Hope everyone had a good day.. mine was busy .. Went to the gym did a little workout, still not getting the overeating thing down , I feel hungry all the time it seems, but I’m not smoking and I’m happy about that !...Day 51 here.. Goodnight
Day 50.. wow never thought I woujd see that number.. I hope everyone had a good weekend. Winding down getting ready for a new week .. I had some good things come my way past couple of days and I’m so happy .. Im so happy that smoking isn’t a part of my days anymore.. N.O.P.E.
It's day 132 in the land of my quit. I've had weird little urges break through, but nothing I can't handle. I'd like to say they're gone, but they are not. The difference now is that I'm in charge and I don't smoke anymore.
My sister is out of town. We had a pretty terrifying storm a couple nights ago, so I went in her room to close her bathroom window and make sure her deck door was secure. There, on her night stand, sat a pack of open cigarettes. I know she didn't leave them there to tempt me, but the pack did talk to me. It reminded me that my husband was out of town too and that no one would know if I smoked one. No one would even notice if I took one out of the pack. But then, the current me spoke up and spoke back - I would know, N.O.P.E., I don't do that anymore, and why in the world would I ever smoke one when I'm 132 days smober? I walked out of the room and closed her door, and the pack has not spoken to me since.
These are the games our addiction plays with us. There was a side of me thinking it really would be no big deal, but there was also a side of me wondering why I would want to smoke. Struggle. And win. I won. I am still clean and smober.
My current challenge is not so much smoking related as it is general health related. I am trying to put the effort into losing my quit smoking weight as I have into quitting smoking. There will be more to come on that. It's only been a couple days.
The weekend is almost over and there's a busy week ahead. Happy Sunday everyone.
in this DAY only - April 27 , 2019 - My husband and I volunteered at church to HELP with cleaning up AFTER the luncheon was over. WE signed up weeks ago and - TODAY - I didn't want to fulfill MY commitment- YET - in a nut shell - WE DID IT ! WE went to a recovery group meeting at 8am and then to BOTH church services and then the relationship luncheon - WE ate and then WE approached - the Secretary of the church - WE asked - when to start cleaning and how they DO it - WE asked - do we throw away the plastic table clothes or save - she said throw away - then she said most people know what to do - now get this - the purpose for the lunch is to relationship with EACH other because of God's grace on the Cross puts ALL humans on equal ground - JESUS AND HIS SHED BLOOD IS OUR ONLY HOPE- HE DID IT ALL FOR ALL HUMANS- now please remember - WE all just got out of a church service - praising - worshipping and preached to and now walking down the hall with the preaching on being Jesus family - so I chose to sit with strangers NOT with any people I met before - I communicated with and introduced MYSELF to 5 strangers - who are in Christ's family - MY husband introduced himself - his name is Ward- one called him Warren - he says WARD- the guy said Ward - we move on and I listen and then ask questions YET every time - they talked with EACH other about their PAST - nothing of the service or preaching or the reason we are eating together - family relationship they knew EACH other - two of them just met going to church - I dont know how long - so there were 2 new people just like MY husband and I - these people talked with EACH OTHER - the 3 and - and no matter how - I kept communicating to ask and be intersted in what they were talking about - their conversations were about - prices back in the day - 3.00 an hour was earning wage in 1802- one must keep a sense of humor - they talked of gas prices and no seat belts in cars and how smoking allowed every where - airplanes and hospitals and one lady - a retired nurse said - the nurses room was a cloud of thick smoke - then they were talking about a grief group these two of the three hold once a week at this church - I asked what type of grief - for what - the loss of loved ones - I asked - from what- drugs or just dying or what- they said - just of loss- then pause - so I just finished MY lunch and two got up to go and I said nice to meet you both - they said the same - I just don't get SOME people- one way in church about Jesus and then totally different in the same building - their church with their personal pastor - so I pray and ask for forgiveness for judging and criticizing MY brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus and I receive that forgiveness NOW with no gulit or condemnation in MY Lord Jesus name amen - MY husband and I HELPED clean up tablecloths and chairs and put the garage cans back in kitchen and etc- and I brought a long plastic table with folding legs back into the kitchen and set it up and was going to set it by the other long tables and the lady in the kitchen said those tables are set by the staff - and we set them different on monday and I said WE set them different on Tuesday bible study and so I take the table back down - and then she said - I gotta clean that table and I was half in and half out of the kitchen and i just kept going - as I am going out with the table getting heavier by the moment so I just took the table out set it against the wall and she followed ME and turned it around to clean the table side - I said let a man take it to the closet which was across the huge gym area - it was to much for ME - so MY husband and I left- I knew I was the PROBLEM- so I prayed again ask forgiveness and then MY big mouth proceeded to run over MY husband so I said sorry to him and ask forgiveness of him and he accepted and I prayed again - NOW all is OK - we watch a little t.v. and he went to lay down for nap- please I am talking about ME - this self education about - MY NICOTINE ADDICTION ONLY - I said to MY husband - I am responsible when I became knowledgeable about ME - I am no longer ignorant about ME and MY life style CHOICES- it was so much - EASIER TO SUCK ON DEATH STICKS- I am no longer ignorant about what I am - I will be held accountable for ME and ALL I do say and live - TODAY - PLEASE don't let - ANYONE tell YOU - it is easy being in a relationship with My Lord Jesus because it is the hardest thing to let GO of MY PRIDE - MY control - MY manipulation - MY way or the highway attitude- MY dying to SELF is the toughest relationship with SELF in MY SOUL- MY mind - will and emotions- MY soul - NOT anyone else's- NO ONE TO BLAME for MY choices on how I behave TODAY --I pray and ask MY Holy Spirit to HELP ME and teach ME to surrender ALL and live with MY being WRONG at times - being mean and snotty - being jealous of the beautiful on the outside people - their LOOKS- being immature and short tempered with MYSELF- I am very grateful - I don't use MY drug NICOTINE any more and yes I am grateful - I am getting out and stretching MY faith to continue to grow more and more godly INSIDE MY heart by MY Holy Spirit being one with MY spirit- I am so grateful - I live- it is one breath - one moment - one hour - ONE day - I will continue to learn and grow and heal in MY Lord Jesus name amen Gosh sometimes I just love ME and give MYSELF a woo woo good going with a gentle hug and moments pass and I am growling and foaming at the mouth to get SOME people to DO it MY WAY only - so JESUS is MY only hope and I am so grateful I remain a NON SMOKER living in MY OWN skin and being OK- please take what HELPS and let go of the rest- to be HELPFUL is MY only aim- Yahoooooooooo - I live fully alive and at PEACE with MY God myself and all others - no hostages TODAY! Yahoooooooooo
I am just VENTING and please I am talking about ME NOT anyone else so please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - thank you. I went to say goodbye to MY friend Grace- OUR second funeral in less then a week - TODAY - tears fell from MY eyes without MY permission - it seems MY body has an auto release so I don't swell up - BOTH these funerals made MY thoughts conjure up MY FUTURE thoughts of MY daughter's death and the operation for LIVER transplant and all the rest of made up whatever guessing HOW - where - when - who - and on and on blah blah blah ALL AT ONCE A RUSH OF FEELINGS WANTING TO ESCAPE OR RUN AWAY OR LET SOMEONE ELSE DO IT ALL. - IN MY PAST I WOULD OF SMOKED 50 CIGS - JUST TO STOP THESE THOUGHTS FROM COMING OUT OF ME - YET TODAY - I didn't THINK of using death sticks - I thought - I could make ALL MY thoughts and MY feelings and MY will to just GO away - just dissappear - I FROZE - all of ME just stood in MY kitchen - in the middle of talking with MY husband and I just went BLANK - so I just stood still and prayed - dear God please help ME stay in TODAY- then I continued talking with MY husband - NOW I stated FACTS to MYSELF - todays date - MY Bible truth - it is written - we have the mind of Christ - then A.B.C. plans - FACTS - MY TODAY I stated to MYSELF - it is Grace's funeral - MY daughter is at work and doing good - it is snowing - the snow brought out Christmas songs in ME - this NON SMOKER life style of MINE and is OK- it is living without using - NICOTINE to cope with ALL MY thoughts feelings and will - I didn't deal with any of MY inside feelings or MY inside thoughts or FACTS- IN MY PAST I WOULD USE MY DRUG NICOTINE TO ESCAPE ME - NOT TODAY - I am OK and I am still learning growing and healing inside of ME - I LISTEN TO OTHERS HOW THEY LIVE NICOTINE FREE - I have no hidden thoughts or feelings or will - I express MYSELF with maturity - I was able to hold conversations with members of Grace's family who I never met before and her dad thanked MY husband and I for our conversation with him and his NEW girlfriend - he was divorced from Grace yet still had a relationship with her and their 3 daughters - he introduced us to his NEW girl friend - he said he is too old to marry again - age 77- 79 - then we left luncheon and MY husband and I went food shopping - MY husband and I just let the tears fall and we talk about US being the main care givers of OUR daughter - the DOCTOR said ONE MONTH to recover and doctor appointments during the aftercare - then talking about maybe - rent a hospital bed - etc- then WE just STOP talking and - WE decided to just to STAY in this DAY - April 27, 2019 - only - so I came here just to share MY experience strength and REALITY of living NICOTINE free - just like the rest of the world with EACH person is dealing with pain and with family that are suffering with their issues in life and with death or with a variety of issues - so I am willing and I am accepting to walk out MY life TODAY - is WONDERFUL and full of love for ALL family and others - also while we are waiting for the next phone call for the next TEST - I am thanking God in the midst of MY storm anyway - I don't understand it ALL - yet I will continue to pray - BELIEVE TRUST and OBEY GOD by MY faith in God's Holy Word - MY daughter and MY husband and MY other daughter - ALL agree - to talk as the moments come with SELF honesty with ourselves and EACH other- WE have cried the ugly cry - crunched face - all distored looking ugly and tears flow hard and hot and snot all over our faces and pray to God what's in EACH of our heart's and when finished crying until there are no more tears - EACH of us come out with a NEW mind set and - NEW heart filled with HIS Love joy and peace - MY mom heart is singing thank you God for YOU and for YOUR refreshed Holy Spirit od Christ Jesus living BIG in ME and rejoicing - GOD IS IN COMPLETE CONTROL- thanks for letting ME VENT - I am breathing deep and so relaxed- gentle hug. Thank you ALL for your love and prayers and STAYING NICOTINE FREE for yourselves and teaching ME to keep moving forward one moment in MY TODAY and blogging - thank YOU ALL FOR YOUR blogs - they HELP save ME and give ME HOPE - just for TODAY - this too shall pass - let go and let God - how important is it- let it begin with ME- ONE DAY AT A TIME- easy does it- keep it simple- take what HELPS and let go of the rest- yahooooooo.
Sorry I’ve been absent as of late. My wife spilled some water into our modem and it took a while to get another. It’s amazing the things we can do to ourselves when we’re distracted. I erased all of our phone numbers and have been slowly getting them back as people call, so my wife and I are just taking turns wrecking things!
We’re still of course working through our grief since the loss of our son but like quitting smoking, there’s progress every day. It’s just hard to see because it’s so gradual. And like smoking, there will be an end to the hard part. It just takes time.
My wife and I are slowly returning to the land of the living, so to speak. And there’s always the one positive for me. I didn’t find a weak moment and start smoking again. I will say that the thought was actually very unappealing to me, even in the beginnings of our current trauma..
This reinforces my belief that with time, everything will be fine for you see, my addiction can’t even make a cigarette sound good to me anymore. So keep fighting my friends! There is an end to the nightmare we call addiction. A real tangible end where we know we’ll never even think about nor desire to smoke again.
Maybe that doesn’t happen for everybody, but it sure has happened to me! The main thing is to never give up on your future because it’s up to you to create that future as you want it to be by your current actions.
I look forward to peace, just as I looked forward to freedom and you know what? I found one so of course I’ll find the other. I just mainly wanted to let everyone know that we still struggle, but we’re OK.
Its the weekend again.. No special plans this weekend except for the usual, cleaning, wash clothes, etc. today has been a good day though , got some info I was waiting for over a month.. Well see where this takes me.. Not back to smoking that’s for sure !!..,Goodnight everyone..
It is written....Be still and know that I am God. My daughter received call from liver TEAM TODAY - blood tests revealed her liver number is 27 - MELD test - Model End-stage Liver Disease - MELD - FACTS NOT FEELINGS - 3 months mortality - she may need a blood transfusion in couple days- the nurse said within a MONTH - she has to go back to University of IL in Chicago - test for lungs and heart and still has to finish assigments from the social worker - all requirements to be met to get APPROVED to be PUT on the liver list- MY daughter called ME- she called herself stupid and why didn't she listen to doctor the first time he asked her to quit drinking- she can't stop crying - she said - she did NOT want to die - she wanted to be with her kids - I encouraged her first by telling her she is NOT stupid - she is PHYSICALLY sick and to ask the Holy Spirit for HELP- to just talk with Jesus what's in her heart- he already knows already - he is just waiting on YOU to share- I am NOT YOU - I don't know what or how YOU talk with him - also SUGGESTED for her to cry until she could cry no more because she has been holding those tears in since July 2016 - when her husband ask her for divorce and then I prayed in the midst of the storm to trust MY Lord Jesus by MY faith in HIM in HIS word and to BE STILL - I asked MY Holy Spirit to hold ME tight and comfort ME and teach ME to pray for her and otherd - also I googled all info on this MELD test and info on a liver patience receiving a liver transplant- the new liver transplant patient is 70 percent will live for 5 years - 30 percent will die within five years. MELD numbers 6- 40 and the higher the number the MORE urgent your case. She stopped by after work tonight and WE talked in love and truth and SELF hinesty and reality - NOT feeling thinking - I said - your doing your part and good going to work - better than sitting at home being negative - sharing that she is taking good care of herself and parenting your 16yr old and 12 yr kids- working full time and paying bills rent and food and dealing with physical illiness- your are doing good- I said TRUST God - YOU belong to Christ and Christ is God- NO one knows when they are gonna die- MY husband said to her - no one knows when or how long- you could die in two weeks or live for 2 YEARS- she said yeah- so I offered her to ASK - US - anytime to drive her next week or whenever she needs HELP - WE are willing to drive her to doctor appointment - awe - thanks for letting ME sharing - I am standing by MY faith and REJOICING for MY Lord Jesus word and PRAISING HIM for healing her liver- BEFORE I see it for that is MY FAITH in MY Lord Jesus - who is God in MY Lord Jesus name amen HOORAY FOR JESUS! Thanks for letting ME be ME and PLEASE take what HELPS and let go of the rest to be HELPFUL is MY only aim- thank you- LIFE still happens and to COPE I share MY REALITY with ALL here to share MY experience strength and HOPE- NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVRR - with willingness and acceotance to keep moving foward and keep dealing with MY life on life's terms- gentle hug.
Day 129 and still not looking back or even thinking about lighting up.
I was approached by someone on Twitter for suggestions on quitting smoking. Besides my usual "cinnamon sticks" and "Alan Carr," I suggested they come to BecomeAnEx and work the program here, including this amazing community. I can't even explain how much being among my quitting tribe has contributed to the success of my quit.
The physical therapist started active range of motion today. That means reaching and turning in ways I haven't done since March 19. Even though there is pain involved, it feels really good to put the shoulder and arm through its paces. As those of you who have had shoulder surgery before me, my range is still limited, but it's improving! I think that even though this surgery has been as major PITA, it was the absolute right thing to do. I look forward to future progress.
My sister is out of town and my husband leaves tomorrow for a day. I have stuff planned to do, but tomorrow night is mine all mine to do absolutely nothing. Ahhhh.
GET READY - 12 and half HOURS - WE - been at this IL UNIVERSITY HOSPTIAL IN DOWNTOWN CHICAGO-ITBIS A TRANSPLANT BUILDING - HUGE - the paperwork begins for MY adult daughter 33yrs YOUNG adventure - TODAY - to prove to the TWO doctor's who are the LIVER givers and the whole liver team givers - NEXT is vitals in the lab - pulse oximetry- grip strength- then one hour conference on procedure for a liver transplant and all the laws and donors and finances and nurses and assistants and psychiatrist and social worker and DIEtician and hepatologist and surgeon and 22 viles of blood drawn. Also setting up NEXT appointment with hepatologist in 3 months- for the social worker and psychiatrist they ask the deep SOUL questions - childhood - parents background - making sure ALL family knows it is cirrhosis of the liver from ALCOHOL- the social worker- had a rough time accepting - ALCOHOLISM AS DISEASE - PLEASE it is JUST LIKE CANCER OR DIABETIS or any other disease- grrrrrrr - so i hurried and ask MY Daddy God HELP - I prayed for the social worker and yes I got a little upset yet the emotion passed and I continued to pray for her- MY daughter need her drug NICOTINE 8 and half hours later so WE walked to the garage to her car- WE got in she opened windows and she lit her death stick and I said I am gonna wait outside and she said why and I said cuz it stinks and I said don't be offended- she said I am not - I got her paperwork and waited by the elevators in an enclosed cubicle so i didnt have to smell carbon from cars in garage patking area- she came almost right after ME and said it didn't taste good - i am dizzy and i had a few puffs and put it out- she said I went from one and half pack to less than half and I am cutting down to quit - I said YOUR doing GOOD- now another HOUR in MR and CT scan of body- then should OUR Lord Jesus tarry - WE will head HOME- 50 minutes driving depending on traffic- I am OK and I shared with MY daughter that Y'ALL were praying for her- she says THANKS and that she appreciates ALL prayers - she has to do on line assignments for alcohol recovery site and fax to social worker the assignments and the DIEtician continue SUGGESTIONS to eat HEALTHY - NO SALT AND NO SUGAR- low carbs - fish - and veggies with water water water- call her if she needs any help because we need YOU to lose weight before the surgery and the liver TEAM will let her know IF she will be the PUT on the liver waiting list - the liver TEAM must talk about all patients liver numbers and who is NEAREST DEATH TO GET NEW LIVER- so she has done her part and the outcome is in OUR Daddy God's hands- I have been up since 3am and continue to stay in praise and thanksgiving to OUR DADDY GOD BY CHRIST JESUS MY LORD'S FAITH IN ME AND OUR HOLY COMFORTER TO GUIDE AND KEEP US FOCUSED ON JESUS OUR HEALER ABD VICTOR! Thanks everyone for teaching ME to NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF OVER ME OR NOTHING- N.O.P.E. Not One Puff Ever.... It never enters MY NEW mind to use MY drug NICOTINE TODAY - for it is written........we have the mind of Christ--- they were 20 to 30 people handled in 7 hours on Thursday's ONLY to get approved to get on the liver list- so all rules and requirements and tests done and NOW WE WAIT.......WAIT.........thanks for letting ME be ME and share MY non smoker living life style just loving and grateful to be alive and nicotine free to shine for MY daughter to see if i can be NICOTINE FREE so can she IF she CHOOSES just for HER - most of all thank you for YOUR love - understanding - EMPATHY - kindness - gentleness and HOPE- gentle hug.
Couldnt sleep so I figured I would come here.. been a little busy lately feel like I’m forgetting to post.. don’t want to do that .. just life ya know gets in the way.. Day 47 here still hanging on no matter what comes my way .. I do get urges but I take a deep breath and feel the difference in my lungs .. it feels so much better .. N.O.P.E.
I'm having surgery tomorrow--the first real surgery I've had since I had my tonsils out when I was in 3rd grade, some......54 years ago! (geez!) Yes, my gallbladder insists it wants to be taken out. I'm a little nervous about it, even though it's considered outpatient surgery. BUT I am so glad that I didn't/don't have to sweat about not smoking or using nicotine for x-many days before going under the anesthesia, as I did before my two colonoscopies. The hospital is a half hour from here and it will be an early morning tomorrow. Yippie!
How important is it - MY - it - just dealing and living MY OWN non smoker life style - just for TODAY - ALL MY PERSONAL- relationships - giving others the freedom to disagree or agree or be silent - and I keep focus on ME - by praying and asking MY God for HIS help to keep ME in spiritual maturity- open mindedness - a good listener - willing to keep learning from OTHERS and accepting people right where they are to honor them as they are- themselves and HUMAN - also to just keep being ME- standing strong in MY relationship with MY Lord Jesus and praying to MY Holy Comforter to HELP keep MY relationships healthy and EACH individual in tact with healthy - give and take with heart listening and to grow in conversations then finishing and end with prayer for all - 20 - 25 women in this bible study group - varying in age- ALL believers in Christ Jesus OUR Lord - I CHOOSE to believe - I give gentle hugs with a compliment or thanking them personally - TODAY I am growing in ALL MY relationships and also with MY mom which is also ever changing with maturity and personalities in tact - then one on one with a women - I have been in relationship for over 30 years- we had ups and down and betrayal with sincere communication to forgive and maturing with age- I attended a funeral this evening - MY husbands friend - his wife died SUDDENLY - they were at home last saturday - she had just finished taking a shower and told her husband she was tired so she sat down in the recliner in their bedroom and died - I dont handle death physically very well- PLEASE MY SPIRITUAL BIBLE KNOWLEDGE IS 1 Thessalonians chapter 4 verses 13-18 - NO NEED TO BIBLE THUMP ME -- FOR ME IT IS .- THE EARTHLY physical - such as - responding - reacting - mental - emotional - USING MY DRUG NICOTINE WAS NOT ON MY MIND - PLEASE - I am talking about ME not anyone else- so take what HELPS and let go of the rest - thank you - TODAY I took inventory of MYSELF as I lived out MY DAY with just ME - being more Christ like in behavior - improving each moment and NOT taking offense OR closing MY mind since others decided to get offened by some of MY opinions - that's on them - so I was taught - ask MYSELF - How important is their behavior compared to SUDDENLY DYING- I sit down in chair and die!, MY day of learning about ME- growing and letting God be God and letting people be themselves - in HIS love - I love learning and growing and healing and getting along with 20 - 25 women - for 7 YEARS NOW - MY relationships growing more loving and full of joy and resting in peace knowing - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER - no matter what life SUDDENLY throws at ME- differing opinions - different personalities- to remember but for the grace of God go I - and How important is it - to ME- staying quit - together - in MY Lord Jesus name amen - very important to ME - gentle hug.
I had a follow up with my orthopedist today and am apparently ahead of where I should be. I told him I was a very, very compliant patient and that it was my goal to heal, not to make it worse. He approved active range of motion in PT, so that's about to get interesting.
Today was also probation office day. I was talking with one of the officers who just happens to smoke. We talked about smoking a bit and she kept telling me she wasn't ready to quit. I told her it was up to her and that I wasn't passing judgment at all. It seems that when people find out you quit, they want to talk about the fact that they smoke and will quit when they're ready. I told her this was my quit and not hers (paraphrased and was very nice about it). Interesting how conversations turn these days.
And on top of everything else, it's 127 days of smobriety for me. Holy cow!
I hope everyone had a great weekend and Easter .. been busy past couple of days.. went to the gym and did a small workout But I went!! Lol and then Took grandkids to the park yesterday for Earth Day and enjoyed it so much. When I smoked I never did things like this because I never smoked around anyone so I would isolate myself because smoking was controlling my life . I’m really enjoying my time with family now and I’m so happy that I’m not a prisoner to Nicotine!!...Have a great day everyone.
I'm happy to announce I have slept a couple nights in a row now! I have three pillows molding my sleep area, but without the sling, it just doesn't matter. I am not sleeping like a champ, but I'm sleeping. Now I have to be careful not to use the shoulder too much and to let it heal before I push it. I'm sure all of you who have had rotator cuff stuff know what I'm talking about. Right now, it feels pretty good, but that's deceiving; it's not ready to use yet.
I secretly bought chocolate bunnies for my sister and husband and stuff the in their chairs before dinner tonight. They were both surprised and pleased. We don't do a lot of Easter around here since the kids moved and it was fun to surprise them.
This is day 125 of not smoking. My husband and I were out and about today and we were talking about how it would be great to have affordable inpatient quit rehab for smokers. I know there are places to go, but not everyone has 8-10K in their pocket to pay for it and most insurance companies, to my knowledge, do not cover nicotine detox and rehab.
Happy Easter, a little late, to all of you. Here comes a brand new week.
You know, I’ve learned a little about grief in the last couple of weeks. I’ve also learned how to lose an addiction, but you know what? I never realized that the steps are so much alike. Ever heard of missing the “old friend”?
How about “my life will never be the same without cigarettes in them.” Both statements might be considered as true to the addicted mind. They also might be a form of grieving. It’s true that feeling loss of any kind can make us sad. But if we lose the first thing we’d go to when we feel loss then it can just get confusing!
That’s why preparation is so important. So that we can find a way to get around that fear of loss. That fear of living a life that will forever be different so long as we stay true to our desire for freedom.
It’s not so much what we’re losing that matters. It’s more about what we’re gaining, but addiction makes it really hard to see things that way. Instead, we dwell on what’s missing. And loss can be such a powerful emotion within us that it can literally sway our thinking.
Suddenly we no longer look at the cigarette as the stick of death and instead start thinking about deprivation. We start thinking that we’re depriving ourselves of something we’ve always believed we wanted.
These are the kinds of things that get the divided mind talking, creating that maddening voice within us that argues with what we know is right constantly. To me, that voice was the most annoying thing about my quit, at least until I started laughing at it, but even that takes time.
So I guess my point is that before we even attempt to put out that last cigarette, we need to know how we’ll deal with that feeling of loss and the feeling of loneliness that goes with that loss. We need to be prepared to have that argument of depravation already worked out. And we need to be focusing on what we’re gaining right away lest the old negative thoughts creep in to derail our quits.
There’s many pieces to a successful quit. All we have to do is assemble them into something we can understand and the journey will be easier.
What a fun day. Well, it was fun if you consider standing around at the police department from 9-1 fun, which I do. As most of you know, I volunteer with the James City County Police Department. I do a variety of things for them including community events, Child ID, playing receptionist for their Citizens Police Academy and Forensics Academy, working at the probation office a few hours a week, or whatever comes up that I have time for. Today, though, I got to learn how to do fingerprints. We had a short classroom presentation and then learned on the computer how to roll fingers and take the prints, and in the end, how to present you with a card with all the information on it to present to your potential employer. I will not be printing criminals or people being processed at the police department. It's the same thing, but we only do them for people who need them for a hiring process or other personal/professional reason. Like I said, fun. Oh yeah, we got to learn the inkpad way of doing fingerprints, but it's 99% chance that we'll only use the computer scan method. Very cool.
On another note, I'm 124 days clean from nicotine and smoking. That's a pretty fun thing too!
My son was down from Baltimore and spent just the right amount of time here. He's off with his sister tonight and spent time with my other son yesterday. I'm glad they all catch up with one another once in a while.
Hope everyone has a wonderful Easter. We plan on just laying low and enjoying the peace, quite, and beautiful weather.
Beautiful day so far . Day 42.. day before Easter .. I’m sure everyone is preparing for tomorrow.. I’m excited .. and so happy this Easter I’m smoke free.. and so very greatful to God for delivering me.. Have a wonderful smoke free day..
Good Friday ... Hope everyone is having a great Friday !! Smoke free of course .. Spending the evening with my one of my beautiful granddaughters .. and getting ready for Easter.. Have a good evening everyone.. Truly blessed .
I’ve finally made it back to work for a while the last two days. I came home early today because my wife is having a really hard time today. I remember looking forward to anniversaries because they were milestones in a hard fought quit. But the anniversary we’re having today is one of sorrow.
Still, we improve every day. We’re going back to the doctor on Monday, I guess to talk about the possibility of using antidepressants for awhile. I know my wife needs them. I worry about her when we’re not together and I guess she worries about me as well. Maybe she sees in me the same things that I’m worrying about with her. I don’t know.
On the outside, I’m fine. On the inside however, things are a bit out of sorts. There’s a constant lump in my throat and an endless headache that has lasted for two weeks. So, like she is taking my advice, I’ll take hers as well.
Really, I came here to talk about something else. And that something else is how bad this situation would be if I still smoked. First off, I know that’s all I’d be doing in these trying times had I not lost my addiction. Smoking one cigarette after another and lighting the next one off of the last one.
And in that situation, there’s never an answer. Never progress. Just the constant intake of nicotine, adding to my stress while I believed that it wasn’t. But I don’t smoke anymore and I never will again. This latest experience in my life has just proven that. And you know why I’ll never smoke again?
Because there’s no value in it. There’s no benefit. It’s simply a way of wasting time that sometimes shouldn’t be wasted.
But since I did quit, none of that is a worry. And that takes a lot off of my plate right now so I’m so incredibly happy to be an EX. I’m so proud of my achievement of reaching my dream of freedom.
And once I finish this new journey of bewilderment and grief that I’m on and find my way home to the world that I remember from before my step sons decision, those flowers will be just as bright as they ever were. The sun will once again have all of the brightness it always did. The colors will return to my world and once again I’ll be smiling the smile that only freedom can bring.
No matter what happens in our lives. No matter how hard things might be there’s still a chance for this recovered addict to smile for you see, I’m still free!!
I tried running away from MY NON SMOKER LIFE AND THIS SITE THAT IS HELPING OTHERS TO RECOVER FROM NICOTINE....... ONE DAY AT A TIME.......please I am talking about ME and not anyone else.....for OUR FAMILY it just seems family and friends are leaving for HEAVEN........this is MY BELIEF........so please take what HELPS and let go of the rest to be HELPFUL is MY only aim-thank you.......OUR CHOICES...IN HIS LOVE WE LOVE OUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY....SO WE ARE CHOOOSING TO GO........WE have a funeral this Tuesday and a funeral the following Saturday and recently upon HEARING THE FACTS....DEATH AND DYING...... I CHOSE to let MY EMOTIONS run ME to just sit in SELF-PITY and BLAH-NESS and MY SELF-CENTEREDNESS....so I said a prayer..... that MY Lord Jesus would NOT forget ME......most of MY friends........SOME....NOT ALL.... whom I consider closer than MY OWN blood family.......SOME NOT ALL........are gone from this EARTH....YES.......I know the FACTS for ME and MY belief so please do NOT throw BIBLE verses at ME at this TIME.....thank you.....I am talking about MY physically and MY fleshiness in MY PRIDE and jealous and insecurities of MY HUMAN NATURE......NOT SPIRITUAL NATURE...I HAVE THOSE FACTS FOR I BELIEVE IN MY LORD JESUS AND HE IS GOD AND I WILL GO TO HEAVEN AND YES I WILL SEE ALL THOSE WHO ARE SAVED IN JESUS MY LORD AGAIN.....MY BELIEF......SOONER THAN THE WORLD THINKS BY BIBLE SIGNS OF PROPHECY AND WHATS HAPPEING IN THE WORLD NOW....MY IMMATURITY is this death and dying....and MY ROOT CAUSE.......I want to be with MY Lord Jesus and Apostle Paul speaks of it in his epistles in MY BIBLE.....anyway.....TODAY MY RIGHT NOW.......I have accepted the REALITY OF OUR 2 FUNERALS.....with MY husband reminded ME of the FACTS and NOT MY FEEEELINGS THINKING AND NOT MY 5 SENSES THAT ARE TWISTED IN MY mind and will and emotions.....MY SOUL...... and MY beloved Ellen has loving reminded ME to think of the newbies here and NOT MY EMOTIONAL AND MENTAL SELF.....I was being selfish and I want to say sorry to EVERYONE HERE FOR BEING SELF-CENTERED AND SELFISH...Please know that I just don't handle... DEATH AND DYING..... very well and I am growing and learning and healing as the MY lessons on life to adjust much better than I use to......I been to long as a NON SMOKER to go backwards so as the days pass I confess and I learn more about what is FACT IN REALITY IN MY HEART.....and I am learning to let MYSELF cry until I am done ....IT IS OK TO CRY AS LONG AS I NEED.....and IT IS OK FOR ME TO BE HUMAN......ALL MY UP BRINGING I WAS NOT ALLOWED TO CRY OR TO LET ANY OF MY EMOTIONS OUT......from 6 years old to 16 years old when I left the house....NO CRYING WAS TRAINED IN ME AT 6 YEARS OLD after I was raped by MY father and I had to go to PROFESSIONAL THERAPYT FOR ME to be taught that it is OK FOR ME TO CRY FOR ME......that was YEARS AGO I LEARNED THAT YET.....TODAY I ask God for the willingness to just wait for MY TURN and to accept MY being human as ALL OF YOU.....I learn so MUCH FROM ALL OF YOU HERE on being human....thank you all so much for teaching ME to grow and learn and HEAL FOR ME.....not anyone else.....JUST ME and to go HELP the next suffering nicotine addict to hope they DO NOT HAVE TO USE NICOTINE TO COPE and know life is life's terms is going to HAPPEN AND CONTINUE TO HAPPEN WITH SOME DEATH AND DYING...... and using the drug nicotine to cope with death and dying or just life on life's terms WILL NOT CHANGE LIFE HAPPENING...USING NICOTINE BRINGS EARLY DEATH....EIGHT YEARS OF LIVING AS A NON SMOKER I DONT EVEN THINK OF USING MY DRUG NICOTINE.........MY issue is......... I just don't want to deal with MY FACT REALITY EVERYONE IS GOING TO DIE.....NO ONE IS GOING TO GET OUR OF HERE WITHOUT DEALING WITH DEATH OR DYING......seems simple to type and VENT A BLOG TO ALL OF YOU HERE....... SINCE THIS IS PART OF A LIVING NON SMOKER LIFE STYLE FOR ME.. admitting to EVERYONE here that I use to smoke 50 death sticks a day to cope with DEATH AND DYING IN MY PAST......PAST......NOW I learn from those here with YEARS OF NICOTINE FREEDOM and MOST OF ALL THE NEWBIES WHO HELP ME TO KEEP MY PERSECTIVE CLEAR IN MY HEART....this is only for TODAY...WE....US....OUR....TOGETHER IN UNITY....AGREE....NEVER TO TAKE ANOTHER PUFF OVER ME AND MY FAMILY AND MY FRIENDS DEATH AND DYING........I am OK now and a thank you to MY husband and Ellen and Christine and for ALL OF YOU WHO COMMENTED ON MY BLOG when I got the news and for everyone's prayers too.........MY ROOT cause....the WAITING IF MY DAUGHTER WILL GET A NEW LIVER......She asked ME to go with her to her FIRST appointment to talk with the liver doctor on April 25, 2019 at 7am in Chicago....its a two hour drive....should MY Lord Jesus tarry.......DEATH AND DYING IT HAPPENS.....Thank you all for teaching ME to accept MY HUMAN SIDE and to allow MYSELF TO BE HUMAN .....just like all of you. What a HARD LESSON FOR ME!!!! Please remember....I AM TALKING ABOUT ME NOT ANYONE ELSE......gentle hug.
Last night, I was in bed by 8. I was just plain old pooped. Up until then, I still wasn't sleeping at night; the shoulder and sling woke me up every hour or so. Last night, though, I slept! I got up a couple of times to readjust, but went right back to sleep. I might be turning a corner sleep-wise. Keep your fingers crossed.
Today is planned to be fun - my sister and I are going for pedicures (prepaid), breakfast, and then I go to PT. My oldest son texted and said he was coming down for the day (he lives in Maryland), and that was a surprise. And who knows what else the day will bring! Maybe I'll go to my favorite fancy store in town and buy some beef.
On that note, it's about time to get myself ready and get out of here. Y'all have a great day and will check back later when I come back to the computer to work this evening.
I had a good day today .. Spent the day with my 16 mth old granddaughter.. we went and saw the Easter Bunny at the mall.. and played . She had fun and it made me so happy. Day 40 for me.. I’m doing ok. Thankful..
Nothing exciting to report today other than I'm on day 122. It sure seems like it's been longer than that. I think of how concentrated the time was in the beginning of my quit and how time went so slowly. Now, it seems time is back on its regular track and flowing at the rate I'm used to.
Today will be slow exercising on my own for the shoulder, having the electrician come and change out a light fixture, and who knows what else.
Sounds like the title of a Garth Brooks song, doesn't it?
I started physical therapy today. We're going to go very, very slowly for the first few weeks and I think I like this gal. I'm going to a new physical therapy center because I was disillusioned by the one I used to go to for decades. Anyway, another story for another day. The big news is that I'm free of that dumb bumper. I have a long way to go, but the rehab portion of recovery has begun.
After PT today, I wanted a cigarette SO badly. I spent a good amount of time processing the why and have decided it was a way I used to celebrate certain moments in life - like graduating from a sling to no sling. I never truly considered smoking and I don't think I ever will again, but damn, it hit me like a ton of bricks! I'm guessing this kind of thing will happen from time to time for the rest of my life?
While at PT, waiting to be called on, I was talking with the people also waiting. One of them is a woman who hired me for my first hospital job in 1986!!! Amazing. As a side note, she was also a nurse who worked on the maternity ward at the hospital where I was born in 1955. Sometimes, Williamsburg is still a small town. Short encounters like this sure pepper the world with a flavor that I adore. The other person was a gentleman waiting for his wife and we had a fun conversation about robo-calls. He was the nicest guy! I'd say he was older than me, but I really can't tell anymore. When his wife came out, I thanked her for sharing him with me. She understood I was being humorous and we had a grin or two.
I should be typing better and having a little more keyboard time soon and won't make myself such a stranger. Busch Gardens is open this week and next, so now that I can drive again, I'll be going there to walk. I also will be having PT a couple times a week AND my sister and I are getting pedicures Friday! LOL It's the little things, right?
Oh, one more thing. I ordered a really nice pair of shoes with arch support to beat the band. I have plantar fasciitis and refuse to get surgery because shoes keep me from hurting. Anyway, I used quit smoking money to buy these shoes. Now I have a cute little pair of navy blue "flats" that aren't really flat. It was fun to buy and receive them because I know how I paid for them.
My eight year of MY non smoker life style is lived ONE day at a time. I pray before I get out of bed and I pray for this recovery from nicotine site. I live MY day - checking in here through out MY day. MY solutions to MY everyday life is to pray first then read the CURRENT blogs- there isnt many of the people who helped ME 8 years ago active today - three current from MY EARLY recovery days - I made the decision TODAY to share the loss of two of our friends have gone to HEAVEN- we have 2 funerals to attend- living TODAY using death sticks does NOT even come to MY NEW mind- set - TODAY- I read blogs from newbies here then I have to really think back what I use to be like- then I can share- yet most days I just congratulate newbies- I have decided that I will be coming only on MY anniversary date from NOW which is January 6, 2011- I am NOT spiritually fit to be HELPFUL at this TIME too grief stricken and I am taking TIME to grieve the loss of our family friends and should MY Lord Jesus tarry I will be out living MY non smoker life style and still sharing this site with the next suffering nicotine addict out in the world - goodbye for now - gentle hug.
Hope everyone’s morning is off to a good start.. I’m pressing on but not feeling too good . Not sure if it’s stress or what but anyway.. I’m not smoking and that’s the absolute best thing that I can say today .. Have a great day.
I hope this finds you well. Spring is upon us and with spring comes thoughts of renewal, and dreams of a brighter future in the warmth of the sun. I’ve always loved spring. Even now, as I ponder other facets of my life.
One thing I’ve learned, even in sorrow is that I’m content with my life. And you know why? Simply because I quit smoking all those years ago. When I first began my journey I, like you had no idea of what to expect. And like most, I wasn’t even sure I could ever achieve an escape from addiction.
But in the end with hard work, I discovered freedom from addiction. Thing is, I’m just now starting to realize all of the emotional benefits in my life. The constant stress that I used to feel has now just melted away. I no longer constantly dread going places where smoking isn’t allowed.
I can actually enjoy a drive and yes, I can look at the beauty that surrounds me even as I cherish each fresh breath of air that I take.
I have a tough day tomorrow. It would’ve been my sons 35th birthday, so of course there will probably be some tears. There will probably also be an opportunity to begin celebrating his life rather than mourning his death. I know it’s a little soon for an event like this, and I’m asking for strength for both my wife and I.
All I know is that were I still a smoker right now, that’s all I’d be doing. Smoking one after another, never realizing that this exercise is an exercise derived of addiction and rather than focusing on the problem, I’d be focusing on the cigarette.
And looking back at my past life of smoking, I’ll never forget what a slave I was. I’ll never forget how badly I wanted to find freedom but most of all I’ll never forget the people who were with me on this incredible journey. The ones who talked me down when I needed it and encouraged me to continue on so that like them, I too could feel this indescribable peace that can only come from freedom. That I too could feel for myself just what renewal looks like!
And like them, I too want you to feel the wonders that await you!
Day 37 . Woke up at 4:30 with anxiety.. wasn’t feeling too well.. But feeling better now.. Still smoke free.. When I think about being a non smoker I feel happy.. And for that I’m greatful and for the Ex community.. Have a great Tuesday..
I hope everyone had a good weekend.. it was nice .. my daughter was over yesterday and she smokes ..outside of course but just knowing she was out there. Bothered me.. I don’t want anyone anywhere near me with cigs.. I don’t like the smell but am I afraid deep down that I will want one or am I truly hating the thought of ever going back to that ! I was a prisoner in my mind . I am so greatful that I have maintained my quit thus far and will stay true to myself for ME !!!! N.O.P.E
It's happening. I'm having a day or two go by without thinking about smoking at all. That's pretty amazing. I used to enjoy smoking a little pot once in a while, but I'm done with that too. I'm afraid to smoke it. You can get edibles legally so many places (not Virginia yet) that I'll just wait and try that some day. No more smoking up my lungs with anything.
In terms of my shoulder, Wednesday is the day I take off the sling and don't put it back on. I know there will be a wee bit of pain ahead with the therapy, but that will get better day to day. I'm looking forward to the movement. The biggest down side to this whole rotator cuff surgery process has been the lack of sleep. I can sleep if I take one of Richard's sleeping pills, so am taking them through Tuesday night. There's no such thing as getting comfortable right now. We're counting on that getting better too. Whine, whine, whine. LOL
I'm wearing my Rosie the Riveter tee shirt today. Her arm is up and saying "we got this" (paraphrased) and indeed, we do.
Life goes on. My heart is broken, but mending. I have questions but with questions come answers so long as we seek them. I travel on into this strange new world that’s just a little more empty right now as I learn once again what normal is.
I will continue on, always seeking the peace that I so love to be in my life. And I will use the lessons that life has already taught me to learn the new lessons that this new life will bring. At times, I look forward to this. Other times I dread it but rest assured that in the end I will find that peace.
I understand that my step son made a choice to leave a world that he just couldn’t quite understand. I also understand that his decision was not made because of a lack of love. And once we reach that point where we can remember him without feeling the pain of loss, we will then be able to celebrate his life.
We will then be able to remember his kindness to others and his laughter that lit up his entire face. We will remember the lessons that he taught us over the years. That it’s so much more meaningful to help another, rather than just stay home and think about it. That finding ways to make other people happy; to make them laugh is a way to find a joy within yourself. To always look at your own faults before criticizing the faults of others. This is how he’ll live in my heart and it’ll bring a new kind of joy. One that can only come from inside, where the soul lives.
And yes, I’m still an EX and you know what? I now know that I’m an EX forever! I do hope that all of you can stay on the path of change. As I’m learning now, change can be scary but because I chose to quit so long ago, I also know how to make it the best it can be until change is no longer change but instead is the new normal.
Keep fighting for freedom! Keep honoring yourself with every smoke free day!! We all deserve a chance. All we have to do is take it and one day you’ll look back with a smile because of what you chose to do today!
Couldn’t sleep.. Saturday was a busy day and I didn’t get to post.. Went to the Naval air show that was fun, got sun burned not too bad though .. Day 35 here. Feeling ok.. just Dealing with some things that keep the urge coming back sometimes but I’m dealing with it just taking it day by day . Have a blessed Sunday everyone..
5 more days and this ribba rabba schnabba sling comes off. As my neighbor said when I asked her how she was doing after her shoulder surgery months ago, "I am over it." I feel her sentiment.
Can I have her body if I have to wear a sling?
On the quit front, I'm -2 pounds from my 12-pound weight gain from quitting. I'm taking the slow road, but my blood sugar is also very happy with my efforts. I weigh on Fridays and was pleasantly surprised to see another pound gone today. I'm itching to get to 182+ days of my quit so I can call it a half-year! I will absolutely make it to the 6% mark. I'm so derned determined on that front.
This weekend looks like it should be okay. My husband is off to the NASCAR race in Richmond if it doesn't rain. My daughter, who you know moved back to Richmond recently for a new job, is going with him since I'm not in the mood for navigating crowds with this thing on my arm. I'll watch it on television (maybe!). I have no real plans other than to cook and walk, walk and cook, cook and walk some more.
And that's about it for me today. Bored and still watching a lot of TCM movies.
Its Friday y’all!! I feel better today then I did yesterday.. Day 33 for me.. Yestrdsy was really tuff for me both emotionally drained currently , that nudge hits me because normally I would smoke myself to death in these situations.. but By the grace of God I’ve been able to maintain my quit!! I give all the glory to God!!.. Have a good day everyone..
I wish I could say today I feel positive but I don’t .. I’m dealing with so much right now that my cup has run over and not dealing very well.. still have not smoked .. today is day 32 for me.. but I have had such a strong urge to smoke last night and this morning that I am not thinking clearly .,Please pray for me .. I need words of encouragement today mostly .. for peace .. Have a great day ..
I thanked God everyday for God and HIS grace- which means - unmerited favor - that is what I was taught grace means- a sinner saved by grace because I read for MYSELF in the Bible- 1 Corinthians chapter 15 verses 1-4 - this is the gospel of salvation - just believe in your heart and be saved eternally -your choice to believe - FAITH plus NOTHING to be saved eternally- YOU get to read and choose of YOUR own free will to believe and take God at his Word- read and believe in YOUR OWN heart- Jesus was crucified for ALL MY sins and died and was buried and HE rose again on rhe third day- according to the scriptures from the dead- its a free gift of God to believe what you read in the Bible - Jesus death burial and ressurection - BELIEVE AND YOUR eternally SAVED- YOUR CHOICE - just like it is- YOUR CHOICE NOT TO USE DRUG NICOTINE TODAY AND LIVE PHYSICALLY FREE to cope with this earth's life just HAPPENS and your spiritual life eternal with Jesus or NOT - it's your life earthly choosing how YOU want to live each day given to YOU and your life spiritually for eternal living - TODAY NOW you have NO excuse for YOU are reading for yourself - as EACH human is given the same CHOICE- to stop using NICOTINE to cope with your OWN life earth CHOICES and YOUR OWN responsibility where YOU personally will spend eternity- BOTH and ALL choices are YOUR very OWN- God is a gentlemen - HE forces NO ONE - HE sends NO ONE here or there without YOUR OWN CHOICE- yiu aint no robot- God blessed YOU with the FREEDOM to choose - WE all CHOOSE of our OWN free will- to use drug NICOTINE to the end early death or where will EACH human will freely choose to spend spiritual eternal life- I thank God I read the Bible for MYSELF- I thank God he blessed ME with a cold turkey quit on Jan 6- 2011- I thank God I have been on this site since October 2010!!!! i know the facts- about ME- please I am talking about ME NOT anyone else and don't say NO one ever told YOU about NICOTINE FREEDOM or eternal FREE GIFT OF SALVATION and offering the FREE gift of SALVATION 1 Corinthians chapter 15 verses 1-4 in the Bible and the FREE gift from NICOTINE addiction to educate YOURSELF on YOUR OWN NICOTINE ADDICTION- I still have to do MY part- choose each day- live life on life's terms- MY reality- MY ADULT daughter NEEDS a new liver- MY REALITY I am too OLD to give her a piece of MINE- non smoker for 8 YEARS coping with deaths in MY family from alcohol NICOTINE cancerss and drug over doses and some family members killing themselves - MY REALITY has been many deaths recently funerals many and only by God's grace- to cope with MY REALITY and accept MY powerlessness- I pray and come here to tell ALL- life still happens- it is NOT all rainbows and sunshine- I love that part in the movie - Balboa- and for MY non smoker life it had been REAL raw and tough to accept and sometimes it is just stinking poop of MY non smoker DAY- so I CHOOSE to pray and so I take a shower and to say MY prayers for ALL here who are suffeting and NOT using NICOTINE to cope with their hurts and they come here to read or blog a venting blog or just talk out the hurtd and I read about OTHERS who hurt just like ME so I know FACTS not feelings- I am NOT alone- some people here are dying from consequences of YEARS of using in the PAST yet they arent sucking on death sticks to cope with their cancers - with their ADULT chikdren who passed or their family members who are suddenly dead- unexpected or expected- it ALL hurts - LIFE just jumps out of the bushes on MY face- a NEW liver needed NOW- sometimes when MY CHOICE comes up- unexpected or suddenly becausr LIFE KEEPS HAPPENING GOOD BAD OR INDIFFERENT OR JUST BECAUSE THATS LIFE - I remember- did I offer a solution to eternal SALVATION it is a free gift and did I give away all to live NICOTINE FREE - I was educated by many non smokers living their non smoker life style no matter what life choice consequences bring YEARS later- what solution did I give away to remain a non smoker accepting life on lifes terms- gentle hug and remember it is YOUR OWN CHOICES that you live on this earth physically and YOUR OWN CHOICE spiritually for eternity- ALL on YOU! Not God - not Satan- not him or her or they or people or place or circumstances or situations or whatever excuse YOU CHOOSE of YOUR OWN FREE will- NOW YOU have no one to blame why YOUR choosing to use drug NICOTINE over yourself- or why YOU personally are rejecting by YOUR OWN CHOICE where YOU will spend spiritual eternity with Jesus or NOT- Gods grace is given to ALL free- in HIS love and service- PLEASE take what HELPS and let go of the rest- to be HELPFUL is MY only aim- unmerited favor- a free gift- hmmmmmmmm.Yes I continue prayers for Chuck for Kathy strudel and for Kim and for Missy - Lady G - Marilyn- Nancy aka young at heart an tough love giver our teacher Sootie- and old bones Larry MY beloved brother native american who soars in hurt by helpibg newbies hope and believe- prayers continue for Sheri and Dale- Jackie and most of all - MY beloved Thomas with a brain tumor and everyone even if your name is not here - the list is too long- i would just say see members list please from A- Z and for who's name isn't listed- all unknown names - only by God's grace I included all here and most of ALL the newbie here - WHO is the most IMPORTANT person on here for YOU let US know - NICOTINE is still killing people and TODAY killing faster with liquid nicotine - so PLEASE don't take offense at HELPFUL that is being offered in HIS love. Gentle hug.
Still not smoking and still pretty proud of my derned self.
In a couple of weeks, both my husband and my sister will be gone for the weekend. I am going to begin by saying I won't smoke, but I need to keep that resolve super strong. In the past, as I've mentioned before, when Richard goes out of town, I've smoked like a chimney. This time, my sister won't be here either, so I'll be on my own. My former self would take advantage of the situation and misbehave. I'm not going to do that. Nope. N.O.P.E. I will maintain my smobriety and try to appreciate my aloneness for what it is. Dang, I wish I wasn't an addict and wish this wasn't even an issue. I will not smoke.
The countdown is on. One week from today, this ding dang dong sling will be off my arm. I may not feel all that great for a while as PT will be kicking my hiney, but it's okay.
I talked to my neighbor about quitting smoking and she gave me hope about my violent dislike of the smell of smoke. She was the same way and is a long way from that now. Gives me something to look forward to!
Nothing very exciting in my life right now. Here's hoping everyone is having a wonderful smoke-free Wednesday.
A quilt I made for the early intervention center my twins attended. They were about 2 here, so this is about 1986. They remained in the program for 3 years (they were premature and developmentally delayed) and I stayed on as a volunteer, later as an employee, and now as a supporter forever. I can't believe they're both 34 now and ruling the world.
Oh my God!! I think I've eaten my weight in food today and feel like a water buffalo.
This will pass and dopamine receptors and what not but I'm somewhere around 40ish days and 10-12 lbs.
I'm okay with the gain for now but should probably start roping the cravings in. I dont eat one twizzler or celery, I eat them all, then all the pickles, grapes, a whole pack of gum .. dessert every meal!!!
I do some Crossfit, some yoga, still bouncing on the trampoline, so that's going okay. Shy of a gallon of water per day... still gained the weight.
***But the question is, when does this part pass? Oh and do we have a ovulation/ luteal phase post, or do we not talk about that? I'm sure we must!! If not, next post is "Ovulated and ate a small village" - coming soon...
Hope everyone had a good day .. I’m sitting here waiting for class to begin.. Day 30.. doing ok.. still eating more than usual and doesn’t help that I’ve had company in all weekend.. eating out , eating more..but still trying to exercise every chance I get .. I learned some things that have had me upset past couple of days but I’m coping .. I don’t ever want to smoke again.. I know what my triggers are and I know smoking will not make it any easier.. I’m so glad Iive been strong enough..
Lots of comments about - addicts will get their drug NICOTINE another way- vaping and death sticks for 21 years old ONLY- one 18 year old said why raise the age for smoking- there is alot more happening then using cigs- its true I got MY cigs- death sticks at age 15- hmmmmmm- 2019 buying death sticks in another state- at least the medical community is trying to HELP and some states to give FOOD FOR THOUGHT BEFORE early death- thanks for letting ME share- gentle hug.
Yup, still not smoking and yup, still bored to tears. 1-1/2 week and this sling will be gone. I know I won't be building bridges or climbing rock walls at that time, but it will be nice to be able to drive. At least the weather is nice and I can go outside to walk or read or whatever.
I think I am over my smoking urge when I sit on my front porch. I can even sit out there now with my sister on the porch swing and smoking. It's not my favorite thing to do, but I can do it. My neighbor told me yesterday that other people smoking doesn't bother her much at all, if any, and she's been quit for a bunch of years. That gives me hope that I won't continue to be grossed out. But the good new is that I can sit on my glider on my porch and that's that. So many bridges to cross!
I lost a pound last week, so that's a step in the right direction. I try to move every day, but some days, I'm just a cranky lump on a log. This too will pass! What I'm not doing is drowning my grumpiness in cigarettes and I haven't much thought about it.
To all the newbies out there, sorry I haven't been here to cheer you on. I will be! If it wasn't for the people here, I' not sure I would have remained accountable to myself enough to keep the quit going. It's SO worth it.
I hope everyone is having a beautiful beginning to another smoke-free week with me!
Life can & will kick us in the teeth at times and sometimes it'll catch us totally off guard that's why when it comes to our quits we have a choice to relapse or to keep moving forward stacking up those precious DOF - Days Of Freedom because relapsing isn't the answer N.M.W. - No Matter What - we've only got so much time on this earth so living a Smokefree Life sounds really good to me plus handling LIFE on LIFE'S Terms feels pretty darn good. By the way this is the 8th of April and we're getting another snowstorm another 6 to 8 inches of the white crap! Isn't that wonderful said No One Ever That's what I get for living in a snowbelt BUT I know there's a few more EXers here that's also going to receive some of this crap BUT hey this is LIFE and LIFE'S going to happen whether we smoke or not and choosing Not to Smoke is the gift of LIFE....... I just took this pic off of my entryway so on a positive note the snow that's coming this afternoon will look prettier than this dirty stuff.
I'M AFRAID I have some terrible news to share. My step son (Chris's only child) committed suicide yesterday morning. Much more to follow but for now just need strength for my wife and I. Will be in touch! On the upside, I'M still an Ex!
So today is Day 28.. I wasn’t able to post yesterday, just had a lot going on and it wasn’t a good day .. I forgot to do something very important on my behalf and just wondering where my mind is these days .. I’m so glad that I’m not smoking anymore.. but everything else in my life is just .. feels like out of control in a sense.. I know I’m a strong person because I picked a very stressful time to quit one of the hardest things I felt like to overcome.. I still get the urges here and there some stronger than others especially when I’m feeling overwhelmed.. but I can’t imagine having to deal with both right now.. Thank god I can come here for support because I’m not finding it anywhere else.. I’m greatful beyond words.. Have a great day ...
Still not posting much, but am painting a lot. Here are 3 of the many rocks I've painted. I'm beyond bored living with one arm! LOL I know this is too much information, but I might have figured out how to pull up my own unkies this morning. Like they say in the commercial, "I'm a big girl now."
Learning to do new things is keeping me distracted and painting, along with hand sewing, helps. My sister has taken over the kitchen, but I do my one-handed helping when I can. I took my picker upper tool and picked up pine cones yesterday. Look at me go! 1-1/2 weeks left in the sling. And counting.
I have thought about smoking more than I'm comfortable with, but I don't do that anymore. It's a combination of my husband being out of town and boredom, I'm sure. Plus, sleep is still not super comfortable, so I could make bad decisions. I won't, but I could. The quitter in me won't let it happen. I'm putting it out here to process it "out loud" and keep myself in check. This quit and my health are too precious to me to bust it now.
My daughter is driving to VA from Boston today. She starts her new job in Richmond on Monday. We couldn't be prouder of her. Her husband is staying in Boston until May, when their lease is up. She'll fly back a couple times to help continue to pack up the house and hang out with him. Overall, my three kids have done okay for themselves and that's really what having them was all about, right? Raising children who are able to take on the world on their own?
I got a new box of paint pens today, metallic, like the dark rock in the picture. I might have to try them out later. I've also made several baby balls, but haven't stuffed them yet. This is what they look like stuffed.
I prepped a bunch before surgery so I'd have hand sewing to do. The ones I'm working on are high contrast like the black and white. I also have red and white. Idle hands are not a good thing.
I wish you all a beautiful, smoke-free weekend. I'll be reading, but still won't be typing as much as I was until I get two hands in better shape.
Whispering heart voice..... I heard from the very start......do not smoke....yet I chose to smoke anyway for 38 YEARS...and then I heard to pray and......the excuses are many down through the YEARS came rushing in over whelming ME to hear ONLY ...just smoke until you drop dead...yet I prayed....and ....today MY heart whisper voice still whispers..not loud......yet the message has changed....today..... it whispers to ME..... to be a helper .......to ALL those who suffer from NICOTINE addiction.....to give HOPE.... by sharing how WE don't smoke any more..... how others taught ME to THINK first when I am so obessed with smoking that MY thoughts of MY life is OLD ways....habits....patterns...then walah....MY......NEW THOUGHTS....I was taught to STOP feeling think and to think .... NEW prayer thoughts.......FIRST put MY feelings on the back burner for NOW.......to come here to this recovery site from NICOTINE and blog..... BEFORE ......I take that first death stick to .....STOP and pray and breath 3 deep breathes and listen..... to MY heart whisper voice that still whispers listen and GO offer HELP to .....some one TODAY and give HOPE away just like it was given to you.....freely and in hoping that they hear their OWN heart whisper to themselves.... YOUR NEW life style is to...... NOT ONE PUFF EVER....N.O.P.E......YOUR living YOUR non smoker life style NOW.......YOUR heart whispers to YOU.....just for TODAY N.O.P.E.......just breathe and know God loves YOU.... GO HELP some one ......to THINK FIRST not to be feeling thinking and to continue to pray for others who are suffering from NICOTINE ADDICTION.....hear YOUR OWN heart whispering ti YOU.......CONGRATS AND WAY TO GO.....GOOD JOB STAYING NICOTINE FREE......ONE DAY AT A TIME.....your OWN heart whisper.....listen to YOUR heart whisper. ..N.O.P.E.NOT ONE PUFF EVER........gentle hug.
2019 of April 5 and a friday- just ending a cold/ flu battle and I have Christs victory in ME- the last of coughing- it is the last to go- now I am entering the 3rd week of eating just veggies-or chicken noodle soup-or yellow onion with oregano on everything and drinking water- water - water- it is so wonderful to have MY butt back to normal bowels- NOT water bowls- it is wonderful to have MY healthy stomach back NOT nausea 24/7-fyi - ginger ale 2 days only- very grateful NO vomiting- OH MY- grateful for tissues- 3 boxes used up - I am thankful to God for HIS love and tender mercies to ME- which are NEW every morning- to breathe in and out- to cough out all the snot clogs- OUT of my new created lungs day by day in MY Lord Jesus- it is written I am created new in Christ Jesus MY Lord- i am seated with Christ Jesus in the heavenly- by MY FAITH- I take God at His word in MY Lord Jesus name amen- there is nothing new under the sun- the world is still selfish and without God's free gift of SALVATION being believed freely to all humans by their OWN CHOICE- God is still offering to all- CHOICES- NO ONE will be able to tell God I never heard of the FREE gift of SALVATION- personally- everyone- every single human has heard yet rejected it of their OWN FREE will choice- NOT TODAY- nothing new under the sun - humans have been rejecting OUR Lord Jesus for YEARS- CHOICES - TODAY the kids are choosing of their OWN FREE will to use drugs like NICOTINE or dr pills given or alcohol or food or caffine or sex or different types of music - to DO - what they desire and want to DO- in the 1950 60 70 80 90 - 2019 - nothing new under the sun- the world- YET we here on this recovery site- or at whyquit.com- CHOOSE- one day at a time - EACH- individual gets to CHOOSE - to STAY a non smoker or NOT- choices - hmmmmm- still- nothing new under the sun- NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF OVER MYSELF- NOT ONE PUFF EVER- fyi- MY brother in love- yes I have many- just made it THROUGH the pain of quadruple heart surgery and is in the icu recovery - hasn't used NICOTINE in YEARS- he QUIT YEARS ago- just sharing- the nothing new under the sun - I was going through 2010 - emails I received - TONS- the same struggles those in 2010 and those now in 2019 - similar struggles - YEARS LATER- nothing new under the sun- some stay a non smoker- some went to ecigs- some died a non smoker - some died using nicotine again- nothing NEW under the sun--- April 5- 2019 - friday- still clearing out 2010 messages- grateful to God for a NEW day- under the sun- gentle hug. Thanks for letting ME VENT- nothing new under the sun- this too shall pass- WHEW!
Well almost Afternoon...sitting here eating brunch with my daughter and talking about how many days it’s been since I quit .. I was telling her about this site and how much I love coming here. Well Day 26 here .. checking in with everyone. Have a good day ..
Hi everyone It's been a while since I've made my last post. Today I mark 200 days since I quit. However it was without much fanfare. Why? Cus I just don't really think about smoking much anymore. I mean, I'm still aware that I'm working on this but it requires so much less effort and thought now. I haven't had a trigger in weeks it feels like. I've had a few days where I drank a few beers with friends and forgot to even think about smoking and didn't realize I hadn't thought about smoking while drinking until the next day. Wow! So the last few weeks have been busy at work have bought a new house, and kids are busy with spring ball. Life is just humming along. I'm still going to the gym regularly and basically I feel like I'm living the life of a non smoker without having to try. I do come back here nearly every day. Reading the posts of newbies helps me to remember how hard it was in the beginning, because I'm honestly starting to forget. And I don't want to forget so I read their struggles and remind myself that I don't ever want to go through that again. I also take note of the elders and remind myself that I really do need to continue to make this a conscious effort because of lost long term quits before, so to many times. I've got 40 days to go to get past my last quit which was 240 long before I was foolish and smoked when triggered. This time I'm gonna blow past 240 days and aim for 300 days. It's been 20 years since I've not smoked for 300 days. So that's my next big goal. Then it's the big one year goal. From there I'm headed to two years. I threw away two 2-year quits both which were more than twenty years ago. So, I'm headed there after I get to a year. Then it's to 15 years quit. Why 15 years? Cus the longest I ever went without a cigarette was the first 14 years of my life. Well, cheers to 200 days. I'm in no rush to get to any future milestones Just want to enjoy my new life as a non smoker and enjoy each day as it comes.
Today I woke up and had real stinking thinking, but changed my mind about it and got distracted and changed my patch. I am working hard at keeping this quit. I know with just one puff I loose it all. Just don't take that first puff today. There are so many other better things to do than smoke. Smoking was my constant companion for 47 years. It's going to take me some time to get used to my new life without them. Someday I hope to actually be an elder here. It won't happen if I keep returning to my vice.
Celebrating 5 Beautiful Years of Smoke ( Poison ) Free
Hi everyone at my EX Family , I hope that you are all in good spirits . I’ve missed my friends here and I do hope that you are well. This post is going to be a post of gratitude, thankfulness , appreciation and respect for everyone who has advised , encouraged and supported me throughout your journey. Without you guys and you ALL know who you are this journey would’ve been much much harder and lonelier and it wouldn’t have had the strength and greatness it has when shared with the group . To the newbies please listen to and take note from the elders on the group , it’s of utmost importance that you do because they all have been there and done it ( including myself ) so they are in the position to give that advice and support when need it without being judgmental or biased . I truly wish everyone and each of you the very best in life and like I said I miss my friends and please please if you are on FB or Instagram send me a friend request so we can stay in touch . Celebrating 5 years of poison free on the su4th of April 2019 means a great deal to me , it’s the steps , the positive decisions , the tools given here and learned , sheer willingness and dedication I’ve applied to each day since the beginning five years ago and I will continue to do so in the future . The elders /my friends of this group have been extremely loving , caring , helpful , encouraging and supportive throughout and it’s a privilege to me that I did not let them down and I hope that they are all proud of me as I am with them . No it wasn’t easy ( at times extremely hard) to curb a 27 years old addiction but it was doable and it feels great to have been able to do so with this groups help and my resolve . Wishing you all the very best x Linda (linda.mustafa) 1825 DOF
Its early..I’ve been waking up daily between 3&5.. not really sure why but here we are. Normally I would get up and grab a cigarette, and smoke and smoke...now I just lay here and read over blogs, Facebook,music, or check daily news ( not my first choice as you can see) .. I’m glad I’m not going in and out to smoke, clothes stink , breath stinks, hands stink, it’s amazing how strong this habit was for me, I was getting very close to over a pack and a half, so embarrassed to say, but here I am Day 25. I know it’s not a long time but this is not my first quit .. but I feel so different now.. I don’t do that anymore. N.O.P.E.
Day 24.. doing ok. A little down today but hanging in there .. exercise out of the way but just feeling a little lost.. it’s ok bcuz I would rather feel a little lost and a non smoker than to feel lost and be a smoker.. I’m thankful for that ..
Hope everyone’s Monday is going well.. Day 23 here.. not sure if I should list every day that I’ve been quit .. but it keeps me in check and I feel like I have to check in .. lol.. I’m glad I’m not smoking .. still battling some congestion and allergies .. but overall I feel good
I noticed I was putting day 104 on things and then realized it's day 105. I need to remember what day it is, right?
I think I figured out why I've been perpetually grumpy lately. Sleep is never good. I'm sure it will get better, but I end up getting up in the middle of the night with shoulder pain and moving to the recliner downstairs. Therefore, I'm not getting a full night's sleep and I bet that's messing with my mood. I'm not going to let it get me down if I can avoid it. 16 more sling days ahead and need to make them work for me, not against me.
On the smoking front, I'm still good. I see people asking about Allen Carr. I will always be an advocate for that book. It has helped me in the past up to the present.
I'm exercising, mostly walking, every day to keep both things in check. I've started cooking again and am working on counting my blessings rather than counting the gray clouds that poke their heads out once in a while.
I'm thinking about Strudel a lot and how I want for her healing and no pain. Here's your shout out, Kathy. I'm pulling for you.
One thing I like about EX is that there is never a shortage of new quitters. Here we are in a new month and I suspect we'll be meting new people. I can't wait to maybe help them cross into nonsmoker status.
Here's to us all, no matter what we're healing from.