How to add quit date, add counter
The info screen says I've been a member since 2009. I came on the site then but didn't stay, didn't quit. I've thought so many times about quitting, done a few quits with the longest being 9 months. Blamed that relapse on my sister because she broke her hip (the addictive brain/reasoning doesn't work well). This time I feel different about quitting. It doesn't feel like I'm giving up something, it feels like I'm getting something.
August 5, 2013. That is the day of my forever quit.
About me? Well, I'm old enough that I am going to semi-retire (work 2 days per week) starting in October, 2013. I have 2 grown sons. I have 2 older sisters. I have 2 cats. I'm passionate about my work, love mystery books (Patterson, Kellerman, etc.) that I "read" via audio books when I'm in the car. Oh, I also am LOVING my Ipad and have now become addicted to Candy Crush Saga and a few other games. At some point I may have to find a support site for that but it is helping me get through my addiction to nicotine.
I give all the glory for my work, any successes I may have to God and prayer. I have alot of people praying for me right now and that is where I feel the strength. I also am finding strength, information and support from this site. I hope I can offer some of that to others when I get past the newbie stage.
9/4/13 30 days today!! When I started this I knew I "wanted" to "try" to quit. I had such a big fear of failure (again). I said that in one of my first blogs and was promptly told that fear would be my failure. I took that to heart.
I also was told that in being afraid to tell people I was quitting I was leaving the door open to failing. I took that to heart. I started telling people I had quit and even posted to my Facebook wall when I had 1 week smoke free.
I've learned so much since I've been coming here each morning (and sometimes at night). Words: choose, not try-----decision----not giving anything up, but gaining---I'm worth so much more than a cigarette. These are only a few of the pearls of wisdom that I've taken to heart.
So many great people. I won't even begin to name them as I couldn't. I learn something each and every time I come on here.
I'm learning about myself too. I teach clients everyday that feelings are feelings and ok to have, but I've always fought that concept myself. I heard when I was little "what have you got to cry about?" so I learned not to cry. If anger was shown it meant going back and shutting the door 10 times quietly or maybe getting the wrath of my parent. So, I learned not to cry, not to feel anger. I'm learning now that I have those feelings and that smoking pushed them aside and down. They are there. They are real. Now I'm trying to learn how to show and express them instead of going off by myself for a smoke.
I have supporters. A woman in my building asks each time she sees me what day I'm on, tells me she is praying for me and gives me a hug. Pastor at church asks me most Sundays and gives me a hug as he tells me he's proud of me. Both my older sisters told me this last week that they are proud of me (and I don't smell anymore). And more. But the biggest pride is what I feel in myself. With each day I wake up I can say "Today is day ____" and I feel proud. Not the kind of pride like I could never fail. That is a realization and why I need to be aware and conscious each moment. But I don't minimize that I have worked on doing this and that is a source of pride.
No, smoking doesn't solve anything. There is still stress, life goes on. And today I am proof that I can go on without the crutch of a cigarette!
Four weeks, one day, 23 hours, 56 minutes and 49 seconds. 449 cigarettes not smoked, saving $154.11. Life saved: 1 day, 13 hours, 25 minutes.
9/17/13 Had a really tough day yesterday. The craves hit me from the right, then hit me from the left, then smashed right down on my head. And I don't know why. There was no particular stress, there was no major conflict, there was no one blowing smoke in my face. They just attacked. I talked to myself, I distracted, I prayed and I came online and posted. And I got tons of support and encouragement via responses, PM and message board. It made me feel good that people cared and showed me that the EX is there when we need it. Ultimately it is up to me to "keep em away from your face" but I know that when I reach out someone will be there. So, if anyone is reading this I hope you remember what you have in you and what you have around you. Just sayin'.
9/24/13 Today I am 50!!! Days free that is. When I started this back on day 1 I never would have thought I could get to 50 days! But it's here and I'm not stopping now! I've learned so much. And I was so surprised that I didn't wind up curled in the fetal position my first few days, it was not as hard as I thought it would be. I used the ecig with the Chantix at the beginning and when I had gone a whole day without the ecig I figured I would see if I could go 2 days. Then it was 3, etc. etc. Now it has been 2.5 weeks since I used it. This week I've started cutting Chantix dose in half, only taking it in morning. No noticeable difference. Next week I'll cut it to 1/2 pill. I'm happy. Now I've got my eyes set on the 2 month marker.
10/5/13 2 months!!! Feel good about this. Want to share something I've been remembering lately:
11/13/13 100 days!!! Triple Digit Club!!! I really did not think I would make it to this day…of course I wanted to, but didn’t think I could. I just went back and read what I’ve written on my profile page so far and then went back and read the first month of my journey. I can read the “want to”, but unfortunately I know that woman who was writing those blogs and she did not have the confidence in herself or this process. So, I set little goals….1 week!!! 30 days!! 2 months!!! And then….and then….dare I????? Could I????? OK, let’s chance it….let’s get to TDC and see how we feel! Now I’m there! And how do I feel? I could list all the positive adjectives in the dictionary and it wouldn’t be enough! I feel “powerful” today. But I also feel grateful…for all the people on this site who have supported, encouraged, pushed and prodded me. (In reading some of my early blogs most of the people are still close by, but it makes me sad to see that some are no longer around.) I feel cautious…because I know that with my addiction I am only a tiny, baby-step away from smoking again if I don’t keep my guard up and my head on straight. I feel convicted to reach out and help when I can, to offer that support, information and (yes, if needed) tough love. And I feel committed to go farther along this road, to continue to learn, grow and expand the person that God intended me to be. So, my next goal will be……6 months! I will celebrate 6 months on February 5, 2014….and I’m hoping the reward I will give to myself will be attending the Orlando trip! Big ((((hugs)))))) and love to all my EX family here……couldn’t have done it without you!
I came to the site in 2009 and signed up. Period. Didn’t do any reading, writing or trying.
So, I kept smoking. Prices going up. Cough getting worse…..people would actually turn to look at me…..embarrassing!
Decided “enough is enough, there has to be SOME WAY!”
So, came back to the EX mid July 2013. I put in the very next day as my quit date and Admin came back and told me to not set the date for right then. Suggested that I read the information, do the steps, read the blogs and (maybe) write some on my own. I figured my way hadn’t worked so I would try this.
I read everything and I learned. I learned that I was an addict. It wasn’t that I didn’t have enough Will Power (!!!), heck..I had known that for years. I didn’t need will power, I needed to believe that if I gave in even ½ inch my addiction would be in full flare!
I read the blogs, took what I needed and left the rest. I looked at the people with time under their belt and wisdom in their words……they were called Elders……and I thought “THAT’S WHAT I WANT!!!”
My quit day came. August 5, 2013. I started with baby steps and (look at me) I got through Hell Week, Heck Week, hit my 30 days…..then 90….then….well, you get it. When I had 1 year I was so proud, my friends celebrated with me.
I became active over time. I pledged every single day that I would not smoke that day. I reached out when I could. I got to know some of the others and became real friends. Even met some face to face in Orlando……I’ll never forget Tedy Joy shouting “Smorgy” across the lounge and Tommy having a box of Krispy Kremes for me.
Second Anniversary, still blogging, still pledging, now even conducting the Freedom Train.
THIS IS WHAT GOT ME TO TODAY!!! KNOWING I’m and addict and that will never change. KNOWING that I have to be involved and helping when I can.
Here I am: Quad Squad! Or as some have called it “Hitting the Comma!”
Thank you…….thank every single one of you for your words, your support, your love.
And guess what…….I’m staying……..I’ll be writing when I hit the Double Quad Squad!
Old enough to know better, young enough to want to do it again.
No website in profile.
family, cruises, reading, crafts