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2019
Lasttimeagain

Day 136 - 7:16 mile

Posted by Lasttimeagain Jan 29, 2019

It's been eleven days since my last post when I got a 7:18 minute mile. Today I got it down two more seconds. I didn't run much last week because I took a trip to Las Vegas with my father. He goes there once a month to get an infusion treatment with an experimental drug for alzheimers. I found out that his cognitive tests over the last 18 months have improved significantly and it appears the drug is working. Anyhow, he's 83 and is happy to be able to not only get a chance to get cured of

Alzheimers and help prosperity  but in top of that he gets a free flight, hotel, taxis, and some spending money every month to Vegas with mom. This month I went with him to give mom a break. I did do twice before last year prior to my quit. This time I couldn't stand the smell of cigarette smoke that permeated the entire casino resort. At the tables there were smokers too. I don't remember the smoke bothering me at all the previous trips but this time it was making me sick. The previous two times I won some money too  but this time I couldn't focus at all and I lost. Another interesting thing was that last time I got really into the whole casino gaming. I was enjoying free drinks, the excitement of the games - craps is my dad's game so we played that. However, this time it just didn't resonate. I didn't enjoy the gaming or drinking much at all  and definitely not the losing part either. It all seems tied together though.these last few months I've been enjoying challenging myself to live a cleaner and healthier lifestyle and the whole casino thing just didn't jive. What I enjoyed this time the most was eating a cobb salad in a restaurant with my dad. Now, he never smoked or drank.his father had been a heavy smoker and died of heart disease when my dad was only 13. So dad always hated smoking and I never did it around him. He found out I smoked as a kid, but doesn't know I still smoked this long and thought I quit years ago - which I had until I started again. So the last two times I was in Vegas with him I had to sneak away constantly to get a smoke in. This time I didn't do that and it was so nice to be fully present with him. I realized that not only do I have a high risk of getting heart disease if I keep smoking like my grandfather died from, but I also could end up dying from smoking when my kids are teens if I don't stay quit now. My dad is always sad when he speaks of his father and I never want my children to be in the same situation. So, the sickening smell of the smoke, the greater presence of mind I experienced, and the acute awareness of my mortality and a fear of allowing history to repeat itself strengthened my resolve to make this quit stick and make it the final quit. I also want to do it to honor my father and his father, my grandfather I never met because he was taken from my father when he was just a boy. I do this, also, to honor my children who deserve to have their father there for them for another half century. I also do this for me  cus, it just feels great to not be a slave to nicotine and to be living closer to my ideal sense of self these days.

Daniela-3-11-2016

S.T.O.P.

Posted by Daniela-3-11-2016 Jan 25, 2019

How a couple of minutes can help us with any kind of stress, including the stress associated with quitting smoking.

 

 

Have a wonderful weekend!

dawn8995

The struggle is real!

Posted by dawn8995 Jan 25, 2019

I wanted January 21 to be my quit date more than anything as it is my mothers birthday. She quit after 40 years of smoking unfiltered Lucky Strikes. I wanted her birthday to be my quit day since she passed away.

Unfortunately things did not go as planned but I haven't given up. I have attempted to quit many times in the past and was only successful for short periods of time. on December 30, I started taking Chantix again for the second time with a quit date of January 21. My motivation for this quit was at the highest level that I ever recalled. By the second week of January I was only smoking 10-15 cigarettes a day, down from up to two packs a day. I began to have some stomach issues which I attributed to the Chantix so I started skipping doses and ended up not using it at all anymore. On the evening of the 20th I smoked what I hoped was going to be my last cigarette. On the 21st, I woke up and prepared for work and I DID NOT smoke. I was a "light a cigarette" before I even get out of bed person so this was an accomplishment. I was fine. UNTIL the drive to work. This is where I have the most trouble. I cant shake the need to smoke while driving in the car. Although I was disappointed that I smoked, I was still not willing to give up and go back to smoking packs a day. And this is where I am stuck right now. That day and every day since, I have smoked 3 cigarettes each day. One on the way to work, one on the way home and one during the early evening. Part of me says, OK if this is the best I can do, I am ok with it. 3 is better than 30. But I know that is not true.  The weekend is coming and I know I will struggle because of not being at work. I am fine when there is NO opportunity to smoke. I do not lie to my family members about smoking, but I am committed to never smoke in front of them again so this does help with opportunity.

I have read everything I can find and have time to read so I know that I haven't went through the nicotine withdrawal yet because of the three cigarettes that I do smoke each day but I really haven't been miserable. I don't think the physical part of the addiction is my problem. The cigarettes I do smoke no longer taste "good" to me. My problem is the mental part. The routines that I had, the boredom, and simply just the opportunity. I know that I don't need the cigarette and am mad at myself for even smoking it but so far I haven't been able to NOT smoke it. I can't follow my husband around so that I don't smoke, I cant work doubles everyday so that I don't smoke although right now that seems to be the only thing keeping me from those three cigarettes. My desire to take my granddaughter to Walt Disney World with the money I save from not smoking is my motivation. The lord knows that I have been dreaming of the day that her and I walk hand in hand into Disney World. Any words of encouragement or tips will gladly be accepted.

 

Thank all of you for all your contributions to this site. All the education and words of encouragement are great. I have read for hours which keeps my mind off of smoking.

hattonc

Set my quit date (again)

Posted by hattonc Jan 24, 2019

Good Morning.. 

i haven’t been here for a while and I’m back yet again .. this is really embarrassing coming on here each time to start again .. but I’m finding myself more afraid each time . I’ve developed a cough ever since I got sick back in November with a cold , I can’t shake  this cough . But I know where it’s cominh from . SMOKING!!. It’s like being an alcoholic and admitting that I have a problem... cigarettes are my go to for every stressor in my life... I hate it!! I really need to make this change in my life , I’ve  done it before why am I struggling so bad this time ?.. I really need support please .. thank you .. 

anaussiemom

Holding Hands

Posted by anaussiemom Jan 21, 2019

Couples hold hands right?

Friends hold hands right?

Buddy- up is a good way to get things done, even better, right?

anaussiemom

Blatantly Comedic

Posted by anaussiemom Jan 20, 2019

I am not liking this gorjuz" sunny snowed in day today!

Give me some one liner memes pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. That are truth and maybe fun too!

I want to fuel my addiction with good ideas!
NOT picking up cigs, are a mandatory behavior today and every day for me and anyone, who uses tobacco products and E-cigs.


Yup!

True and feeding birds are  a great distraction from smoking. YES!!!

And so on ...
Next

minihorses

I Really Hate Doctors Now

Posted by minihorses Jan 20, 2019

I saw my normal Dr. sometime 2 weeks ago for my 6 month follow up for blood pressure and med checks. I told him the three things that have been bothering me. 1) My index finger on my right hand is mostly numb 2) I drop things a lot because both hands just open up without warning 3) I forgot things constantly. If you interrupt me (more like a response to what I just said or a phone call or kid) while I'm speaking I immediately forget what I was saying. Prompts about where I left off don't work. I was worried that I might be starting to have Alzheimer's. My paternal grandmother had it and so did my dad. My regular doc said he would send me to a neurologist to screen for all three.

 

I went to the neurologist this past wednesday.  I had seen a different doc in that group for migraines years ago and wasn't overly impressed. My chiropractic doctor fixed those instead.

 

This doctor was a complete ass to me. He spent all of 5 minutes with me (I timed saw it because there was a clock in the exam room). The first full sentence out of his mouth after asking me twice what was wrong and I told him, he said "And what do you want me to do about it?" He looked at my finger and pressing the wrong part down on my hand and the first knuckle up from there and asking if it was in pain. Excuse me? I told him again what was wrong; numb fingertip to the next knuckle down but he NEVER TOUCHED THAT PART!! In fact the back of my hand was the only part of me he touched.

 

My problem with dropping things he said was either carpal tunnel, which I've had before and know what it it's symptoms are, OR it's pre-menopause. What? I already filled out the damn paperwork that said I was over that 4 years ago.

 

Next was the memory issue. He told me that it was probably from the high blood pressure and/or the bipolar meds I take. Same stuff I've been on for years without a problem. He proceeded to tell me he'd order an MRI "IF I WANTED IT." Now I was thinking WTF? Aren't you the doctor?

 

When I went to check out the lady at the front desk said she wanted to schedule me then and there for the MRI. I didn't know my schedule and said I would call when I got home so I could be sure of the dates. She asked me three GD times and each time I gave her the same answer. Every time I said I'd have to call she got increasingly snippy. Her last nasty toned sentence before I just walked away was "Well he wanted you to have the MRI so you need to schedule that right now. and he wants a follow up exam after the MRI results." Here's where her peeved tone got serious, "So you're saying you don't want to schedule these appointments now? So when will you call to make these?"  My parting words were "I have the right to refuse testing or treatments. It's my body, my decision and I'm refusing this test, Thank you." then I walked out of the office.

 

I have never been a person to go to the doctor over something that I can't fix from home (like a wound needing stitches) It's only the middle of January, and with the new medical coverage my husband gets from work my deductible is $2500 and therefore and I would be have to pay out of pocket for the whole thing. Sorry but if I will get another neurologist because I am sure not going to this group practice again.

 

I have carpal tunnel braces so I'll try wearing them for S & Gs for a while.  NMW, MY QUIT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PHYSICAL AREA I CHOOSE TO CONCENTRATE ON INSTEAD OF WORRYING ABOUT THE OTHER PROBLEMS!  God will heal all of me when I surrender my problems to him and Christ and the Holy Spirit will carry out his mercy.  Amen to my Father, the redeemer of all!

 

Julie

Lasttimeagain

Day 125 - 7:18 mile

Posted by Lasttimeagain Jan 18, 2019

Today is 125 days since I stopped smoking  It is now half way too the point I got in my last quit when I foolishly smoked on my 250th day quit. I'm not going to make that mistake again and I'm committed to reach 251, then get to a year and then two years and then five, ten, and so on. So, two weeks after I started my recent quit I started going to the gym to help keep off excess pounds from the added eating and to help reduce stress and improve my health overall. It is also part of my emergency plan when I'm having a nick-demon attack. I go there and I run for an hour until I'm drained. Well  when I first started out I was doing walking mixed with some very slow jogging.it took me nearly 13 minutes to complete a mile. It was embarrassing because my 9 year old daughter was doing 12 minute miles at school. This week I am down to a mile in 7 minutes and 18 seconds! I'm now trying to get down under 7 minutes with a goal of eventually getting to a 6 minute mile. What I keep reminding myself of is the fact that I am fortunate enough to be able to recover my lung capacity after 30 years of a pack - a-day habit and Even have such a goal. Moreover, I'm constantly reminding myself that if I do go back to smoking again, I may not be able to recover this well again. It was so hard to breathe a few weeks ago when I was running, but not so much any more. Now it is a matter of building my endurance and lung strength. I am so thankful that I haven't gotten to that point of no return. In other news, I'm getting close to the end of no man's land. These days at night I've been reading a lot on this site and why quit site. The reason is because I don't want to snack at night. For several weeks I was binging on Netflix at night reading nachos and chips and so on. I didn't gain much weight, and in fact lost about two pounds because I was going to the gym. However  about two weeks ago I decided to end the nighttime snacking and cut down drastically on carbs. I immediately lost another 4 pounds in two weeks just by eating less carbs and not doing the night time snacking. However, in order not to snack, I've stopped watching tv. So, I am blogging and reading about smoking foot a couple of hours before bed these days. But honestly  it is getting kind of boring. But I'm not sure what else to do. I mean  I have ideas - read  plan a vacation, try some new things like meditation or heck even some yoga. But for some reason, I'm kind of lacking enthusiasm for those things. I think it is because all of those things involve a degree of work and I'm pretty tired by the end of the day after working, getting the kids to do homework, getting them washed and to bed, cleaning up, and so on. All you parents out there know the routine. So by this time I usually have done one of two things : relaxed in the hot tub with a beer and about five to six cigarettes chain smoked or watched tv with a beer and frequent cigarette breaks. After I quit smoking, honestly the hot tub became boring just sitting in there alone. So I watched tv and had a beer and snacked. And that was okay, but it prevented me from losing any weight that I have been wanting to take off along with my quit. So now I'm doing more reading and blogging about my quit in place of those things. I am realizing that the way out of no man's land for me is going to include coming up with something to do at night after the kids are asleep that is fulfilling, restoring, and interesting to me. My golden time, as I call it. So this is on my mind a lot these days. What will I start doing? Each day I think of something that I think I should try, but then as night falls and the kids are finally asleep I find myself going to the safety and reassurance of protecting my quit by reading and blogging about it. For now this seems good, but eventually I only want to be coming to these sights like once a month to check in and never forget or become complacent again and to offer support to those following behind me. Anyhow  I'm committed today to never take another puff - NOPE! 

indingrl.01.06.2011

Jan 17, 2019

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Jan 17, 2019

I remember when i was 14 years old- i tried to kill MYSELF -  i swallowed 100 asprin - i couldn't take any more raping from MY dad - MY past I remembered - he raped ME at age 6 until i was 16 and left the house - trained at 6 years YOUNG to OBEY - i asked MY husband for help at the math -  MY attempt at killing MYSELF - was 48 YEARS AGO AND TODAY I AM CELEBRATING AGE 62- and ALL the times I have tried to kill MYSELF with alcohol - preverted sex situations-fried and junk FOOD - chocolate- caffeine- people pleasing-mental and emotional  FEELINGS OF DESPERATION due to IGNORANCE in alot of area of MY life-  i use to use 50 death sticks a day- i used MY DRUG NICOTINE because I hated MYSELF IN MY PAST!!!!  please i am talking about ME not anyone else- thank you- this is PART OF MY STORY - its amazing ALL MY thoughts that go through MY head is SECONDS- TODAY I am  PRAISING MY God - TODAY TO ETERNITY- January 17, 2019 - i am  2933 DAYS NICOTINE FREE AND CELEBRATING AGE 62 YEARS YOUNG- DANCING WITH MY DADDY GOD- MY Lord Jesus and MY Precious Holy Comforter - thanking God continuously for His love joy peace long suffering kindness goodness faith gentleness and self control- MORE AND MORE HOLY SPIRIT FRUIT- growing in ME - YAHOOOOOO - learning - growing and healing to ENJOY MY GIFT OF TODAY- ALL OF YOU - MY NEW RECOVERY FAMILY NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER OVER ME! May God bless this support group and everyone in MY Lord Jesus name amen - please take what HELPS and let go of the rest- to be HELPFUL is MY only aim- thank you- fyi just check out in the bible- 1 Corinthians chapter 15 verses  1-4 - read for your SELF- happy birthday to ME- i should be dead at the age of 14 - BUT BY GODS GRACE AND TENDER MERCIES NEW EVERY MORNING  FOR ME- i am FREE in MY Lord Jesus and His cleansing blood and MY spirit one with MY Holy Spirit who leads ME in surrendering to dance with MY Daddy God- question for ALL HERE- ask your SELF- where will I CHOOSE to spend ETERNITY? ask your SELF am i Living or just EXISTING?  There is HOPE and His name is Lord Jesus- the Son of God- He loves YOU TOO!!! 

anaussiemom

Kindness cost 0 Dollars!

Posted by anaussiemom Jan 15, 2019



If you can NOT leave me better than you found me.   Please don't comment on my blogs!

Thank you. 
I can get toxic behaviors in my home life. I don't need it at Ex.
That explains my delete last night. on BP 188/102. 
Being I was at a hospital for the best care for strokes.
I survived, with Dr. Zadaits,  love, patience and gentle guidance.
No stroke!  But yes smoked.  Why would I come here for a slap in the face, or any other negative reason then just love"!

Just for TODAY-MY desire is to have a good day! I shall CHOOSE to try to enjoy this day ONLY for it is the ONLY DAY i have been blessed with by MY God. Gentle hug to ALL in His love to ALL and please remember take what HELPS and let go of the rest- you NEVER know- TODAY- could be MY last and for ME i just want to relax and enjoy MY DAY - thanks for letting  ME be ME- yahooooooo a brand NEW DAY!!!!

anaussiemom

Miserable and Sick.

Posted by anaussiemom Jan 13, 2019

I completely recovered from my bronchial cold.   Lo and behold I got another cold last week!  Today really sick.

I really don't get colds, but now.......eek   Since extended family, football games for High School, and the Littles.
 Did I started to catch colds again, alas.

Oh well hope to be off and running soon.

The house is so full of dust. Dry winter , and my fur bebes I guess.   I can't seem to keep caught up on the dust. Haven't been thru this before in this house???? IDK

Oh well.   Just want to get better.  Happy Sunday Eve everyone!

Hugs Kim

Freedomcat

Each day something new

Posted by Freedomcat Jan 12, 2019

This quit journey, so far, has been quite the adventure. Today is day 16. And as I wind down for bed, I realize just how different I feel than yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that. Each day has brought a surprise, not necessarily a welcomed surprise, but something new. 

Newness is good, it's a sign of progress, that things aren't stagnant. Change is a sign of life. 

On day 14, I began to experience some more positive changes. For one, it was the first day I didnt have a meltdown. That was huge. I have not had a meltdown since. 

And in hindsight, the meltdowns were important. I needed to cry, alot. I needed to feel panic and terror and grief and shame. I needed to learn to reach out for other supports, to access my other resources when in distress, instead of the cigarette. I needed to release some long held emotions, feel them, be seen and accepted in them, move through them. 

Each day brings with it a new challenge. Some days I hide as much as I can, not ready to face anything new that day. And that's okay. Not going outside 17 times a day is new enough sometimes. 

 

Today I went for a walk in the woods without smoking. That was new. Walking and smoking are so attached for me. 

Today I panicked and was caughed up in spinning scary thoughts. And was able to utilize my breathe, find compassion for that little one inside who's scared, tap into my inner strength and give myself permission to rest and relax (the spinning thoughts were about work). I was able to find my calm, my strength, without smoking. 

Today I sat down and spent time painting. Something I have wanted to do but never did when I smoked. It felt so sweet and really got me out of my head. 

Today I felt some peace. 

Today I felt contentment. 

Today I felt restless too. 

Today I had so many feels. So much newness. 

 

Today I was alive. 

 

For the first time in 19 years, I'm allowing myself to fully be here. To give myself the gift of feeling fully. Of staying instead of running. Of the possibility of healing. Space and time to find out how I want to spend my days, my moments here on earth instead of being a slave to nicotine. 

 

It's interesting because I'm realizing that I dont reall have a desire to smoke. What I have is a desire to escape my feelings...because they feel intolerable. Uncoupling the discomfort from a desire to smoke has been super helpful. Smoking only ensures the feeling will come.back, un healed, not dealt with. Not smoking is the only way to get freedom, to find peace. 

 

I understand today that this journey can't be rushed. Easier to say now that I'm out of the hell of the first 2 weeks. But I know this year will be a year or newness. Of firsts. And that wont always be easy. It might be downright painful and awful at times. And also amazing at others. 

 

This journey is worth it. And as my partner said to me 'let's take a chance on life'. 

 

Will you take a chance on life with me?

anaussiemom

Wake Up To Phone :O

Posted by anaussiemom Jan 11, 2019

Wake up to phone ringing.........."Fraud Line On My "Unlimited" Debit Card Activity!"

No big deal I think"!  Happens a few times a year.  I'm always looking for cool things on line and purchasing, if useful.  So I start to answer the questions, of purchases.  

Gentleman says"  did you make a purchase in Great Britain, this morning?"

I said no"  He says ok"  I say for how much he says 480.00 dollars."   EEK".   They did not approve thank goodness.  So call my bank and get new card yada yada.  Good gracious!
Did I want to smoke heck ya?! But, I feel God is working with me as always on this quit.  God, gently reminds me, "Kim your "unlimited debit card" is void for 7 to 10 days.

Thank you God!!!
(I don't carry cash good or bad I just don't )
He knows I'm trying so hard.  Human, sick, Nephew, Hubby woes,  and all!
Just like everyone, else.

We are all a work in progress.



Truth!

I'm going to have a glorious weekend if it kills me!!


Queenisms

Hugs everyone





The blue beads at the top of blog is a rosary, that my daughter Kelz made for me. She also had them  blessed <3. 

They do help like worry beads for me, rolling them around on my hands and finger tips. I also use chap stick, a lot for not smoking, gum, straws, a drop of peppermint oil, in my mouth. That stuff" kills the urge for me really  good!









 

 

 

 

anaussiemom

I gotz another

Posted by anaussiemom Jan 10, 2019

I think I have a man cold so, I have not been on much last couple days.

I' finally got over bronchitis.   I guess God wanted to add a little more
un -cozyness. 
To help me with keeping my vow to not smoke.  He may be afraid I might be a tad stubborn.  
  I think he wanted to shake that  nonsense off!!

Geez. 

Still, Total Freedom From smoking!! 
No news on Jeff, as of yet, today.





https://www.webmd.com/cold-and-flu/features/truth-about-man-colds#1

 


15 Reasons There Is No Cure For The Common Man Cold
 



Lasttimeagain

Day 116 - 3, 3, 3

Posted by Lasttimeagain Jan 9, 2019

Looking at my quit app, I saw that I have achieved 3 months, 3 weeks, and 3 days. Which adds up to 116 days. Thinking about the journey thus far, each of those milestones were pretty big. Getting to 3 days gave me a sense of having some momentum, 3 weeks was when I was feeling pretty awful but also had enough time that I felt a strong resolve to keep going. By 3 months, I was beginning to feel a little more like I have this now and I just need to keep going doing what I've been doing. Put them all together, and by now I'm starting to really feel the positive effects. These days I have been very much enjoying socializing with and meeting new people. This is something I was often not able to do because I would always be rushing out the door after every meeting or conference or what not. And before any meeting I would be rushing out to get one more smoke because I needed my fix. But this is when people typically socialize, network, bond and what not. But I wasn't able to do so because I was always rushing in at the last second or out as soon as the bell rang so-to - speak. So these days, I'm finding that I have many opportunities to talk with people more and meet more new people because A I'm physically present and B I'm psychologically present because I'm not wishing I could get out of there to get my fix. Moreover, I just feel that I'm more positive overall. When I used to smoke I would often complain about this or that while smoking. If it was with a friend it would be complaining about work and if it was by myself at night, I'd be complaining in my head about all sorts of things frequently. I'm not sure if others experience the same thing, but for me smoking was often this antisocial, pessimistic, cynical place where I would go emotionally. Perhaps it has something to do with when I started smoking in high school with the other smokers in the schoolyard. We'd huddle around, non conformists that we were, and critique everything, thinking we were cooler than everyone else while not actually participating in healthy activities. Smoking brings out this side of me that is not at all aligned with my values and beliefs. As a nonsmoker, I am finding that I am now able to start to bring all of my behaviors more into alignment with my values and feel greater self confidence and self respect. As a smoker how could I not feel a sense of shame and hypocrisy saying that I cared about health, that I valued using money wisely, that I valued family, that I valued building relationships with people, that I value honesty and transparency, when I was doing so many things that were not aligned by smoking? By smoking, I demonstrated not caring about health, I flagrantly lied, connived, and deceived so that I could smoke, wasted money that could have been used to provide for my loved ones, and avoided people and became antisocial so that I could smoke or avoid detection of my lie and feed the need. By not smoking I am freed to be the person I imagine myself to be and have a greater chance of becoming the person I aspire to be. The dubious thing about smoking is that it is just this little box with these little white sticks. And on the surface it is just something you do for a couple of minutes here and a couple of minutes there. However, they actually transform you. They consume you. They own you. And you don't even realize it's happening to you at the outset. And when you become a long term smoker, you probably go through many quit attempts. And you go through these cycles. Quit, relapse, quit, relapse. When you relapse, it's just one puff. Then, maybe a day or two later it's one cigarette. Then a couple of days later it's two, then three, then you buy a pack and it lasts you a few days. But you just keep slipping and slipping until you are using all the same tricks and habits you had before. Same lies, same tricks, same detours, same lighters, same brand, same stores, same sales clerks (hey where you been?), same everything. It's like, you know the script and you play the role and you're stuck in it again. And it takes months or even years to get the resolve back again to try to quit again. And when you do try to quit again, often it's the same damn thing too. Same withdrawal symptoms, same coping mechanisms such as chewing gum or whatever, same return to the gym, same ritual of throwing away smoking paraphernalia. So many of the same things. It's the alter-ego script. It's like this doctor jekyll Mr Hyde thing. At some point, though, you need to make the choice as to whether you're going to continue with the back and forth yoyoing until you die, just smoke and give up trying to quit, or finally keep the quit. This time, I'm really trying for the keeping of my quit and I'm determined to stay quit for life. The yoyoing is exhausting and I just hate the smoking version of me while I love the nonsmoker version of me. The thing that I can't quite put my finger on is why I ever go back to the junkie within when I hate him so much and love the nonsmoker version of me so much. Why? While I haven't gotten that worked out yet, I have found through much trial and error, what my triggers are and what I need to do to disarm them. Additionally, I'm finding that writing these reflections is a positive step too. In the past, I have always written reflections on my experiences when quitting  but I never shared those. This time I am sharing my reflections here, with others, with you all, and that is definitely more powerful. I have considered posting to whyquits Turkey ville Facebook page, but I'm not quite ready to go public with my quit. Why? Because I still kind of want to keep the secret that I ever smoked. And even while writing this  I know it is kind of absurd since so many people I know did know I smoked. I suppose that being public about it makes it real that I was ever foolish enough to be a smoker, an addict. But I always kept that secret from my young children and from my parents who probably suspected that I quit. I suppose that it means that I have to own up to the lies, deceit, hypocrisy, and foolishness. It is a confession to those I love of my sins and my weaknesses. It is strange because growing up catholic it was easy to tell the priest in the confessional and by proxy God what my sins were. But to have to say those to the faces of those you actually love or have transgressed against - now that is tough. Perhaps that is one of the problems with catholicism. You get to get absolution from God without having to own up to your sins to your victims and your fellow humanity. You don't need to go public with it. I'm getting it now. I'm going to have to come clean in order to really solidify my quit. And  I suppose that the one person I really need to be honest with, the one person whom I really need to confess my sin to is myself. The other is my children and my parents. They are the ones whom I've primarily kept my secret from. The other group are colleagues in my current place of employment. I don't feel that I really need to share this with them at this point. So, I'm feeling at this point that if I'm really going to solidify this quit  I'm going to have to be honest with my children and my parents about it. I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this with smoking.  I can imagine that other people have experienced these feelings with other addictions such as narcotics, prescription drugs,  alcohol, gambling. I'm also imagining some people who are 'in the closet' may have experienced similar feelings. It's funny because right now I'm feeling like I'm blowing this out of proportions. In my mind I'm thinking, yeah but smoking isn't as bad as those other addictions and the social stigmas and taboos against it aren't as strong as the adversity someone who comes out as LGBTQ would be. But then I hesitate. I have heard it's as addictive as heroin, I've spent more on smoking than many gamblers have lost in a casino, I've lied and deceived as much as any other addict. However  that's the thing about smoking. It's somehow more functional than other addictions. People don't typically go to the extremes they might go to in order to get other fixes. And it doesn't impair you like other drugs do. And the cost is just a little at a time. It's much more drawn out than other addictions. Rather than like the gambler who might lose the car or the rent in one shot,  the smoker spends the equivalent of a home over 30 or 40 years of smoking. Rather than missing work due to a late night binder, the smoker misses work due to catching a cold because they have a weakened immune system. The problems are all there, but their veiled. Smoking is much more dubious than other drugs and addictions because it takes away so much by slowly chipping away over a lifetime. 

i woke up and MY new mind thought of God and thankfulness for a NEW day and that i was richly blessed inside MY NEW HEART-i finished praying and then praised God in MY NEW ACTION-exercising- by walking 5 mile areobic dvd with leslie sansone-been with her at home miracle walking dvds- since august 2010-i finished that and moved on to bowflex machine - i do 20 minutes-i do 3xs a week since january 2015-i finished with a stretch band exercise for MY triceps and then shower-dressed-praying through out as MY Holy Comforter touches MY spirit to pray as i continue MY working out-then did a load of wash which is in the dryer now-then in between this and that and the other- i come here - asking MY Holy Comforter to teach ME to pray for others-to be HELPFUL to all and to teach ME to obey Him just like MY example -Apostle Paul - in the NEW testament of MY bible who  the Holy Spirit used as MY ASCENDED Lord Jesus CHOSEN vessel to write the Pauline epistles- which i am taught as a born again believer to follow Pauls example-Paul followed Christ-TODAY is NEW-i live as a NON SMOKER with MY NEW mind set on MY CHRIST JESUS and i am thinking of OTHERS-i am glad i aint what i use to be- an active nicotine drug addict with MY mind set on MY drug nicotine-OBESSIVE-CONSTANT CRAVING-RAGING TO USE 50 DEATH STICKS A DAY TO COPE-thats MY OLD USING ADDICTED MIND-WHICH I CHOSE TO SURRENDER ON THE CROSS in MY Lord Jesus name on jan 6-2011 -its a NEW day and i set MY mind on being a recovering nicotine addict-TODAY-ONE DAY AT A TIME-BREATHE-ONE THOUGHT AT A TIME and i CHOOSE to NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER OVER ME-i have MY NEW MIND SET ON - helping-encouraging-understanding-loving-showing by MY NEW MIND SET ACTION-to blog and to read-Thanking God and all here that what God has done for ME he will do for you if you CHOOSE to believe and read for yourself-1 Corinthians chapter 15 verses 1-4 in the bible-that was SUGGESTED  to ME-the CHOICE is all on you-just like FREELY choosing to quit using drug nicotine-its all on you-please take what HELPS and let go of the rest-thank you-CHOICES-choices-choices-its a NEW day ladies and gentlemen-a NEW day all on YOUR OWN PERSONAL CHOICE-in MY Lord Jesus name i pray YOU choose wisely-just for YOU! Amen

I always find that 3 of the Seasons zoom by way too fast BUT Winters seem to drag on and on and this year seems worse with getting snow in October that hung around for a bit then it came back the beginning of November and stayed so if we're lucky it'll leave before the end April BUT no matter the Weather or anything that's happening in life we don't need to throw our hands up in the air and screw up a perfectly beautiful quit so relapsing over anything isn't the answer because whatever is going to happen in LIFE is going to happen whether we smoke or not and choosing Not to is the only answer that will keep us living a life of Freedom because we can remain Smokefree N.M.W. - No Matter What and I want to be around to enjoy LIFE on LIFE'S Terms without the yuckies ( cigarettes ) N.O.P.E and vigilance guarantees us a Smokefree LIFE...... 

I just took the bottom pic now, it's the calm before another storm with 10 to 12 inches coming from tomorrow morning into Wednesday BUT that's A OK because it'll storm whether I get frustrated or NOT and since I don't smoke anymore I'll get busy doing something and enjoy LIFE on LIFE'S Terms ......

shashort

This is it!!

Posted by shashort Jan 6, 2019

FINALLY THE LAST SURGERY

I was still learning life without a cigarette. I was exactly 6 months into my quit when all this came about.  The nightmare began on Dec. 13, 2016 which makes it 2 years and 24 days ago since I had smashed my hand in the car door causing  artery damage (for those who don't know) didn't know if they would save my hand or not..  It has been an hellish journey.  I have been through at least 13 maybe 14 surgeries thus far due to complications and trying to get my hand as functional as we could. And finally tomorrow will be the last surgery and will be doing carpal and ulnar repair.  Surgery is scheduled at 8 am.  Would appreciate prayers.

 

To the newbies we hear your struggles and know they are real.  We know you get tired of hearing it will get easier, or your doing good when you don't feel it,  I remember the struggles and frustrations as if they were yesterday.  It was especially hard trying to cope with my hand without Nico dude, my nico brain kept telling me it would make things all better.  Thankfully I knew enough not to go back to puffing away.  In reality smoking does us NO good whatsoever.  It would have not brought my fingers back whether I smoked or not.  So when you feel the struggle is real come here and talk about it.we are here to help. You are learning life a whole new way, so be patient with yourself.  What got me through the hell was digging deep within myself, found my determination and did whatever I had to, I jumped I screamed, punched a pillow, NO MATTER WHAT!! just don't smoke and keep your commiment, you WILL NOT regret it, I promise.    Also,can't say enough how wonderful, great supportive people here who listened to my struggles and they helped me through them.  Tell yourself YES YOU CAN!!  So of course I am very proud to say I have not smoked not one puff for 969 days.  WHOOP WHOOP 31 days to enter QUAD squad Yehaw.  So don't say you can't.  Believe in your self you are worth the temporay fight and discomfort.  We did it so can you.

 

Also on this final thought before surgery is I am so glad I quit smoking and God must have known what he was doing because the struggle to hold the cigarette while driving and holding it out the window would have been real.

Keep your quit in the positive!! KNOW YOU CAN!!

 

indingrl.01.06.2011

jan. 6. 2019.

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Jan 6, 2019

hi-i am a recovering nicotine addict and TODAY only by Gods grace and with the HELP of this fellowship of good teachers - i thank God 1st and i thank ALL of you for loving ME and CELEBRATING 8 YEARS-TODAY-NICOTINE FREE!

I went to the doc's office Wednesday for my 6-month tune up and oil change.  I told him again about my right index finger being numb and that I'm constantly dropping things from both hands.  I also told him about my short term memory loss.  I will be speaking a sentence and often completely forget what I was saying and hints of what I was talking about don't help to remember.  I also can't remember words I was just using although I'm more worried that I completely forget entire conversations.  I'm worried that I may have the onset of Alzheimer's Disease.  My dad had it and so did his mother.  We had to sell my childhood home in one town and buy one in a different town that could accommodate her living with us. New high school and I couldn't really have friends because I had to come home from school every day to relieve the daytime caretaker and resume the care of her until my mom got home from work. 

I also spent 3 years working in the severe Alzheimer's unit at a nursing home.  Then I watched my dad go downhill.  My mom never put him in a home. She took care of him until he quit eating and she had to put him in the hospital.  He died at the age of 78. The old battle axe herself is 89 and still going strong even though my sister swears she's losing her mind.  After her 'lovely' Thanksgiving visit I knew she hadn't lost anything more than typical aging issues like forgetting what the correct word is that she wants to convey.  She can still kick her legs like a Rockette which literally makes her doctor absolutely amazed. 

I've told everyone that if I develop Alzheimer's please take me out back and shoot me 'cuz I don't want anyone to have to go through the care of me.  "They shoot horses don't they?"  

So off to the neurologist I go on the 15th and hopefully they can tell me something.  At least it's a starting point if nothing else.

Chuck_Quit_2-20-2011

Renewal

Posted by Chuck_Quit_2-20-2011 Jan 4, 2019

Good day all!

 

I hope everyone is doing well. I’ve been forced off line for a bit by a faulty computer so I’m using another one to write this. I can read messages on my phone but it’s really hard to reply. Anyway, I just wanted to wish everyone a delayed happy new year and of course send a message along with it.

 

The obvious message that comes with the new year is renewal. When we start a new year, we tend to actually think ahead on how we want this new year to be. Even as we celebrate the end of one year, we always try to think of positive things that we can do to make the entire year better.

 

This  is really how we should feel when we quit smoking if we’ve prepared properly. On that quit day, we have to be focusing on what we’re gaining, not what we’re losing. We should feel an excitement for the renewal of our beings. And we should be ready to look past the discomforts that we not only expect but want to get over with so that we can get on with our new life of freedom.

 

But sometimes, life doesn’t give us an opportunity to prep or we take the plunge without really realizing that we need to.prep to begin with. It doesn’t mean we can’t succeed under these circumstances, but it does mean that we have to try a little harder because we end up having a little catching up to do as far as our understanding of what’s happening to us goes.

 

For this reason, there are more questions. More of trying to understand what’s happening to us in those first hard days. And it can be way harder to reason with ourselves at first because we’re too busy trying to grasp everything at once. There is a bright spot to this however. In order to get through, the commitment must be strong. And with commitment comes belief. And with belief comes the power to overcome any obstacle.

 

This is why it really doesn’t matter if there was no time for preparation. It’s a little harder at first of course and there’s a bit more confusion but in the end we all achieve the same goal of freedom. And really, that’s all that matters!

 

So if you have the time, take the time to prepare but if you don’t, go for it anyway! It’s our futures we’re talking about here and one thing is certain. We can get through this together no matter what the circumstances. We can leave those bread crumbs along the way for you to follow and we can answer all of your questions, no matter how inconsequential they may seem.

 

We all have a single goal of freedom here and as such we all want to see you succeed! Hang in there and before long your dream will become a beautiful reality! Until then, we’re here to pick you up if you fall!!

 

ONWARD TO FREEDOM!!!

 

Chuck

Carmensan

the struggle is real

Posted by Carmensan Jan 4, 2019

heIlo again! I’ve been MIA because honestly,,. I am struggling with my quit! I have a weak mind and a hard headed personality. I’m literally battling with myself! I know cold turkey is the way to go. Cutting down seems like I’m being dragged by the collar and the hustle is real! Hate it. Prior to having decided to attempt this quit, I smoked almost every hour. When I smoke I mean I inhale the crap out of the cigs every time like there is no tomorrow.. my mind is whacked.. I’m like, well a 90 year old smokes and still lives and ends up passing without any smoking related issue. Where as a unhealthy person making a healthy life decision suddenly passing.., or a non smoker passing with something only smokers are high risk off .... I end up thinking .. if it’s your time , it’s your time no matter what you do. I get it . Thst shouldn’t be the way to think and that I should go on being positive and make this positive change for my self. I mean heck who wants to be on a life support machine or who wants to go through cemo therapy, I even calculated all those expenses to try to get it through my thick skull.. seeing black lungs due to smoking doesn’t even phrase me .. I do feel guilty. I’m all over the place ... I’m writing this because I can’t lie. Truthfully for me.. huge progress is that from smoking every hour has turned into once a day or sometimes none at all. Truth is it is hard to be around smokers .. that’s where my once a day comes in.. I’m officially bumming off cigs like a loser. I now know why people gain weight because I noticed I’ll eat without thinking about it so fill in what feels missing. I’m slowly trying to get it and I hope it’s jot to late. I’m very proud of all you non smokers and maybe one day soon I will get there. I’ve been reading on other blogs that suddenly stoooed posting. I know they’re back to smoking because their day one is as bad as mine and I know how they feel. At the same time all the ex smokers been through what I’m going through so I should just suck it up, man it up and just do it ! I think I can and I know I can .. I just have to prep my mind and fight all the voices in my head lol 

min done ranting and I’ll read this again to remind my self... 

Tinalbowser

It’s gonna happen

Posted by Tinalbowser Jan 3, 2019

me and my hubby started on our Zyban today. Slowly tapering down on amount of smokes daily.  We are so ready.  Drinking lots of water. Got a plan. Read Carr book. Helpful. Been reading lots of material on smoking and nicotine. Feeling good about this. 

anaussiemom

Needless Tragedy !!

Posted by anaussiemom Jan 2, 2019

My Beautiful Nephew  37 yrs. old.  Handsome, widowed, and father, of to 2 teens!
My grand little people have already went thru this once when we buried his wife, and love since they were 12 or 13 yrs old.
He is in an Induced coma and Detoxing from Alcoholism and more...

 


Ya, I relapsed and smoked, sorry EXers!  I just got this stupid photo on FB.  I do not want to relapse anymore!!  As tears flow down my face............. This wont help a damn thing!!

 


His life hangs in the balance because his liver is shot.

 

I am disappointed as well as some others.


I cannot keep a commitment to myself!

 


Prayers please for Jeff as this Man/boy's life hangs in the balance
Please

 


Thank you Kim.

 

 

 

 

I'm so sorry Jeff I didn't know !!  I would have done my best to help get you clean and sober.

 

* I beg God to let you live and learn  how to live a beautiful sober life !*  And to cope with your grief from Angie's passing.

 

 

 

UPDATE***************************************************************************************************************************

 


They are going to taper him off life support today and see how is breathing and such is...

 

 

 

Continued prayers would be so greatly appreciated

 

Thank you so kindly 

 

Kim

**************************************************************************************************************************
update 12/4/19

Tapered and put him back on life support.  
He has a weak kidney, they want to do dialysis;
He is already weak don't know how that will go, if they decide to to go with that procedure.
Only know hearsay of dialysis, that  it makes one weak. 
He is a bit better, a very slow slight improvement!  I will gladly take that news.
Will go see him this weekend. <3
My Birthday is Sunday it will be a good day to finally spend some time with, Jeff.  Dean has the day off I need a Co- pilot..
That will be a wonderful present to hold his hand and see his sweet face.
I am ready to go to MI at anytime, if his health takes a bad turn..   ( Praying for the best healing miracles ever).
Thank you for the prayers. Hugs

desiree465

No excuses

Posted by desiree465 Jan 2, 2019

If I can get through my aunt dying tragically, watching my 80 year old grandparents world come crashing down, and finding out that my other aunt has stage 2 breast cancer without smoking then so can everyone else. There will always be what we think is a good reason to smoke, always. It's hard to quit because life is hard. Just because it's hard doesn't mean it can't be done. Dig in and try. Don't give up on yourself because you had a hard day, or because life isn't going the way you planned. Being alive is the most important thing, don't take life for granted. 

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