Skip navigation
All People > vanlil > vanlil Blog
1 2 3 4 5 Previous Next

vanlil Blog

92 posts

Wow time sure flies by when your having fun.  Yes the quit has been quite a challenge but fun for me at age (soon 81) to find out that I had hidden defects that I didn't know I had.  Feels good to know I am not perfect.   Being a perfectionist I feel liberated.  Like I never would just sit back and read a book for a few hours during the day!!!!!  Not the old me and I like the new me.  I know I would always ALWAYS reward myself with cigarette breaks after getting each chore done. Talk about sabotaging myself,  That "finding of defect" has been my biggest JOY.

Thank you to all of you for being here for me.  Now I can talk - not croak - and get ready to blow out 81 candles on my cake July 3rd.



Posted by vanlil May 9, 2017

Well gratefully my husband is home from Rehab. Doing very well.  Using a walker/cane but looking great.  WHAT A JOURNEY the last 324 days of not smoking.............and I must say I thought of cigarettes but examining my thoughts (at that time) I knew I DIDN'T WANT TO SMOKE.  I thought it through..............I am sure that will happen occasionally but it is only a thought and I don't want to SMOKE!!!!! Yeah 


SMOKERS help me!

Posted by vanlil May 5, 2017

My husband is recovering in Rehab now and it is amazing how many sick patients in Rehab are smokers.  Wonder why they are in Rehab?????    I pushed my husband out the front door to get some fresh air.........WHAT FRESH AIR????

Smokers in wheel chairs and walkers puffing away.  Even though there is a NO SMOKING sign by the front sliding doors. The other end of the portico was full with people (patients) puffing away and all of the benches were full for those smokers who were near the sliding doors.  

So I took him in the wheel chair down a ramp to another sitting area.  Time to go in and damn I couldn't push the chair up the too steep ramp.  So I decided I would use the driveway................HOLY COW still steep and guess what a HUGE speed bump and I couldn't push the wheelchair over it.  Quickly an Aide came running out as I was going to turn the chair around and go back down the driveway.  She said had I done that he could have fallen face down off the the chair.


Lillian  320 DOF



Posted by vanlil May 2, 2017

My husband had the endoscope and found he is loaded with ulcers.  Throat, stomach and duodenum.

Bleeding is not active anymore.  Lots of blood transfusions but on the road to recovery. I am exhausted but relieved. It was a blessing NOT TO HAVE TO SEARCH FOR SOMEPLACE TO SNEAK A CIGARETTE. 

I am so grateful that I have stayed QUIT.  

Today is 317 days of freedom from cigarettes  (Yeah)



Posted by vanlil Apr 30, 2017

My husband is in the Hospital and has loss 50% of his blood.  Don't know where it is coming from.  On whole blood and Plasma and doing a scope tomorrow AM.

If there is a problem with the care down here in Key West he will be sent by helicopter to Miami. I have a neighbor who will drive me up to Miami (if this happens) and my dgtr. who is a BSRN will fly in from Philadelpha.

Do I want to smoke?    No - but it sure crossed my mind.  I am just so grateful to have my voice back and not worried about not being able to go somewhere to smoke while in the Hospital.  They don't even allow smoking on the Hospital's property.   BUT ONE WOULD NEVER BE ENOUGH.      IT WOULD BE THE FIRST ONE TO STAY AWAY FROM.

I am so fortunate that none of my friends or children smoke.

Wow - I am physically tired and emotionally drained.  But with the help of GOD (always worked before) I will find the strength to continue on this journey.



Posted by vanlil Apr 27, 2017

Had to take Husband to ER this AM...........He has been tired and not feeling well for quite awhile.  This AM he had blood in his bowel movement - ER FOR SURE.  He has seen our Dr. multiple times and all of his blood work was perfect so we were just thinking that at age 88 depression was setting in.

Obviously - the clue with the blood finally happened.  He will have an endoscopy and colonoscopy tomorrow (I hope) so we can find out what is going on. 

Yup a thought of smoking entered my mind  but it was just a thought.

Lillian with today being 312 days of not smoking


300 days tomorrow

Posted by vanlil Apr 14, 2017

I somehow thought I was having 281 days 300 days. I am thrilled but glad I only do not smoke one day at a time.



Update on Vanlil (Lillian)

Posted by vanlil Mar 27, 2017




Today is the final concert that we present here in Key West with professional, world famous  musicians.

Lots of work but a huge success for our 45th. year in operation.  It has been so freeing not to have to "sneak" for a place to grab a "puff" of that poison and then worry about "stinking" so no one can tell I smoke. I have lots of social stuff I am involved in and AMAZING I don't see, or smell, anyone that still smokes.  Yeah I am so grateful for the people around me and this wonderful Ex Community.

Lillian  280 dof from cigarettes



Party time today

Posted by vanlil Mar 7, 2017

Busy day today.  My husband B/day age 88 - having 35 people for a b/day bash tonight.  Wonderful not having to put out any ashtrays............NO ONE SMOKES - including me (who would have to sneak somewhere and then use mouthwash or mints)

Lillian 262 dof


Feeling down

Posted by vanlil Feb 2, 2017

Today is day 229 of quitting cigarettes.  I think I am having an "emotional hangover" now that the Christmas Crazies and all the houseguests in Dec. through Jan.Also have presented 2 concerts in Key West with 4 to go for the Classical Concerts the organization I belong to for this 2017 Concert Season.  I am tired and not passionate about my life today.  That is why I think I am having the "downer" feeling.  Gratefully I do not want to smoke - just a weird (not me) feeling.

I am not pushing myself - but finding it strange. 

Lillian  229 dof


vanlil Archived Profile

Posted by vanlil Jan 23, 2017



I am 2 weeks smoke Free.  Smoked 63 years.  I am 80 year young and grateful to be a healthy 80 yr. old lady.  Don't feel it.  Amazing.

5 kids, 10 grandkids and 6 3/4 Great Grands.

However 2 weeks ago:  lost my voice,nightly leg cramps, smelly, closet smoker, and ashamed of myself.  

Now:  got my voice back and no leg cramps and love the clean air around me too.  

I have been an exercise instructor close to 40 years.  Do not applaud.  It think I used my physical abilities which is excellent as an excuse to not having to quit cigarettes.

WHEN I LOST MY VOICE - and it wasn't coming back after 2 weeks - I finally surrendered.For this I am extremely grateful.

Today - Day 

Still very grateful to quitting cigarettes.  Craves are manageable but having my voice backis THE BEST.

When a crave happens I just give a YELL - yup it is also loud.  I had NO volumn whatsoever when I finally quit.

Gaining  a little weight - 4#'s - but I can deal with that too.

Must lay off ice cream at night.  It is so hot down here in Key West - so we are in the house more than outside. Grateful that my exercise class is still going on 3 days a week.  Have shortened it to 45 minutes instead of 60 because of the heat.

Sept. 26, 2016

100 days smoke free..............Time has flown by for me.  Weight gain has slowed down and the craves are not bad. However, my mind says I really don't want to smoke. So when the "crave" starts I do realize that it is only a "crave" and I still have a lot of UNLEARNING and RELEARNING to do.  But definately I am doing more than ok.

Voice LOUD AND CLEAR - LOVE THE CLEAN AIR AROUND ME and relieved that other people don't have to smell the stink.

Today 180 days of not smoking. I really feel clean both inside and out. Use so much less cologne and relieved that I don't have to keep tic tacs in mouth all the time so   i don't smell like an ashtray. Very fortunate because no smokers are around me in my private life and social life.  Have gained around 5#'s but I can deal with that. Voice is LOUD AND CLEAR............I could hardly speak when I quit smoking.  I do know that I work around the house and outside chores mor slowly and realstic too. I realized early on - that REWARDING myself with cigarettes was one of my triggers. Perfectionism was a realy trigger for me too. Yes life is more enjoyable and less stresful for me today.

Brief Description

Female, 80 and a 63 yr. smoker




key west fl


classical music, exercise, reading, fishing


pres. of classical concert assoc. ex classical concert pianist, piano instructor, pilate instructor, trophy fisherman


Concert Season

Posted by vanlil Jan 12, 2017

Holy Cow - the Concert Season is beginning this Sunday.  Having the CANADIAN BRASS. We present 6 concerts starting in Jan.and ending in March.  Also busy contracting for 2018 and 2019.  

But I am pledging NOT to smoke today.  I am so grateful NO ONE at the Concerts smoke.  If they do - they are sneaky smokers like I USE TO BE!

Also my son and his wife arrived from CA yesterday and will be here for 2 weeks.  They are involved with the International Sail Boat Races from Long Bch. CA.  Lots of activities.............AND THEY DO NOT SMOKE EITHER.   How blessed I am.

So if you don't hear from me as regularly as I have done in the past you all now know the reason.
Lillian 207 DOF from cigarettes


Day 200

Posted by vanlil Jan 4, 2017

Wow 200 days of not smoking.  Thank you one and all for your support and friendship/  Above all to Sharon (Shashort) Terrie and Cindiboo who were the primary people in my early  quit.  Now I have sooooo many new friends and I love you all.



Christmas Day 2017

Posted by vanlil Dec 24, 2016

Well Dec. 25th. will be day 190 for me not smoking.  Part of my family arriving in the afternoon to fantastic weather 81 degrees and low humidity.  The 1st. time my dgtr. her husband and a 13 yr. and 18 yrs. old will NOT smell or see me with a cigarette.  For this I am GRATEFUL. 

So grateful to all of my EX family too.  So many blessings in my life.

Merry Christmas Lillian


Holidays 2016

Posted by vanlil Dec 8, 2016

I am so grateful to be smoke free.  Daughter and her family coming for Christmas to a sweet smelling Mom and Grandma.  None of my children smoke - thank God.  So glad they didn't "discount" me while smoking all of these years (63 yrs) and continued to love me and NOT follow my sick example.

I am starting to get into the Christmas Crazies and I know I must be VERY vigilent with my Quit.  When I was a concert pianist (Years ago) I always strived for perfection.  Now I realize that PERFECTION could be my downfall.  Yup an overachiever in all of my affairs.  DANGER for me.  I am doing a lot of stuff in advance (food shopping etc.) so I can truly enjoy ME and my family.

HO HO HO   Today 173 cigarette free