Christine13

Why?

Blog Post created by Christine13 on Apr 8, 2018

Why do I get days like I just can't or won't do anything to help myself out?  Yesterday and today have been heavy grieving days and I went and bought cigarettes.  I smoked seven last night and had another four today.  My therapist actually said I should smoke right now to get through this difficult period, she said my mental health was more important than my physical health right now.  She said without my mental health I have nothing.  I can't afford to break down, but I feel she should have supported me with my decision.  My oral pathologist wants to see me in another 3 months.  I am close to tears again here today.  I have to stop this madness.  I don't feel strong right now at all.

So........I know smoking doesn't help a darn thing, I am close to loosing it, and I'm going forward with my quit.

I don't get her rational, without my physical health I'm screwed too.  That could mean my life!!  My life is more important to me!!  I am feeling stressed and pressured.  I know when I am quit I feel better about myself so I'm going forward with that.  I will feel my feelings and get through it somehow, without smoking!!  I need to learn a new life, without Brian and without going to my crutch.  Thanks for listening I need to decide what to do here in order to make my quit a priority.  Oddly enough I don't want to deal with grieving either, I want a magic pill that will make my heart and soul feel better.  There is no magic pill to make things better.  God be with me.

Outcomes