So often in a quit, we tend to find ourselves wondering how we found ourselves so addicted and why we did this to ourselves. We somehow find comfort in the past, because that’s our only reference to what we call normal. We don’t understand the present and are uncertain about the future we’re trying to create.
And so quite often and mostly out of confusion, we latch onto our past lives of smoking. This generates a kind of longing for that old world where things seemed so normal even as we strengthened our addictions of the past. And of course this translates into a desire to smoke. Soon those old memories are flooding the mind simply because we let our guard down and let them in and all of a sudden we realize that we’re having a massive crave that came seemingly out of nowhere!
Even though in a way we created this situation, we suddenly feel out of control! But we still don’t want to smoke so we become irritable. We start thinking thoughts of how unfair this whole addiction thing really is and yes at times we even feel sorry for ourselves for having to go through this horrible ordeal. We begin to feel like we’re unable to do what we want to do without driving ourselves crazy and then just at the right moment, someone says something that angers us to the point that we completely lose our focus.
This is the anatomy of a relapse, I think and the moment that decides a choice between slavery and freedom. We have to fight endlessly in order to quit, and sometimes the endless fight wears a person down but what amazes me is that when a person relapses, it’s generally a split second decision.
The key to success is to not make those split second decisions when we’re in the middle of a battle for our very futures! We must always take a moment to breathe. To calm our anguished minds before making a rash decision that we always regret, especially when we start over.
It’s way easier to simply log onto the old computer and type something then it is to get in the car, drive to the store, buy those cigarettes and drive home and I know for a fact that the moment that cigarette is lit, there’s instant regret and a feeling of failure and fifty percent of the time those worthless feelings will get someone to continue on recreating a horrible future that they were trying to escape.
Thankfully for the other fifty percent, they see the errors of their ways and start over, but either way the feelings of regret and failure are what we feel when we relapse.
So obviously the key is to find something. Anything to change our thinking. Be it coming here and typing HELP and then explaining your feelings or taking a nice refreshing walk or perhaps journaling. To me, the best thing to do in those moments is to come here where you’ll find understanding that might not be found elsewhere.
I think it’s true that misery loves company, and when we come here to save our quit without even realizing it we may save another person who was having similar thoughts. By getting together and conversing about what’s being felt inside with others who understand those feelings, it gives us strength and not only that. We also might strengthen another who needs if just as badly.
When you have those weak moments, the balls in your court. What will you choose to do with it?
ONWARD TO FREEDOM!!!
Chuck
Just a quick note: I’m going to be working a rather hectic schedule for a while and might not be here quite as much, but I will check in daily and will always reply to those who might need it and of course add my two cents where I can in the blogs
