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3:45am- TIME 

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Jan 19, 2020

TODAY - only by God's grace -  I am given - 3300 DAYS OF FREEDOM - I try to go back to sleep -  yet here I am BLOGGING - awe -  the memories of having two cigs - to comfort ME and then go back to sleep - MY PAST ADDICTION LIFESTYLE  - OH boy -  do I remember -  smoking like a chimmey -  while Bible reading and studying in the early morning - I remember -  the many many TIMES -  I REALLY tried to QUIT SMOKING -  on MY OWN - MANY attempts since 1988 to November 5th 2011 - I tried over and over to -  stop smoking - STOP SUCKING ON DEATH STICKS -  to live in MY OWN skin without using MY DRUG NICOTINE and I remember thinking -  smoking calmed ME down - I believed smoking - HELP ME - to think and to do better with MY coping with people - places - things - situations - circumstances - MY emergencies - in MY LIFE - SMOKING -  before and after and in between -  a funeral to COPE with loss of MY loved one  OR smoking while taking a relaxing bath - OR THINKING - I really NEED a cigarette -  RIGHT NOW - just so I could deal with MY DAY of having to deal with PEOPLE  -  I made the emotional thinking DECISION to - stop so MANY TIMES - I REMEMBER - I just bought a full pack of red Marlboro - cost ME $6.50 - sucked on two DEATH STICKS - real quick - then I said. - that's it - I quit and I REALLY meant it - EACH TIME I tried to QUIT - I made MY many many many - attempts to - QUIT smoking -  I took them out of pack and I wet them down and I also ran water all over MY cigarette butts in MY ashtray - then threw ALL in the garbage - cigs and ashtray with wet butts and lighters and went to bed - VERY confident - very PROUD - I quit smoking on MY OWN!!!!  I got up early the next morning  - I went straight for the garbage - took out ALL the cigs I could save and laid them out on papertowels - they were covered in coffee grounds and the garbage remnants of garbage - I blew them DRY with MY blowdryer and smoked them ALL -  didn't think twice about it and asked MY husband to go buy ME 2 packs of smokes BEFORE he left for work and he did - I did NOT BELIEVE -  I would EVER quit smoking -- hmmmm - MY memories of the lengths I went to get MY fix - I am so GRATEFUL - in MY God's perfect timing HE blessed ME with HIS grace TODAY - to choose to blog BEFORE - I take that FIRST puff over ME - saying to MYSELF - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF EVER - SELF DISCIPLINE for ME takes prayer - I ask MY God -  to STAY NICOTINE FREE TODAY  - thanks for letting ME share MY experience strength and H.O.P.E. - oh MY and yesterday - I saw a driver with her window rolled down smoking- it is so cold here in MY neck of the woods  - and then I remembered - but for the grace of God go I - I remember to PRAY - for the smokers that I see TODAY and I thank MY God for HIS love and grace and tender mercies - I am NICOTINE FREE 3300 DAYS TODAY


Find your house 43/90

Posted by PastTense Jan 18, 2020

My daughter and I were talking about which house we would be in at Hogwarts.  She’s very smart so, Ravenclaw all the way.  I thought about all of us Exers; hanging out here in cyber-Hogwarts.  Here is my take on how to spot the Houses here.

Hufflepuff: Listens with empathy to all whining and withdrawal agony.  Offers recipes for excellent chocolate chip cookies. 

Ravenclaw:  Explains the physical component of your withdrawal.  Suggests healthy snacks.  Always remembers your quit date

Slytherin: Exposes the excuses you tell yourself.  Won’t accept defeat and challenges you to maintain your quit

Gryffindor: Always ready to cheer your success.  First to pledge every morning.  May have many years of quit but keeps coming back


We need all of us and I'm glad you're here



Almost done with day 8

Posted by brittneyd.rice Jan 18, 2020

Its a strange feeling to know you never want to smoke again, yet your body and mind think you do. I belong to a Facebook group for people quitting and I constantly see people saying "quitting again" and I do not ever want to have to do this again. My old habit of smoking wont seem to let me go.  I even dreamt of smoking last night. I basically lay here all day because everything I do reminds me of smoking and I just dont want to feel terrible. Please understand I am fully determined to continue my new lifestyle, I just really need to figure out how to continue living my life while being a non smoker. I made it through hell week and I was really hoping things would be much better but instead they are just slightly better. I fear this is going to take much much longer than i'd hoped.


NOPE saved

Posted by green1611 Jan 18, 2020

My friend and me use to meet, once a while, like once in year or so,  over cup of tea/coffee and cigarettes. The meetings used to go for couple of hours. (in between couple of cigarettes are smoked) 


I met him after long time yesterday, and he asked me do you want to have one cigarette? (our earlier way of meeting?) I said no, he urged, nothing happens by one cigarette, I had also quit smoking, but let's have today, and enjoy our olden golden days with tea/coffee and cigarette. 


I asked my self quickly..

Do you want to restart smoking? 

Do you want to get into same slavery you had earlier before quit?

Do you feel you will be better off after smoking couple of cigarettes, and then back to quit again?

Do you want risks associated with smoking "sword of the Damocles?


The answers to above questions were and no.


Few quitters  like to taste the cigarette after long quit, only because they want to know how it tastes now? they have curiosity if it tastes same? and secondly they are confident, that they have gone through quit once, so they can quit again, hence does not matter couple of cigarettes today, "I can overcome future urge" overconfidence though.


If it is clear that I do not want to smoke again, then why go for couple of puffs now? is not that going back to addiction?


Hence NOPE..


My understanding of NOPE !



I stayed away from one puff and also convinced my friend to be away. We had multiple cups of tea and coffee, and had good meeting.


Still mulling  42/90

Posted by PastTense Jan 17, 2020

I’m still mulling over the significance of accountability.

I took a walk at lunch and it was 25 degrees with wind blowing at 20 miles an hour. It was so cold, my ears hurt. Why on earth didn’t I stay indoors like I had some common sense? Simple; my daughter just invited me to join her step challenge group through Fitbit. There are now 6 of us in the group and I, through some fluke of luck, am in the lead. There is just no way I could cancel my walk if other people could see it.

I suppose a grown-up should be accountable to themselves. I know that I am not. I need the peer pressure (or perceived peer pressure) of other people to help boost me to action. Either that, or a really clever excuse. Maybe I’m just a spoiled, entitled brat. Maybe I’m about average and most folks could use a nudge in the right direction.

I will say this; the more visible I am, the more accountable I feel. Challenging myself to write 90 blogs has increased my visibility substantially – and also my determination to crush this addiction once and for all.

Thank you for keep me accountable



Accountability   41/90

Posted by PastTense Jan 17, 2020

Many of us log in every morning first thing to pledge our commitment to stay smoke-free. There have been days where I needed some extra glue to stick to my quit, so I pledged more than once. There have been days that I stayed quit because I took the pledge and ONLY because I took the pledge.

If you were to ask me why taking the pledge made a difference, I would tell you that the pledge holds me accountable to my quit. Making the pledge requires us to take an action to affirm out intentions and to do it front of witnesses. Because I take the pledge and I’m still quit, I would say that the pledge works.

However, taking the pledge, or blogging, or just hanging out on this website does not hold you accountable. The Ex Police will never come knocking on your door demanding to know why you didn’t pledge. The DOF auditors will never question your posted days. I never have to provide a blood test to prove I have no nicotine in my system. Technically, the only accountability is to myself.

This site provides good tools and helpful supportive people. But at the end of the day, I either smoked or I didn’t. If I did, my body will eventually pay that penalty even if I don’t report it and update my quit date.

It’s like going on a diet and only counting the calories that somebody else sees you eat. You can cheat on calorie count but you cannot cheat your body. It’s gonna count the calories even if you don’t.

I am accountable for my own actions and grateful to have this site here to keep my honest.


Please I am talking about ME not anyone else - please take what HELPS and let go of the rest - to be HELPFUL is MY only aim - thank you - TODAY is MY 63rd birthday and MY husband gave ME flowers and this birthday card - I also received a birthday card from MY beautiful sister in Christ Jesus - her name is Kristi - she gave ME - H.O.P.E.- she has YEARS as a NON SMOKER and also mailed ME a birthday card - that to ME is a labor of love - LOVE IS ACTION - I like snail mail - it is nice to receive mail - - ONLY by God's grace -  I have 9 YEARS - ONE day at a time -  living as a NON SMOKER and I am GRATEFUL to keep moving forward -  in MY NON SMOKER DAY - I woke at 3am - I am up between 430am - 530am everyday that MY God blesses ME with and YET TODAY -  I am excited I just wanted to THANK ALL of YOU here -  for teaching ME to keep an open mind - to learning something NEW each day from EVERYONE here and to STAY a NON SMOKER - no matter what life on life's terms throws at ME in the midst of MY DAY and to keep growing up on the inside - to become MORE and MORE - spiritually mature - to let people be themselves by letting GO and letting God be God and to remember to live the way I choose and let YOU live the way YOU choose by saying to MYSELF - live and let live - when I want judge or criticize someone - for NOT doing their OWN NON SMOKER LIFE -  MY WAY - sometimes I TRY to play God in other people's life THINKING I know better than God - then I am humbled by MY God by remembering -  in the MY Bible -  the Book of Job - chapters 38 - 40 - which I read on - January 13 - 2020 - because it was SUGGESTED to ME to read it for MYSELF   - I PRACTICE - each moment in MY DAY to remind MYSELF  - to mind MY OWN -  business and taking MY OWN -  sin inventory - each DAY - MOST of ALL to remember to -  THANK MY God for HEALING ME in MY heart in MY Lord Jesus name amen gosh it is wondeful to - NOT HAVE TO SUCK ON DEATH STICKS TO COPE - TODAY - I have a CHOICE - live or die - I choose to live as a NON SMOKER - JOY filled and BLOGGING the way I CHOOSE in MY Lord Jesus name amen


Where Did My Sanity Go?

Posted by Sonia2019 Jan 16, 2020

I'm starting to wonder if I ever had sanity to begin with...Lol! Honestly, I'm beginning to think that smoking was the only thing that helped me to maintain my sanity...? Although I'm fully aware of how terrible smoking is, the money wasted, the toll on my health, etc....etc., and what the benefits are for no longer doing it, I still struggle with certain aspects of it. This is the 4th attempt I've made to quit in 22 years. And, thanks to my current regimen of Chantix, the patch, and occasionally the lozenges, this has been my easiest attempt, hands down! So, the physiological aspect has actually been a breeze. The meds seem to be doing their job and I'm very thankful for that. The cravings have been very minimal, if at all. However, I think my issue is psychological. I enjoyed smoking....there are days that I miss smoking. 


Who, in their right mind, thinks this way? Is it just me? If so, I must not be in my right mind, right? This is what makes me question my sanity, or lack thereof. Where did it go? Will this feeling ever go away? Although I haven't smoked in over a month, I still feel like I identify as a smoker. It's like going on a diet and losing tons of weight but still thinking think like the heavier version of yourself (something else I've also done). I'm trying to stay positive that this will go away in time. Which leads me to why I'm here. I joined this community about a month ago but really only started to poke around in it today....there's lots to take in! So many positive comments and overwhelming support out there!! I'm so glad I joined and look forward to the camaraderie of my fellow non-smokers!

I found chocolate-flavored, sugar-free, no-carb gum on Amazon and bought a sack of it. My hopes were high. I could cruise through a craving with a delicious chocolate treat! AND, I could have a delicious chocolate treat without any weight gain. The silver bullet! The magic pill! Some things are just worth the price, you know?

For the record, chocolate-flavored gum is not just a mistake; it is a crime against humanity. It is false advertising for your tongue. I don’t think I ever had chocolate that tasted of laundry detergent and used coffee grounds. I certainly never had it twice. The flavor was bad but the texture was awful. Imagine chewing a chocolate-scented candle. While it’s burning.

Perhaps I was expecting too much. Chocolate-flavored, sugar-free, no-carb, - seriously, what’s left? Pick one and call it good. You can’t have your cake and eat it, too. You can’t chew this gum and enjoy it, too. Lesson learned.

On the other hand; I have been so thoroughly disappointed with this product that I cruised right through a craving. I guess it did its job, after all.


Keep the quit



Day 3

Posted by HughMary10 Jan 15, 2020

I am on day 3 going into day 4 of choosing not to smoke. I have smoked for almost 39 years a pack a day. I have tried quitting  with help from pills, patches and vaping. I hated all those techniques and allergic to most of them. So I decided if I am going to quit I just had to do it cold turkey, which scared me to death. So my quit day came and I choose not to smoke. It’s early in the game here for lack of words, I have to shut the door on the craving every other minute it seems but I am glad I decided to go cold turkey. To be honest I think it was easier then using the other techniques.  I could be naive here and I know each day will be a up hill battle. My biggest problem is going to be gaining weight. What do you guys do for that hand/ mouth activity. I try mints, and chew gum ( not a fan of gum chewing). Seems M&M work good but I’ll be 400 lbs if I keep doing that. Any suggestion would be helpful. 


Future me  40/90

Posted by PastTense Jan 15, 2020

I know a couple who are in their early 70’s that are remarkable. They are extremely fit and active. They came with us on our 60 mile bike ride and had no trouble at all. They could have gone much faster and for longer. As a matter of fact, I was the anchor on that ride and I know it was because I had smoked and they never had. I look up to this couple. They are who I want to be when I grow up.

I imagine what it will be like for me in 20 years. What would my future-me tell me right now? Future-me wants to be active and enjoying retirement by through-hiking the Appalachian Trail. Future-me wants to look as good as possible. Future-me is already annoyed that I didn’t quit smoking sooner.

I can’t quit any sooner, but I can keep the quit today




I call foul   38/90

Posted by PastTense Jan 15, 2020

I woke up this morning with the image of smoking in my head.  That's just not fair.  It's morning before coffee.  I cannot formulate a coherent sentance, but my brain has produced a vivid image of smoking a cigarette.  I call foul and demand a referee throw out my brain for unsportsmanlike conduct. 

All kidding aside, I was rather suprised.  There were days in the past when the only reason I got up when the alarm went off was so I could have a smoke before driving to work.  I thought I had ridden out that particular trigger, but it appears I still have some time left on the clock for that game.

One day, one morning, one crave at a time

Keep the quit




Posted by hattonc Jan 15, 2020

Wow.. haven’t been on in a while .. but 311 DOF?.... someone pinch me.. I never dreamed I would have been smoke free this long.. I’m so greatful again for this site.. I hope all is well with everyone. Hope we’re off to a good start for the new year.. still smoke free and don’t ever want to go back .. NOPE!!! Good Night !! 

My niece – who is a real pistol – posted something to me last night. This girl is amazing; she’s a Marine veteran and full-time college professor and combines beautiful language with tough love in a way that’s dazzling to me.

Anyway, she suggested that any time I was having a tough time staying quit, I should imagine the voice of someone I hate telling me I can’t do this. She actually mentioned the name of prominent politician that I can’t stand, but I surely do not want that voice in my head.

I thought about her advice and I think it has merit. It feeds on pride and competition; which, honestly are pretty motivating for me.

Then I thought, maybe instead of someone I don’t like in my head putting me down, I could think about somebody I like building me up! Can you just imagine Sean Connery giving you a pep talk? (I swoon). Professor Dumbledore calmly telling you that you can do this because the Sorting Hat saw great inner strength in you?

Or – going for the gusto here – Indiana Jones promising I can join him on his next adventure if I quit smoking?

The options are nearly endless. A little fantasy never hurt anybody and goodness knows we need a break.

Keep the quit



Today is the Day

Posted by Gai.C Jan 14, 2020

If you're on the fence about Quitting.  Please Read All the Blogs about COPD And Lung Cancer.  If not if it's Win. Please Stop Today.  If U need Support I'm here. PM me Anytime.  I'm a GreatPrayer Warrior.  My God listens . 

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