I got so frustrated again today in traffic (it's 1.4 miles and it took me over 90 minutes to get home cause there is a FAIR in town) so I cried again after Yoga...where I live is weird and literally on the wrong side of the train tracks so sometimes it takes 5 or 10 time longer to get where you're going and it drives me insane!
So today I felt good, did yoga then got in the car and couldn't get home, so pulled over and cried and had that feeling of being trapped, having no options, making all the wrong choices in life...OMG. It's too hard to move! I can't afford it! I have no where to go!...jI hate my life! Just a flood of negativity and fear... I didn't want to smoke, but I did recognize a long time ago that cigs are an emotional connection, a comfort for me, not really a craving for nicotine...which would probably be easier.
BUT tonight when this thought PATTERN arose (and I realized it is a pattern and I am going to figure out how to change it) I didn't smoke to make myself feel better. I looked for another option, which was keep feeling miserable or thinking through the feelings. So I stopped, calmed myself down and said "What's the big deal, it's just a week and the fair will be gone, there's traffic everywhere, it's okay, you can go to an earlier class and avoid the traffic, etc etc."
This was a big deal talking myself off the ledge because again, I don't really have anyone to talk to in my current life situation. But I wanted to write about it because this would've been the time to panic and complain and smoke...and I didnt. Made it through Day #3...all your kind responses really make a difference. I hope I can do that for someone else someday!