"It takes substantial time to disconnect fully but it happens."
I read the above comment by Dale on one of Lori's blogs, and it hit home.
Let me just say the emotional connection and the pull I'm experiencing toward smoking is ridiculously strong. Dear God on heaven, I'd like to break this cycle of psychological warfare that addiction is playing with me.
I dreamed I smoked a cigarette and I liked it (Katy Perry is now singing I kissed a girl and I liked it in my head. Ugh.). More than that, in my dream I was content to smoke in secret so no one knew that I'd lapsed. That, ladies and gentlemen, is addiction talking. I'm now up with a cup of coffee and will start making food for our drop in shortly. There's a nap in my future.
I'm almost at 3 weeks quit. I've been very strong in my quit, but have to admit that I don't look forward to the next few months. I won't smoke, I truly hate cigarettes now, but I miss smoking terribly. Don't know if that makes sense or not, but I really miss smoking. If I could find the equivalent without the cigarette, I'd be all about it. The first person who comments that I should substitute exercise for smoking is gonna get it, haha.
The last 2 or 3 days have been the hardest of my quit. Worse than the first 72 hours. I think it's because I'm trying to cope emotionally, and back to dear Dale, it's going to take time. And that sucks. It just does.
I won't smoke, but I'm still going to be pretty miserable as I navigate through it. NML is going to be a blast, I can just tell.
Thanks for letting me whine a bit. This isn't a cry for help (or is it? Who knows), but it's where I knew I had to turn to vent.
xx
Susan
