My First Month of Madness

[jps]

I found and joined this site a few of days after I had started my quit date.  It was the only one where I felt comfortable with and I wanted to do things properly and add my own diary of discomfort to and hope it may be of help to others but also to find and get some help for myself.

Sadly for me I already felt behind the curve ball and feel like I have been playing catch up ever since trying to get my awful word document diary put up onto this site so that everyone could see what I have been going through and maybe give me some pointers.

If anything I suppose whoever reads this blog can see despite some of the issues and experiences I have been going through.

I never thought I could have gotten this far without a cigarette !!

( I am now excited as just discovered the Save as Draft Function at the bottom of this page!)

Aaargh!!1 Pressed the button lost the post got it back couldn't continue then found the edit button and now back. Now here's a place that needs a

HOW TO USE GUIDE!!

Now scared to press the button again before I finish.

To anyone who needs help and wants to quit I just want to say I am one of the worst. I have failed many times.I never smoked before my 28th birthday.

I HAVE HAD LITTLE HELP AND NO SUPPORT OR NOT THE SUPPORT I HAVE NEEDED TO HELP GET THROUGH QUITTING.

The last time I quit I got DOUBLE Pneumonia and was put into a coma and then I was abandoned by my doctor whilst waiting for a specific medication and in turn I started smoking again. So for me making it this far is a minor miracle and so if I can do this then I am happy to help others make it too.

Prior to starting and planning my quit date I read Allan Carr's book Sept 2017 and found it helpful with my mind set. I also armed myself with Lozenges,Ecigs, Mouth Spray, Mantra's a few leftover champix I found (thankfully not used and now in bin) preferred Zytac anyway when i did quit pre Pneumonia.

So without further a do here is my first month of hell and any help or advice is more than welcome and thank you to anyone who took the time to read my insignificant offerings.

Monday 1^st January 2018 Midnight finished my last cigarette and said my goodbyes with a sip of whiskey.

Tuesday 2^nd January 2018 Day one was hell felt very sick bad stomach and slept quite a bit. Everything seemed quite a fog for a while got up late afternoon and managed to keep going not easy but managed.

Wednesday 3rd January 2018 Better than day 1 but still feeling quite unwell and incoherent. Mouth a bit tingly but my wrists oh my giddy aunt they feel on fire. I must add at this point that a couple of years ago I was diagnosed with early onset arthritis in my wrists and although I take supplements and normally keep my hands busy I never expected this!!

Thursday 4th January 2018 felt better and more upbeat and managed to do some work today but did get tired a bit later Wrists still achy is this a blood rush through my vains???

Friday 5^th January 2018 Found this website and a couple of others but this seems to be very good.

Saturday 6^th January 2018 Read some more from the websites that  were found yesterday and decided to Commit my reasons for quitting to paper(pc) to help me reinforce why I am quitting as getting hard to think straight at times.

Sunday 7^th January 2018 Very bad weather had some property damage

Monday 8^th January 2018 Weather still bad outside but did manage a whole days work

Tuesday 9^th January 2018 Surprised that a week has gone by Had to try and fix some of the roof damage before the rain was due to arrive but felt sick and disorientated for the first couple of hours of the morning and didn’t feel well enough to go up a 30 foot ladder straight away as was worried about my balance. Did go up later managed a mini repair got disheartened when I saw the rest of the damage that going to need fixing as already have more than enough to do!!!

Wednesday 10^th January 2018 Had a nice day walking along a new coastal path was doing ok till about 11 pm when the food monster took over and I ate a lot of snacky stuff including biscuits, cheese, and chocolate.

Was told that week one was called Hell of a Week and Week 2 is called Heck of a Week feels like that’s vice versa for me as this week feels worse

Thursday 11^th January 2018 Had a look round the sales which were rubbish. Not a good day as above got the late night munchies and ate like a pig. Had a 2mg Nicotine Lozenge managed half then saved the rest in case needed later.

Friday 12^th January 2018

Midnight Realised I am not used to putting myself first or taking the time to manage my own welfare. Must do Better as got angry with others.

Midday put into a stressful situation had no time to prep myself started hyperventilating then a massive coughing fit and a nose bleed over a 45 minute period. Wore me out had to go and lie down my body temp went very cold took ages to warm fell asleep for 3 hours.

Felt better later and a lot calmer.

Saturday 13^th January 2018 Early hours 2 am the cat knocked over a compendium box and all the bits went everywhere waking the whole house felt like my chest heart area was having pins and needles felt weird?? Maybe just shock and surprise even though I was up at the time.

Sunday 14^th January 2018

Nice walk today and had a first subconscious memory of smoking where I would normally stop for a break.

Monday 15^th January 2018

Good day did a fair bit of work, walked the dog slept ok for a change.

Tuesday 16th felt quite shocked that I had come so far without the urge to smoke a cigarette.

Weds 17^th worked all day went ok had a bit of a pig out and finished my lozenge not happy as worried about getting addicted to NRT’s???

Thurs 18^th worked ok fell like i am getting back into a routine but still a long way to go. Midnight got a bit jittery had the rest of lozenge

Friday19th shopping and went to see friends as having probs with pc

Sat 20^th Painted walls weather bad

Sun 21^st Worked painting

Mon 22^nd Worked all day painted ceiling but

Got some bad news can’t sustain Business and pay tax. Had a suck of ecig 6 puffs didn’t enjoy but made me run to the loo!!!

Tues 23^rd ill all day did nothing. Got up later

Weds 24^th nice walk in afternoon and relaxing sort of day did some business research

Thurs 25^th back on the plastering but lost my temper big time haven’t been that bad in years it upset me a lot when I gave it some thought later didn’t manage to get out or go and do stuff like order heating oil

No rain all day WOW!! Managed to pump my car tyres and move it

Fri 26^th January went to diy shop in morning then did normal shopping then a bit more diy and called tony for a chat. Hope to get my mobile phone working Laptop went down and so did Lesley's smartphone due to me turning it off?? Also laptop cooling fan not working now fixed. Quiet night finished Vikings.

Looking forward to tomorrow and some me time to have a good think.

Sat 27^th January Did some diy again this morning but light not good. Can’t agree on what to do tomorrow. Looking to walk and clear my head.

Took dog with me but she was distracting me from thinking feeling a bit hyper and people everywhere. So much for a quiet walk. Blame the dry weather as first one for a month now. Went back home New phone not working!! Went for a nap. Did some more DIY watched a bit of tv and now  feeling hyper again is this too much caffeine???. Sugar sick again and I stood in it as its right on doormat!! Cleaned slipper other cat came in and started causing chaos so had to put him out. Now trying to calm myself down by writing this. Cleaned my teeth. Had another coffee may have to rethink coffee.

Sun 28th nice walk but Lesley got into a bad mood as the walk progressed and didn’t know why. Gave her some info on Dopamine which seemed to help a lot.

Mon 29^th DIY went wrong nothing going to plan

Tues 30^th January 2018 Bad day again and lost my temper and walked out of a shop I feel like I am losing control and I don’t understand why.  this was around 2pm today. Now around 10.30 feeling a bit despondent and just really feel like hiding in a corner somewhere and never come out again.

Weds 31^st jan 2018 Took pets to vets for annual checks and jabs all good. Got back home

Struggling to get phone unlocked still feeling upset about yesterday and suffering with mouth/gum sore had a discussion about it. Felt a little better but realised I need to get all this on the ex site asap as I need more help.

Thurs 1^st Feb

Trying to get started on ex site using the getting started guide but finding a little confusing had to walk away for a minute or 2 as felt overwhelmed and couldn’t see or understand the layout. Now 10 mins later think I spotted a starting point so here goes!!!