Today Sucks

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I'm about to wrap up my "day 4" in 10 minutes. So far, today has been a struggle. I know part of that is because it is Valentine's Day, which has me down. I keep thinking about how I could go buy some and smoke for a few hours and start over again tomorrow. That is what I was doing for the week or so before I quit this time. I would buy a pack, chainsmoke for 3 or 4 hours, crush the rest of the pack, not smoke for like 18 or more hours and then do the same thing the next day.

I'm going to go for a short walk. Hopefully that will make me feel a bit better. Thanks for listening.

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About the Author

I quit 9 years ago, on May 23, 2009, and recently started smoking again in April of 2018 due to being in a really bad spot mentally from an abusive relationship. I never in a million years thought I would ever smoke again. I never craved cigarettes anymore. I had taken up running, ran marathons and ultramarathons, and overall, enjoyed leading a healthy lifestyle. But I was in such a bad spot, that I decided to take the risk of smoking because I was desperate and thought maybe it would help change my brain chemistry somehow. I thought I could just smoke one or a few day but within just a few days, that quickly turned into a pack most days (more than I ever used to smoke before I quit in 2009!). When I was not smoking, I enjoyed hiking, running, playing with my cat, cooking, baking, and reading. I just got into backpacking last summer and want to do longer trips. It's hard to be very active or take overnight trips with non-smokers while being a smoker! I want to have better lung capacity and endurance again.

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Today Sucks

Today pretty much sucked!!

I hit 5 months yesterday, but today sucked.

Today just sucks