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Lasttimeagain

Day 125 - 7:18 mile

Posted by Lasttimeagain Jan 18, 2019

Today is 125 days since I stopped smoking  It is now half way too the point I got in my last quit when I foolishly smoked on my 250th day quit. I'm not going to make that mistake again and I'm committed to reach 251, then get to a year and then two years and then five, ten, and so on. So, two weeks after I started my recent quit I started going to the gym to help keep off excess pounds from the added eating and to help reduce stress and improve my health overall. It is also part of my emergency plan when I'm having a nick-demon attack. I go there and I run for an hour until I'm drained. Well  when I first started out I was doing walking mixed with some very slow jogging.it took me nearly 13 minutes to complete a mile. It was embarrassing because my 9 year old daughter was doing 12 minute miles at school. This week I am down to a mile in 7 minutes and 18 seconds! I'm now trying to get down under 7 minutes with a goal of eventually getting to a 6 minute mile. What I keep reminding myself of is the fact that I am fortunate enough to be able to recover my lung capacity after 30 years of a pack - a-day habit and Even have such a goal. Moreover, I'm constantly reminding myself that if I do go back to smoking again, I may not be able to recover this well again. It was so hard to breathe a few weeks ago when I was running, but not so much any more. Now it is a matter of building my endurance and lung strength. I am so thankful that I haven't gotten to that point of no return. In other news, I'm getting close to the end of no man's land. These days at night I've been reading a lot on this site and why quit site. The reason is because I don't want to snack at night. For several weeks I was binging on Netflix at night reading nachos and chips and so on. I didn't gain much weight, and in fact lost about two pounds because I was going to the gym. However  about two weeks ago I decided to end the nighttime snacking and cut down drastically on carbs. I immediately lost another 4 pounds in two weeks just by eating less carbs and not doing the night time snacking. However, in order not to snack, I've stopped watching tv. So, I am blogging and reading about smoking foot a couple of hours before bed these days. But honestly  it is getting kind of boring. But I'm not sure what else to do. I mean  I have ideas - read  plan a vacation, try some new things like meditation or heck even some yoga. But for some reason, I'm kind of lacking enthusiasm for those things. I think it is because all of those things involve a degree of work and I'm pretty tired by the end of the day after working, getting the kids to do homework, getting them washed and to bed, cleaning up, and so on. All you parents out there know the routine. So by this time I usually have done one of two things : relaxed in the hot tub with a beer and about five to six cigarettes chain smoked or watched tv with a beer and frequent cigarette breaks. After I quit smoking, honestly the hot tub became boring just sitting in there alone. So I watched tv and had a beer and snacked. And that was okay, but it prevented me from losing any weight that I have been wanting to take off along with my quit. So now I'm doing more reading and blogging about my quit in place of those things. I am realizing that the way out of no man's land for me is going to include coming up with something to do at night after the kids are asleep that is fulfilling, restoring, and interesting to me. My golden time, as I call it. So this is on my mind a lot these days. What will I start doing? Each day I think of something that I think I should try, but then as night falls and the kids are finally asleep I find myself going to the safety and reassurance of protecting my quit by reading and blogging about it. For now this seems good, but eventually I only want to be coming to these sights like once a month to check in and never forget or become complacent again and to offer support to those following behind me. Anyhow  I'm committed today to never take another puff - NOPE! 

indingrl.01.06.2011

Jan 17, 2019

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Jan 17, 2019

I remember when i was 14 years old- i tried to kill MYSELF -  i swallowed 100 asprin - i couldn't take any more raping from MY dad - MY past I remembered - he raped ME at age 6 until i was 16 and left the house - trained at 6 years YOUNG to OBEY - i asked MY husband for help at the math -  MY attempt at killing MYSELF - was 48 YEARS AGO AND TODAY I AM CELEBRATING AGE 62- and ALL the times I have tried to kill MYSELF with alcohol - preverted sex situations-fried and junk FOOD - chocolate- caffeine- people pleasing-mental and emotional  FEELINGS OF DESPERATION due to IGNORANCE in alot of area of MY life-  i use to use 50 death sticks a day- i used MY DRUG NICOTINE because I hated MYSELF IN MY PAST!!!!  please i am talking about ME not anyone else- thank you- this is PART OF MY STORY - its amazing ALL MY thoughts that go through MY head is SECONDS- TODAY I am  PRAISING MY God - TODAY TO ETERNITY- January 17, 2019 - i am  2933 DAYS NICOTINE FREE AND CELEBRATING AGE 62 YEARS YOUNG- DANCING WITH MY DADDY GOD- MY Lord Jesus and MY Precious Holy Comforter - thanking God continuously for His love joy peace long suffering kindness goodness faith gentleness and self control- MORE AND MORE HOLY SPIRIT FRUIT- growing in ME - YAHOOOOOO - learning - growing and healing to ENJOY MY GIFT OF TODAY- ALL OF YOU - MY NEW RECOVERY FAMILY NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER OVER ME! May God bless this support group and everyone in MY Lord Jesus name amen - please take what HELPS and let go of the rest- to be HELPFUL is MY only aim- thank you- fyi just check out in the bible- 1 Corinthians chapter 15 verses  1-4 - read for your SELF- happy birthday to ME- i should be dead at the age of 14 - BUT BY GODS GRACE AND TENDER MERCIES NEW EVERY MORNING  FOR ME- i am FREE in MY Lord Jesus and His cleansing blood and MY spirit one with MY Holy Spirit who leads ME in surrendering to dance with MY Daddy God- question for ALL HERE- ask your SELF- where will I CHOOSE to spend ETERNITY? ask your SELF am i Living or just EXISTING?  There is HOPE and His name is Lord Jesus- the Son of God- He loves YOU TOO!!! 

anaussiemom

Kindness cost 0 Dollars!

Posted by anaussiemom Jan 15, 2019



If you can NOT leave me better than you found me.   Please don't comment on my blogs!

Thank you. 
I can get toxic behaviors in my home life. I don't need it at Ex.
That explains my delete last night. on BP 188/102. 
Being I was at a hospital for the best care for strokes.
I survived, with Dr. Zadaits,  love, patience and gentle guidance.
No stroke!  But yes smoked.  Why would I come here for a slap in the face, or any other negative reason then just love"!

Just for TODAY-MY desire is to have a good day! I shall CHOOSE to try to enjoy this day ONLY for it is the ONLY DAY i have been blessed with by MY God. Gentle hug to ALL in His love to ALL and please remember take what HELPS and let go of the rest- you NEVER know- TODAY- could be MY last and for ME i just want to relax and enjoy MY DAY - thanks for letting  ME be ME- yahooooooo a brand NEW DAY!!!!

anaussiemom

Miserable and Sick.

Posted by anaussiemom Jan 13, 2019

I completely recovered from my bronchial cold.   Lo and behold I got another cold last week!  Today really sick.

I really don't get colds, but now.......eek   Since extended family, football games for High School, and the Littles.
 Did I started to catch colds again, alas.

Oh well hope to be off and running soon.

The house is so full of dust. Dry winter , and my fur bebes I guess.   I can't seem to keep caught up on the dust. Haven't been thru this before in this house???? IDK

Oh well.   Just want to get better.  Happy Sunday Eve everyone!

Hugs Kim

Freedomcat

Each day something new

Posted by Freedomcat Jan 12, 2019

This quit journey, so far, has been quite the adventure. Today is day 16. And as I wind down for bed, I realize just how different I feel than yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that. Each day has brought a surprise, not necessarily a welcomed surprise, but something new. 

Newness is good, it's a sign of progress, that things aren't stagnant. Change is a sign of life. 

On day 14, I began to experience some more positive changes. For one, it was the first day I didnt have a meltdown. That was huge. I have not had a meltdown since. 

And in hindsight, the meltdowns were important. I needed to cry, alot. I needed to feel panic and terror and grief and shame. I needed to learn to reach out for other supports, to access my other resources when in distress, instead of the cigarette. I needed to release some long held emotions, feel them, be seen and accepted in them, move through them. 

Each day brings with it a new challenge. Some days I hide as much as I can, not ready to face anything new that day. And that's okay. Not going outside 17 times a day is new enough sometimes. 

 

Today I went for a walk in the woods without smoking. That was new. Walking and smoking are so attached for me. 

Today I panicked and was caughed up in spinning scary thoughts. And was able to utilize my breathe, find compassion for that little one inside who's scared, tap into my inner strength and give myself permission to rest and relax (the spinning thoughts were about work). I was able to find my calm, my strength, without smoking. 

Today I sat down and spent time painting. Something I have wanted to do but never did when I smoked. It felt so sweet and really got me out of my head. 

Today I felt some peace. 

Today I felt contentment. 

Today I felt restless too. 

Today I had so many feels. So much newness. 

 

Today I was alive. 

 

For the first time in 19 years, I'm allowing myself to fully be here. To give myself the gift of feeling fully. Of staying instead of running. Of the possibility of healing. Space and time to find out how I want to spend my days, my moments here on earth instead of being a slave to nicotine. 

 

It's interesting because I'm realizing that I dont reall have a desire to smoke. What I have is a desire to escape my feelings...because they feel intolerable. Uncoupling the discomfort from a desire to smoke has been super helpful. Smoking only ensures the feeling will come.back, un healed, not dealt with. Not smoking is the only way to get freedom, to find peace. 

 

I understand today that this journey can't be rushed. Easier to say now that I'm out of the hell of the first 2 weeks. But I know this year will be a year or newness. Of firsts. And that wont always be easy. It might be downright painful and awful at times. And also amazing at others. 

 

This journey is worth it. And as my partner said to me 'let's take a chance on life'. 

 

Will you take a chance on life with me?

anaussiemom

Wake Up To Phone :O

Posted by anaussiemom Jan 11, 2019

Wake up to phone ringing.........."Fraud Line On My "Unlimited" Debit Card Activity!"

No big deal I think"!  Happens a few times a year.  I'm always looking for cool things on line and purchasing, if useful.  So I start to answer the questions, of purchases.  

Gentleman says"  did you make a purchase in Great Britain, this morning?"

I said no"  He says ok"  I say for how much he says 480.00 dollars."   EEK".   They did not approve thank goodness.  So call my bank and get new card yada yada.  Good gracious!
Did I want to smoke heck ya?! But, I feel God is working with me as always on this quit.  God, gently reminds me, "Kim your "unlimited debit card" is void for 7 to 10 days.

Thank you God!!!
(I don't carry cash good or bad I just don't )
He knows I'm trying so hard.  Human, sick, Nephew, Hubby woes,  and all!
Just like everyone, else.

We are all a work in progress.



Truth!

I'm going to have a glorious weekend if it kills me!!


Queenisms

Hugs everyone





The blue beads at the top of blog is a rosary, that my daughter Kelz made for me. She also had them  blessed <3. 

They do help like worry beads for me, rolling them around on my hands and finger tips. I also use chap stick, a lot for not smoking, gum, straws, a drop of peppermint oil, in my mouth. That stuff" kills the urge for me really  good!









 

 

 

 

anaussiemom

I gotz another

Posted by anaussiemom Jan 10, 2019

I think I have a man cold so, I have not been on much last couple days.

I' finally got over bronchitis.   I guess God wanted to add a little more
un -cozyness. 
To help me with keeping my vow to not smoke.  He may be afraid I might be a tad stubborn.  
  I think he wanted to shake that  nonsense off!!

Geez. 

Still, Total Freedom From smoking!! 
No news on Jeff, as of yet, today.





https://www.webmd.com/cold-and-flu/features/truth-about-man-colds#1

 


15 Reasons There Is No Cure For The Common Man Cold
 



Lasttimeagain

Day 116 - 3, 3, 3

Posted by Lasttimeagain Jan 9, 2019

Looking at my quit app, I saw that I have achieved 3 months, 3 weeks, and 3 days. Which adds up to 116 days. Thinking about the journey thus far, each of those milestones were pretty big. Getting to 3 days gave me a sense of having some momentum, 3 weeks was when I was feeling pretty awful but also had enough time that I felt a strong resolve to keep going. By 3 months, I was beginning to feel a little more like I have this now and I just need to keep going doing what I've been doing. Put them all together, and by now I'm starting to really feel the positive effects. These days I have been very much enjoying socializing with and meeting new people. This is something I was often not able to do because I would always be rushing out the door after every meeting or conference or what not. And before any meeting I would be rushing out to get one more smoke because I needed my fix. But this is when people typically socialize, network, bond and what not. But I wasn't able to do so because I was always rushing in at the last second or out as soon as the bell rang so-to - speak. So these days, I'm finding that I have many opportunities to talk with people more and meet more new people because A I'm physically present and B I'm psychologically present because I'm not wishing I could get out of there to get my fix. Moreover, I just feel that I'm more positive overall. When I used to smoke I would often complain about this or that while smoking. If it was with a friend it would be complaining about work and if it was by myself at night, I'd be complaining in my head about all sorts of things frequently. I'm not sure if others experience the same thing, but for me smoking was often this antisocial, pessimistic, cynical place where I would go emotionally. Perhaps it has something to do with when I started smoking in high school with the other smokers in the schoolyard. We'd huddle around, non conformists that we were, and critique everything, thinking we were cooler than everyone else while not actually participating in healthy activities. Smoking brings out this side of me that is not at all aligned with my values and beliefs. As a nonsmoker, I am finding that I am now able to start to bring all of my behaviors more into alignment with my values and feel greater self confidence and self respect. As a smoker how could I not feel a sense of shame and hypocrisy saying that I cared about health, that I valued using money wisely, that I valued family, that I valued building relationships with people, that I value honesty and transparency, when I was doing so many things that were not aligned by smoking? By smoking, I demonstrated not caring about health, I flagrantly lied, connived, and deceived so that I could smoke, wasted money that could have been used to provide for my loved ones, and avoided people and became antisocial so that I could smoke or avoid detection of my lie and feed the need. By not smoking I am freed to be the person I imagine myself to be and have a greater chance of becoming the person I aspire to be. The dubious thing about smoking is that it is just this little box with these little white sticks. And on the surface it is just something you do for a couple of minutes here and a couple of minutes there. However, they actually transform you. They consume you. They own you. And you don't even realize it's happening to you at the outset. And when you become a long term smoker, you probably go through many quit attempts. And you go through these cycles. Quit, relapse, quit, relapse. When you relapse, it's just one puff. Then, maybe a day or two later it's one cigarette. Then a couple of days later it's two, then three, then you buy a pack and it lasts you a few days. But you just keep slipping and slipping until you are using all the same tricks and habits you had before. Same lies, same tricks, same detours, same lighters, same brand, same stores, same sales clerks (hey where you been?), same everything. It's like, you know the script and you play the role and you're stuck in it again. And it takes months or even years to get the resolve back again to try to quit again. And when you do try to quit again, often it's the same damn thing too. Same withdrawal symptoms, same coping mechanisms such as chewing gum or whatever, same return to the gym, same ritual of throwing away smoking paraphernalia. So many of the same things. It's the alter-ego script. It's like this doctor jekyll Mr Hyde thing. At some point, though, you need to make the choice as to whether you're going to continue with the back and forth yoyoing until you die, just smoke and give up trying to quit, or finally keep the quit. This time, I'm really trying for the keeping of my quit and I'm determined to stay quit for life. The yoyoing is exhausting and I just hate the smoking version of me while I love the nonsmoker version of me. The thing that I can't quite put my finger on is why I ever go back to the junkie within when I hate him so much and love the nonsmoker version of me so much. Why? While I haven't gotten that worked out yet, I have found through much trial and error, what my triggers are and what I need to do to disarm them. Additionally, I'm finding that writing these reflections is a positive step too. In the past, I have always written reflections on my experiences when quitting  but I never shared those. This time I am sharing my reflections here, with others, with you all, and that is definitely more powerful. I have considered posting to whyquits Turkey ville Facebook page, but I'm not quite ready to go public with my quit. Why? Because I still kind of want to keep the secret that I ever smoked. And even while writing this  I know it is kind of absurd since so many people I know did know I smoked. I suppose that being public about it makes it real that I was ever foolish enough to be a smoker, an addict. But I always kept that secret from my young children and from my parents who probably suspected that I quit. I suppose that it means that I have to own up to the lies, deceit, hypocrisy, and foolishness. It is a confession to those I love of my sins and my weaknesses. It is strange because growing up catholic it was easy to tell the priest in the confessional and by proxy God what my sins were. But to have to say those to the faces of those you actually love or have transgressed against - now that is tough. Perhaps that is one of the problems with catholicism. You get to get absolution from God without having to own up to your sins to your victims and your fellow humanity. You don't need to go public with it. I'm getting it now. I'm going to have to come clean in order to really solidify my quit. And  I suppose that the one person I really need to be honest with, the one person whom I really need to confess my sin to is myself. The other is my children and my parents. They are the ones whom I've primarily kept my secret from. The other group are colleagues in my current place of employment. I don't feel that I really need to share this with them at this point. So, I'm feeling at this point that if I'm really going to solidify this quit  I'm going to have to be honest with my children and my parents about it. I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this with smoking.  I can imagine that other people have experienced these feelings with other addictions such as narcotics, prescription drugs,  alcohol, gambling. I'm also imagining some people who are 'in the closet' may have experienced similar feelings. It's funny because right now I'm feeling like I'm blowing this out of proportions. In my mind I'm thinking, yeah but smoking isn't as bad as those other addictions and the social stigmas and taboos against it aren't as strong as the adversity someone who comes out as LGBTQ would be. But then I hesitate. I have heard it's as addictive as heroin, I've spent more on smoking than many gamblers have lost in a casino, I've lied and deceived as much as any other addict. However  that's the thing about smoking. It's somehow more functional than other addictions. People don't typically go to the extremes they might go to in order to get other fixes. And it doesn't impair you like other drugs do. And the cost is just a little at a time. It's much more drawn out than other addictions. Rather than like the gambler who might lose the car or the rent in one shot,  the smoker spends the equivalent of a home over 30 or 40 years of smoking. Rather than missing work due to a late night binder, the smoker misses work due to catching a cold because they have a weakened immune system. The problems are all there, but their veiled. Smoking is much more dubious than other drugs and addictions because it takes away so much by slowly chipping away over a lifetime. 

  I'm super excited.  My youngest *minion and I are going to see METALLICA in 20 days!!!!!  In all the years they've been together they've never had a concert anywhere near me. Until now.  And I got VIP tickets, I mean it's Metallica and this is the only time we'll see them ever, although they will probably put out albums (they've been working on a new one recently) and tour until they drop dead. There will be much headbanging, horn throwing, ear deafening and fist pumping.  I can't, scratch that, my son and I can't wait

 

*For those of you who don't know I have 2 adult sons and they live at home. They have been nicknamed 'minions' since they were little.  They also answer to brat, pain in the arse, and several other monikers not fit for a lady to say.  But nobody ever said I was a lady, just a crazy b-_-h!  

i woke up and MY new mind thought of God and thankfulness for a NEW day and that i was richly blessed inside MY NEW HEART-i finished praying and then praised God in MY NEW ACTION-exercising- by walking 5 mile areobic dvd with leslie sansone-been with her at home miracle walking dvds- since august 2010-i finished that and moved on to bowflex machine - i do 20 minutes-i do 3xs a week since january 2015-i finished with a stretch band exercise for MY triceps and then shower-dressed-praying through out as MY Holy Comforter touches MY spirit to pray as i continue MY working out-then did a load of wash which is in the dryer now-then in between this and that and the other- i come here - asking MY Holy Comforter to teach ME to pray for others-to be HELPFUL to all and to teach ME to obey Him just like MY example -Apostle Paul - in the NEW testament of MY bible who  the Holy Spirit used as MY ASCENDED Lord Jesus CHOSEN vessel to write the Pauline epistles- which i am taught as a born again believer to follow Pauls example-Paul followed Christ-TODAY is NEW-i live as a NON SMOKER with MY NEW mind set on MY CHRIST JESUS and i am thinking of OTHERS-i am glad i aint what i use to be- an active nicotine drug addict with MY mind set on MY drug nicotine-OBESSIVE-CONSTANT CRAVING-RAGING TO USE 50 DEATH STICKS A DAY TO COPE-thats MY OLD USING ADDICTED MIND-WHICH I CHOSE TO SURRENDER ON THE CROSS in MY Lord Jesus name on jan 6-2011 -its a NEW day and i set MY mind on being a recovering nicotine addict-TODAY-ONE DAY AT A TIME-BREATHE-ONE THOUGHT AT A TIME and i CHOOSE to NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER OVER ME-i have MY NEW MIND SET ON - helping-encouraging-understanding-loving-showing by MY NEW MIND SET ACTION-to blog and to read-Thanking God and all here that what God has done for ME he will do for you if you CHOOSE to believe and read for yourself-1 Corinthians chapter 15 verses 1-4 in the bible-that was SUGGESTED  to ME-the CHOICE is all on you-just like FREELY choosing to quit using drug nicotine-its all on you-please take what HELPS and let go of the rest-thank you-CHOICES-choices-choices-its a NEW day ladies and gentlemen-a NEW day all on YOUR OWN PERSONAL CHOICE-in MY Lord Jesus name i pray YOU choose wisely-just for YOU! Amen

I always find that 3 of the Seasons zoom by way too fast BUT Winters seem to drag on and on and this year seems worse with getting snow in October that hung around for a bit then it came back the beginning of November and stayed so if we're lucky it'll leave before the end April BUT no matter the Weather or anything that's happening in life we don't need to throw our hands up in the air and screw up a perfectly beautiful quit so relapsing over anything isn't the answer because whatever is going to happen in LIFE is going to happen whether we smoke or not and choosing Not to is the only answer that will keep us living a life of Freedom because we can remain Smokefree N.M.W. - No Matter What and I want to be around to enjoy LIFE on LIFE'S Terms without the yuckies ( cigarettes ) N.O.P.E and vigilance guarantees us a Smokefree LIFE...... 

I just took the bottom pic now, it's the calm before another storm with 10 to 12 inches coming from tomorrow morning into Wednesday BUT that's A OK because it'll storm whether I get frustrated or NOT and since I don't smoke anymore I'll get busy doing something and enjoy LIFE on LIFE'S Terms ......

shashort

This is it!!

Posted by shashort Jan 6, 2019

FINALLY THE LAST SURGERY

I was still learning life without a cigarette. I was exactly 6 months into my quit when all this came about.  The nightmare began on Dec. 13, 2016 which makes it 2 years and 24 days ago since I had smashed my hand in the car door causing  artery damage (for those who don't know) didn't know if they would save my hand or not..  It has been an hellish journey.  I have been through at least 13 maybe 14 surgeries thus far due to complications and trying to get my hand as functional as we could. And finally tomorrow will be the last surgery and will be doing carpal and ulnar repair.  Surgery is scheduled at 8 am.  Would appreciate prayers.

 

To the newbies we hear your struggles and know they are real.  We know you get tired of hearing it will get easier, or your doing good when you don't feel it,  I remember the struggles and frustrations as if they were yesterday.  It was especially hard trying to cope with my hand without Nico dude, my nico brain kept telling me it would make things all better.  Thankfully I knew enough not to go back to puffing away.  In reality smoking does us NO good whatsoever.  It would have not brought my fingers back whether I smoked or not.  So when you feel the struggle is real come here and talk about it.we are here to help. You are learning life a whole new way, so be patient with yourself.  What got me through the hell was digging deep within myself, found my determination and did whatever I had to, I jumped I screamed, punched a pillow, NO MATTER WHAT!! just don't smoke and keep your commiment, you WILL NOT regret it, I promise.    Also,can't say enough how wonderful, great supportive people here who listened to my struggles and they helped me through them.  Tell yourself YES YOU CAN!!  So of course I am very proud to say I have not smoked not one puff for 969 days.  WHOOP WHOOP 31 days to enter QUAD squad Yehaw.  So don't say you can't.  Believe in your self you are worth the temporay fight and discomfort.  We did it so can you.

 

Also on this final thought before surgery is I am so glad I quit smoking and God must have known what he was doing because the struggle to hold the cigarette while driving and holding it out the window would have been real.

Keep your quit in the positive!! KNOW YOU CAN!!

 

indingrl.01.06.2011

jan. 6. 2019.

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Jan 6, 2019

hi-i am a recovering nicotine addict and TODAY only by Gods grace and with the HELP of this fellowship of good teachers - i thank God 1st and i thank ALL of you for loving ME and CELEBRATING 8 YEARS-TODAY-NICOTINE FREE!

I went to the doc's office Wednesday for my 6-month tune up and oil change.  I told him again about my right index finger being numb and that I'm constantly dropping things from both hands.  I also told him about my short term memory loss.  I will be speaking a sentence and often completely forget what I was saying and hints of what I was talking about don't help to remember.  I also can't remember words I was just using although I'm more worried that I completely forget entire conversations.  I'm worried that I may have the onset of Alzheimer's Disease.  My dad had it and so did his mother.  We had to sell my childhood home in one town and buy one in a different town that could accommodate her living with us. New high school and I couldn't really have friends because I had to come home from school every day to relieve the daytime caretaker and resume the care of her until my mom got home from work. 

I also spent 3 years working in the severe Alzheimer's unit at a nursing home.  Then I watched my dad go downhill.  My mom never put him in a home. She took care of him until he quit eating and she had to put him in the hospital.  He died at the age of 78. The old battle axe herself is 89 and still going strong even though my sister swears she's losing her mind.  After her 'lovely' Thanksgiving visit I knew she hadn't lost anything more than typical aging issues like forgetting what the correct word is that she wants to convey.  She can still kick her legs like a Rockette which literally makes her doctor absolutely amazed. 

I've told everyone that if I develop Alzheimer's please take me out back and shoot me 'cuz I don't want anyone to have to go through the care of me.  "They shoot horses don't they?"  

So off to the neurologist I go on the 15th and hopefully they can tell me something.  At least it's a starting point if nothing else.

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