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Entering No Mans Land

Posted by desiree465 Jan 29, 2018

So I'm at the start of no mans land. I have only ever made it this far once. It was when hooka's started to become popular and my brother in-law brought one camping and boom that was it. I was a full blown smoker again the next day.

This time feels different. I come to this site every day sometimes multiple times even when I'm not having those full blown terrible cravings because it reminds me that I need to focus on not smoking every day and that at any moment my inner junkie can appear.

At this point I've stopped secluding myself from other smokers. And yes they do seem to think I should be over it. They don't understand why I can't stand outside with them and talk while they smoke. But this time around I realize it's not about them and their addiction. I always have the choice to say no, even if they push a little bit. This is about my quit and my willpower. 

The other night me and my husband went to happy hour, which is something I have also avoided, and had such a great time. We both quit together so it was nice not having to go outside every 30 minutes to have a smoke. It was also nice not having to sit by myself inside while he smoked and vice versa. Honestly neither one of us thought about smoking until we left and noticed that not smoking wasn't an issue that night. 

Having everyone's encouragement and guidance on this site has really made a difference.


Celebrate YOU!

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Jan 28, 2018

CONGRATS Michelle for 4 WEEKS NICOTINE FREE TODAY and great job STAYING free with HELPING all to believe hope and love to ALL with wonderful sharing self in NEW life experience in THINK it out CHOOSE wisely and to BLOG before you take that first puff over you! Keep on keeping on Michelle! Gentle hug 


All MY Marbles

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Jan 26, 2018

Today all MY marbles fell in place....I released ALL my expectations and ACCEPTED love... joy... peace... from MY Lord Jesus and was led by MY Holy Comforter to get layered up in winter clothing and go for a WALK to the library and share MY lesson of expectations of who what where when how worries vengeance anger hate rage doubt and because I SAID SO mouth talk of OLD life by living in the PAST of guilt and shame....MY list of expectations will go to infinity so I brought them to MY Lord and confessed and them by MY belief as I placed them ALL on His head on the cross for ME and MY Lord and accepted His sacrifice for ALL MY SINS past present and future for ME and I believe He released ME to live MY OWN life finally because I QUIT expecting God... My Lord Jesus and OTHERS to make ME............. happy sad IF they would just STOP using nicotine....etc.....just fill in the blank because MY expectations of make will go on too MY OLD thinking and feeling living through others lives and their consequences...TIME was invested in was 6 hours and 24 minutes of confessing and receiving forgiveness of ALL MY SINS of MY excuses of using NICOTINE to mask ALL MY expectations of God people and was a lot of SELF honesty due to the FACT I cannot CHANGE another person...I cannot CAUSE another to USE nicotine or anything.....and I cannot CURE I took MY OWN sin inventory and I was given the gift of believing I will stay QUIT because I CHOICE to believe ALL MY Lord Jesus did for ME personally for only ME on the cross......( each human has free will to choose Jesus personally by reading in the Bible for YOURSELF..... 1 Corinthians chapter 15 verses 1-4 for yourself NO ONE can do this for anyone....ALL on you and your choice) I also received the gift of CHOICES....CHANCES......AND CHANGE.....gosh it is wonderful NOT living other peoples lives...especially MY 32 year old daughter.....that LESSON was a personally spiritual awakening for ME and was life CHANGING FOR ME.....because ALL MY Marbles fell into place and now I am really enjoying being ALIVE IN MY CHRIST LIFE STYLE... really living MY LIFE for ME....I was always playing the martyr and pity life....blaming others...if they weren't doing this or that I wouldn't be living a martyrdom life....feel sorry for her look what her kids are doing to their poor mom....I was a martyrDUMMIE!!!! I am grateful ALL MY Marbles fell in place and I really live MY OWN life  one day at a time nicotine free and LOVING ME by faith in MY Lord Jesus amen. Thanks for letting ME be ME. It really is a wonderful life to receive CHOICES...CHANCES AND CHANGE!!! HOORAY FOR JESUS!!!

One Month Today

Posted by Mon2 Jan 25, 2018

Not much to say one month and it is still hard, however, this too shall pass.

It was Chocolate!

Posted by Donco Jan 20, 2018

I woke up this morning craving chocolate.. wondering why.  Dopamine, serotonin, I get all that, but then I remembered that the first cigar I was offered was a huge expensive chocolate cigar! Yes it was tasty, got to admit. Had no idea it would lead me to this.

So, for this day, I pledge not to smoke and not to offer a chocolate cigar to anyone  


Posted by Donco Jan 19, 2018

Blog...Ok, I’m thinking just blurt it out.. no filter.  

I reached out here earlier today and was amazed at the response. Thank you. However, I also read that the site may be taken down... so hope an Elder is willing to take me on:)

So, here’s my story never told but similar to some I’ve read.

In 2008 I “hit the wall” at work after 17 years running laboratories for rural hospitals, urgent care and large dr offices. I swept the floor or quality control, whatever. I was certified (lab-ASCP) while pregnant with my first, only child then as a single mom the whole time with occasional unhired help.

Worked day, evening and night shifts.

Loved the science and helping the sick.

Homeschooled child many years to spend time with her and to try to discourage the growing guilt inside for not being available for her because of having to work as well as loving my work.

The Wall was high risk osteoporosis and fibromyalgia. Was I surprised. Always a health nut but apparently not enough. I smoked off and on with other health workers but never long term or when I was pregnant. Always put them down easy.

Between 2008 and 2010 my health screamed downhill to full disability. What?!! 15 years in first career and 17 in the second. My personal life was focused on alternative medicine and only augmented by my work science. 

From 2010 my daughter begged me to go back to work to help me feel better but the most I could commit to was volunteering which was rewarding no doubt but not the “mom” she knew and couldn’t understand what or why I wasn’t me anymore. Her respect creeped downward until she hated me. She was accepted in college from homeschool earlier than her peers, after my diagnoses. We’ve not been really close since then. 

After a few years, of adjusting to the stigma of disability, drug side effects for both problems, losing my daughter due to her shame of me, I quit all the drs meds and started smoking Black and Mild cigars! Sheesh! A genetic profile said that I am wired to nicotine addiction. Most of family are smokers. 

So here I am connecting to complete strangers, sounding oh poor me and begging for anyone to help or hear me.

 Where did my willpower go to quit? I’m sick of it, the smell, the mess, cleaning it up, in my clothes and hair, etc etc etc.

 I just turned 63 in December and miss my sense of humor, outlook on life. I realize that there are many factors contributing to this but if I can just quit smoking it sure will  help me want to get back to life again. I just know it!!

Thanks for any that read this. It’s spotty- but no cigar tonight.....


Bite Into A Lemon Skin And All?



Write On A Piece Of Fruit?




Lady Is Free

Posted by vlawson Jan 18, 2018

Today marks my 17th Day Smoke free since January 2, 2018.  I feel great!


Thank you ALL!

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Jan 18, 2018

Good news 32yr daughter OUT of coma OUT of ICU in a regular recovery room heavily drugged due to cirrhosis issues. WE thank you for praying loving understanding and ALL the bday wishes love and understanding and please know  I had a great  61st young bday!!! WE went to our Al-anon mtg for support to keep on keeping on MANY MANY THANKS again WE love y'all in Our Lord Jesus name amen Please take what helps and leave the rest to be helpful is my only aim. 

Pupfest Weekend

Posted by Laurarutledge Jan 13, 2018

In response to Caturday, I figured our canine support team should get some love too. Who else has a four legged friend who is helping cheer them up while they go thru their cravings? Here’s my babies - Beau, my Siberian Husky, and Charlie, my YorkiePoo.

The Closer You Get To Freedom.

Strange Things to Miss

Posted by Laurarutledge Jan 12, 2018

I counted on the fact that during my withdrawal, I’d miss smoking after eating, or when I first woke up, but I have been surprised at the strange things I’m missing since quitting.


I went to sharpen my pencils for a drawing and realized that I didn’t have the ashtray next to me anymore to put little bits of trash (like pencil shavings) in. I realize it’s not there whenever I pick a piece of lint off something, or whatever, just little stuff I always threw in the ashtray. I haven’t figured out what my alternative trash bin will be yet, but I’m sure I’ll think of something better than an ashtray to use. Maybe I’ll use one of my souvenir ashtrays or something? But I hate to have something sitting there looking like it’s waiting for a cigarette, so I guess I’ll have to go back to the drawing board on that idea.


When I took my husband to his doctor, we drove past the hospital. It dawned on me the many times while I would be stuck in the hospital with a loved one, and I’d use a smoke break as an excuse to leave the room for a while. I didn’t really need the smoke, I just needed air and some time away from the sadness or boredom, of hanging out in a hospital room all day. Now what excuse am I going to have to come up with if I’m stuck in the hospital with my mom or some other loved one, and I just need to get away? I guess if I keep eating as much as I have been this past week, a trip to the cafeteria or vending machines might work? 


I began smoking at the age of 10, so at 55, my quit comes after an entire lifetime of smoking. I’m sure I’m just beginning to see all the ways nicotine slithered into my life in the past. I’m just grateful it’s going to stay there now - in my past - as I refuse to give up! I’m a non-smoker for life!

Hi Exville Peeps

Posted by jooch Jan 12, 2018

Hi Everybody,


I have not been on this site in a very long time.  I've been reading the posts and its good for me to see the struggles of the newcomers as this addiction to nicotine is cunning, baffling and powerful.  All it takes is one puff to knock you out of recovery.  A lot has happened since my quit.  I have two new knees, a fused foot and ankle (tweaked a second time) my hubby has two new knees too. My parents are no longer living down the street from me and are now staying with my sister in Indiana. 


All I need to do is look at my 80+ year old mom and that sustains my quit.  She cannot breathe without help from oxygen and various breathing treatments.  She is frail, thin, has no interest in life other than using her oxygen, and nebulizer. Believe it or not she still SMOKES!  You would think that not being able to breathe from emphysema, COPD and congestive heart failure would cause you to pause and examine your choices and stop using the very thing initiating the illnesses. NO!  After a stint in the hospital for a month with no cigarettes, the first thing she did upon release was light up.  The saddest part about this whole thing is that when she was first diagnosed with emphysema she warned me to stop smoking because she did it to her self.  Then she would hide her cigarettes from my dad and smoke. I am sad.  I am powerless over her addiction and what my sister allows in her home.  


Everyday that I am clean from nicotine is a day to be grateful and rejoice that I can breathe with no issues, no artificial help.  It's truly a gift!  No longer do I have to be filled with anxiety over how many cigarettes are left in my pack, the price jacking up, where the cherry to my cigarette flew, where my lighter is. Today, I am free from this nonsensical habit.  What I thought use to help relieve pain, chaos and anxiety was really a culprit in making it worse. 


The past few years I have continued recovery working on my mental, emotional, spiritual and physical transformation utilizing the 12 steps, serenity prayer, slogans, books, groups, people, sponsor, physical activities and renovating our home - one day at a time.  I am truly blessed to have so many tools in my tool box.   


It's been a while since I've blogged and I couldn't figure out how at first. I need to make time to explore this site more and stay in touch with YOU as that is how I was able to stay quit the very first year which was the hardest.  I lived on this site the first days, weeks and months.  I cannot take my quit for granted.


Happy New Year to All of You Ex Ville Peeps.  Sending you blessings, prayers and good vibes on your continued efforts to stay quit.




Saw this come in my news feed today.....Indiana is joining the fight.


Indiana bill would empower companies to test -- and fire -- employees for using tobacco - Buffalo, NY 


I hope this link works.

Someone’s Wise Words

Posted by Laurarutledge Jan 10, 2018

I can’t take credit for writing this, just repeating it:


Every minute, hour and day without a cigarette is a GIANT STEP toward becoming a happy, healthy non-smoker with a lot MORE MONEY in your pocket. KEEP GOING, DON’T LOOK BACK. You are STRONGER than those tiny rolls of paper and leaves and poison. GO DO SOMETHING ELSE. Make something. Read Something. Organize Something. KEEP ON BEING WHO YOU KNOW YOU ARE INSIDE. A healthier, happier NON-SMOKER. 



Tommy is in the hospital

Posted by ShawnP Champion Jan 10, 2018

pir8fan was admitted yesterday for suspected series of small strokes at the base of his brain. He has undergone some testing but is awaiting on a brain scan to confirm their suspicions. The evidence is pretty strong though. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers. Will update when he finds out more information.


UPDATE 1/11/2018 3:15PM

Mri was done and it found evidence of an old stroke. No New ones!!! They are going to bring in a neurologist and examine the heart through an Echocardiogram for any drops in the heart rate that could be part of the problem. He is feeling OK, just a little light headed but still joking around. He said " they will not let me have bacon!!"


UPDATE 1/12/2018 3:48 pm

Tommy is being sent home from the hospital. He said, " Four days in the hospital and they have told me some thing's that it is not! Follow up with neurologist! Four days and I am back where I started!"


Old memory

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Jan 9, 2018

It came OUT of no where...OLD MEMORY OF THE LENGTHS I WENT TO USE NICOTINE....... this is just ONE OLD MEMORY......of the many times I tried to QUIT on MY own and I really meant it at that TIME and I failed over and over and over morning I got up and made coffee and took MY pack of smokes and ran water in it.....then I got MY ash tray filled with cigarette butts and watered them down too and threw all of it in the garbage!!!! I DID IT!!! I QUIT!!!! Yeah for ME....I dumped the coffee grounds on top of all the cigaretts because I was serious!!! I QUIT!!! I really quit this time.....I drank coffee with TONS of sugar and creme with a DROP of coffee... and a couple hours passed...... I had the cleanest house in town and exercised and was so wound up on sugar and creme with MY drop of coffee drinking... I was CRAVING for MY drug of choice nicotine..... I dug threw the garbage..... got most of the cigarette butts OUT..... laid them CAREFULLY out on paper towels and blowed dried them with garbage and coffee grounds on them and SMOKE EACH AND EVERYONE!!!! Awe the OLD MEMORY that I knew I MUST BLOG and share what I USE TO BE LIKE..... for I was taught to put as much into MY recovery from nicotine and TODAY I go to ANY LENGTH to HELP the next suffering nicotine addict by sharing MY experience strength and hope to believe IF God can save ME..... God will do the same for you.....all you have to do is believe..... please take what helps and let go of the rest to be HELPFUL is MY only aim.... for ME.... talking about ME not anyone else....I had to admit to ME...deep down inside.... in MY mind ....MY will.....MY MY SOUL.... admit to ME and to God and to ALL of you here.... what I USE to be like using nicotine.....OLD MEMORIES...I USE TO USE NICOTINE..... 50 death sticks I sucked on every day at the end of MY using nicotine....the TRUTH to MYSELF....that I am a nicotine addict in recovery... only by Gods grace and this is just ONE of the things I did to get MY drug nicotine! I did much more.... TODAY by Gods grace.. 7 YEARS LATER..I put as much or MORE into STAYING quit with ALL here and no matter..... for ME its NOT a popularity contest.... it is life or death for ME....I MUST choose for MYSELF each day that God blesses ME and gives ME to serve God....TODAY A NEW DAY  or SELF...CHOICES..CHOICES..CHOICES. FREE WILL....the devil did NOT make ME use nicotine.... I CHOSE TO USE NICOTINE .... I MUST be TRUTHFUL with ME... not anyone else... no matter....what who where why when how or people place situation things circumstance or whatever.... I take the suggestions .... the TOUGH LOVE.... to STOP letting MY feelings run MY recovery life.... to GROW up.... to STOP being SELFISH.... to HELP another to believe.... to LOVE others above ME and blog BEFORE I take that first puff over ME in Jesus name amen so please read the Bible for YOURSELF... in the book of Romans chapter 10 verses 9-10 read it and just believe...Gods free gift of salvation... FAITH plus NOTHING! then you will see NOTHING is impossible for God in Jesus name amen HOORAY FOR JESUS!  

Me consider a Elder?

Posted by Lonita Jan 8, 2018

After 7 years being smoke-free I have never considered myself Elder! I consider myself ex-smoker or non-smoker.  I still smile when someone asks me for a killer cigarettes and I reply sorry I don't smoke or I don't do that anymore.  Hoping it will open the door to ask me how did I quit.  Of course, I will be glad to tell them how I did it.  My sister finally has quit and she is very proud of her quit and yes she did it her way.  To quit smoking there is only one way to do it.  Don't smoke! Don't light it up!  Don't take that nasty puff.  Just say NO!  But the question is how do you say NO your way.  I came to the ex-community, read, read, and read.  Listen to any advice was given.  I kept telling myself one puff was not worth messing up my quit.  I battle myself, No man land, and stress.  Have you figured out your way by not smoking? 

It's really is easy chose to live not death.  Keep smoking death is right around the corner. That may seem harsh to say and for me, that is a scary thought.  When I was a teenage began smoking that thought of smoking is killing me never enter my mind but it does now. I'm not the best on advice but I do know how difficult it is to relearn to live without smoking.  When you set your mind to protect your quit that is how you quit.




News in a Day

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Jan 7, 2018

Please take what helps and let go of the rest to be helpful is my only aim...... the doctor said to my friend this past few days...... we are pretty sure we took out the cancer in your colon and then my friend received news that her sister died these same days and monday doctor scheduled more tests for cancer in the small intestines... my other friend who has the disease of alcoholism who drinks vodka everyday was given medicine to help her NOT to drink vodka everday yet NOW is drinking vodka with the medicine which people have died with this free will choice....then as this day continued to move forward for ME a lesson pn acceptance of life on lifes terms... one day at a time and I thank God for ONE day....we made a decision to continue to continue to prayer for them and leave the outcome in Gods hands....while texting our offer to help each one however they need us to help eacj one to just call or text us and God willing we will help the way they want us too..,I cried and cried and thanked God for his love mercy and grace to be of his service to all he chooses and I came here NOT even the thought of using nicotine just the prayer asking God who do you want me to help in Jesus name NOT ONE PUFF OVER LIFE ON LIFES TERMS FOR ME! Thanks for letting ME JUST BLOW OUT THESE FEELINGS..... this too shall pass!!!


Only Just a Dream

Posted by Sandy-9-17-17 Jan 7, 2018

Well, I finally had that dream last know, the one where you are smoking?  Ya....but that's never going to happen, but I do say, it seemed so real!

Until I woke up and didn't give it a thought until later in the morning when I shared my dream with my significant other.  

It was a short dream, I was suddenly taking a puff from someone else's smoke, and then I asked for a whole one!  Ewe....I am so glad that I couldn't taste it in my dream.  I probably would have woken up and started coughing!  

Strange how a dream can happen just like that, because I honestly don't ever think about smoking, and I don't experience craves.  I feel like I'm a lucky quitter, because it would be really hard to have to experience those things! 

Just thought I'd share, Have a blessed day everyone! And NTAP! 



Only NOW

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Jan 5, 2018

I have this now moment the rest is not promised and I have often wondered IF today is MY last NOW moment what would I be doing..... so I came here to write this blog to ALL of you here to say I love you with Gods agape love and I am very to know and getting to know everyone here in Jesus name amen PLEASE take what helps and let go of the rest..... NOT ONE PUFF OVER ME!!!

Yesterday, when I woke up and decided to just throw my cigarettes and ashtray in the trash, I recalled the familiar saying “Today is the first day of the rest of your life” - well, I survived yesterday, so today is the second day of the rest of my smoke free life. When I suffer from a craving for a cigarette, I don’t think how great the cigarette would be, what I think is “did I really suffer thru yesterday for nothing???” Tomorrow — it will be did I really go thru two days, or three days, until I’m finally over this withdrawal and stop thinking of one.


Odd, what I didn’t expect is the desire for a cigarette last just seconds, multiple times a day, but the thing I didn’t see coming was this super hyper activity. My poor husband keeps asking me to please just quit talking! If I’m not talking, I’m singing, tapping my fingers or toes, or something. It’s like I can’t sit still. 


I’m glad I don’t have to work, or really do anything important today, because my concentration is completely lacking as well. 


But it will all be worth it - to be free of the horrible addiction to such a filthy habit. Hurray for the Second Day of the Rest of My Life! 



Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Jan 4, 2018

I have a CHOICE to look and see.... I have chosen along with my husband to be a homemaker since 2008....we enter the 10 years now by Gods grace... alot of adjustments with NO job to hurry off too.... NO extra car to drive off at a moments notice to go where ever I want when ever I want too.... IF I desire to go anywhere now I call for a ride... we walk the mall or go to a Bible study group or once in a while to eat out... for most of the time I am home... the home is clean and meals cooked ahead and the extra frozen for another time... my time WAS spent on HOW to use MY time which is so short and very precious to ME now... I learn how selfish I WAS and can still be IF I choose.... today I visit here at this site or at my bible study group and was taught to make a list of names and pray for them... I have learned that sonetimes God prepares ME to spend His time in prayer and giving up I and ME and SELF the ism of ME ME ME ... to lift up those who are lost.... those who think they are unloveable... those who believe they wont be forgiven by God ... those who desire to kill themselves because it HURTS to live.... those who think nobody cares anyway... those lonely.... those addicted to nicotine.... those who are suffering physically from their consequences of using whatever to escape responsibility for themselves... those who are just plain sick and tired of being sick and tired of just being.... those who suffering not being able to breathe.... those so over weight they cannot breathe or walk.... to those who will not open their mind to LOOK and SEE ... you can choose to pray for ALL those who hurt.... for in doing so you too will be healed and know in your heart IF YOU HAVE JESUS AS YOUR SAVIOR AND LORD.... you have become his loving instrument that is HELPING to surrender MY SELFISHNESS to save others as I LOOK AND SEE I was never alone never unloved never that sinfilled i couldnt be forgiven and NEVER that selfish that i wasnt willing to give up MY time at home to write a letter to the lonely..... make hats or blankets for the sick...LOOK AND SEE and ask God who may I help please while there is still time in Jesus name amen please let ME not be consumed with ME for I am boring with ME on my mind..... help me to look and see those here on this site who need hope those you will put on my mind as I freely die to SELF and look and see there is unending prayer for some  ONE in Jesus name amen God blesses ME now to look and see you ....ALL..... here on this site and your the MOST important ones to ME for by Gods grace there go I .... remember God will use any who so evers IF you choose of your own free will please take what helps and let go of the rest NOT ONE PUFF OVER ME... read the Bible for your self in Romans chapter 10 verses 9-10 while there is still time.... look and see!         

Is It Truly Impossible? Or, Is It Just Uncomfortable?

It Is What YOU Make It.

Getting The Right Perspective,

The One That Puts You In Control,

Is Imperative To The Ease Of Your Quit.

Fighting A War With Yourself

Is Not The Answer.

Quitting Won't Kill You


Tears of JOY

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Jan 3, 2018

When I first came here for support I stayed on this site and also at for the first 90 days.... I took all the SUGGESTIONS for I was as wiilling as the dying may be... I did ALL they said to do and I cried and prayed then I slept and then I couldnt sleep so I came in the wee hours of my restlessness and read blogs.... I wrote venting blogs complaining blogs and whining blogs ....I cried again because I missed my nicotine addiction... the with drawl of NOT using nicotine to cope breathe live was horrible yet familiar and comfortable sickness and the clumsiness NEW life was of trying to breathe trying to  get up trying to exercise trying get moving without crying so I prayed to be of use to someone... I shared the desperateness of NEW yuckky feelings mixed with OLD whispers telling me to just use nicotine and drop dead...I cried through hot tears of anger.... hate... frustrations of NEW everything... i cried and prayed because I didn't want to use.... I didnt WANT NEW.....  I just didn't know how to deal with ME or what to do with my hand to mouth fetish that  I had done for 38 years using nicotine sucking on death sticks... coughing phelm and so I started to make quilt blankets and crochet blankets and  fixed jigsaw puzzles and now tears of JOY because I prayed and God has kept me... hand to mouth is healthy food choices I exercise since August 2010 ....yes while using nicotine I exercised.... and still exercise now walking at home dvd... my tears of JOY are my gratitude prayers to God now for letting me live this long in his grace and tender mercies. These tears of JOY are in gratitude for ALL of you here that keep me focused on the suffering nicotine addict above myself... to think of others first... tears of JOY because of Gods love binds ME to think of ALL those here FIRST not self... tears pf JOY and remember to give away ALL the hope love and blogs that were given freely to me. Thank you ALL for staying quit no matter what TOGETHER in Jesus name amen please take what helps and let go of the rest to be helpful is my only aim. 

Happy New Year to everyone here on Becomeanex!  I think of you all so often.  I remain grateful as all get out to my friends here and of course I remain smoke-free.  Life has been hectic and stressful and I still actually get flashes of "I think I'll go have a smoke".  Not actually wanting one, just old habit way of thinking.  It's not  tempting at all, it makes me actually laugh now..."where did THAT come from?!".   I guess I want anyone new here to know that those thoughts totally lose their power.  You probably don't know it, but every crave you get through makes you stronger and the addiction-driven crave weaker.  It's been almost seven years.  I have had literally two colds since then as opposed to a couple every winter that lasted weeks.  My Doctor wanted a lung CT done because I smoked for forty years.  It was clear.  I don't have the smokers' cough any more.  I didn't understand the freedom everyone talked about when I first came to this site.  I do now.  It's freedom to choose where and how long you're going to be without craves driving you out, freedom from that look people give you when you reek of tobacco, freedom to spend your money on what you want and sometimes need to.  It's freedom from having some thing else from your own choosing make all these decisions not in your favor, freedom from illness, freedom from the absolute certainty of shortening your life.  Hang there, you will be so happy you did.  Come here everyday and read, read, read then read some more.  Try everything to get through you read here, even if you think it won't work.  I finally had to admit that if I knew so much, why was I still struggling to quit.  You can do it.  I did, I know you can.  Exciting smart start to 2018.

All the rest of you you always.

Julia Amy

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