It is official. My dorkmate (boyfriend in layman's terms) told me he needs space so I told him he can have a lifetime's worth. The relationship has been pretty rocky for a long time and now it is finally over. I broke up with him and I am going to do it without a cigarette. Healing happens over time and it's only encumbered by my old friend camel.
How much stress was I actually causing myself with that draw from the addiction? I guess I will never know until I have gotten past the point of cravings. I am feeling kind of like a super hero. I am going through an extremely intensive, stressful program of study, I kicked the butt and kicked my boyfriend to the curb all at the same time. What's next? Saving the planet? I was already feeling lonely in the relationship and I know that will be compounded so I am going to need to really be careful during this time. I might want to give myself permission to visit with my old friend.
I feel sort of exhilarated and sad and horribly depressed all at the same time. How is all that possible?