My Crutch, My Friend

Blog Post created by Mdye on Mar 18, 2019

After discussing my strong desire to quit smoking once and for all  , my doctor convinced me to try chantix again after a bad reaction 10 years ago. My desire to quit over ruled  my fear of the side effects I had experienced prior.

I started the medication December 1st with the understanding I would be on it 3 months. Without reading all of the material I smoked the first month as I normally would and set a stop date for New Years day. Failing miserably. I didn't have a plan, I was not prepared, I was not ready or committed. I was expecting a magic pill.

At the start of January I was receiving texts messages for support, I am now on EX community, and smoking half of what I normally would. I found it easier to skip my morning cigarette and the cigarette after dinner. New stop date: February 1st.

There are three options in the chantix material, I went with the smoke half then smoke half again until you're down to zero cigarettes. February 1st... I still had 5 a day to go so I reset to March 1st.

Things are getting easier. I am reading more material on X community. I'm driving and not even thinking of smoking. I can fold laundry and run the vacuum without thinking of taking a break and smoking a cigarette. Walking outside to let the dog out without grabbing a lighter. Dealt with some strong triggers; extreme pain, family drama, sex. Smoked after my quit date. Received lots of help from the community. Wrote about my thoughts and my struggles.

I'm now in my 4th month and last month of chantix. I am NOT smoking now. People can smoke around me and it doesn't bother me but I still think about it. & I still have triggers to work through.

I worry about coming off of the chantix. Did I give myself a new crutch? I fear  the chantix is what is keeping me away from the cigarettes?! Did I trade one addiction for another? I know all the nicotine is out of my body. And it's only my mind that has the urge to smoke. I also know that I can breathe better today. I can't taste food, my sense of smell is stronger, my teeth are already starting to look better, my kids are proud of me and when it is raining and storming outside... I don't have to go stand out in the rain lol I like being a non smoker. An EX smoker. 

So in close, I will be coming off of chantix soon. I am nervous about being off of the chantix. I will let you know how things go.