Something happened

[stAn3]

I have been spinning my wheels few the past few weeks since my most recent relapse--smoking, stopping, smoking, stopping. Last night I felt horrible after smoking. I couldn't breathe, nauseous, anxiety. It wouldn't go away. I thought about if I got COPD. I would always feel life that: unable to catch my breathe. It made me never want to put a cigarette to my mouth again.

i woke up this morning and started using the lozenges because obviously the patches haven't been working. I would keep taking them off to smoke. I've been craving a lot today. The cravings haven't changed. However it hasn't been difficult for me to tell myself no because I know I will get my next dose of nicotine in an hour. 

I fear relapse because I have been unpredictable. However I am 100% willing today to face my addiction, no more kicking the can down the road.