I feel slightly sad. I also feel guilty. I am halfway through my vacation. I have spent most of the time at home in my room. I wanted to use my vacation time to spend some time with family, but really all I want to do is nothing. I haven't contacted my family. I have pushed everything aside that does not need to be done right now. In regards to my nicotine recovery, I realize that boredom is a trigger. I used to smoke just to have something to do. I have plans for the next several days but none for today. I'm just going to do a thing or two around the house, probably go to a 12-Step recovery meeting tonight. I'm getting kind of bored with nicotine recovery, but I'm too scared not to keep up my daily routine. I don't have strong cravings at the moment, but I still think about smoking frequently. There is a subtle pull toward smoking sometimes. I'm grateful that the strong cravings are gone, but I know they will return.
I am grateful to be bored. Until I took my vacation, I did not realize how overwhelmed I was with life. I need this time to rest so that I can go back to my normal routine. Although I feel guilty for not spending time with my family, I am proud of myself for setting boundaries around work. I am not doing anything work-related while on vacation. I am not worried about clients. I am not worried about management problems. I am living the other aspects of my life.
