Skip navigation
All Places > Conversations > Blog
1 2 3 Previous Next

Conversations

567 posts
indingrl.01.06.2011

open and honest

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Nov 18, 2018

when i was little-i was taught when diseaster strikes-i was to deny the TRUTH -stuff MY feelings-act as if NOTHING unusual is HAPPENING! Looking at MY childhood and the part-HONESTY and OPEN-i was taught DO NOT TALK-BE DISHONEST-FEEL REJECTED AND DO NOT INTERACT-BE UNRESPONSIVE-I prayed ask GOD to change ME-i chose to receive Jesus as MY eternal gift of salvation-His death-burial and resurrection for ME - then i got profesional help for MY childhood issues-long story short-i am participating in MY NEW LIFE TODAY-grown up inside and out-sharing MY OPEN and HONEST truthful disasters which nuture MY feelings to trust God-MYSELF-and others to step back and really LIVE fully alive to discover HARMONY-which keeps MY feelings OPENLY and HONESTLY does involve PAINFUL TRUTHS-and that is better than ME being DISHONEST and WITHDRAWN and EATING MY EMOTIOMS TODAY-I fully alive in MY life which for ME to fellowship-fully living N.O.P.E. to remain honest and open with God-ME-others-a gift i will offer ONLY BY PARTICIPATING -in MY Lord Jesus name amen please take what HELPS-let go of the rest-thank you-only by Gods grace -NEW DAY-NEW MIND-NEW CHRIST JESUS LIFE!

indingrl.01.06.2011

SILENCE....

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Nov 17, 2018

FIVE FAMILY DEATHS-mail-texts-phone calls-i took ALL your SUGGESTIONS-i been reading blogs ALL day-suggested to stay CONNECTED-to stay PRAYING-to stay GRATEFUL-to remember OTHERS above myself! FIVE FAMILY MEMBERS taken by NICOTINE-ALCOHOL-DRUGS-DIABETES-your SUGGESTIONS-to read BLOGS-i am not thinking of using MY DRUG NICOTINE at all-today in MY SILENCE-i been here ALL day trying to HELP others-i am in shock and have no more tears -i have been eating lots of healthy food ALL day- and in MY SILENCE i am at MY Lord Jesus feet in HOLY SILENCE waiting and continue praying for MY family who are grieving -i am so thankful for ALL here- God willing please take what helps and let go of the rest-thank you ALL for teaching ME and letting ME share MY SILENCE-FIVE FAMILY MEMBERS DIED-for ME-these deaths back to back-i thank you to remember-HOW you dealt with your OWN SILENCE-please i am talking about ME - not anyone else-thank you for listening without CRITICISM and sharing your love and tolerance and most of all your EMPATHY - May God bless you for your prayer-this too shall pass-i am thanking God for MY RECOVERY FROM NICOTINE FAMILY in MY Lord Jesus name amen

 

Remember that time when the walls came crashing down? I do and it was the day I relapsed from my quit of a year so long ago, before this final quit. I often look to that one because that one didn’t work out and I always wanted to know why that one didn’t and yet my current quit did.

 

I know what the excuse was to begin smoking again. The death of a person close to me. But that was just an excuse and as such, I wanted to know more about what really made me cave. What was in the background. I know that whenever I went to the hospital, there were no smoke free campuses back then and I always seemed to have to walk through a cloud of cigarette smoke both on entering and leaving the hospital. I often thought that this may have helped to create the trigger that eventually got me to cave. But still, I knew that wasn’t the answer.

 

I know it was kind of lonely sitting in that hospital room, watching my partner in her coma for hours on end but still that wasn’t the root of the problem. The thing that made me give up on something I’d fought for for so long. No, something else was already there. A seed of the old addiction that somehow sprouted at just the wrong time.

 

I remember the moment that I actually caved and that at the time it seemed spontaneous, though the reality was that it wasn’t. It was right there all along in the back of my mind festering. A thought that I had somehow latched onto rather than letting go of it.

 

And then it struck me! When I quit that last time, it was all fake! I was never really ready to quit and really, deep down I wasn’t doing it for myself. No. I was doing it for my partner and once she was incapacitated, my single reason for remaining free was gone!

 

And so I continued on, building my addiction into the monster that it became when I finally quit  many, many years later. I always thought of that time I’d been smokefree as living in an endless struggle. I remained addicted to the patch for six months, and spent six months free of all nicotine, but never free of myself.

 

But that was the past and these were lessons learned and then forgiven. It was an important part of my prep on this last quit to forgive my past, because we cannot move forward until we do. And because of my previous failure, I prepped for a while before I quit this time for you see, I knew I’d have to be excited about quitting if I was to keep myself from a repeat of my past attempt.

 

When I quit this last time; I was ready, and this time I knew deep within my soul that I really wanted this! Not just for my children and grandchildren but for me! I knew when I quit that I wanted to do this for reasons that lived inside, rather than only for external reasons.

 

Once you know you want to do this because YOU want to be free, there’s simply no turning back. Sometimes it takes some time to get to this point where inside, freedom is more important than addiction. Sometimes we have to keep looking for that reason that lives deep within us, just waiting to be discovered.

 

And really for me that reason was freedom. Once I came to realize that my life was being controlled by the chemical effects of a modified plant, it made it so much easier to see that freedom.To grasp that freedom. To want it bad enough to change the reality of addiction into the reality of freedom.

 

I now had an answer and throughout my prep, that’s what I worked on. Whenever I felt an urge, I’d think of freedom. When I woke up every morning, I’d think of freedom and I made freedom the last thought every night before I went to bed.

 

Now I had a foundation for my quit. The next step was to learn my enemy which I called the addict within. That’s what the studying that we do before a quit is all about. Understanding how our addiction relates to us in all of our daily activities, and how to change that relation.

 

And the last step for me was simply to compare things. To try to get a glimpse of that goal of freedom that I so badly wanted, so I created Mt. Freedom in my mind’s eye. I used this mountain to symbolize all that I wanted in my future and the trials that I knew it would take to get me there.

 

And after all that, this time when I quit, I really, really wanted to quit. This time I knew all about my enemy. This time I had support and more importantly this time all I was focused on was freedom, making those discomforts that we all must face at first seem worth the fight, until they just fade away.

 

Whenever you feel lost or like it’s all just too impossible, take a look inside where the truth lies. You see without the help of addiction, it’s pretty hard to lie to ourselves. Look for that spark of enthusiasm and if you can’t find it come here and let us help you until you do find it. It really is there. Sometimes it’s just a little hard to see . . . .

 

ONWARD TO FREEDOM!!!

 

Chuck

minihorses

After this I'll...

Posted by minihorses Nov 17, 2018

Today was the second(?) time I've had what I'll call the 'smoking memory' come to mind.  It's what happens to everyone who's quit smoking and usually stays with a person for life.  It's the one where the thought "When I finish this or before I do that, I'll go have a cigarette" pops into mind.  "I don't do that anymore" works for most people.  I don't even have to say the phrase anymore I just laugh off the fact that it actually popped in my mind.  Our minds have so much power to remember the smoking reflex, and yet I still can't remember where to find the keys I lost 3 months ago...   

Happy Satire Day!

indingrl.01.06.2011

JOY in ....

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Nov 17, 2018

Gods grace keeping ME in His love and giving ME this NEW day to keep an open mind and to keep learning and to keep listening so i will remain in Gods will to celebrate MY freedom in Him-just for this next 14 hours-MY DAY-TODAY-with 2872 MY DAYS-MY CHOICE-MY DECISION-to NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER-FOR ME-I RAN TO GOD 1ST AND CRIED- HELP-I remembered and was reminded to A.S.A.P. -Always Say A Prayer- yesterday-we got news of a another family member died of throat cancer from using drug NICOTINE-it happens-thats life-NO one gets out of here without dieing-by Gods grace MY decison-N.O.P.E.-MY Lord Jesus doesnt use drug NICOTINE-neither do i-PLEASE rule #5017-DONT TAKE MYSELF SO SERIOUSLY- Amen-laughter is MY God medicine i take each day in MY Lord Jesus name-God is good for he blessed ME with all of you-THANKS FOR ALL YOUR LOVE-PRAYERS-SUPPORT-AND MOST OF ALL YOUR BLOGS. Please take what HELPS and let go of the rest-to be HELPFUL is MY only aim-AMEN! HOORAY FOR GOD and ALL of you for your BLOGS they are MY GOD MEDICINE! YES they keep ME-N.O.P.E.

indingrl.01.06.2011

FREE....

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Nov 16, 2018

A person wanting to remain-NAME LESS- shared this with WHO SO EVER- "He who frees himself of hampering regrets for the past and worry about what lies ahead finds himself able to deal with the present."  Just for TODAY-I will enjoy MY new day in His love for ME-GOD has given ME a gift-this new day to be His servant to HELP the next suffering nicotine addict-NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF OVER ME-Joel at whyquit.com gives his FREE book to read -i was told go READ IT -for MYSELF-I did and recently READ IT AGAIN-for MYSELF-all the deaths happening in MY family RECENTLY have triggered a HUGE MENTAL AND EMOTION spiritual war inside of ME - i was told over and over-the repeating of NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF-tells ME-I choose and have made a decision just for ME-NEVER TO USE NICOTINE AGAIN-no compromising-NEVER TAKE A PUFF-no excuses-i am feeling-NOT ONE PUFF-i will not USE people deaths-NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER -just because i am thinking ONLY OF MY UNCOMFORT IN MY OWN SKIN-POOR ME-i hurt-i feel-i am in pain-i-me-myself-poor ME-AWE-JUST ONE PUFF-23 years old is to young to die-cirrohsis of the liver to hard to deal with-MY THOUGHTS OF OLD-i have the CHOICE NOT TO THINK USING OLD NICOTINE PATTERNS-I WILL -THINK-what am i thinking about- ME-ME-ME-WHAT ABOUT ME-WHAT ABOUT ME---STOP! i made a CHOICE AND DECISION-i will NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF-or USE - no regrets-IF one of us USES NICOTINE TO COPE WITH LIFE ON LIFES TERMS-past-present or future-i will be sorry for you-as for ME- only by Gods grace-tender mercies NEW every morning to ME-I WILL NOT USE NICOTINE-over ME or YOU or any-person-place-thing-situation-circumstance-or MY stinking OLD ADDICT USING THOUGHTS-HABITS-PATTERNS-EXCUSES-I will walk N.O.P.E. in MY Lord Jesus name amen-please take what HELPS-let go of the rest-please KNOW i am talking about ME not anyone else-thank you-let love lead and not USE nicotine as an excuse-time to grow up and remember it aint all about-YOU-its about God and he is about -ALL PEOPLE-who are in bondage to nicotine addiction! Go set people free-share YOUR experience of nicotine addiction with some ONE! Give away what was FREELY given to YOU!

indingrl.01.06.2011

USING....

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Nov 15, 2018

Just received news MY family member -age 23 chose to USED drugs to cope at the loss of his daddy -who died using nicotine- consequence lung cancer and using alcohol consequence alcoholism liver disease and his CHOICE to cope with his life on life terms-his mom found him dead in his bed. SINAO-N.O.P.E.-NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER OVER ME-LIFE IS A CHOICE FOR ME TO BLOG FIRST-MY aunt has lost 2 adult children-4 grandsons- from them choosing to USE-just ME sharing and thanks for reading i do appreciate you all here helping ME only by Gods grace 7 YEARS CONTINUED NON SMOKING LIFE IS PAIN DEALING WITH IT-ONE DAY AT A TIME-THANK ALL OF YOU FOR TEACHING ME TO HELP WHEN I HURT TO GET OUT OF MYSELF-I appreciate all of you in MY Lord Jesus name amen please take what helps and let go of the rest-thank you! I am talking bout ME not anyone else! I will trust God no matter what-i may not understand it all-i will trust God anyway! Amen

Christine13

Good Day

Posted by Christine13 Nov 15, 2018

Good Day today, I didn't smoke.  was out to my Yoga class.  I have been having a tough time again.  My head keeps giving me indecision, yet I know this is the best thing for me.  One moment I want to smoke, the next I don't.  I want this to be easier, but it just isn't.  I go out and my head says sure, stop buy a pack, you don't really want to stop smoking even if the Dr. says you must.  I MUST do this, and not give in.  There are so many better things to do with my time and energy.  My neighbour was with me today, and she reaked of smoke.  It made me feel revolted to know I stank like that!!  She asked me if I wanted a smoke on the way home, I said no thanks.  

 

I smell clean, I have kids to live for.  They need me even tho they are grown.  I know they love me.  So today the thought that keeps me going is I have to live for them, and do my best.  Christmas will be weird this year without Brian,   I am making it through this one step, one day at a time.  For everyone here, thank you. 

Chuck_Quit_2-20-2011

The Dream

Posted by Chuck_Quit_2-20-2011 Nov 14, 2018

Last night as I was walking my dog in the crisp, rather cold air of the rockies, I looked up as is often my habit, to see the most dazzling display of stars with a bright crescent moon sitting right over the peaks which are now blanketed in snow and glowing in the moonlight.

 

And as I stared at this beauty so big that only nature could create it, a thought popped into my head. What if, almost eight years ago I hadn’t made the decision to quit smoking? What if I was still building on my incredibly strong addiction that I once had for another eight years and I realized my thinking, my health and my feelings about myself and the world around me would be nothing like they were in that exact moment.

 

With a smile I noted that my motto that has stuck with me for over eight years now was indeed correct that “the decisions I make today will determine my future tomorrow”. I still live by that motto and think of it whenever I make any major life decisions.

 

As I returned my focus to the world around me, I saw that my dog had noticed my thoughtful mood and had come to me and sat in front of me, wagging his tail. I petted him for a moment and realized that this is what freedom is all about. Wonderful moments like these that I used to dream of so long ago. And my smile grew as I realized that my reality had become what was once my dream of freedom so long ago.

 

And I thought back to those first hard months that we all must face to reach freedom and realized that though the addict within was very strong at first, so too was my dream of freedom and the desire to make that dream real.

 

I thought of freedom a lot during my quit, at times during those first months wondering if I’d ever truly feel it, or if it was a myth never to be discovered. During those first months, there is more and more freedom with every day that we stay quit. It’s just that during this time it’s hard to peer through the cloud of addiction to actually see it, but believe me, it’s there from the very first day. And as each day passes and we become more and more confident in our ability to deal with life’s problems without smoking, our minds begin to calm enough to actually start to see a glimpse of that freedom.

 

A lot of what makes quitting so hard is that the fruits of our labors aren’t fully realized for a while. We know we want to stay quit, we’re just too busy fighting ourselves to see that we’re actually succeeding. That with each day, we’re making progress and getting ever closer to that dream. That’s why every milestone should be celebrated because this can remind us of several things.

 

First of those things is living proof that we can stay smoke free for a period of time and it actually didn’t kill us. A milestone can help us to see what we’ve accomplished and to begin looking forward to the next milestone. I found that the easiest way to get through the worst of losing this addiction is to stay focused on the future because that’s where our dreams lie. And once you reach that future, you’ll never regret taking the time to get there.

 

Keep fighting and always believe that you are the master of your own future and perhaps there will be a day when you too are looking to the stars with a silly smile on your face because at this time, you’ll realize you’ve come home to the place you wanted to be all along!

 

And I have to tell you, that place is a truly amazing place to be!! I look forward to seeing you there!

 

ONWARD TO FREEDOM!!!

 

Chuck

Please i am talking about ME only-not anybody else-please take what HELPS and let go of the rest-thank you-TODAY-i am better NOT bitter-i use to be a victim 4 year old child in an adult body-i use to use nicotine to hate and rage from MY ignorance at all people from roots of fears of the unknown-TODAY-i take MY own sin inventory NOT anyone elses-i dont live in yesterdays-i dont let MY emotions lead ME-i tell them what to do-i dont live in MY future TODAY-i pray in the present NOW of MY day-TODAY-i dont smoke at people -i learned ever so SLOWLY-to surrender to God MY playing God in other adults lives-God humbles ME in His love and truth-there is a Saviour and i aint Him-i surrender all MYSELF to MY Lord Jesus and i obey MY Holy Counselor to listen without criticism and deranged twisted emotionalism-only by Gods grace i am constantly changed inside out to be of love service-to share what i use to be like-i use nicotine all the day long-i was a 4 year old victim of many evil abuses in an ADULT body with a twisted mind and a stoney heart-that blamed God and them-those people-so i used nicotine like a pacifier-only to learn by educating MYSELF-about MY nicotine addiction-i am a recovering nicotine addict-TODAY-i thank God MY daughters cirrohsis is between God and her-i mind MY own business-TODAY-i learn that GOD is in complete control of MY family-i let go of them and enjoy MY day-i pray and let love lead by keeping MY hands off ALL people-i use to TRY playing God-TODAY-i mind MY own day and TRY to love and be HELPFUL-what i use to be like and just for TODAY-i surrender to God MY past-present and future-to let God keep ME clothed in His love strength and honor in MY Lord Jesus name to never take another puff ever over ME-N.O.P.E.-Gosh it is wonderful to WALK in HIS LOVE-and to live and let live as an ADULT inside out and to WALK as an ADULT inside out-let go and let God-i am thankful to God i no longer take hostages! in MY Lord Jesus namd amen

Chuck_Quit_2-20-2011

The Big Lie

Posted by Chuck_Quit_2-20-2011 Nov 11, 2018

In life, we face many hardships. Some of our own making and some that just happen. Life is never really easy as we progress on, always seeking the harmony that we know lives within us. From the moment we’re born we begin facing adversity. It’s just the nature of life. In fact, I think life would become rather boring if we didn’t have that adversiity to deal with.

 

But along with that adversity comes feelings. A means to feel happiness. And a way to interact with each other, and to try to understand how another person's adversity is affecting them. We do this because as humans, we also have a thing called empathy. A kind of selfless caring for another because we care. Because we want to make another's adversity better if we can.

 

When we face something as monumentally damaging as addiction, we tend to toss most of what we consider to be the right thing to do right out the window! We manage to kind of forget what we’re doing to ourselves in order to ingest a chemically modified plant that somehow creates a false illusion of happiness.

 

And we spend so long reinforcing our belief in this false contentment in order to continue on, slowly damaging ourselves as we build our wall against those who would tell us to stop murdering ourselves. We become what addiction truly is. We become a lie. We lie to ourselves and those around us in order to continue living the lie and over time we actually forget what life was life was like before the big lie.

 

Often I wonder what brought me around to finding the truth.To the day where I could at last see over the wall of my own making. I know I had coughing fits for quite some time every morning before I decided to quit. This helped to keep me wondering what was wrong, but still I’d continued smoking because I was firmly in the belief that the big lie was the total foundation of my life, simply because I’d forgotten about the life without the lie. I came to believe that this life of addiction was my normal life. I could no longer see the world as it was before the big lie.

 

Even as my dad died of throat cancer that moved to the liver due to smoking, the lie was still strong in my heart. Even as I helped him through his last sad year of life, I continued smoking, completely blinded to reality even when reality was staring me in the face.

 

That’s how I know how powerful this addiction really is. It’s strong enough that we morph reality to keep doing it. I think the morning I finally decided to change my reality and gain my freedom was the first morning I quit thinking about myself.

 

You see, It wasn’t just me who I was effecting, and on that morning I thought of those around me. My children and grandchildren. I thought about how it would look if they saw me as I saw my father. Life stolen, just as cigarettes steal lives every day. And by seeing this, I began thinking what life would be like without living this constant lie, and it seemed peaceful. It seemed clean. It just seemed so free in my minds eye.

 

Over the next week, I continued feeding my addiction but now it was somehow different. Now that I’d seen reality, every cigarette seemed somehow hollow. I realized that each cigarette I smoked contained it’s own lies. Every moment that I sat there, indulging in the lie I was getting ever closer to an ugly death, rather than seeking a new reality. Of course I knew I should quit. We all know what tobacco does to us

 

That’s when I began using the motto that ”the decisions I make today will determine what my future will look like tomorrow”. And for me, the answer to defeating this lie of my own making was to quit looking at today. Quit looking at what I’ve already done and how I feel in the moment and instead look to the future whee all of the changes I was going to make would be realized.

 

Over time, I found I could focus on that future more than fear it. That I still had a chance to change my future, but I also understood that time was running out!

 

And to make a long story short, I prepped, gathered my tools and learned to understand the lie that was my addiction. By the time I put out that last cigarette, my focus was no longer on the now. My focus was on the future and that made the journey so much easier!

 

The future is where our rewards lie when we choose to lose our addiction. So long as you can stay focused on a bright new future, you will find that future and I have to tell you. Every bit of freedom I could’ve imagined was there. But also there’s a kind of peace that I never imagined would be there!

 

And now I know that the dream I had so long ago of a bright future is now a reality and you know what? It’s a reality I never, ever intend to give up!

 

ONWARD TO FREEDOM!!!


Chuck

indingrl.01.06.2011

JUST NOW....

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Nov 11, 2018

JUST NOW I ASKED-God for HELP in MY Lord Jesus name amen-please take what HELPS-let go of the rest-to be HELPFUL is MY only aim-thank you-MY best friend shared HIS love and let ME read for MYSELF-healing LOVE WORDS-this person counsels ME with TRUTH that CUTS THRU MY-denial of causing MY OWN PAIN-by making a mountain out of a mole hill and pole vaulting over a mouse turd! MY new day is MINE-JUST NOW-MY friend taught ME-to be grateful for MY good night sleep-to be thankful to MY God yesterday is passed and by Gods grace-NOT ONE PUFF OVER MY DAUGHTERS OWN DISEASED LIVER AND LOW POTASIUM-the passing of MY failures and MY success of MY yesterday-its joys-all of your BLOGS-COMMENTS KEPT ME MOVING-i learned to take comfort in MY remember to obey MY Holy Comfortor inside of ME-God heals ME and teaches ME to turn MY beloved daughter over to HIS care-MY Lord Jesus sets ME free from MYSELF when I am TRYING to do the impossible-I am TRYING to change the actions-attitudes or FUTURE of anyone other than MYSELF! JUST NOW I give up -ALL MY anger-bitterness-taking personal offense-envy-hurt feelings by others actions that troubled ME-in MY Lord Jesus name I forgive ME amen-JUST NOW-I ask to change MY attitude toward MYSELF and ALL others to be in GODS LOVE-ACCEPTANCE AND COMPASSION-in MY Lord Jesus name amen JUST NOW-I pray for TODAY to keep trusting God with ALL MY needs-ways-desires-pain-hurt-joys-and expectations-fears and MY BIG BABYISM-I will look forward to MY new day to follow Gods will not MY will-JUST NOW in MY Lord Jesus name amen

indingrl.01.06.2011

ONE MOMENT

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Nov 10, 2018

ONE MOMENT I was sleeping and the next up and praying-i am dealing with accepting what MY 33yr old daughter decides HOW she CHOOSES to make her OWN decisions living with cirrohsis of the liver-i stay in prayer as MY mom heart is long suffering at MY powerlessness over alcohol-nicotine-and cirrohsis of the liver-the decision she makes for the time to be on life support and telling ME her decisions and asking ME to carry them out-i agree to her way and pray to behave by asking MY Holy Comfortor to lead and teach ME to be of loving service with a good attitude in MY Lord Jesus name amen-NOT ONCE DID I THINK OF USING DRUG-MY DRUG NICOTINE TO COPE-i came here to TRY and help some ONE to believe -smoking is not MY option-this ONE MOMENT-dealing with MY life is painful-yet some ONE is worst off-who needs a liver transplant-33yr young at her OWN hands used alcohol to cope and suffers her OWN consequences with strength dignity and love-only by Gods grace and ALL OF YOU HERE-dealing with EACH of your crosses to bear-i learn to HELP the next suffering nicotine addict to hope-if i can-you can- WE will NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER-NOT ONE PUFF EVER-thank you all for shining YOUR LIGHT OF LOVE AND PRAYERS FOR ALL IN THIS MONENT OF MINE-N.O.P.E. Is shining continually -so please keep blogging BEFORE you use-and let US be of love service to you-thank you-please take what HELPS and let go of the rest-thank you.

 

Remember that first day that you really entertained the idea of quitting? If you’re like me, the main thing noticed on that day was an intense and in reality, unfocused fear just at the thought of it. A kind of shudder in the deepest parts of our very beings. And from that feeling, we usually hit a wall for a while. I mean to an addict, the idea of giving up the main thing that that our entire life revolves around is perceived as an impossible task, and it takes a bit of time to turn that thought into a reality.

 

The thing is all we had to do was THINK about quitting and  suddenly there it was. The first experience with the internal argument. The moment I thought about quitting, it was like I’d just turned my entire world upside down! I didn’t even notice that argument in the background at first simply because I still smoked. Simply because once again, I hadn’t yet acted on the thought.

 

A few days later, when I’d finally convinced myself that I was going to do this and picked a date and started tracking my cigarettes, the infamous internal argument became more intense. When I decided that I was no longer going to smoke when I drove (one of my biggest triggers), the voice began telling me how hard it would be to concentrate and the voice was correct because rather than thinking about my driving, I was listening to this maddening internal voice telling me that something was wrong. Something was missing.

 

This was the first time I began listening to that voice, and it appeared to actually be a kind of whisper always in the background and at the same time it seemed to be more of an impulse then a thought. I looked deeper and realised that I was the one giving these impulses a voice. That I was deciphering them into the internal argument that we all feel. I think it was how my mind made sense of these impulses. By giving them a voice.

 

Over time, I found that conversing with this voice was a good way to get the impulses or urges to stop, or at least to lesson in intensity. I named these impulses the addict within and when those urges were the strongest and I could focus on what I saw as a screaming toddler throwing a temper tantrum, they seemed to become less intense.

 

And there were times when I used visualization to see my journey as something tangible. Something with a defined beginning and end. As many of you already know, I called that journey Mt. Freedom. Also over the course of my quit, I learned to assess my mood upon waking and if my mood wasn’t the most productive for the coming day, I’d close my eyes again and use visualization to go to a quiet place of my own creation. And this is something I still use to this day to keep my day a positive one.

 

There were so many changes that I had make both internally and externally in order to change my life for the better and you know what? I still use all of these things every day of my life! My preparation was much more than preparing to quit. It was also preparing to live a new life.

 

This is why I’ve always considered those first days. Those learning days; days of wonder. I know if you’re in the middle of a quit, you might not see these first hard days as days of wonder but you will!

 

As the addiction calms within our minds and we begin to see the incredible and positive changes to our world. When we can look back at what we’ve created and achieved without fear of relapse. This is when we can see that our quit was indeed an incredible journey experienced in all levels of our psych. This is when we can see that what we chose to do on that first day would end up creating so much more within us that we get to keep forever!

 

So the next time you feel like this is all a waste of time. The next time that you think that quitting is just to hard. Try to remember that change can be amazing! And yes life can be wonderful! All it takes is a desire to see it, to experience it. To dream it and fight for it!

 

And when it’s all over and you can look back with a confident smile on your face. That’s when you’ll know that those first hard days really were wonderful.

 

Fight on my friends! Fight on! I know it’s worth it and it won’t be long before you know it too . . .

 

ONWARD TO FREEDOM!!!

 

Chuck

indingrl.01.06.2011

HEALTHY

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Nov 7, 2018

HEALTHY is having a good bowel movement-for ME-i so appreciate MY body - i pray to God ask for help in MY Lord Jesus name and ask MY Holy Comfortor to TEACH ME to do MY part - pray - exercise - pray for others - pray to eat more veggies and more fruit - i do this - MY ACTION - part and this ACTION eating HEALTHY i gained 5 pounds dealing and staying in MY FACT AND REALITY - Judy dying from 50 years of SMOKING DEATH STICKS-but for the grace of God go I - i weigh 205 today and thats OK-for ME-i aint 275 anymore-i aint using NICOTINE over any of the consequences of MY choices-TODAY and i am SO GRATEFUL FOR A HEALTHY BOWEL MOVEMENT! I am grateful to be aware of praying each time i wantd to STUFF MYSELF with sweets instead of being RESPONSIBLE for MY feelings and i will NOT let them lead ME any longer-i have made the decision to NOT STUFF MY feelings-i feel them express them and let them GO and through out MY ONE DAY I am responsible for ONLY ME-it is so wonderful to be grown up and deal with life as it comes and to share what i use to be like and how God has changed ME inside and to be grateful i am NOT smoking in the bathroom cuz TODAY MY poop doesnt stink-eating HEALTHY did that for ME and MY poop floats and is- -HEALTHY POOP FOR ME IS GOOD-thanks for letting ME be ME! Please take what HELPS and let go of the rest-thank you!

Filter Blog

By date: By tag: