The patches have broken the cycle I've been in. There is another option besides lozenges, smoking, and the discomfort of withdrawal. I'm not having physical cravings. The psychological cravings are not bad at all, easy for me to dismiss. I am aware of them and consciously choose not to smoke so that I can break the associations.
I am feeling nervous right now because I have to head home right after work. I'm scared to go home. When I'm at home for extended periods of time, I tend to go on autopilot and act on my addictions.
I am trying not to blow my fear out of proportion. That's just my disease trying to get me to give up and smoke. There was a time in my life when I could be home alone for extended periods of time without smoking. There is no logical reason why I can't do it again tonight. Yet I feel that I need a plan for what I am going to do tonight. I will work on that before I leave work today.
Man emotions can drive you crazy! But I recognize that the feelings I don't deal with deal with me. I end up smoking or doing other destructive things to block out uncomfortable emotions. I'd rather name them, claim them, and then choose how to react to them. This is a process I'm familiar with but have not been rigorously practicing for a long time.
I'm going to call my sponsor this afternoon too and let him know how I'm feeling.
