I had my bladder cancer surgery today and am clean once more. This morning I woke up almost free of angst, fear, paranoia, and dread. I also woke up to my quit smoking rock. My little friend that helped me stay clean for days. It's talking to me and I'm listening.
As the nurse was going over my past history, it was sort of shocking to see and hear what my body has been through. I don't think about it much. I get things fixed and move on. Today, though, I'm working on believing and embracing that it takes more than moving on. She said to me, "You look so much better than this history!" I wasn't sure how to take that, but the underlying message to myself was, "Yep, you pull the wool over others' and your own eyes very well."
Inside is an extremely healthy and fit person crying to get out. The only way to make that happen is to just do it - eat right, don't smoke, exercise/move, and get decent sleep. Simple, huh?
I'm putting my quit smoking rock back in my pocket. I have no reason to smoke. I do have every reason not to. It can be a cause for bladder cancer (there are others). It's happening and I promise to come back here and blog about it.