Good Day today, I didn't smoke. was out to my Yoga class. I have been having a tough time again. My head keeps giving me indecision, yet I know this is the best thing for me. One moment I want to smoke, the next I don't. I want this to be easier, but it just isn't. I go out and my head says sure, stop buy a pack, you don't really want to stop smoking even if the Dr. says you must. I MUST do this, and not give in. There are so many better things to do with my time and energy. My neighbour was with me today, and she reaked of smoke. It made me feel revolted to know I stank like that!! She asked me if I wanted a smoke on the way home, I said no thanks.
I smell clean, I have kids to live for. They need me even tho they are grown. I know they love me. So today the thought that keeps me going is I have to live for them, and do my best. Christmas will be weird this year without Brian, I am making it through this one step, one day at a time. For everyone here, thank you.
Glad to hear you had a good smoke free day. Not so glad to hear that your friend offered you a cigarette, but again I'm proud of you for not taking it. Quitting smoking while already having a big hole in your heart can't be easy. I commend you for taking both the quit and life; one day at a time.
Keeping your kids as a focus to stay free is both reality and proof that though life is hard right now, being free is more important to you. I remember my first Christmas without my spouse and you're right. It was weird but also doable. She loved Christmas and I found that I made that first Christmas in honor of her. I put up all the lights and even the tree just to honor her, and I could feel her there, smiling.
The next Christmases weren't so sad. I always to this day still feel her there on Christmas, looking at the lights and smiling. It's OK to miss them. Just know that with time, that hole in your heart will be filled with wonderful memories, once you're over the loss enough to start remembering them. Just as with losing an addiction, time heals all. Hang in there. You're doing great!!
ONWARD TO FREEDOM!!!
Chuck