Why do I get days like I just can't or won't do anything to help myself out? Yesterday and today have been heavy grieving days and I went and bought cigarettes. I smoked seven last night and had another four today. My therapist actually said I should smoke right now to get through this difficult period, she said my mental health was more important than my physical health right now. She said without my mental health I have nothing. I can't afford to break down, but I feel she should have supported me with my decision. My oral pathologist wants to see me in another 3 months. I am close to tears again here today. I have to stop this madness. I don't feel strong right now at all.
So........I know smoking doesn't help a darn thing, I am close to loosing it, and I'm going forward with my quit.
I don't get her rational, without my physical health I'm screwed too. That could mean my life!! My life is more important to me!! I am feeling stressed and pressured. I know when I am quit I feel better about myself so I'm going forward with that. I will feel my feelings and get through it somehow, without smoking!! I need to learn a new life, without Brian and without going to my crutch. Thanks for listening I need to decide what to do here in order to make my quit a priority. Oddly enough I don't want to deal with grieving either, I want a magic pill that will make my heart and soul feel better. There is no magic pill to make things better. God be with me.