indingrl.01.06.2011

Death and Dying.....

Blog Post created by indingrl.01.06.2011 on Apr 19, 2019

I tried running away from MY NON SMOKER LIFE AND THIS SITE THAT IS HELPING OTHERS TO RECOVER FROM NICOTINE....... ONE DAY AT A TIME.......please I am talking about ME and not anyone else.....for OUR FAMILY it just seems family and friends are leaving for HEAVEN........this is MY BELIEF........so please take what HELPS and let go of the rest to be HELPFUL is MY only aim-thank you.......OUR CHOICES...IN HIS LOVE WE LOVE OUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY....SO WE ARE CHOOOSING TO GO........WE have a funeral this Tuesday and a funeral the following Saturday and recently upon HEARING THE FACTS....DEATH AND DYING...... I CHOSE to let MY EMOTIONS run ME to just sit in SELF-PITY and BLAH-NESS and MY SELF-CENTEREDNESS....so I said a prayer..... that MY Lord Jesus would NOT forget ME......most of MY friends........SOME....NOT ALL.... whom I consider closer than MY OWN blood family.......SOME NOT ALL........are gone from this EARTH....YES.......I know the FACTS for ME and MY belief so please do NOT throw BIBLE verses at ME at this TIME.....thank you.....I am talking about MY physically and MY fleshiness in MY PRIDE and jealous and insecurities of MY HUMAN NATURE......NOT SPIRITUAL NATURE...I HAVE THOSE FACTS FOR I BELIEVE IN MY LORD JESUS AND HE IS GOD AND I WILL GO TO HEAVEN AND YES I WILL SEE ALL THOSE WHO ARE SAVED IN JESUS MY LORD AGAIN.....MY BELIEF......SOONER THAN THE WORLD THINKS BY BIBLE SIGNS OF PROPHECY AND WHATS HAPPEING IN THE WORLD NOW....MY IMMATURITY is this death and dying....and MY ROOT CAUSE.......I want to be with MY Lord Jesus and Apostle Paul speaks of it in his epistles in MY BIBLE.....anyway.....TODAY MY RIGHT NOW.......I have accepted the REALITY OF OUR 2 FUNERALS.....with MY husband reminded ME of the FACTS and NOT MY FEEEELINGS THINKING AND NOT MY 5 SENSES THAT ARE TWISTED IN MY mind and will and emotions.....MY SOUL...... and MY beloved Ellen has loving reminded ME to think of the newbies here and NOT MY EMOTIONAL AND MENTAL SELF.....I was being selfish and I want to say sorry to EVERYONE HERE FOR BEING SELF-CENTERED AND SELFISH...Please know that I just don't handle... DEATH AND DYING..... very well and I am growing and learning and healing as the MY lessons on life to adjust much better than I use to......I been to long as a NON SMOKER to go backwards so as the days pass I confess and I learn more about what is FACT IN REALITY IN MY HEART.....and I am learning to let MYSELF cry until I am done ....IT IS OK TO CRY AS LONG AS I NEED.....and IT IS OK FOR ME TO BE HUMAN......ALL MY UP BRINGING I WAS NOT ALLOWED TO CRY OR TO LET ANY OF MY EMOTIONS OUT......from 6 years old to 16 years old when I left the house....NO CRYING WAS TRAINED IN ME AT 6 YEARS OLD after I was raped by MY father and I had to go to PROFESSIONAL THERAPYT FOR ME to be taught that it is OK FOR ME TO CRY FOR ME......that was YEARS AGO I LEARNED THAT YET.....TODAY I ask God for the willingness to just wait for MY TURN and to accept MY being human as ALL OF YOU.....I learn so MUCH FROM ALL OF YOU HERE on being human....thank you all so much for teaching ME to grow and learn and HEAL FOR ME.....not anyone else.....JUST ME and to  go HELP the next suffering nicotine addict to hope they DO NOT HAVE TO USE NICOTINE TO COPE and know life is life's terms is going to HAPPEN AND CONTINUE TO HAPPEN WITH SOME DEATH AND DYING...... and using the drug nicotine to cope with death and dying or just life on life's terms WILL NOT CHANGE LIFE HAPPENING...USING NICOTINE BRINGS EARLY DEATH....EIGHT YEARS OF LIVING AS A NON SMOKER I DONT EVEN THINK OF USING MY DRUG NICOTINE.........MY issue is......... I just don't want to deal with MY FACT REALITY EVERYONE IS GOING TO DIE.....NO ONE IS GOING TO GET OUR OF HERE WITHOUT DEALING WITH DEATH OR  DYING......seems simple to type and VENT A BLOG TO ALL OF YOU HERE....... SINCE THIS IS PART OF A LIVING NON SMOKER LIFE STYLE FOR ME.. admitting to EVERYONE here that I use to smoke 50 death sticks a day to cope with DEATH AND DYING IN MY PAST......PAST......NOW I learn from those here with YEARS OF NICOTINE FREEDOM and MOST OF ALL THE NEWBIES WHO HELP ME TO KEEP MY PERSECTIVE CLEAR IN MY HEART....this is only for TODAY...WE....US....OUR....TOGETHER IN UNITY....AGREE....NEVER TO TAKE ANOTHER PUFF OVER ME AND MY FAMILY AND MY FRIENDS DEATH AND DYING........I am OK now and a thank you to MY husband and Ellen and Christine and for ALL OF YOU WHO COMMENTED ON MY BLOG when I got the news and for everyone's prayers too.........MY ROOT cause....the WAITING IF MY DAUGHTER WILL GET A NEW LIVER......She asked ME to go with her to her FIRST appointment to talk with the liver doctor on April 25, 2019 at 7am in Chicago....its a two hour drive....should MY Lord Jesus tarry.......DEATH AND DYING IT HAPPENS.....Thank you all for teaching ME to accept MY HUMAN SIDE and to allow MYSELF TO BE HUMAN .....just like all of you.  What a HARD LESSON FOR ME!!!! Please remember....I AM TALKING ABOUT ME NOT ANYONE ELSE......gentle hug.

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