY NICOTINE ADDICTION- so thanks YA'LL - gentle hug.

Marilyn.H.July.14.14.

Hello June!

Posted by Marilyn.H.July.14.14. Jun 1, 2019

I had a chance to sleep in this morning BUT I woke up at 6:30 and couldn't get back to sleep ugh, Mason is sleeping and it's 8:30 Mark went for groceries for me we had frost last night grrrr and in Western Canada they're having major wildfires geeesh BUT no matter the Weather or anything that's happening in life we don't need to find an EXcuse to relapse because there's no EXcuse on the face of this earth that's good enough to screw up a perfectly beautiful quit so relapsing isn't the answer N.M.W. - No Matter What- because whatever is happening is going to happen whether we smoke or not AND OUR LIVES literally depends on us to stick with N.O.P.E and vigilance so we'll be able to enjoy the little things in life with hopefully a better quality of living........Mason taking Sam for a walk, we've been walking her some and she's enjoying the new scents and the scenery just getting out of her run......

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