Today I managed to get through one of my huge triggers. I had a talk with both brats about our expectations which the one with Aspergers took it the wrong way. Then, my mother called. Enough said? All of us kids used to, and still do is call her 'Betty Bi***'. So it was one of those days where I couldn't do anything right along with I was a crappy mom. I usually go in the garage to talk to her because it's quieter than the house. Guess what I used to do, pace and smoke like a freight train. After I spoke to my adult children I really wanted a smoke bad but I abstained. Yes there's still some in the garage. As a got more angry with each "You have got to..." and "I don't understand why you can't..." I wanted that cigarette bad. I knew from my last quit that it was just the nicodemon summoning me with the lie that it would help. So mid conversation I threw the phone and it hit the concrete floor. It was not the action I should have taken but it felt good
although it was still connected to the conversation.
But I knew how the demon works, I knew this was one of my biggest triggers and EX has taught me how to recognize and cope with stressful situations without smoking. My failure last time in the spring may have been one of those things that was best in the end. I'm really paying attention to what is causing the urge and remember what the demon does, ensnare people in their vulnerable states.
So HA-HA Mr. Cigarette! I cleared that hurdle with room to spare! I'm positive any stress will bring on another craving but I kicked the demon today and I will kill that demon again should he show his head when I'm stressed!
Julie
