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Do not even know where to begin to start, and keep this quit going

Got everything I need, to quit, bu the mind set. 

I dunno if i wanna battle my thoughts tomorrow.  Go get some .....No dont....  Constant ping-pong for 48 hours, it seems.  Of course no cigs, but easily accessible.    GAHHHHH




Day 103

Posted by DonnaMarie Mar 31, 2019

I know with 100% certainty that I am not alone in my "Let's Whine Pity Party" club. Healing is a sum-biscuit, if you know what I mean. 


My countdown to getting the sling off:





18 days.  I've had 3 knee replacement surgeries and various other maladies, but this is the pits in comparison.  I'm looking toward the final prize, though, and trying not to be Oscar the Grouch. 


One beautiful thing is that my quit is still going strong.


Here's to a wonderful Sunday.



Day 103


Day 21

Posted by hattonc Mar 30, 2019

Good Evening..

Hope everyone had a good day  Day 21.. staying busy.. came to visit my sister in Laredo Tx.. feels good not to smoke , not hiding or going outside every 20 minutes to smoke then hearing someone say .. u need to quit it’s so bad for u.. just so happy I don’t do that anymore...


Love of Life

Posted by Chuck_Quit_2-20-2011 Mar 30, 2019

When I was a young child at around the age of six, I had what many would call a bad year. In fact, nine months of that year was spent in the hospital.for various illnesses that always seemed to end in double pneumonia. I remember living in that hospital quite clearly. As would probably happen with a lot of children, I’d look out the window where the duct work on the roof of the hospital was and they’d always transform into monsters ready to jump through my window at a moments notice.


When I could finally get myself to sleep on those nights, I’d have vivid nightmares. One recurring one where I was always being chased by a tiger and running away but never quite getting far enough. I’d always awaken when he pounced on me, usually screaming for a moment.


My father helped to rid me of the nightmares by convincing me that turning my shoes upside down under the bed would get rid of them, and because I believed him, they did end. I learned a valuable lesson about belief at that young age and when my ordeal finally ended, I felt a renewed love for life. It was an amazing feeling that just seemed to well up inside of me every morning.


And I carried that love for life with me, always cherishing the fact that I was allowed to exist. Ah, the innocence of childhood! Like a lot of us, when I entered the next phase of growth and the innocence is replaced with knowledge, I began to explore things and I wanted to belong which took me down a path of addiction. I think I was twelve when I smoked my first cigarette and you know what?


Over time, that cigarette and all the ones after robbed me of my love of life. That cigarette changed me into a person who lived mainly to smoke. My life revolved around the cigarette and everything else in my world was simply there. My happiness was based on addiction. My routine was based on addiction. My belief system was based on addiction and for some reason I didn’t care. For some reason I let a plant do this to me!


And so I trudged on through life, never giving the idea of quitting a second thought for you see, over time I’d forgotten what the love of life really felt like. I was happy so long as my addiction was satisfied. And I lived this way for a long, long time.


When I first thought about quitting, the idea of regaining my love for life never entered my mind. I just knew that smoking was physically bad for my body and that since I was coughing for a couple of hours every morning that perhaps it was time to look at things a little differently. Perhaps it was time to do the right thing for myself and after a lot of preparation I did put out that last cigarette.


Like everyone, it was really hard! All those endless internal arguments. All those new comparisons in life that must be made. I was a basket case. But a basket case with a purpose!


And so I struggled on, more than once questioning if it was even worth it but somehow my preparation kept me on the path to freedom. The path to glory. The path to a new life that I’d forgotten about. A life that I could only dream of at first.


And you know what? It took some time but that love of life returned to me. That love of life is now a permanent part of me because this time, I never want to lose that feeling again. This time, I know I love life more than addiction. This time, I know what it’s like to be without that love and I never want to go there again!


Keep fighting my friends! Sometimes the rewards are those that you were never even looking for!


The return of a forgotten love of life makes me excited to get up in the morning. It makes me want to see the wonders of the day, rather than  wondering how I’ll ever get through that day. This is the face of freedom. I long to see each end every one of you get there!






And So The Metal Starts

Posted by minihorses Mar 30, 2019

The last few years have been a headbanging paradise.  This year was looking rather dim as most of my favorite bands are touring overseas.  I DID however find out Thursday the my most favorite is coming within a state from us.  Then they're heading back out of the country.  I managed to score some very close tickets to the concert at a very reasonable price.  So we started the year with Metallica and now DISTURBED in the fall.  Hopefully there will be more headbanging than that this year but if not, I'll still be happy.




I am not smoking and will not smoke, but right now, I'm just not in the mood to post much. If I don't show up for a day or two, don't worry! I'll be back. I'll be fine, just cranky as this shoulder stuff heals. Sometimes, it's more trouble to type than it's worth.


So... be patient with me



Day 102


Day 20

Posted by hattonc Mar 29, 2019

Hello everyone..

Hope everyone had a good week . Day 20 for me.. it’s been a long day .. took my granddaughter to the doctor.. looks like she’s allergic to penicillin.. other than that , exercised a little earlier but I feel like my eating had increased and little worried that I’m going to gain a lot of weight .. just need to set small goals I guess and not worry so much.. one day at a time .. 


Took a day off.....

Posted by DonnaMarie Mar 29, 2019

.... from blogging and posting. I just wasn't feeling very sociable. I'm sure we've all been there. I rather enjoyed being in my little bubble here at home. I didn't do a lot of anything, but did fit in some exercise and a nap. Whoo hooo! I'm not as off center today and am ready to face the world, sort of


I start with training on the new volunteer spot at Colonial Corrections. I have a bit of stuff to learn and I'm ready to get dressed and be around people today. 


Now to grab a cup of coffee and see what's happening around here. 



Day 102

Life really does happen whether we smoke or not and choosing Not to Smoke during stress, anxiety, happiness, sadness or that reward cigarette because of a job or circumstance well done that's when N.O.P.E. - Not One Puff Ever and Vigilance really works because we've got our quits firmly in our grasp so we must continue to choose our precious quits over the Smokes because our lives literally depends on us to nurture and protect the best gift that any of us will ever give ourselves which is the GIFT of LIFE.....


Skygirl's Update

Posted by ShawnP Champion Mar 29, 2019

I received an inbox from SkyGirl last night on fb. She wrote a response to Nancy as a comment and had some problems trying to post this as a blog. She requested that I give you the update. She will need alot of support from all of us in the coming year. Keep her in your thoughts and prayer. Here is what she typed me...........


If anyone asks, My Beloved (Jeff) is deteriorating a rate more rapid than average. He will be using leg and wrist braces that he was measured for today at the Providence Brain & Spine Institute just this morning. He has been measured for a respirator to have ready when needed. He is volunteering for a clinical trial of an FDA yet-to-be approved drug for ALS patients. But he will not benefit from this drug; he will only be contributing to research for a cure. We are working with the VA (and various military organizations that advocate for ALS patients) to see if we can get help with all the huge cost of taking care of someone with ALS. Jeff served in Army for one term of four years in his early 20’s, so we may get some benefits there, but we have not heard anything yet. (The military has many benefits for ALS patients because, for unknown reasons, people who serve in the military are diagnosed with ALS at TWICE the rate of the general population.) He is deteriorating rapidly. He has lost use of his thumbs on both hands, the right more than the left. It doesn’t sound that bad until you try doing what you usually do without using your thumbs. He was measured for leg and wrist braces today to try to keep him more stable and able to keep his job as the manager of the Rockaway Beach Resort in Rockaway, Oregon. His office is upstairs and the staff is reorganizing everything to put his office on the main floor because he can hardly climb stairs anymore. He is staring to have trouble swallowing. But his respiratory therapist says he can still breathe well for his current condition. We have a “BreathStacker” apparatus that he needs to use to exercise his lung function and keep him breathing on his own for as long as possible. We have asked for, and received, the paperwork for Advanced Directives for him. He wants to decide when he dies and I completely, despite my breaking heart, support that. I cant bear the thought of letting him go, but I know he wants to go before he isn’t able to make any decisions on his own. Thank goodness, Oregon is a state that allows patients to make Advanced Directives that will be legally carried out by the doctors when terminal patients reach the point that they have chosen. Nancy, this is killing me. I love this man beyond imagining. He is my rock. I work my flights, smiling, greeting, serving passengers. Then I get to my layover hotel, and I cry and cry and cry. I can’t believe this is happening to us. We had so many plans for retirement—side-by-side rocking chairs on our back porch, watching the sun go down...and it’s all gone in a moment’s diagnosis. I don’t know how I can go on without this man.

I'm a bit desperate for SOMETHING to help me.  I've been 9 days free of smoking and have really been enjoying exercising without panting, wondering when I can smoke, not smelling, etc...  Great benefits so far but having a hard time since quitting because of so many things going on.  I came to my parents an hour away the day I quit for medical appointments and am still here 9 days later because of ongoing issues.  Being at home is good and bad.  I know I will disappoint my parents if I light up but THEY are the ones who make me want to because I feel like I am suffocating here.  I have no choice though and honestly, it's keeping me smoke free.  I have chronic pain and GI issues and feel like nothing is EVER going to get better in my life.  I feel like the walls are closing in and I told my parents that I don't want to live anymore. I don't want to stay "smoke free" for them.  I NEVER again want to feel that I have to please THEM.    I was going to go home today but staying another 2 nights for my own safety.  My parents had to go out of town for the night and I'm happy about that because I get "alone" time but the cravings are severe. I threw out all my cigs at home but found 1/4 pack here in my room at my parents and I know I need to get rid of them but my mind keeps saying otherwise and that one won't hurt me and maybe it'll help the suicidal thoughts.  I honest to GOD think it would.  It's that or going to go smoke pot which I don't usually do.  I'm on Benzos (xanax, Klonopin) but they're not helping with this feeling.  I know smoking pot is "smoking" and can lead to relapse.  Right now, I'm trying to fight the bigger evil and that is my anxiety and not finding much hope in living anymore.  Smoking seems to be the least of my issues at THIS moment.  I don't want to and that is why I am begging for help.  I've come so far and quit cold turkey except for 4 pieces of nicotine gum.  Any and all advice would help.  Even though the nicotine is way out of my system now, should I risk chewing a piece of gum and see if it helps?   


I should add my parents are amazing people but growing up with mental illness made me think differently about experiences growing up than my 2 siblings.  They are both healthy (mind and body) and happy with families.  I am planning on taking my folks to therapy so we can workout what I may have bottled up from childhood.  I love my parents more than anyone.



Posted by anaussiemom Mar 28, 2019

Happy Thursday


Day 19

Posted by hattonc Mar 28, 2019

Good Morning.. 

Day 19... doin ok but I have noticed that my appetite has increased a lot .. I have started exercising and making some changes but worried about the weight gain .. I know this is part of the quit process .. anyone doing keto? And ur thoughts on this? Have a good day 

so I came here to read blogs and to TRY to be HELPFUL to those who are SUFFERING just from becoming human in their OWN skin for the first TIME without using NICOTINE to COPE being human for the first TIME- with newness and weight gain and just those FEELINGS that whisper inside MY head - your NEVER gonna make it without smoking- just forget about it and SMOKE- MY OLD NICOTINE life style called constantly obsessive craving to go backwards in the beginning of MY recovery - then I remembered the - SUGGESTIONS made to ME to educate MYSELF on MY NICOTINE ADDICTION - just MINE- to read read read the blogs here from those WHO are living NON SMOKER lives- I did read and read and read and read some MORE and CHOSE - what worked for ME- I blogged the emotions I use to smoke over- I blogged to just vent about ME and MY stinking thinking- i blogged BEFORE I use NICOTINE so EVERYONE here could offer their OWN SUGGESTIONS to carry ME when I didn't know what to do- so PLEASE give YOUR self TIME if you are struggling- and suffering to get through NEW or OLD fffeeeelllings of belonging of living NICOTINE FREE for the FIRST time or for ANOTHER try try try or thinking feeling and feeling thinking - or just couldn't sleep - PLEASE know - it all passes and more will be revealed as YOU CHOOSE wisely to NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER and wait for the HELPFUL SUGGESTIONS and experience to come - wait for US - WE- OUR- TOGETHER- NOT ONE PUFF EVER over ourselves- PLEASE take what HELPS and let go of the rest - thank you- gentle hug.  


Day 100

Posted by DonnaMarie Mar 27, 2019

Here's to 100 days of smobriety.


Here's to EXers and others who have knowingly or unknowingly helped me along the way.


Here's to those before me and with quit dates after mine. 


Here's to learning a lot about myself during this quit journey. 


Here's to friends, new and old, who are there for me. 


And here's to chocolate for everyone!

Let's do the 100 Day Shuffle and party! 






Day 100


Day 18

Posted by hattonc Mar 27, 2019

Good Morning..

Day 18 here.. feeling ok.. little anxious this morning.. still a little  coughing and some congestion but getting better.. I’m glad I’m not smoking.. Happy I can come here and get support.. have a good one 

LET THE CELEBRATION FOR  DONNAMARIE 100 NICOTINE FREE DAYS BEGIN! We are so proud of you DonnaMarie and glad YOU are 100 days walking and talking and enjoying YOUR OWN non smoker life style EACH NEW day! Yahoooooooooo and WAY TO GO!!!! gentle hug   


Last day of double digits

Posted by DonnaMarie Mar 26, 2019

Tomorrow, I graduate to the triple digit club. For today, I'm basking in the day 99ness of it all. 


I visited the surgeon for a follow up and to see what comes next. Everything looks good and I'm free to add a certain exercise. In three weeks, I start physical therapy and lose the sling. I get to drive again then as well. 


On the way home, Richard and I stopped by the store and ended up stopping at a stoplight. The driver in front of us was smoking. Two things crossed my mind - 1) I'm glad that's not me and 2) I felt kind of sorry for her. I don't have to do that anymore. That's a beautiful feeling.


Thoughts to Kathy Strudel today. 


And wishes of hope and strength to all of those who are early in their quit journey and possibly still having a hard time. Look at me. I did this and you can too. I was more of a lifer than I care to admit and now I have quit. 


P.S. I'm typing with two hands again. I have a regular keyboard hooked up to the laptop and am figuring out how to do this per the doctor's instructions, but I'm doing it!



Day 99


Another Day Wow!!

Posted by Christine13 Mar 26, 2019

It's another day in my quit.  It's going good, the wellbutrin is helping me, and I'm keeping busy and distracted.

WoW, I am getting this!!  I was having some junkie thinking this morning, but I got up and did up my dishes, and the thoughts went away.  I worked hard to prepare for this quit, and it's paying off.  I like my new smoke free life.


Day 17

Posted by hattonc Mar 26, 2019

Good Morning..

Hope everyone has a great day !! Day 17 and going strong .. I really want this to be my final quit! I want my life to be different and I will do whatever it takes to get there! One day at a time !!


Day 98

Posted by DonnaMarie Mar 25, 2019

Blogs are shorter when they are typed one-handed, but it's part of the new me to take a moment to crow a bit.


You can't hear him, but he's singing, "98! 98! 98!"


Follow up with surgeon tomorrow and will see what's next.  I got out of the recliner early this morning and went upstairs to the bed for the rest of my sleep.  I doubt I'll sleep in the recliner anymore! No pain meds for 2 days. 



Day 98


Day 16

Posted by hattonc Mar 25, 2019

Good Morning everyone..

I hope y’all had a good weekend.. Day 16 for me. Changed it up a bit this morning.. I’m having trouble sleeping lately .. but am usually an early riser.. I got up and did a shirt workout. About 15 minutes but is a 1 mile brisk walk. I feel good .. thanks for being here . 

HIS grace uoon grace upon grace upon grace upon GRACE - YAHOOOO -  3000 NON SMOKER LIVING MY LIFE STYLE NICOTINE FREE DAYS OF MY TESTING - MY TRIALS- MY FAILURES - MY TRY AND TRY AGAIN - MY NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER OVER ME!!!  ONLY by GOD and HIS love and HIS GRACE and HIS tender mercies has GOD ALONE kept ME hidden in MY Lord Jesus by MY Holy Spirit cleaning ME inside and out by MY FAITH in MY Lord Jesus name amen - please I am talking about ME not anyone else - please take what HELPS and let GO of the rest - thank you - MY victory overcoming ME and throughout MY very beginning of MY NEW mind set of EDUCATING MYSELF ABOUT MY NICOTINE EXCUSES - SUGGESTIONS made by those here at this recovery site by those who are walking their talk here AND also at in MY recovery group there too -"the ELDERS here at this recovery site SUGGESTING to ME -  reading Joel's FREE book- NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER - I am so grateful to Joel at for his teaching NICOTINE ADDICTS for over 40 YEARS and showing Bryon's video on his early death from his using NICOTINE and HIS FAMILY who wanted to HELP others addicted to NICOTINE- they HELPED ME awaken out of MY denial about MY NICOTINE ADDICTION - IN MY beginning at 3 months NICOTINE FREE - MY 1st REALITY of life on life's terms was the  killing of MY brother in love by a drunk driver - MY prayer - Holy Spirit HELP- then i came here and told them what happened and asked for traveling tools to go out of state - driving with NO cigs for the first time - I spoke up at the house where family gathered at after the burial and asked PLEASE smoke outside I quit smoking 3 months ago and they CHOSE to smoke outside and this year 2018-  I went to visit MY mom and we gathered at the same house for turkey day and I am 8 years NICOTINE FREE - ONLY by God's grace and I asked if they would please smoke outside and they did- I am so grateful I chose to use the experiences shared here by ALL - some SUGGESTIONS worked for ME and some did NOT - I chose to STAY NICOTINE FREE anyway and to  keep learning and healing and growing. - day by day and to have victory over ME and MY thinking and MY feelings to be responsible for ME and MY non smoker life style living- breath by breath - moment by moment - trials and tests- in January 2017 MY daughter was in alcoholic  coma 8 day and TODAY is alive and smoking and waiting for instructions on HOW to get on waiting list for a NEW LIVER- attention PLEASE -  its HER life CHOICES and HER OWN LIFE to live as she CHOOSES- HER life is - NOT MY life - TWO separate people - TWO separate lives - that took this RECOVERING co-dependant seeking people approval NO MORE -  32 YEARS of working on ME and MY past issues- I am a survivor of childhood rape at age 6 to 15 yrs old- thanks to PROFESSIONAL therapy and then SUGGESTED to go to a Bible based incest survivor group - 30 YEARS ago- then 31 YEARS ago NEXT with no ALCOHOL for coping - when I was FOUR years SOBER-  I found out MY 3rd Xhusband was raping MY kids and then the long suffering court system to fight to put him away-  he was sentenced - that was NO ALCOHOL or drugs involved!!! Yes i was a born again  BELIEVER smoking 50 cigs a day at thar TIME!!! Next came - no CHOCOLATE and its been 13 YEARS-  no caffine for 7 YEARS ago and 3000 DAYS CONTINUOUS DAYS NICOTINE FREE- TODAY MARCH 25, 2019 AND JUST COMPLETED 21 DAY DANIEL FAST - VEGGIES AND WATER!!!! HOORAY FOR MY DADDY GOD AND MY LORD JESUS AND MY PRECIOUS HOLY COMFORTER AND ME!!!  I love the praise song - Victory in Jesus - Victory in Jesus MY love forever - who bought ME and brought ME in HIS redeeming blood - and in MY bible - it  is written - I am Christ's and Christ is God's -  Yahoooooooooo- 3000 days in Christ Jesus VICTORY!!! Thanks for letting me share - and FYI  life still happens- YOUR CHOICE TO LIVE OR DIE- WE - US - OUR - CHOOSE - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER- OVER ME!!! NOT TODAY!!!!!!WAY TO GO INDIN GRL! GOOD JOB! CONGRATS STAYING NICOTINE FREE LIVING MY OWN NON SMOKER LIFE STYLE in MY Lord Jesus name amen - when any ONE is in love with some ONE- don't they just go around telling everyone who will listen to them - how much they love that person- i have often wondered how some people get upset -  so angry - so mean - so nasty -   when I speak of MY love for MY Lord Jesus-  then I remember - AH HA -  but for the grace of God go I - WHAT I USE TO BE LIKE- a sinner saved by God's GRACE- amen. 

beautiful, exciting, intimidating, challenging door opens. I have officially smoked my last cigarette. At 7:27 PM, I am going to consider myself a non-smoker. I am going to remind myself daily that I am an addict, acknowledge the thoughts as they come and remember that cigarettes are not my friend and nicotine is my arch enemy. Instead of feeling as if I am losing something, I will remind myself that I have EVERYTHING to gain by becoming a happy non-smoker. I am free of the chains. I’m ready to begin a life without fear, low self-esteem, shame, stinky clothes and hands, anxiousness from when I will get my next fix. I will no longer have to plan my days around my addiction. I’m FREE. 


Day 15

Posted by hattonc Mar 24, 2019

Good Morning..

Day 15 here.. didn’t sleep well at all last night and when I finally fell asleep I had a dream that I was smoking and woke up feeling so sad.. Thank God it was a dream .. hope everyone has a good day..


Day 97 for real

Posted by DonnaMarie Mar 24, 2019

I' giving in and counting completed days daggumit!



EX says 97, so it is 97, My quit app is all screwed up and says 96. I'll go with the EX days.


Smoked like a fiend in my dream last night.  In the dream, I knew I was busting a long and precious quit, but kept telling myself I could quit again.  Oddly, I felt bad about smoking and cried when i bought a pack. i  woke up and was relieved to realize it wasn't real.


No big plans today. Maybe a walk. Such excitement.



Day 97


Day 14

Posted by hattonc Mar 23, 2019

Good Afternoon,

Day 14 here.. I hope everyone is having a good weekend so far..I spent the morning with one of my granddaughters, took her to the doctor.. ear infection . I’m just glad there’s no flu or RSV.. my other granddaughter just got home yesterday evening from being in the hospital overnight with RSV... I’m telling you these past few weeks have been very trying for me and my family but we are doing better.. so I’ve been feeling some little tugs here and there and I hate admitting that because I feel like it shows weakness... and just feeling like I’ve lost something but I know what it is .. I just keep busy cause I’m happy that I don’t smoke .. I thank God this website exists.. Thank you. 

I am 1 day off from EX's official quit number because I count the current day as well as days completed,  It IS my 97th quit day, but I have completed 96 day of sobriety.  I'm going to change over to completed days so I match EX and my quit meter.


More later


Day 13

Posted by hattonc Mar 22, 2019

Good Morning.. 

Hoping today will be a better day .. going back to the dr myself .. congestion coming back ..praying we all get better soon .. hope everyone has a great day... 


Day 96

Posted by DonnaMarie Mar 22, 2019

I have run out of prepared images with the number of quit days on them.  I started collecting quit smoking clipart and adding numbers in December. My plan was to use artwork to mark the days and made 95 edited images. Now, I'm out! I never imagined that I'd use them all. I'm not making more with numbers on them. I'll still keep track, but feel almost giddy about graduating to numberless images!


Sleep is still goofy with the sling, but not worrying about that. I'll get back to sleeping in the bed when I get back to it. No deep shoulder pain this morning. I had planned cutting back on the pain meds tomorrow, and it looks like that will happen! 


It is supposed to be nice weather-wise today.  I might even see a short stroll in my future!



Day 96


Day 12

Posted by hattonc Mar 21, 2019

Good evening..

its been a long and stressful day.. took my granddaughter to the Dr this morning and they ended up putting her in the hospital.. she will be 6mths old on the 28th of this month .. she has RSV and just sounds terrible.. but she’s eating good so they just want to keep her and see how she does tonight.. hopefully it will start clearing up .. still no caving in to the cigs for me.. I want to breathe... I’m trying to get my daughter to quit smoking .. my other daughter is an RN and was telling me about a patient she had last night with COPD and flu. She smoked 3 pks a day ..she’s not doing well at all..when I hear this kind of stuff it terrifies me.. I’m glad I can come here to vent .. 


Day 95 and ouch

Posted by DonnaMarie Mar 21, 2019

It is day 95 of no smoking! I no longer have the full weight of a monkey on my back (or a cig as in the clipart), and it feels good.


The nerve block was pretty much worn off when I got up to pee more IV fluids out, and my shoulder came alive. It is not nearly bad as I thought! Its like a big cranky ache with occasional real pain. Both the hospital and the physician called to check on me. That little touch of niceness is so appreciated. 


Now I hang out, take meds if I need to. and probably take a wee nap later.  


Happy almost Friday!



Day 95


Day 94 & surgery

Posted by DonnaMarie Mar 20, 2019

one handed typing, but I made it! Day 94 is almost done and surgery is done with no complications.


Thanks for all the kind thoughts  See you tomorrow.



Day 94


Ice pack and pain eds, and Cheezitz



Day 11

Posted by hattonc Mar 20, 2019

Good Morning.

Day 11.. hope everyone has a good day . Have a lot to do today .. I’ve tried uploading a photo not sure what I’m doing wrong .. maybe someone could walk me through if possible.. please and thank you 


Day 93 and stuff

Posted by DonnaMarie Mar 19, 2019

Yep, this is me. Just a bit of a scaredy cat. I know I'll be fine and I know all will go well, but the human inside of me (I know, I am not really superhuman! Shocking.) is feeling like a little kid about to go to the dentist or the principal's office. You know, that feeling. 


The surgery tomorrow is a re-do of the incomplete job I had done in August, but this time, there's immobility involved for a pretty good while, and I truly do feel like I'm in the dark as to what comes next. I've prepped as best I can with food, laundry, rearranging furniture in the living room so I can sleep in the recliner and work at a desk, put away the sewing machine for a while, and untold number of other stuff around the house. Argh. 


I went to the grocery store earlier to pick up some last minute things and was really, really in the danger zone as far as smoking goes. I haven't been anxious in a while and didn't realize what a trigger it is. I dreamed of smoking last night, which is not that unusual, but the desire to smoke today was really strong. I'm home and in my safe zone now. Whew.


Here's hoping everyone is having a beautiful, smoke-free, easy breathing day. 



Day 93


Day 10

Posted by hattonc Mar 19, 2019

Good Morning everyone,

I hope all is well .. didn’t get a chance to post yesterday .. doin ok just taking it one day at a time granddaughter has RSV so I’ve been worried about her .. sometimes I wonder about these doctors today .. she’s had a terrible cough for a while and there just now doing something about it .. other than that .. I’m still dealing with the cough and congestion.. but I’m not smoking nor do I want to.. I want to be able to breathe instead .. I know it takes time to get all of this cleared up .. I want to run again and exercise .. well happy Tuesday ...

Yep, still not smoking! Working my 92nd day and feeling fine about it. 


In the meantime, my activity level is through the roof. LOL Vacations and surgeries send me into a few-day spin and now the sewing room is cleaned and organized, the kitchen is in order, and the last of the laundry is in the washer. I have a few more things that need to be done and a lot more things I want to do. I'm going to work the "need" list first and take it from there. Last night was a dinner that finished up all the leftovers in the frig. 


Am I the only one who gets this way? 


My sister has a back steroid injection today, so I'll be driving her to that in a bit. The injections seem to help. I can't imagine living with that much pain every day. I know a lot of people here do and I have in the past, and I feel for each and every one of you who hurt physically. 


The sun is shining and even though they're calling for rain this afternoon, I want to take advantage of the pretty weather for a little bit this morning, so that's exactly what I'm going to do right now.


Y'all have a beautiful day. Keep being smoke free!



Day 92



  My Crutch, My Friend

Posted by Mdye Mar 18, 2019

After discussing my strong desire to quit smoking once and for all  , my doctor convinced me to try chantix again after a bad reaction 10 years ago. My desire to quit over ruled  my fear of the side effects I had experienced prior.

I started the medication December 1st with the understanding I would be on it 3 months. Without reading all of the material I smoked the first month as I normally would and set a stop date for New Years day. Failing miserably. I didn't have a plan, I was not prepared, I was not ready or committed. I was expecting a magic pill.

At the start of January I was receiving texts messages for support, I am now on EX community, and smoking half of what I normally would. I found it easier to skip my morning cigarette and the cigarette after dinner. New stop date: February 1st.

There are three options in the chantix material, I went with the smoke half then smoke half again until you're down to zero cigarettes. February 1st... I still had 5 a day to go so I reset to March 1st.

Things are getting easier. I am reading more material on X community. I'm driving and not even thinking of smoking. I can fold laundry and run the vacuum without thinking of taking a break and smoking a cigarette. Walking outside to let the dog out without grabbing a lighter. Dealt with some strong triggers; extreme pain, family drama, sex. Smoked after my quit date. Received lots of help from the community. Wrote about my thoughts and my struggles.

I'm now in my 4th month and last month of chantix. I am NOT smoking now. People can smoke around me and it doesn't bother me but I still think about it. & I still have triggers to work through.

I worry about coming off of the chantix. Did I give myself a new crutch? I fear  the chantix is what is keeping me away from the cigarettes?! Did I trade one addiction for another? I know all the nicotine is out of my body. And it's only my mind that has the urge to smoke. I also know that I can breathe better today. I can't taste food, my sense of smell is stronger, my teeth are already starting to look better, my kids are proud of me and when it is raining and storming outside... I don't have to go stand out in the rain lol I like being a non smoker. An EX smoker. 

So in close, I will be coming off of chantix soon. I am nervous about being off of the chantix. I will let you know how things go.


9 days from 100!!!! I'm a nonsmoker, y'all.


I'm having some shoulder (rotator cuff) repair done on 3/20. That means today, I started doing laundry, cleaning my bedroom, finishing some undone sewing projects, and thinking about shopping for foods I can fix one-handed. I've been (excuse the bluntness!) practicing pulling up my pants after going potty with just one hand. Lawdamercy, I do not want to ask for help with that. Or any of the other personal care things we have to do for ourselves. Thankfully, it's my left shoulder and I'm right-handed, so I hope to not be too debilitated. I set up a desk in the living room to put the laptop on rather than trying to work with it on my lap. I understand I'll have free movement of my hand, just not the arm.


Other than trying to figure out what I'm doing for surgery, I came closer to finishing a couple of rocks I'm doing for two friends of my daughter's. Their mom died a couple years ago and Allison (my daughter) asked me to make a couple memory rocks. Here's the front of one and the back of the other. BTW, the cat's name is Seven and he was her price and joy. 


This rock is primarily decoupage as there's no way I can paint that gorgeous cat. I need to let everything dry (I had to repair some of the white base coat) and then seal them. After that, I'll let them dry and mail the to the sisters. It makes me feel good to make something that people can hold as a memory, ya know?


Now it's time to make dinner, finish watching the race, and do some work. Gotta get paid!



Day 91


Day 8

Posted by hattonc Mar 17, 2019

Good afternoon. 

I hope everyone is enjoying their St.Pattys day and wearing green.. I’ve had a good day .. Day 8 for me, I took my grandson with me to church this morning and was so awesome .. I’m so greatful to God for helping me find the strength again to quit smoking .. and thankful for having this website to come to for support ., you all are really great at coming to someone’s rescue ,, I’ve been having some urges here and there but I know it’s to be expected.. but I just want to get over this cough and detox .. and hit the gym at some point .. thank you all... 


Day 7

Posted by hattonc Mar 16, 2019

Hello everyone.. day 7.. have had some urges or whatever they r called .. but got thru them .  U know that empty feeling ,, not sure if it’s the weather today but feeling congested just coughing a little more today .. hoping to get all of this out of my chest . Hope everyone is having a good Saturday. 

Guess which one is me. I'm not the one in the cop uniform. 


This morning was Fido Fest. It's put on my the county where I live and it's a day filled with activities for people and their dogs. The police volunteers were set up to do Child ID, but they needed one of us to do McGruff. I've never been inside one of those costumes in my life so said, "what the hell?" and suited up. Ben, the police officer, walked me around because I couldn't see diddly. We took a ton of pictures with little kids and grownups with their dogs. The shadow in the lower left of the picture is of a local television guy. No one will ever know it was me, but there you go, my anonymous moment of fame.


After everything was done and I was in my car leaving, damn, did I want a cigarette. Thankfully, I still have cinnamon sticks in the car - on purpose. I held and played with one until I was almost home and tucked it away for the next crisis moment. That's my first cinnamon stick in a couple weeks! The challenge is never over, is it?


So, my morning was spent with dogs, cops, and people, and now the afternoon and evening are going to be a little quieter and I'll work later. 


Here's to working day 90 and many more smoke-free days ahead.



Day 90


Getting through Saturday.

Posted by Christine13 Mar 16, 2019

I had a massive crave this morning, but got through it.  I was lying on the couch and watching a movie, and it's all I could do to just stay there and let the feeling pass but it did.  I know it will always pass if I just don't feed it.

Saturday is quite often a bad day for me, because everyone is busy for the weekend.  However, I'm going to fill my day with some housework, and then after that do some reading or crocheting or doodling as a reward.  I'm noticing too that my grief for Brian is stronger during the season changes.  Sometimes I just feel so lost without him, and my cigs.



Posted by Chuck_Quit_2-20-2011 Mar 16, 2019

When I was younger and living in the suburbs of Denver, Colorado I used to spend a lot of time looking to the west where the rockies shimmered in the sunlight in winter and in the wonderful colors of summer. I’d daydream of being there constantly. And as I continued to grow, so too did my dream of walking the mountains.


For some reason when I was there, I felt a calm that can only come from being where a person belongs. A feeling of serenity and yes, happiness. Once I was old enough to drive, I’d go find a quiet spot in the mountains and there I’d daydream as well. I’d dream of climbing those formidable mountains that I felt so at home with. I wanted to taste the air that I knew would be so cool and just taste fresh. I wanted to look around me and see what these glorious mountains looked like from above.


Over time I gathered the tools I’d need to make a climb and re-learned my map and compass. I spent a lot of time preparing for my first hike as I knew I’d be making that hike alone. And then one day I stepped onto the slopes of Greys peak, a mountain fairly close to Denver. The first thing I noticed as I passed tree line was how alien everything looked. The trees had become short little bushes behind me and looking above I saw that there was only tundra on the slopes  ahead, ending near the top where only boulders and snow existed even in the summer.


I reached the top and felt a kind of pride that can only come from achieving a goal that was once a dream. I climbed many more of these peaks over the years, always longing to live among them. And in the end as life would have it when we dream, I did find a way to live in this incredible place of my dreams!


My next dream wouldn’t begin until way later in my life. That dream was the dream of quitting smoking and in a way that’s how my journey started. By dreaming of a life free of my addiction. A life where I could follow other dreams simply by removing the clutter of my addiction. So long as it was just a daydream, I was fine.


Of course all of that changed the day I got serious. That was when my internal thoughts became thoughts in turmoil. I began losing sight of my dream of freedom as the fear of creating that freedom set in. And so many times because of this, I put this dream on hold. But the idea of quitting kept resurfacing like a recurring nightmare until the day that I grabbed hold of the idea and began focusing on it.


Over time, I knew what I had to do. I had to make this dream as powerful within my being as my dream of living in and climbing those mountains. That was the main focus of my preparation. But there was a difference between my dream of climbing and my dream of quitting smoking. The difference was that I wasn’t sure how to accomplish this new dream and so I set out doing what I did when I prepared to climb that first mountain. I was working to make my dream of freedom so powerful that I couldn’t lose.


Just as when I prepared to climb that first mountain, I began assembling the tools I would need. And I worked hard on seeing myself in my minds eye as a nonsmoker, because this had to be the dream. You can’t move on into something new until you can at least get a glimpse of that world.

Over time I did create that dream and over time I lost my fear of reaching for that dream. I even used Mt. Freedom to help me to see my goal more clearly because climbing was something I understood and was something I once dreamed of.


And in the end I did find that dream of freedom. I did move into that world. Into the dream that I had created so long ago. Sure, there was a little damage along the way from my past life of addiction. I can’t climb quite so high anymore but you know what? It doesn’t matter because I’m now living my new dream. I’m now feeling that peace that I always knew was there.


And now I create another dream simply by grooming my yard and sometimes when I’m out there I’ll glance up at those fourteeners and it always puts a smile on my face for you see, it reminds me that I’m now living a better life. One that I could only dream of before. And that with that new life comes a happiness and contentment that in the beginning I could only dream of. I hope your dreams come true!





WE have been attending Pacific Garden Missions for FOUR YEARS and it is OUR home church. Please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - thank you. MY husband and I are heading to Pacific Garden Mission in Chicago IL at 1pm TODAY - they HELP  ALL people who freely CHOOSE for them selves - who want HELP to change their OWN life styles - they OFFER homeless persons or people that want a NEW LIFE IN OUR LORD CHRIST JESUS - thet offer the FREE opportunity to get on their OWN feet and to CHOOSE for their OWN NEW life programs - it is bible based - they offer CHOICES - to go back to school or job training programs or bible certificate programs for mission work or to become a pastor or drug counselors - or in house 90 day drug treatment program that is bible based to get off drugs of ALL kinds or get GED or go to bible college or learn a trade to get a good job - they HELP with all ADDICTIONS - its is a MISSION field building that offers ALL sorts of HELP to people from ALL walks of life- WE cleaned OUR closet OUT of gently used clothing- OUR clothes that have not been worn by us for over  6 months-  clothes that  just hang there in the closet so WE just gathered those clothes -  two bags of love clothing to donate and just called to go on a tour with a group of STRANGERS from ALL over the world - Wisconsin Tennessee Chicago Florida just to name a few and  bus loads of people come from churchs from surrounding cities that volunteer to HELP serve supper - which WE did every other saturday - it is so much fun to be HELPFUL and some people that CHOSE to use their vacation to come and see the building that houses the radio program called .- unshackled--  also PGM has been HELPING PEOPLE since 1877 - please check out website for YOURSELF - don't just take MY word on it - thanks for letting ME share- just fyi - PGM has been OUR HOME CHURCH for 4 YEARS now- HOORAY FOR JESUS- its on T.V. on channel 75 -  in Illinois - the channel is called the Total living network. You just might see US in the audience tonight! Gentle hug.  


10pm makes 21 days!

Posted by mnicolee1 Mar 15, 2019

Wow! I cannot believe it has been 3 weeks. The time has just flown by. I am so grateful for everyone that has been here when I needed it, read through my mumbling mess and given me advice and all the tips to help make it easier. So far the cravings are almost non existence, when I see one my heart skips and beat but I realize I’ve got this and I’m stronger than ever! Here’s to another 21 days! 

I can only hope to be as great and motivating as y’all have been for me! 



Day 89 - 11 to go for TDC!

Posted by DonnaMarie Mar 15, 2019

This was me this morning and I'm not sure why. I totally woke up a cranky old bear and had just about enough of it up to here. You can visualize what "it" is and where "up to here" is. After a couple of hits and misses, I decided I better grab my music and go walk, and that's what I did. I even added raking to the trail to my movement. My goal was to walk and work the crank out of me. 


I didn't sleep great last night.

Abbey took out one of her staples, so back on the collar/cone went.

When I cleaned up her incision, it was gross, but at least it's clean again, eh?

My sister, though I love her dearly, bugged me just by her very presence this morning. In her defense, she could have been anyone and she would have bugged me. 

My last nerve was sticking out and was being plucked by existence.

I hate being cranky.


Okay, end of whine. I took control and did the exercise, and now I'm not so bitchy. Abbey's wound is fine, but damn, I could just see hauling her to the vet again and getting more work done. Nope, not my idea of a good time.


But you know what? I'm not smoking! 89 days ago, I quit, and I'm still here to tell the tale. I've got a beautiful glass of water over there and a gorgeous healing dog over there. I might just be getting over my cranky old self.



Day 89


Day 6

Posted by hattonc Mar 15, 2019

Good morning  on this rainy day.. this is day6 for me.. I didn’t get to post day 5 yesterday.. was taking care of my 15 month old granddaughter... I feel like I’m getting much better just takes time I guess. This quit I need to change up my routine , I’m not working at this time and I need to find things to busy myself... I do not ever want to smoke again . I hate cigarettes but I do feel like something is missing .. I’m stronger..


Day 88 and dog things

Posted by DonnaMarie Mar 14, 2019

Still smoke free after all these days! Working on day 88 as we speak and though I've been grossed out and a tiny bit stressed, I haven't even thought about smoking. Today, I'm trying to keep in mind that overeating is not an option just like smoking is not an option. 


Abbey wore her cone of shame with pride last night. The vet gave us a new one, but it was an el-cheapo and I definitely didn't think it would hold up. I had this one from the last time she needed to wear one, so cleaned it up and on it went. She did fine overnight, though needed to go out at about 2. Argh. 


This morning, I took off the collar to give her some comfort. Later we found some blood drops on the floor and it turned out the incision on the back of her leg came open. It took me a while to figure it out because they just did a little kind of scratch thing to biopsy the second lump. So far, her leg is dry and we're thinking the bleeding has stopped. I thought maybe she had bitten it, but I think it was just movement. At any rate, she sees to be fine now and she's no longer acting like a drug addict. If I continue to find blood (which I haven't thus far), I'll get her back to the vet lickity split. 


I put off some appointments I had today to hang out with Abbey. We're getting ready to hit the back yard and just breathe in some of this beautiful weather we're having here in Virginia today. 


Side note: Last night when I got up with the dog around 2 a.m., I had a fleeting thought of smoking. Going out with her in the middle of the night is definitely a time I would have smoked in the past. But it truly was a fleeting and not powerful thought that I can't even call an urge. Old habits and activities being done in a new way are so empowering. To anyone just starting their smoke-free voyage, I urge you to gain strength from every moment like this. I took the dog out without smoking and a) didn't die and b) became even stronger in my quit. Don't ever give up and see each moment as one more step to never smoking again.


Here's hoping everyone is having a marvelous, smoke-free Thursday. 



Day 88

You gotta raise a flag  You gotta take a stand

Smoking doesn't get up and leave your head without a plan


Plan new things for times you'll miss   you may get mad, you may get pissed

Expect to have your feelings hurt, some days may feel as low as dirt

Time will play it's silly games,  rains will come to freshen and clean

Flowers will grow, things will green,

hard days will grow far between


Feelings, tears, and  fears will pass, get yourself up off your ass

It'll all pass, in time   it'll all pass in time,

BELIEVE, BE SURE  and you'll be fine



If you can do a single day  you can do that week away

A month is not too much  We'll hold your hand and be your coach

Be in this for you to find freedom that you never knew

Let positive thoughts support your choice  

talk yourself through Hear Your Voice

If you're through the roller coaster ups and downs of withdrawals,  moodswings and lack of sleep and you're in that good place in your quit then you know that quitting smoking is absolutely Doable BUT if you're in the throes of the horrendous cravings you may think I'm nuts that you'll never get through them BUT with commitment and perseverance you will succeed please take deep breaths and believe that it will get easier and easier with time under your belt BUT it does take time to relearn life without the crutch of cigarettes BUT boy oh boy it's so worth it when you get to that AHA moment when you realize that being Smokefree is totally super fantastic. It's such a great Feeling being able to go anywhere anytime whenever wherever and however without worrying about where to sneak off to suck on a damned Cancer Stick. 

Once you get the UMPH then that glorious AHA MOMENT will be right along when you SMILE and say AHA I am FREE!


Yesterday Day 4

Posted by hattonc Mar 14, 2019

Yesterday was a long day.. I wasn’t able to get on here but I really want to check in As often as I can ..since last week everything has been such a blur, the flu, then congestion and doc appointments.. this has really scared me this time and I don’t ever want another cigarette as long as I live .. God help me... 


Day 87 and dog stuff

Posted by DonnaMarie Mar 13, 2019

Little bit of a stressful day with Abbey's surgery, but no desire to smoke on day 87. 

They won't know what the growth was until the pathology comes back, but the incision site looks nice and clean, and she's got staples and a collar (I'll put it on her at night) to keep her from chewing on it. Antibiotics for a week or so and pain meds for a couple days, and right now, she's in zombo zombo land just sitting with me. It's doubtful that it's anything but a lick granuloma, but we'll see! I'm positive she'll be fine. My baby, you know


For the rest of the day, I am my dog's *****   And I still won't smoke. 



Day 87


Day 86

Posted by DonnaMarie Mar 12, 2019

I'll be darned if the lights aren't blinking! It's a little windy here methinks.


I will write anyway and see how it goes. 


I took my sweet Abbey to the vet this morning for a second look at a sore on her leg and the usual - nails, shots, etc. We've been watching the sore for a while and tomorrow, they're going to go ahead and cut "it" out, whatever "it" is. There's one on the back of her leg as well, so that one will be biopsied. I'm sure she'll be fine, but I hate putting my fur child through stress of any kind. She's kind of fragile for a big ole German shepherd. Right now, she's sleeping off the trazedone I give her when they do nails or a bath. This girl is about to break the bank! LOL 

She's such a wonderful creature and it'll be a weird couple of days around here with her gone for a day and then having to recuperate with a big old collar on. 


It's day 86, people. I just now realized that even the minor stress of a vet trip didn't make me think about smoking. Jeepers! 


That's about it for today thus far. I have a memorial rock to paint for a friend of my daughter's. Who knows what comes after that?



Day 86


Let me rephrase

Posted by hattonc Mar 12, 2019

Good morning everyone.. day 3 for me .. I stated that it feels good to b on the other side today and I’m greatful.. this is the side I want to b on for every reason in the world .. my children , grandchildren, my health in the present and the future.. I’m making this choice bcuz it’s what I want ..  


Day 3

Posted by hattonc Mar 12, 2019

Good Morning.. day 3 for me.. I’m still here , just still trying to comeback from the flu. Have some congestion and cough  just dealing .. it’s good to be on the other side though for today .. 


Day 85, almost 86

Posted by DonnaMarie Mar 11, 2019

It's been a very busy day. My daughter's job interview was today, so I drove her to Richmond and was back by 11. Her husband (who was already in Richmond) picked her up after her day with the agency, and now they're both back in Boston. I've been too involved in stuff to even think about smoking, so that's a good thing. After my two-hour car trip, I set out to find spredable brie. I know, that's a weird thing to do, but none of my usual stores had it! I got my preop blood work done, dropped by the elder law legal office to pick up some paperwork, then came home and eventually got to work. Work has been challenging because there are big changes and no one knows what they're doing. We'll get there, but it was fluster city for a while there.


But, the most important part of today is that it's day 85 of not smoking! And the place I went to have blood drawn earlier is where it began - the hospital. I still can't believe I just plain old stopped when I left there in December. 


It's just about Tuesday on the east coast. How'd this day slip by so fast!?!?



Day 85


Day 84 and beans!

Posted by DonnaMarie Mar 10, 2019

Okay, not really beans, but beans-to-be. 


I do NOT like to get my hands dirty. I never have. I'll put on a pair of gloves in a heartbeat and keep wipes in my car and purse to keep my hands clean. I'm not quite a germaphobe, just don't like to get my hands dirty. Weird, but that's me. I also don't like to stick my hand in a bag of chips or a box of crackers - you get the idea. Fast forward to today.


We have a raised bed garden and it's close to time to add more dirt and to do some planting. The other day, Richard and I discussed it and we're not going to plant this year because I'll be in a sling for a good long time and won't be doing the work, and it's really my thing, not his. I also have pots that go on my deck railing and decided to go ahead and plant bush green beans in those. They're up where we can reach them and simple bushes. 


Today, I got all the pots filled with dirt and forgot to put on gloves. Okay, I didn't die putting dirt in the pots. I needed to poke holes in the dirt to drop the seeds in and I'll be damned if I didn't poke my naked finger right in that dirt. LOL 


Doesn't sound like much, but my hands were filthy and I ended up laughing at my silliness. 


Did quitting smoking make me dirt brave?



Day 84


Day 1

Posted by hattonc Mar 10, 2019

Day 1 for me everyone.. it is time .. had the flu last week haven’t been that sick in a long time .. now feeling it in my chest .. I’m just tired of feeling defeated .. time for a change ....

Spring is right around the corner, even though it may not seem like it to some as winter holds it’s icy grip over us for just a little longer. It’s mostly a joyous time as we look forward to the warmth of the summer months.


And with that warmth comes memories of years past, of family gatherings and camping and just plain fun in the sun. It’s truly a time to enjoy but as addicts we must take precautions all of the time as we lose our addictions and spring memories are no exception to this.


I know that my first summer after my quit date came fairly soon since I quit in February and I noticed a few things in my journal about that period. My memories were still smoking memories. Not so much in the form of urges and craves but more like every time I thought back at first, there always seemed to be a cigarette in my hand.


The reality is that in my past and when I was doing these summer activities, I really did have a cigarette in my hand and at the time it puzzled my enough that I actually made a note about it in my journal to not let these memories become craves or urges. It was a small note to myself at the bottom of one of the pages, but it’s a caution that I think is worth mentioning to all of you.


In the beginnings of my quit, I learned to separate the smoking from my memories. I remember one of those memories was when I’d climbed a fourteener and sat on the top, smoking. This in turn would bring to mind my walk back down the mountain, cigarette in hand. My drive home, smoking. Every activity that I did seemed to involve smoking. And at first I knew I needed to be wary of that.


My fear was that my past memories would become urges rather then simply memories, making my quit seem twice as hard for kind of an odd reason. That reason being that I was jealous of myself and the past life of smoking that I no longer had. I was aware that I’d felt some jealousy toward others who could smoke at first but I’d never yet faced the concept of being jealous of my own past, and the fact that I used to allow myself to smoke. What a shocker that was!


For me, this was a defining point in my quit. I’d now discovered a deeper aspect to my quit and once I knew of it I was not only able to be wary of it but also I was able to tell myself every time one of these memories became an urge that I was simply being jealous of my past. Somehow, my mind found this to be funny, and the humor I felt completely crushed the urge. As jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 has said more than once, laughter is the key to ending an urge. If you can laugh at your own addiction, then that addiction loses its power.


For me that translated into laughing at my own silly jealousy of my past. I mean, it made no sense to lament the past while fighting to create a new and better future. And I’ll tell you, one by one those old memories changed. One by one, they lost their power over my addiction simply because I now understood what they were. I knew the very root of the problem and that gave me the power to overcome that problem.


Quitting smoking is a process, and we each have to find those things that can take away the power our addiction has over us. And the power to overcome our addictions lives in the same place our addiction lives. Within the mind. If we never seek answers, then how can we find them?


All I can say is that now that I’ve taken away the jealousy I had for my own past, I no longer worry about remembering those good times. No, instead I embrace them and all that lives within them. The pride that came with my achievements and you know what? I don’t even see the cigarettes in those memories anymore unless I actually put them there.


There’s a beauty that comes with spring. A feeling of harmony and of new life. An understanding that if we make the right choices, we too can become that mighty tree that was once nothing but a single seed inside of a pine cone. We too can once again feel the harmony that was always there because you see, our past really doesn’t have to dictate our futures.





....for my daughter.


My daughter works as an art director for an advertising agency in Boston. You've seen her work if you've ever seen a Jack Daniels ad. She flew in late last night to visit for a while, but more importantly, she's interviewing for her dream job in Richmond (an hour away from us) on Monday. She grew up here, went to college and grad school in Richmond, and has been in Chicago and Boston since then. The job would be pairing her up with her partner from grad school and she said to me if she ever had to choose just one person in the world to work with, it would be him. At any rate, send good thoughts for her on Monday. It would be great to have her closer to home, working the job she's wanted all along, and knowing she's able to settle for a while. 


Having her home also means that today I hit the ground running and go and do what she wants to do, which is fine with me! We're meeting up with her friend (my second daughter almost) and the friend's baby, and we'll have a healthy lunch somewhere. She'll steal my car tonight and meet her husband at the airport as he's secretly coming to town to surprise his parents. Then she'll be back here Sunday. Whirlwind.


It's day 83 in no smoking land. I kinda wanted one this morning, but I think it's due to a change in routine. I have someone sleeping in my living room and when that used to happen, I'd disappear onto the front porch. Today, I chose to bring my laptop into the dining room and read my "paper" and come here instead. It wasn't a big urge, but it got my attention.


Here's to a better day for elvan and everyone here on EX. You all mean the world to me.



Day 83

PRAYERS- from ALL who prayed for MY beloved daughter - she had the blood test to make sure her blood was clotting to have the out patient examine to check on the THREE BAND HOLDING THE MAIN VEIN TO THE LIVER was doing its job- which is - supporting her main vein to her liver so it does NOT rupture from cirrhosis of the liver. - which is one of many complications of liver diseases and FACT NOT FEELINGS - whuch is due to the consequences of her choice - to use alcohol to cope- TEST RESULT- IT IS WORKING GREAT- doctor said instead of examine being every THREE months - she doesn't have to have it for ONE YEAR!!! I WAS PRAISING AND THANKING GOD continually and just wanted to THANK EVERYONE  here who is praying for her - I asked God to bless all of YOU double for your - time. - kindness thoughtfulness and most of all for. - EACH YOU. - MY recovering bible believing family in MY Lord Jesus name amen - gentle hug. HOORAY FOR OUR LORD JESUS!!! please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - thank you. gentle hug.


Day 82

Posted by DonnaMarie Mar 8, 2019

I gained a pound this week, which I'm not going to stress over, but it did encourage me to walk today. I generally walk every other day, but as I mentioned yesterday, I feel like if I want to move tomorrow, I have to walk today. I tried to let my mind wander as I walked today. I wanted to be out of my own set of thoughts for a bit, a kind of meditative thing, but my mind is always on. I'm thinking that my mind relaxed some and that's better than racing all the damned time, right? No profound revelations today, but yup, I got the walk done and I have the best walking partner (though all she does is sit and watch).



One thing I did remind myself is that quitting smoking and walking are both extremely life-affirming. Any kind of movement is life-affirming; mine happens to be putting one foot in front of the other. 


As for day 82, I'm celebrating by giving away one of my quit smoking rocks. This is not my tiny personal one. I'll keep that forever. I'm hoping by setting this bigger one free in the community that it just might speak to someone else. 

Not sure when I'll go out and place it somewhere, but I will!


No big plans for my Friday. Next week is filled with stuff I have to do - recheck of bladder for recurrence of cancer (fingers crossed), blood work for surgery, rescheduling a couple of appointments that interfere with new surgery date, groceries that are easy to cook with one arm, and all that fun stuff. We decided not to plant a full garden due to me not having two arms for a while, but I am definitely going to add dirt to my deck planters and do my bush green beans there since they're easy peasy. 


Y'all have a great day!



Day 82

I'm trying to stay in decent shape and that includes walking or some form of movement every day. I had one of those "oh wow" moments while I was walking my mile today - if I want to move tomorrow, I HAVE to do this today. So simple and so important for me, so I'm sharing it with you. 


I'm working on my 81st day of not smoking and feeling pretty good about it. I announced my quit to my friends on Facebook because I'm confident that I'm done with it. It feels good to be a quitter. 


The Alex Trebeck diagnosis makes me so sad. Cancer can happen to any of us. It makes me want to be a better person every single day. 





Day 81

Here it is, the next decade of days of no smoking - day 80.


I had to run errands this morning in Richmond and on the way home, I stopped for a drink and a snack. I stood there at the counter staring at the wall of cigarettes behind the cashier. I think the price has gone down here in VA! I stared hard, then harder, and then harder still. I was momentarily bewildered by why I ever bought and smoked those things. I did not want to buy them today, not even an iota of want. That's new! And it's beautiful. 


I won't let my guard down, but I might be over smoking. I am an addict, but I stared at the monster this morning and then walked away. 


My car is now serviced for year. I took the long and scenic way home, visited the orthopedist to get my sling fitted for the upcoming shoulder fix, then hit up Fresh Market for fruits and veggies. 


Day 80. It's been a remarkable day and I'm grateful for it. 



Day 80


Day 11

Posted by mnicolee1 Mar 6, 2019

It’s been a few days since I’ve checked in so I set aside time this morning to make sure I did. So far so good! I randomly have a craving or think about smoking but I have been able to look the other way pretty quickly. I had a pretty tough night Friday and found myself not even thinking about smoking to help cope with the stress and anxiety. I’m lucky the rest of the weekend was pretty busy so I just didnt have the time to give in. Now that I think about it I realize how much time I wasted smoking before getting ready, getting into the car or before I go into wherever I’m at and trying to mask the smell. 

Hope all is well! 



I am tired of fighting

Posted by anaussiemom Mar 6, 2019

I am so tired.   I cannot seem to sleep much.   All the probs with BP meds have left me feeling emotionally spent.



I am hiding from caring for two of the Lilttes today.   I feel bad ... not answering texts to babysit.   But I am just ignoring them.  It just is not in me to tend to a 2 month old and a little firecracker 2 yr old.   Who are just the best.  
I feel really burned out from only hearing from them when they need the Littles tended to and I am just emotionally drained.

I miss smoking, regardless of COPD, high BP etc.   It was a comfort, to smoke.
  Not sleeping. my BP banging in my ear and waking me each morning to start my regimen of BP meds..........
I still miss the comfort of the cig.  I would be lying if I did not mention it.  Gotta run to WalMart.  It is frigid out in Ohio land!!

50 Days not smoking seems like so little.  I feel like I have been in a war.

Happy Day Everyone




Day 79 and perseverance

Posted by DonnaMarie Mar 5, 2019

I use perseverance and determination to keep my weight down. Part of that includes looking at my before picture and my goal picture. The montage makes me see what I can do and I, therefore, persevere. 

I believe the same skills are used to quit and maintain quitting smoking. We don't take pictures of us holding a cigarette one day and not holding a cigarette the next. Would it really help? Would it be symbolic? Now that I'm thinking about it, it seems kind of weird! 


Currently, I'm on day 79 of my quit and again beginning to watch my intake. That perseverance word came up today and I decided to hold onto it as my charm. 


I will be going to the shoulder doc to learn what's what today. I'll let y'all know if there's surgery in my future and if there is, it's a good thing. I know I'm not the only one living with a bit of pain in this community, but I may be fortunate enough to have mine alleviated. Wish me luck on this one.


And here we all go, another smokeless day. It hasn't lost it's charm for me yet, this quitting thing. I still love not being a smoker and not being the one who stinks and not having an active monkey on my back.


Breathe on, friends!



Day 79



Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Mar 5, 2019

Please take what HELPS and let go of the rest -  to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you -  it is wonderful to HELP and to give the -  H.O.P.E. away to anyone who CHOOSES to BELIEVE - THIS WONDERFUL NEW DAY -  EACH individual gets to CHOOSE THEIR OWN PERSONAL RECOVERY DAY. I CHOOSE to live NICOTINE DRUG FREE THIS WONDERFUL DAY. I have been here on THIS SITE for over EIGHT YEARS - I am talking about ME not anyone else - MY beginning here - I used MY drug NICOTINE and read blogs in October - November and December of 2010. - while eating healthy and exercising everyday! I am a born again Christ Jesus believer since November 6,1986 - and. I TRIED MANY attempts to stop using MY drug nicotine at MY CHOICE and to do it on MINE OWN- I FAILED AGAIN AND AGAIN -  YET  in Gods perfect TIMING -  A MIRACLE happened -  I drop to MY knees and prayed-  Dear Jesus if you dont take these cigs from ME i will smoke them until i drop dead in Jesus name amen. - that was MY prayer- MY NICOTINE ADDICT TRUTH in ME and out loud to MY Saviour and MY Lord Jesus -  I finally surrendered MY NICOTINE ADDICTION - then the next morning -  MY Lord Jesus gave ME A COLD TURKEY QUIT ON JAN 6- 2011 and ONLY by God's grace upon grace - I come here to THIS SITE TO HELP -each new day MY Daddy God blesses ME with to HELP  and what is so WONDERFUL is - GOD and ALL of you that come everday to HELP ME .- Thank you so much to EACH INDIVIDUAL CHOOSING TO TELL - YOUR OWN INDIVIDUAL RECOVERY giving ME -  H.O.P.E.  this DAY.  and for THE WONDERFUL UNITY- THE WONDERFUL TEACHERS - THE WONDERFUL  RECOVERIES of MY NEW FAMILY - each individual - living their OWN NEW NON SMOKER LIFE STYLE -  IN THEIR OWN WAY- the VARIETY IS SO COOL - this gives anyone - MANY CHOICES OF DIFFERENT RECOVERIES to TRY on and if it doesn't work. then TRY on another -  and for ME day by day -  it is -  IN HIS LOVE -   regardless of EACH individuals PERSONAL life CHOICES -  I continue in HIS LOVE to HELP the next LONG SUFFERING NICOTINE ADDICT to  H.O.P.E. !!!! THEY GET TO CHOOSE FOR THEMSELVES TO  Hear. -Other.   People's. Experience and the CHOICE is for YOURSELF  - what WONDERFUL works for YOU - life on lifes terms still is GOING TO HAPPEN- good bad or indifferent or just a poopie day- it will PASS and then thousands upon ten thousands of  feeeeeelllliiings will come and go - YOU GET TO TELL YOUR FEELINGS HOW YOU CHOOSE TO RESPOND TO YOUR OWN NON SMOKER LIFE NOT ANYONE ELSE'S LIFE -  YET the WONDERFUL is ALL on YOU- to REMAIN IN UNITY with US here on THIS site to - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER- just for THIS DAY ONLY. gentle hug.    


Day 78 and wondering

Posted by DonnaMarie Mar 4, 2019

22 days until I reach triple digits!


Not just here at EX, but elsewhere, I've seen people state that they have to quit, but they don't want to. I get concerned when I see that. Without the want, how is a quit going to successfully happen? I personally don't believe it will. 


I've quit so many times and each one was fraught with "it's not fair that I can't smoke and they can" or "I really want to smoke" and so on. I didn't have my head and heart in it because I didn't really want to quit. I had made decisions to quit for a bit maybe, but not for good. 


This time, I truly said to myself that I didn't want to buy another pack or smoke another cigarette. I had the want going. 


Can you quit if you don't want to? If you do, will you stay quit? Can you turn it around and make yourself want it? 


Happy 78 days to me!



Day 78

Quitting smoking is a choice and staying quit is a choice and choosing Not to Smoke is a GIFT to ourselves which is the Gift of LIFE it's not easy by any stretch of the imagination in those early weeks BUT it's absolutely Doable our lives are worth so much more than the damned Cancer Sticks BUT you must believe it and stick with N.O.P.E - Not One Puff Ever & vigilance, if you asked me if quitting smoking was easy in those early weeks?  I'd be totally honest and say HELL NO!!!!! BUT if you were to ask me if quitting smoking was worth it? I'll be saying HELL YES!!!!! Because anything in this life worth having takes time and effort and to be able to break Free from the clutches of the nicotine poison is absolutely wonderful and definetly Doable....... it's great to be able to go anywhere anytime whenever wherever and however without worrying about where to sneak off to suck on a disgusting yuckie ( cigarette ) I smile because I don't do that anymore and neither does anyone as long as we all stick with our quits N.M.W......


Day 77

Posted by DonnaMarie Mar 3, 2019

It's day 77 and I almost forgot to celebrate it here with a blog post. But here I am!


Richard and I had another date! In Williamsburg, VA, most of the colonial and historical area is on Duke of Gloucester Street, which is closed to traffic. It's a one mile stretch from the College of William and Mary to the colonial capitol at the other end. It's a very popular place for W&M students to run, for people to walk with their dogs, or just to go sight seeing. Welp, we had to go down that way for something else and decided to take a walk from end to end. We talked the whole way. That's not totally remarkable, but it is for someone who used to smoke and maybe needed to focus on breathing the last time she walked that road in November 2018. 


We had a grand time. If I had known it wasn't going to be busy, I'd have taken my dog. Maybe next week. I have to do it before Colonial Williamsburg gets busy; too many dogs, distractions, and people to take my ADD dog for a walk


It's been a slow day here otherwise. Sewing. Painting. Just hanging out. I suspect it's going to be a quiet evening and then boom, bedtime again.


Hope everyone's weekend is coming to a beautiful close.



Day 77


The Journey Continues

Posted by dwills Mar 2, 2019

Hello Everyone,

I am still here and smoke free!! I was having some difficulty logging onto the site on my cell.I want to share that this last 1 month 23 days 17 hours and 5 or 6 minutes has kicked my butt. Emotionally i feel wiped out. I am feeling so bitchy to everyone in my path. My husband takes the brunt of it. I tear up for no reason. I have come so close to caving and heading to the gas station. What has stopped me each time is having to re do day one!!I am working so hard to keep my quit # 1. It gets so difficult at times. I do not want this to be total doom and gloom so i will add i am very proud of my strength. I know that life goes on but it sure seems like the tests keep coming!! I'm So glad to be back on this site. Went to the Bon Fire (i believe i was late) but it was brought to my attention that i have missed 1097 cigarettes!! YAY!! Everyone here is great!! It is so helpful to realize that i am not alone on this journey.


Great to be Back!!




Posted by Chuck_Quit_2-20-2011 Mar 2, 2019

There was a time when I was younger that I could be happy. Life was so much simpler then, being a young new life in the world. In a way, it was the innocence of a new life, just starting to get my bearings and opening my mind to new ideas, new concepts and over time I began thinking that something was missing. I was lonely and searching when I smoked my first cigarette, mainly because of a sense of wanting to belong.


Like most, I hacked and wheezed my way through the first cigarette and the next, never noticing the subtle changes happening within my mind. I remember walking down the street, cigarette in hand feeling so powerful but always looking over my shoulder, worried that my parents might see this new thing that I was doing. I justified it and their admonishments about smoking by the fact that they too smoked.


Soon I was living the life of an addict, scared of what I was doing to myself and yet feeling empowered. I felt like I was actually making my life better by performing this one strange act of smoking. It took awhile but over time and without really realizing it, I replaced my happiness with addiction. In fact, somehow my addiction felt like it was the very embodiment of the happiness I had always craved; as if the feeling was a reality, and in a way it was.


I knew nothing of dopamine receptors when I first started smoking. I only knew that smoking equated to a sense of well being within me. I think this is a tipping point for most addictions. The time that we replace our natural happiness with the false happiness of an addiction. Why? Because somehow we believe it feels good to smoke. Somehow, our false sense of happiness is equated to the act of smoking.


And so over time it becomes harder and harder to give up this false sense of happiness. We begin to believe that happiness never existed in our world before we began the action that fuels our addiction and so we decide that we will never quit, no matter what because we fear the same thing we feared when we started. A world that just doesn’t seem that happy.


In  reality, I think we forget that natural happiness even existed before we smoked. And so we equate quitting as the end of all happiness. As the single thing that we could do to destroy everything we slowly convinced ourselves mattered. That quitting would transform us into an empty shell, with no purpose to life.


I know this sounds extreme but for me this was true and when I quit I had no idea that I’d have to relearn happiness because I’d used a plant to create it for so long. I had no idea that this plant had modified my thinking through the manipulation of brain chemicals and that over time this manipulation becomes the new normal. I think that’s a part of why it was so hard to even think of quitting, let alone actually do it.


But in the end, after evaluating my priorities I did put out that last cigarette. And you know what? Over time I did relearn that happiness that was there so long ago. I did allow my brain to once again feel happiness without the help of my enemy.


Sure, I was duped. We all are in the beginning but in the end I chose to take a journey and as amazing as it seems to me, I now create my own happiness. You know, the kind that comes from deep within the soul. The kind that can create a belly laugh because I find something funny, even though I no longer stimulate my dopamine sensors artificially.


That’s why I say that our new life is there for the taking. Perhaps the first day we feel true freedom is the day that we can once again find joy in life itself. The day that we can laugh without feeling guilty. The day that we can relax in the comfort of our own thoughts because we know these thoughts are no longer the thoughts of addiction. No, these are the thoughts of happiness for happiness sake and I know that once I felt my own internal happiness return to me that I was never, ever going back!!


Looking forward to hearing of your happiness as well . . . .






Day 76 and smoky dream

Posted by DonnaMarie Mar 2, 2019

For whatever reason, I was my old rationalization self in my dream last night. I had that conversation about how I can have just one, and I did (in my dream) and spent the last part of the dream looking for more. Even in a dream/nightmare, there is no such thing as just one. When I woke up, I was glad that I had been asleep and felt like I had dodged a bullet. Stupid cigarettes. 


My husband is out of town today and I have a whole day to do nothing. A friend called and asked if I wanted to come put manuals together with her, so that's my choice of activity. Am I exciting or what? 


Was my brain trying to tell me that it's okay to smoke? I'm not listening if it was. Or was it giving me a lesson on how I can never smoke again? That's the message I'm taking regardless of what message my subconscious is trying to send. I suspect this will happen again. I just wasn't prepared for it last night. Or are we ever prepared? 


Be gone, smoking dreams!



Day 76 is more important than a dream anyway



Day 76


Day 75

Posted by DonnaMarie Mar 1, 2019

Had a wonderful date with Richard last night. We saw a Flatt and Scruggs tribute band and man, could they play bluegrass like nobody's business. It always amazes me to see a musician handle an instrument in such a way that meaningful music comes out of it. I'm not a musician in any sense of the word, so much respect to those of you who are. These guys last night blew us away, and I'm not even a bluegrass fan. The bonus is that the theater was build in 1928 and brought back to life between 1999 and 2011, and it's a historic landmark now. The building itself was spectacular in an old theater kind of way. My kind of night out.


The hourish drive to the venue did NOT include a smoking urge. I didn't realize until we got home and I had zero urges while we were out. And that leads to my news for today - it's day 75! Only 25 more before it's triple digits. 


No big plans this weekend. I think I'm going to do some fabric prep for sewing and maybe hit a grocery store for some fresh stuff. 


Hope everyone is having a smoke-free Friday!



Day 75


Who we saw and where we saw them. Dinner was at Chez McDonalds. You can't do everything fancy! LOL

I missed my one month mark because I wasn't really thinking about it!! But wanted to share my accomplishment with the group.  I was just reading a post from a person that was 5 days in and really, really struggling.  I read the responses to him and they were so great....smoking is NOT an option is definitely one of my mantras.  Also, asking this person to remember a time when he was laid up because of a broken bone or sprain and think of quitting smoking in those same terms.  It will get better and you have to go through the healing process!  Exactly!!  


Anyhow, I have been having a much easier time of it this past week...not thinking of it as much and not substituting food for cigarettes as often.  I have gained about 5 pounds (but started out a bit on the porky side).  That drive home from work still gets me!  What is that about??  It passes quickly so I am not worried about it.  The other thing is boredom....did I spend that much time smoking??  I can examine these things and wonder why this and how about that without thinking I want to is not an option.  I am so very happy to be a non-smoker.  Still get a kick out of my clean car.  I've been working a lot with my co-worker this week and haven't had to worry about her smelling me.  I do like to look at the list of positives that happen when you quit smoking....that is encouraging to me.  Kind of bummed that the food cravings may continue for another month or two.  My next goal after I'm sure I won't jeopardize my quit is to get in shape.  The goal I made last year when I turned 59 was that I would quit smoking and get in shape before my 60th in June.  On my way...may not make the being in shape by then but plan to be working towards it by then.  Where is the website for dealing with aging??!!


Thanks to everyone for the support...month 2 in process!!

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