I've been focusing on what makes me light up and what I'd do if I weren't smoking. I wanted to pay close attention to everyday stressors that could threaten my soon to be quit. I had a good start to the day, minus a horrible morning smoke...I could taste the poison, almost was my last one, but I didn't want to jump the gun. I received a call and was offered a job that I knew would cause stress and be a deterrent from my quit plan. I said to myself, do Not let this be an excuse, (thinking of the torment made my rethink everything). New job with extra stress means it's Time to prepare, plan, and learn! I get excited and call the hubby to discuss. He immediately starts saying how it's a further drive from my current job, traffic, all the cons... another stress factor I know will come during early stages of my quit, (marriage, disagreements, etc.,). So I took a mental note. I went to work, complete chaos the moment I walked in. I immediately craved a cigarette even though I just extinguished one 30 minutes ago. The craves were aggressive but I managed. I looked at my phone to check the time and discovered missed calls, texts, and weather alerts. Well, the power went out, (wasn't expected to be back on until late the next day, the kids were at home, and husband and I were at work...I wanted to run and smoke, fast! I didn't and couldn't. I took a breathe and said that they are old enough to handle it, (almost out of the house old enough), but as a mom I naturally thought of everything that could go wrong. I thought to myself what would I do if I no longer smoked and it wasn't an option? I changed my thoughts and handled the stress. I started my preparations and got on with it. Five minutes before I got off, I was told power was restored, hubby was home, and all was fine. I was on my way home and thought, I can do this! The thought came with a genuine smile and hope. Not the second guessing, full of excuses drive that I was expecting. The sky didn't fall and through the very stress factors I was sure that would change my mind about even attempting...I found enlightenment.
Sorry for the long post, but It's a note to self and anyone else that can relate. One moment at a time. Pay attention, learn from the moment.
