I went out for the FIRST time TODAY- since getting out of the hospital stay with MY daughter. I am celebrating MY NEW DAY of many blessings in MY Daddy God's love for ME! Only by HIS grace I am celebrating 32 YEARS SOBER TODAY and I wanted to get MY NEW 32 YEAR medallion from MY suppory group of ladies on MY NEW anniversary DAY! I NEVER THOUGHT I would love myself enough to surrender MY addiction to nicotine to GOD - since I thought HE took all MY fun stuff AWAY - alcohol - fried foods - chocolate- caffine- pepsi- fast food- perverted sex issues were handled and healed in MY choice of PROFESSIONAL therapists. I had one on one therapy for 3 YEARS and graduated to an outside bible based group for survivors of childhood rape- then I thought to MYSELF- I ain't quitting smoking - it's all I had left NICOTINE was MY lover and best friend- nicotine death sticks COMFORTED ME through all my deep inner pain to live in MY world. MY coping medicine was NICOTINE to get ME through all the crap in one DAY - I tried for YEARS off and on to quit using MY DRUG NICOTINE - oh I be ok for a while - an hour- I tried all the suckers and nicotine gum someone gave ME to try- and I brought the patches and took off the patch to smoke and then put the patch back on - I NEVER wanted to quit- UNTIL I understood how much MY DADDY GOD LOVES JUST ME - I tried the free meeting with panel of speakers talking about how THEY quit using nicotine and I would quit for a couple days in a row - NEVER living free from MY drug of choice NICOTINE- that's when I surrendered to MY Lord Jesus - I prayed dear Jesus if you don't take these cigs from me I will smoke them until I drop dead - then on January 6, 2011 - I woke up and had a cold turkey quit blessing and I been coming here since October 2010 to this RECOVERY from NICOTINE site and reading the blogs and I would get down to 2-3 cigs a day- I just couldn't and wouldn't quit - I had a day and use NICOTINE again and then I quit and some man had quit the same day I did and I didn't like HIM so I used HIM as an excuse to use NICOTINE again- then I surrendered AGAIN that's when I prayed and then no withdrawling physical just mental and emotional turmoil worked out here by venting MY insanity and emotional fits -and I read blogs here and at whyquit.com because that was SUGGESTED to ME to DO and I took ALL THE SUGGESTIONS from all who were walking their talk by sharing their experiences and LIVING NICOTINE FREE day by day and for MY first 90 days I stayed on this site all day long and watched the video's at whyquit.com with Joel - who I love - he taught ME to NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER- ONE day at a time- I read his book with the same title - please this is MY RECOVERY story- I am NOT talking about anyone else- so please take what HELPS and let go of the rest- thank you- I was taught to just breathe when the craving hit- MY cravings lasted 1- 2 minutes- and as I got stronger and stronger in MY belief to remain living as a non smoker - it became MY life style to live free and joy filled each day God gave ME - so I learned and I grew and I healed and still I still keep learning and remain open minded to obeyed all the SUGGESTIONS given to ME - I was taught to stand up and march in place for 2 minutes- until the cravings passed AGAIN- each time the cravings were less and less - NOW a days I gotta pray to remain a responder NOT a reactor- I used to smoke at people! Thanks for letting ME share MY RECOVERY from NICOTINE story and God blessing ME with the gift of soberity 32 YEARS ago- TODAY! MY NEW DAY living alive in this very present MOMENT is so good and peace filled TODAY deep down inside my heart and soul! So thanks AGAIN for letting ME be ME in MY NEW DAY- gosh it is good to be alive and free from MY many bondages in MY Lord Jesus name amen.