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picaroon_corsair Blog

May 2013 Previous month Next month

I'm 50, smoked since late teens, was forced to quit by my wife in 2006 after a life threating complications from gall bladder removal, long story short, I got Pancreantitius a week after having the gall bladder removed. My Lipase numbers were off the charts and it took over a week to get it under control. Once I was well enough to go home, my wife picked me up and as soon as I got in the car I asked for my smokes. She told me no, threatened divorce if I continued. I agreed, but quickly fell right back into smoking within weeks. Instead of coming clean with her, I lied, I made excuses and I made her feel like a fool. Trying to hide smoking is one of the worst things you can do, when your family wants to go somewhere, you make excuses to stay behind so you can have a smoke. You make excuses to leave so you can have a smoke. You avoid close contact to fear of the smell. I played this game for  6 years and I'm an idiot, I've lost so much precious time, I shoud have just stood my ground and smoked. Now, this is where I'm today, in October 2012, we had another confrontation about it and I made a decision to quit for myself this time. I was honest, told her and my kids I was going to use the lozenges and that's what I did until about 4 weeks ago. I stopped using the lozenges and the first few days were really painful, but it's getting easier every day. I have moments everyday where the urge is strong, but they pass quickly and I'm finding that I'm very relaxed now, enjoying quiet time in a whole new way. Before quiet time ment sitting back with a smoke, now I feel comfortable without it. There's so much more I have to say about this new found freedom, but it's late, I'll write more later this week. Peace.