The addict within

Blog Post created by chuck-2-20-2011 on Mar 20, 2018

Good day EXer’s!!!


When I first quit and discovered the screaming argument in my head, I knew I’d have to find a way to calm it if I was going to succeed. I mean this voice, or endless argument can really wear on a person as they struggle to win another day smoke free. And so I named this argument, or rather the addiction the “addict within”.


Others call it nicodemon or several other names. The thing is, by placing a name on the very thing that bothers us most, several things happen. At least it did for me. I think in the normal world, we converse to convey things to one another. And we converse to share our feelings, and what we’ve learned. Also, we converse to share what’s really going on inside of us.


When I named that voice, it gave it a kind of face or rather a focal point for me to react with. A being to converse with, if you will. Since the endless argument happens inside of us, we must understand it in order to combat it.


For me, naming the addiction gave me a sounding board. Something to laugh at and to learn from, just like we learn from a friend, even if this friend happens to be our worst enemy.


I remember telling it to shut up or to go away (something it never did, of course). Somehow, this helped me to wrap my head around that argument, what it was trying to do to me and why I wouldn’t let it.


In my minds eye, I could see it as a ghost, or a disembodied part of myself walking beside me as it continued it’s endless conversation. Because it now had a face, I could ignore it at times or I could convince it (myself) to calm down for a while. I could converse with it and try to understand it, which in the end helped me to understand that my own addiction or at least gave me a vessel to try.


The main thing was that I had somewhere to channel all of those raw emotions, rather then attack a friend or worse, a loved one. But most importantly, I learned to laugh at it. This in itself took all of the addictions power away, making what was left a a ghost of what it once was.


I only mention this because one never knows what another might find useful. The main thing is that we find what works best for each of us. And the only way to find that is to first live it and then understand it.


We all have an addict within. We created it with each day that we smoked. Really, we conversed with it all along as we planned each day around our addiction. The reality is that the voice was always there, whispering sweet lies to us in order to keep us under control. What changes when we quit is that we no longer agree with the addict within and so just like any screaming child, it throws a temper tantrum to get what it wants. To control us once more.


But one thing is certain. Just like the screaming toddler that won’t shut up, eventually they get tired, so long as we don’t give in. Eventually they give up when they realize that we won’t succumb to the endless argument, and when that day comes, you’ll know it for that will be the day that you experience true peace and freedom for the first time in a long, long time.