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vanlil Blog

92 posts

Feeling Better Yeah

Posted by vanlil Oct 22, 2017

I am feeling a lot  better.  I found that I was getting more and more agitated and having the Nurse Aide a few hours each day helped me a lot.  My fibromyalgia  pain is a lot less and only taking the minimum amount of drugs the Dr. prescribed for me.  The Aide does the exercise routines with my husband and he listens to her.  He is working on strengthening his lower half of his body to improve his balance problem.  Holy Cow - so grateful I don't smoke anymore. That would really be a stresser WANTING/NEEDING a cigarette. Our yard and porches are still a mess.  Screens are all ripped out from the hurricane.  But new leaves and buds are starting to show up.  Tomorrow I will meet with a psychologist and hopefully find out how to get some of my inner-peace back.  Time Time Time................... 


hopefully some normalcy

Posted by vanlil Oct 17, 2017

Well after the hurricane - roof fixed and ugly debris piles being removed.  My husband back in therapy for balance issues which is still denies having even though his last one took him to Miami in a helicoptor I still haven't picked up a cigarette.  That is a miracle for me.  I will be seeing a therapist on Monday for support because with all of this  stuff and trauma I am shaky and even afraid to drive.  Just not myself. I have hired a wonderful nurse aide to get my husband out for rides, etc. My fibromyalgia on both feet prevents me from shopping and walking for only short times. Painful but I don't want to get heavy duty meds because I like having a clear head. Dr. put me on very mild stuff (he calls it baby doses ) and that suits me just fine. It sure feels good getting back to Ex family.

Well I am back home for a couple of weeks.  Minimal damage but another serious fall for my husband.  He was airlifted by helicopter on Oct. 6th. (early evening) to Jackson Memorial Hospital Ryder Trauma Center.  He is ok BUT is very shaky.   How grateful my son and dgtr. in law are still  here.  They extended their departure fo California after this accident.  Did I smoke   NO NO NO   Did I want to YES YES YES.

I just hired a young nurse friend to begin to stay with us after my kids leave on Sat. It will only be part time - but I need help watching after my husband because I am so jumpy.  I do not want to drive the car (he can't and will begin PT at home next week) My dgtr. in law is doing the wound care for now and I will have a visiting nurse continue to check on the 7" stitches gash .   So fortunate he didn't have a brain bleed.

The landscaping is a mess - son cleaned up the property a lot - we were overly planted but lost some beautiful trees and stuff.

Minimal roof damage - all fixed - We do have an elevator and hopefully the needed part will be in and repaired by the end of this week.  I have a terrible case of Fibromyalgia on both feet - got meds. for that but I can't stand or walk for long periods of time.   Still not sleeping well - wake up 6AM and the brain starts up and can't go back to sleep.

I am so glad I have the nurse working for us ESPECIALLY me.  

Lillian (vanlil) 489 dof


Returning home today

Posted by vanlil Sep 28, 2017

Leaving Pa today and meeting with son (structural architect) and wife in Miami and then fly to Key West.  Arriving aroune 6:30 PM.  Curfew still in place 10PM to 6AM to prevent looting. Photos of our house and boat looks great.

Yippeee no smoking and grateful to be an Ex smoker.


another hurricane??????

Posted by vanlil Sep 19, 2017

I am grateful I am not a ""newbie"" or I would be lighting up a stinky cigarette. I will be celebrated  15 months of smobriety on the 16th. of Sept.  Looking at hurricane Marie  taking the same path as Irma. We are still in Pa with family.

Lillian (vanlil)


still an evacuated non smoker

Posted by vanlil Sep 19, 2017

had my 1st good night sleep since hurricane Irma.


feeling blessed

Posted by vanlil Sep 15, 2017

Our house is ok .  Can't go home until we get permission.  No power, water etc.

In Pa with family. 10 miles North of us was wiped out.  We are on the island of Sugarloaf.



surviving Irma

Posted by vanlil Sep 13, 2017

In Pa/ with family.............we are word on our home.  Just bought some nicotine lozenges.  Craving was bad but I DO NOT WANT TO SMOKE.


Leaving our house tonight

Posted by vanlil Sep 8, 2017

We are going to a stronger built house at 5PM tonight. Big cement house with generators and lots of younger people.

I am all packed (medicine, clothes, makeup of course, and lots of gauze pads and bandages for my husband who has some nasty wounds from falling, etc.

Keep the prayers coming.

LIllian (vanlil) 447 dof 


hurricane irma is coming

Posted by vanlil Sep 7, 2017

Well we are in Key West Florida and preparing for Hurricane Irma.  Scary - have borrowed a small generator (our died) and have plenty of water and food. Our young neighbors are staying so we have some muscle power if we need it.

When the storm is over and flights are allowed to come down to our small island our son and son-inlaw will fly in and help us too.  Ha Ha don't have to worry about buying smokes now.  All stores are closed and probably sold out like we don't have any gas at the gas stations either.

Pray for us and all of the other folks down here in the Islands.


watching hurricane Irma

Posted by vanlil Sep 4, 2017

Well we are overdue for a big storm. Last one was Wilma 11 yrs. ago. Hurricane Irma has us here in fhe Florida Keys quite concerned.  Yikes.

Lillian (vanlil) 443 dof


A Rollercoaster ride since May

Posted by vanlil Aug 10, 2017

Hey guys - I am worn out.  In May my husband had severe bleeding ulcers.  ICU and lots of blood transfusions and then

Rehab and home with PT - then he got arthritis in his feet.  Lots of topical rubs every four hours.  This happened after his 1st cataract surgery.  Drops every 4 hours and down to drops for the next 3 weeks.  Then he fell - had to go to ER for X rays and thankfully no damage but showed arthritis in the back.  Today 2nd. cataract surgery and the drops start again for 3 weeks.  I don't mind the work - his feet and back are better but his ATTITUDE toward me is nasty.  I realize that he is full of FEAR but won't admit it.  At age 88 (he doesn't like that) I am trying to accept that these problems will continue to happen.  Heck I am 81 and I know my tolerance isn't as good as it use to be.

I have had cigarette cravings but I don't want to smoke that is effeminately a "NO NO>"

Just venting and realizing that the past 3 months have been tough. I did cancel my exercise classes for the last 2 weeks. No enthusiasm and I know I must start working on contracting concerts  (4 more needed) for 2019.  

I just don't have the PASSION to talk to musicians and agents. 

Oh well - this too shall pass.

Thanks for listening to my rant for today.




Posted by vanlil Jul 23, 2017

Wow 400 days not smoking..............unbelievable. Thank you all for your support. It sure has been and still is quite a journey.  Having a tough time with my husband's health issues.  Now he has arthritis in a foot.  Fell out of bed this AM and had difficulty getting back up.  I felt powerless because he weight 180 #'s and I can't do very much. Scary and I am trying real hard NOT to project.  Have to admit - the crave for a cigarette was strong yesterday.  He is very angry and disagreeable about his health.  Can't blame him but his "macho man" image is going down the tubes. But  I AM A NON-SMOKER and PROUD OF IT.

So grateful to be my age and after 63 yrs. of smoking especially grateful to still be as healthy as I am today. Most of all I am thrilled to not think of myself as a "loser" anymore.  Yes I was ashamed to being a smoker and did everything I could not to be seen or smelly. Sneaking and using cologne and hand wipes always on hand and especially the first person to want to go home and not enjoy the function.  It seemed like I was the only "stupid" person wherever I would go.  NO ONE ELSE WAS SMOKING!  Yup - it is Freeing to be smoke FREE. Another BONUS is having EX family here anytime I wanted to chat and making new friends.



Posted by vanlil Jun 19, 2017

Hi EX family - here is my new Avitar for my new year of not being a smoker. 

Lillian 366 dof