cancel
Showing results for 
Show  only  | Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Share your quitting journey

When does it subside?

TurboRose
Member
2 14 183

IMG_0023.jpg

For the last couple of weeks, I’ve been dealing with some mind chatter urging me to smoke.  It’s not an oral thing. It’s not about hand to mouth movement.  It’s a matter of fact type of statement I’m hearing; “Why don’t you go on and have a smoke? You’ll feel normal” or “Why don’t you have a smoke so things will go back to normal and you’ll know what to do?”

I had problems motivating myself to “do things” while I was smoking. I know my normal isn’t something I really want to return to. I want a new normal. I want to get up off the couch and do things. I want more life in my life.  I know smoking isn’t going to help me create the life I’ve been telling myself I want and can have “If I would just stop smoking.”

I am 100+ days into my quit and I’m battling this mind chatter. I’ve been an ex-smoker 0.7% of the amount of time I smoked. I figure I have to give my body and brain a chance to recognize I’m no longer smoking.

I was prepared for the discomfort in the initial days of my quit. I wasn’t prepared for this. The last time I stopped, it was the mind chatter I couldn’t handle and eventually gave into. Sometimes distraction works. There are many things I need to tend to. Being active and engaged is an issue I had before I stopped smoking.  I’m wondering if this mind chatter is a gift; If I need to keep busy in order to stop the chatter then I just might become the active engaged person I say I want to be. It doesn’t matter how I get there as long as I arrive safe and sound.  I’ve taken advantage of the unseasonably warm weather. I started walking. I’m averaging about 1.5 miles a day.  It’s what goes on when I’m home that I really need to address.

When does it subside?  Does it ever subside?  Is mind chatter the ex-smokers kryptonite?

Tags (2)
14 Comments
About the Author
My relationship with Nic O. Tine began when I was a kid. Occasionally, my dad would have me light his cigarette (Philip Morris.) By age10, I was sneaking butts and once I took a whole cigarette. It was also when my dad’s mom was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. Dad didn’t feel he had the right to caution my brothers and I against smoking. It was my mom who told us not to smoke. She became very critical of smokers and smoking. Shortly, after my grandmother’s death, I witnessed a moment that stuck with me: My mom and dad were standing in the bathroom. Dad was throwing his cigarettes in the toilet vowing to quit. My dad smoked until he died. In high school, a couple of my friends smoked and I would bum smokes from them. I didn’t want to consider myself a “smoker” because of my mom’s harsh opinions. I figured as long as I didn’t purchase a pack, I wasn’t a smoker. I didn’t purchase my first pack of smokes until I was a junior in college. Smoking wound up being a weapon I used to feel bad about myself. I knew it was bad for my health. I felt a tremendous amount of guilt, ashamed and like a bad little girl for disobeying my mom. It was overwhelming. Over the years, I found myself reenacting the scene I witnessed as a young girl. On a Sunday evening (always Sunday,) I’d stand in front of the toilet throwing away my smokes vowing to quit. Though I acknowledged my smoking, I never smoked in front of my parents nor any of my mom’s family. I smoked around other smokers or around people I didn’t know and didn’t care whether or not they judged me. Professionally, I’m an IT person. I did applications development, systems design, technical support and customer service. I’ve worked in the fast food, manufacturing, software and travel industries. I have also worked as a substitute teacher, hotel front desk clerk and travel agent. Currently, I work part-time as a bookkeeper for a local farmer (commodities and equestrian.) Personally, I am single, no children. I’m the youngest of 3. During my early childhood, I lived in a combined family situation. At one point, I was the youngest of 13. I am a sexual abuse survivor. I’m a 3rd generation Intuitive/Medium and I'm an empath. I enjoy photography, traveling and being creative. I have 2 cottage industry projects I’m building; Home Decor/Apparel and Intuitive/Medium (not Psychic) readings. I have the sweetest rescued Yorkshire Terrier, Tabasco.