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bonnie.s

Scan of head and neck done

Posted by bonnie.s Sep 20, 2019

Test was done this morning after another episode of my neck swelling and shortness of breath.  I was told with today being Friday, I  probably will not get results until Monday.  Praying for a positive outcome.

Yahoooooooooo -  news report this evening in Illinois area - THEY FOUND CANCER CHEMICAL IN VAPING FLAVORS AND ARE BANNING IN CHICAGO AND NEW YORK- ALL PRODUCTS OF VAPING  - OTHER STATES ARE JOINING BANNING ALL VAPING PRODUCTS - PRAISE THE LORD - YOUNG CHILD WILL LIVE

indingrl.01.06.2011

Flooding

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Sep 16, 2019

Flooding in areas next to where I live - TODAY September 16 , 2019, - I went out walking to survey the roads - most of the side walks I usually walk on - flooded  - some roads still blocked - NO worries it happens every YEAR - NO bible study tomorrow - the church where I go to participate in Bible study is flooded - at MY bank - the drive through area and bank parking lot is flooded - MY aquaintance with a person shared that her home - which she has been in 40 years is flooded in Spring grove - she has been through this before - and Chicago has BANNED VAPING products - TODAY it was reported in the local news and reports of the desplaines river - the water is still rising - using MY DRUG NICOTINE has NEVER entered MY mind- I am HEALED in MY heart and soul - - I am a NON SMOKER TODAY -  I have a NEW MINDSET TODAY - I made it to MY Alanon support group at 930am - NOW it is nap time for ME - gentle hug and REMEMBER - PRACTICE one day at a time - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER N.O.P.E. - Not one puff ever - gentle hug 

indingrl.01.06.2011

TIME PASSES

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Sep 15, 2019

Time passes SLOWLY for ME -  when I first surrendered MY NICOTINE ADDICTION to MY God - Time passes FAST - when I realized -  I had 30 DAYS - then 60 DAYS - then 90 DAYS - NICOTINE FREE - Time just passes - as EACH of MY DAYS added up and then I had - 6 months NICOTINE FREE - Time passes and before I knew it -  I had 9 months NICOTINE FREE - Time passes by - somtimes quickly and sometimes SLOWLY - then in TIME-  I had ONE YEAR NICOTINE FREE - as I faced MYSELF and the issues inside of ME -  that I tried to DRUG away with NICOTINE  - in MY PAST life -  in this MOMENT of MY time TODAY - MY TIME is still passing YET - TODAY - 8 YEARS have passed with a lot of adventures - some so DEEPLY painful and shocking and grievous with suffering -  with hurtful afflictions in MY body and mind and soul and spirit that lately TIME has gone into SLOW MOTION - Time sometimes just weighs heavily on MY heart - MY example- which is due to MY powerlessness to CHANGE another person or CURE another person or CAUSE another person to USE THEIR DRUG NICOTINE over MY speaking the TRUTH to them with FACTS - NOT feelings - which come and go and are fickle -  NICOTINE ADDICTS USE -  because they want to USE - they THOUGHT of USING long ago before they take that FIRST PUFF - Time has taught ME - no one has power over ME - unless I give it to them  - Time has given ME the greatest gift of ALL - IN TIME - NEVER ONE PUFF OVER ME - I have chosen to STAY a NON SMOKER and NOT to take that FIRST PUFF over ME OR over anything LIFE has dealt ME in 8 YEARS - because I have prayed ALL this TIME and ONLY by God's grace - Time took -  it's time - God's perfect TIME in MY God's will for ME and HIS love and tender mercies - HE had given to  ME - Christ Jesus - MY Lord's wisdom -  every time hell came -  PERSONALLY -  to ME -  on this planet called earth -  I was filled with grievous and wild emotionalism and metal torture came - for ME - please I am NOT talking about anyone else but ME -  so please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you - this TIME - I was brought news of 2 deaths in ONE week -  for ME - this SUFFERING was  - s- l-o-w - motion - time dance in very SLOW moving at the wake on Saturday - mother looks at her baby boy dead at 27 yrs old - YET - I stayed a NON SMOKER crying harder then the MOM - she and I just cried hard together - the next MOMENT of TIME - WE all celebrated with fellowshiping with family and friends eating and sharing memories - some were smoking NICOTINE to cope and some were drinking ALCOHOL and smoking pot and NICOTINE to cope YET I remained the whole celebration A NON SMOKER-  so the SUGGESTIONS- made to ME and I took those SUGGESTIONS 8 YEARS ago and even use them TODAY - in TIME - I am still accepting and willing to remain open minded to keep learning and growing and HEALING in MY Lord Jesus name amen- gentle hug

Flooding and some roads closed today in MY area -  one family member's bedroom flooded and she is grateful for no carpeting in that room - another family member HANDLING her adventure in her 4th hurricane season with her 11yr old son - they are grateful to be on second floor - these family members are MY own daughter's - MY other friend of 25 years will be moving her mom into senior housing TODAY and is grateful for her mom receiving a fully furnished room and she is dropping her other son off at the military base TODAY and her other son who died in motorcycle accident at 27yr has a military funeral which is tomorrow -  YET she is STAYING in the breathe moments of her TODAY - she drove through the messy roads to get her hair done TODAY  - so if she can live TODAY and STAY in her TODAY - so will I STAY in MY TODAY -  in an attitude of gratitude  - I am grateful - we are dry and no flooding in our home -  just in the streets - TODAY - I AM PRACTICING - being able to be taught by Y'ALL -  HOW to handle MY REALITY -  without any excuses or without hurting anyone with MY twisted perspective which is trying to take ME to SELF pity -at this time when MY selfish emotions immature and fear filled I must remember to pray for everyone - FACTS -  NOT - MY feeings -  know that everyone -  has gone through - THE DEEP PAIN OF -  funerals and weddings and floods and birthdays and operations and cancer treatments and broken shoe laces and losses of everyday happenings - which the list can go on to infinity - this is called - THAT'S LIFE ON LIFE'S TERMS - DEAL WITH IT  - I am NOT unique - EVERYONE has been THROUGH DEEP PAIN and GRIEF in their TODAY - the mature question I ask MYSELF -  how am I coping with MY REALITY - in the NOW responding with other's above MYSELF OR am I reacting out of MY old selfish victim mentality absorbed in MY selfish and self centeredness only feeling sorry for ME OR am I using MY spiritual tool's - freely-  taught by Y'ALL and given to ME -  by Y'ALL - TODAY - I use MY slogan  - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER OVER ME- it is so GOOD to be FREE - from MY OLD reactive addictive child victim mindset and TODAY- 2019 - FREE LY I AM choosing NEW ideas to keep growing and HEALING - TODAY I use - MY NEW POSITIVE MINDSET to RESPOND - to MY NON SMOKER LIFE STYLE in MY Lord Jesus - HIS FREEDOM to live FREE inside of ME and in MY heart - to be in HIS love and service to all others - to MY friend - who has lost a 27 yr old son -  in a SUDDEN TRAGEDY - HE WAS JUST RIPPED OUT OF ALL OUR LIVES - on August 31st - 2019 SUDDENLY - and I am trying to -  PRACTICE MY NON SMOKER LIFE STYLE - in GRATITUDE - to MY God FIRST and then thanking - MY God for ALL of YOU - and thank you - ALL for teaching ME to keep learning to focus on ENJOYING MY DAY - thank you ALL for teaching ME to - please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be helpful is MY only aim - thank  you -  thanks for teaching ME to share - for sharing is caring and teaching ME - this too shall pass - I know the flood waters will pass and the roads will be cleared - so I will be able to GO to the funeral tomorrow for MY friend's celebration of her 27 yr old son life - STOP! it is NOT tomorrow - STOP - think what I am THINKING about.- do NOT let MY feelings lead ME in MY TODAY - state FACTS to MYSELF - tomorrow isn't here YET - just enjoy TODAY - I AM living in today as a  NON SMOKER - heading out to walk - just walk and I am grateful to DO that - just walk - I like walking in puddles - I always enjoyed walking in puddles - gentle hug

indingrl.01.06.2011

SMILE ANYWAY

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Sep 12, 2019

Smiling is contagious ....went out and made the decision to smile - regardless of being half paralyzed on the left side of MY face - its ONE of the side effects from getting a flu shot 12 YEARS ago and it was SUGGESTED to ME that SUCKING ON DEATH NICOTINE -  wasn't a solution for ME - then or TODAY - Thursday - September 12, 2019 - OH please -  don't THINK it is easy going out in this world of 2019 with a paralyze half face - I try and PRACTICE one day at a time to NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER over ME - please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you  - so I am practicing smiling -  no matter WHAT - MY fears and insecurities are feelllingggg inside of ME - I have learned FEELINGS come and go - I am the manager of MY OWN feelings and they NO longer lead ME to insanity - I was taught to T.H.I.N.K. and ask MYSELF-- is what I am THINKING about ME - Thoughful-Helpful-Intelligent-Neccessary-Kind - T.H.I.N.K.  - also to REMEMBER -  I will have many many many MORE feelings coming and going - and to KNOW - this too shall pass- smiling is contagious because - TODAY every person I met at the food store -  SMILED back at ME  - thanks for letting ME share - live and let live works for ME TODAY- gentle hug  

indingrl.01.06.2011

FLUFF......

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Sep 11, 2019

Fluff - MY understanding - fluff is taking a FACT and twisting it to keep selling BULL POOP - that flavored vaping is safer than cigarettes - cigarettes stink - vaping YOU smell sweet like candy - YET the vaping company says we created the vape for ADULTS - flavors are vanilla - dreamsicle - cotton candy - FACT- 6 deaths from vaping - twisted advertisement and NEWS report - the deaths are from THC vaping NOT NICOTINE vaping - FACT - regardingless - IF -  NICOTINE pods or THC pods - DEATH is caused by VAPING - 490 reported cases due to VAPING -  ending up in ER nationwide with mainly teens patients that are NOT breathing due to VAPING - the OIL that sticks in their LUNGS causing infections - FLUFF - taking an easier softer way to keep all those involved in the VAPING BUSINESS making money at the cost of teenagers - with the NEWS fluff - WE are still RESEARCHING the cause of these death's -  thanks for letting ME vent - gentle hug

DonnaMarie

Still out here

Posted by DonnaMarie Sep 9, 2019

A small victory - I pulled off a surprise housewarming for my daughter and her husband in their new house in Richmond on Saturday. About 20-30 people were there off and on. When one of my friends pulled up, she said, "Oh good, Arthur (her husband) has a smoking partner!" I said to her, "Sue, I haven't smoked for 260+ days!" Damn, that felt good. Really good. The housewarming went off without a hitch. They had no clue and weren't pissed that I planned a party at their house

 

I'm still working hard on my diabetes and am off another medication. That's one BP medication and one diabetes medication I've gone off of since I quit smoking, for those who are keeping score.  I'm eating very low carb and exercising in the pool, and my numbers are coming into normal range, not diabetic range. Oh, I still have the stupid disease, but it's my b i t c h now instead of the other way around

Bravo to all the new quitters. It is so wonderful to see this community grow and grow and grow. 

 

Donna

Day 266

when it gets fixed, let me know

Please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you - the SERENITY PRAYER was SUGGESTED to ME October 28, 1986 and I still use it TODAY -September 7, 2019 - saying it HELPS ME and  KEEPS ME in .......Just for TODAY - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER over MEJust for TODAY - I will PRACTICE breathing in and out Just for TODAY I will be grateful to MY God for HIS love in ME and thanking HIM continuously for HIS grace that HE has blessed ME and I remain a NON SMOKER Just for TODAY I will live in this present moment not in MY pastJust for TODAY I will DO what's best for ME - HELP the next suffering NICOTINE ADDICT by passing on HOPE and to share MY experience strength and HOPEJust for TODAY I will thank MY God for ALL of YOUJUST FOR TODAY  I will think of others above myself Just for TODAY I will live through this day only WE are heading out to visit - MY husband's MOM - I don't want to yet. - Just for TODAY - it is the right loving action I will choose and make MY decision FACT - MY REALITY -  the doctors have done ALL they can for her and sent her home - MY husband is MY example -  to be love in ACTION -  it is HIS mom and MY MOM is very sick - yesterday she received a blood transfusion - she is 88yrs old - sooooooo- JUST FOR TODAY -  I PRAY -  Dear Father God thank you that - I am a NON SMOKER only by YOUR grace love and mercy to ME and thank you for teaching ME to live MY OWN NON SMOKER life -  free and joy filled - SPIRITUALLY and singing -  ALL IS WELL WITH MY SOUL- Just for TODAY- NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF OVER ME OR life on life's terms - Just for TODAY - gentle hug

indingrl.01.06.2011

Gathering

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Sep 6, 2019

It is a wonderful gathering CELEBRATING OUR brother- in- love service - 4 hours travel -$8.00 in tolls and half a tank of gas with MY God's blessings - NOT ONE THOUGHT OF SUCKING IN A DEATH STICK - to cope with DEATH - I am so glad God transformed ME on the inside to grow up and be responsible to feel MY feelings and breathe in MY REALITY in HIS love - to watch MY husband enjoy and grieve and greet and meet childhood family - 35 - 40 YEARS later - he recognized them - they did NOT recognize him - they apologized and they laughed together and remembered their Dad who met MY husband at age 13 yr old - so the kids grew uo together and their dad was like a dad to MY husband - BEAUTIFUL flower arrangements throughout and it smells so good the mixture of scents of flowers - each person bringing peace and happiness while grieving and sharing their individual relationship with Ron - at work - at church - family and friends - ALL knowing - WE WILL MEET AGAIN - SOON AND VERY SOON - you NEVER know - thanks for lettimg ME share - gentle hug

I seem to only blog the negative things in my life. There are SOO many things going on right now that ARE negative that I don't want to complain about them here. I know it won't help a thing to smoke but I really want to right now. What the heck, the rest of my life is in the toilet so why not go back to the demon? Because I am completely wholly committed

to never smoking again.  I really want to unload some baggage but don't want to be the sad sack, whiny, b++++ that I seem to excel at lately.  Maybe if something positive happens (yeah right) I'll blog that.  It's already started to be yet another s***y day in paradise!  I'm going to go cry somewhere alone and try not to punch holes in walls. Maybe I'll blog t about the hell going on at a later date.  Until then I'll try to be positive and helpful to the EX community!

 

Julie

indingrl.01.06.2011

Vaping Deaths

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Sep 5, 2019

Just passing on the national news current update on -"2 vaping deaths in state ILLINOIS -  and an almost death - due to a severe lung infection from vaping -  the report said - another teen heading off to college ending up in ER and confessed to parents and doctor that she was vaping daily and also vape THC - she nearly died - the parents came on with their attorney and said they are NOT suing - they just want the government to DO something about these company's targeting teens and about their daughter almost dying from vaping and to WARN other parents - to watch their teens - JUST UPDATED NEWS TONIGHT IN ILLINOIS -  

hattonc

Checking in

Posted by hattonc Sep 5, 2019

Good Afternoon. 

I hope everyone is doing well. I have not been on here in a while but I am still not smoking. Thank you all once again for all the support. I know I should be on here more often but life has really thrown a curve ball to me.. I’m surprised I’m not smoking 3 packs a day .. but if anything I can say that I have managed to keep my quit constant.. today I’m coming here asking for prayers for my oldest daughter Dana.. she is currently in the hospital with pneumonia. They are not sure what has caused this but we do know that she was vaping for a couple of months . She’s very sick . We have an infectious disease doctor working with us now and pulmonologist they are wanting to do a broncoscopy to be able to test tissues..  they are treating her currently with antibiotics, steroids, etc. she has an 11 mth old daughter who I’m helping take care of as well with the help of my other daughters.. we just really need prayers right now for all of us.. thank you again ..

Cindy 

Please I am talking about ME only NOT anyone else - please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you - As a non smoker TODAY - living in MY OWN skin -  every now and again -  I tend to be hanging on by a piece of thread that's unraveling - and at the same TIME - as I am praying - Dear God - HELP - I no longer suck on DEATH STICKS to COPE with MY REALITY -  I am hanging in there - because I am responsible to God and MYSELF -  whenever ANYONE reaches out for MY HELP - TODAY 2019 - I have a godly desire to be of service to those who ask ME - since Jan 6 , 2011 - I surrender to PRACTICE seeking God's will for ME - and - I keep surrendering MYSELF and MY will and MY NICOTINE ADDICTION and the list goes to etc. and - day by day - to MY Lord Jesus - I must do MY part - I am NOT a robot - I get to THINK- THINK - THINK - is it Thoughful - is it Helpful  - is it Intelligent .- is it Necessary -  is it Kind.-   first things first - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER over ME  and to continue asking -  MY God - for HIS will for ME and to keep CHOOSING for MYSELF - healthy and wise and knowledgeable thoughts and feelings and ACTIONS - it is known that - MY ACTIONS speak louder than MY word's- TODAY as a NON SMOKER in 2019 - I pray for MY God to keep HEALING ME inside and to CHANGE ME for HIS purposed - to  NOT live in 2019 as a DRY person who lives addicted to people approval- that's the OLD ME - I have NO desire to live STUCK in MY OLD SELF - YET THERE ARE SOME - MOMENTS in 2019  - I get confused and mixed up INSIDE - then MY automatic switch comes on and MY OLD PAST DRY ADDICT tries to get ME to feeling victim thinking to live in MY PAST - in MY NEW DAY - here is MY example:  I was taught- IN MY PAST - it happens in 3's - the person who trained ME in this deep rooted - fear based thought life - and she lived for that 3rd person to die - so she could say - to ALL -  in the household where I grew up - SEE I WAS RIGHT - DEATH happens in 3's - THAT WAS MY OLD VICTIM CHILD ADDICT PAST THINKING - IN MY PAST - the example for TODAY -  in 2019 - I went to MY support group called Alanon -  it is for people - who were raised and trained in ALCOHOLISM - which is an illness of the soul - mind - will - emotin - and I was infected with this illness - I was living -  OTHER people's lives - On monday morning I go to Alanon - to get HELP - and to learn from other's - HOW to live -  MY OWN precious life - TODAY in 2019 - anyway - after I shared what I was going through -  2 death's and 2 funerals pending - I was just - HANGING IN THERE AND OVERWHELMED WITH DEEP GRIEF - and after the meeting ENDED - this woman came up to ME -  she said to ME -  REMEMBER it happens in 3's - I said -  yes -  I heard of that and walked away from her - see - I always ask MY God to protect ME from other's and other's from ME -  I know I am very ill at this TIME - weak and fearful of the unknown - and also so worried about OTHER'S - MY friend of 24 years - she is the mom -  who's 23 yr old son -  A DEATH called - a  SUDDENLY in this thing called life - and then-  the UNEXPECTED life happens  - MY husband's MOM 95yr old in hospital and then -  the FACT DEATH HAPPENS TO US ALL - MY husband's brother-in-love age 75 - died of heart attack last Thursday and he quit sucking on death sticks for YEARS - which MY husband shared with ME - NOW 2019 - MY thoughts go to the black and white victim- martyrdom thinking in MY PAST and intruder in MY present day 2019 - TODAY - MY thoughts run WILD - who is the 3rd one to die ?????? Will it be - MY 86 yr old mom OR will it be ME - oh MY I am a NON SMOKER too - I sucked on cancer death sucker for 38 yrs -YIKES!!!! OR MY husband - will he die of a heart attack ???? JUST like HIS dad died of at 89 yrs old in his sleep????? I USE COPE - BY SUCK ON DEATH STICKS - IN MY PAST OLD LIFE - TO AVOID ALL THESE - feeling thoughts - FILLED WITH THIS FEAR AND LETTING THIS 4 YEARS OLD VICTIM CHILD MARTYRDOM run the show TODAY - in 2019-  cheeeeezzzzzeeee louise - just from that comment - it comes in 3's - I CHANGED THE CHANNEL - MY FACT: DEATH is a part of life - so now 2019 - MY NEW thought -  as a practicing NON SMOKER - and only by God's grace is spiritually prayed up - MY Christ Jesus focused on HIM is a thought life -  as a HEALTHY knowledgeable women with - FACTS not feelings - MY fact - I cannot predict deaths -  MY FACT - there is a God and I am NOT HIM - so I am hanging in there and trusting MY God - and sharing MY experience strength and HOPE by telling MY TRUTH about ME -  what I use to be like and how I cope in MY REALITY OF TODAY -  2019 in MY REALITY - grieving is real and I will be OK -  while I accept MY humaness - HANGING IN THERE -  by living as a NON SMOKER with God giving ME - common sense - to change MY thinking with FACTS in 2019 - gentle hug 

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