3-year quit Living in gray darkness

Blog Post created by tjanddj on Feb 12, 2018

I haven't been posting here like I would like to. I love to be giving an encouraging word to the new quitters here. Helping those around me here in my non-cyber world has been a priority for me now and to care for my self so that I can care for others I had to let some things go. EX has some wonderful elders here reaching out to help others and give encouraging words so I know you new quitters are in good hands.

I am very thankful to be smoke free now while living in this gray darkness. Smoking during this season of my life would made my life ever so more stressful. Smoking causes so much stress, always in need of a fix. I am so very happy to be free from that addiction.

Do understand that my quitting smoking did not cause me to be in this gray darkness. Quit smoking has allowed me to feel my sorrow and has allowed me to grief and mourn. I want to be free from this gray darkness and someday I will be.

I continue with my abstract painting to help me through this gray darkness.  I signed up for a gym membership since I no longer have outdoor chores to do other than sweeping leaves and peanut shells off the little wee patio. Truthfully though, I joined the gym so I can use the hydro massage table but I do need to take advantage of the other equipment they have because not having my outdoor chores to do is turning me into gelatin. I have a nice walking path by the apartment complex for my walk/runs. Will get this body back in shape here shortly just have to go about it differently.

My niece and her husband bought my house it closed on the 9th. A bittersweet moment. Now for the next step in my life whatever that may be.

I don't know if you can understand what my gray darkness is. It is where my inner self is living now. In gray darkness there is joy and peace that lives with in me. There is light within the darkness a light that can not be hidden by the darkness. In gray darkness I feel the sorrow,  that surrounds me, it never goes away. In my gray darkness I find myself kneeling before my God praying throughout my day giving Him praise and thanking Him for the joy and peace He gives me during this difficult period time of my life. With God I know that everything will be ok even when everything is not ok. Absolutely no smoking needed or wanted.

I miss my husband. Watching my son go through what he is going through is heartbreaking for me to watch. His tumor has grown, he has confusion episodes and his memory is not so good. He is going to try another chemo medication he thinks this might be the last one he tries. We live on in sorrow, with tears, with smiles and laughter. I live with joy and peace within me and a God that loves me. I live a smoke free life. Freedom!

Quitting smoking. I am glad I did. My nicotine monster, haven't seen that monster for very very long time. I do remember how annoying and sometimes entertaining it was. Oh, and how I remember that last cigarette I had. That was one horrible cigarette. That burning sensation and that terrible taste it left in my mouth that lasted for days. That was not a pleasant smoke and I am glad it wasn't.

Today I will celebrate my 3 year quitting smoking and my 4 years eating healthfully at the gym on the hydro massage table!.

My prayers to all that are going through a difficult season no matter what that may be. Difficult times happen to us all and my heart is with you.

That's enough writing from this non-writer before I have you just totally confused with my wandering writing thoughts.

What is your story? 

Have yourself a smoke free day and keep that body moving!