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ljguptill Blog

26 posts
ljguptill

I'm coming back

Posted by ljguptill Apr 20, 2017

I have really avoided this for a long time. I'm so embarrassed and disappointed that I was smoke free for well over a year and I lost my quit. I quit in October of 2013 (?) and was a proud non-smoker until just after my 92 year old mother passed away. I don't know what happened- I guess I romanticized the almighty cigarette and felt sorry for myself. I have been smoking ever since. I've tried so many times again to quit, without coming here to admit my failing... it hasn't worked, obviously. I miss and need the support.

Thank you for being here, and I have re-set my quit date to May 1st. I want to quit tomorrow, but it is not recommended, so I will heed the advice, and get my head in the right place first.

If you have any suggestions, I am open to them. I have read Allen Carr's wise words many times, and will refresh myself in these next two weeks.

My triggers are coffee and wine... lol. I guess that's universal.

I used to run 4 miles a day. Then I walked, then I biked... I did yoga and lifted weights!  Now, all of that cuts into my "smoking" time. How SICK is that???

ljguptill

ljguptill Archived Profile

Posted by ljguptill Jan 23, 2017

Description

 

I am 51 years old, have 2 grown daughters and one 2 year old grandson. I am married, and my husband and I used to smoke together. He is still smoking, but I think he will quit on his own when he is ready. He has supported me in the many, many times I have tried to quit before. I am eliminating the word "try" from my quit vocabulary from here on out. ;)

I love my 3 dogs and finally have a cat that has made me love cats. 


Brief Description

Quit Date: 10-27-13


Website

No website in profile.


Location

nh


Interests

knitting, walking, jogging, reading, painting


Skills

goldsmith, jeweler.


ljguptill

228 Days

Posted by ljguptill Jun 11, 2014

I haven't been here in a while, so I thought I would stop in to share that I am still a non-smoker. It has been 228 days of freedom. I have started exercising again and eating right. It's funny, when you do one good thing for yourself, it can snowball and by tackling just one thing at a time, make some HUGE changes in the way you live your life. I used to be mad at myself everyday, because I couldn't keep my own promises to quit... I swear you have to just get fierce with yourself, read the material on this website, and participate. It really helps, and it comes down to just making that decision and never let yourself falter. 

It is occasionally very hard. I just lost my 92 year old mother 2 weeks ago to"today"- each day I felt that urge, if I just kept my promise through that day, and the next one that cropped up- I would come through it still a non- smoker. And as my mother was fond of saying "So far so good!"

ljguptill

Six Months Smoke Free!

Posted by ljguptill Apr 24, 2014

How did I possibly stop obsessing about cigarettes long enough to forget that I had a BIG ANNIVERSARY??? I don't know, but isn't that the greatest thing? I say this for the newer folks who find it hard to believe that it will ever get easier. It does. You still have to do the work, but someday you too will get an email from the EX community congratulating you on a landmark day, and you will have forgotten all about it because you just get on with your awesome life! Thank you to this great community for helping this become my reality.

Yes, I said you still have to do the work, and there will still be times you want to smoke... for me it was only this past Sunday that the nicodemon visited me again. My mother is 92 and a past stroke victim. On Easter Sunday, she had a really rough time and we all thought she was dying and saying her goodbyes. She is still with us, and getting a little better each day, but the urge to smoke during that stressful couple of days was present. But I made a conscious EFFORT to rid my mind of those thoughts and just get on with life, it worked and I didn't smoke. Did have a couple of big glasses of wine that night though ;)

Hang in there, it gets easier to say N.O.P.E.

You'll be so happy you did. I know I am.

ljguptill

Checking in on day 157!

Posted by ljguptill Apr 1, 2014

Thank you to my friends who keep checking in on me! I am doing great! 157 days strong. I had written a big long blog and POOF, one wrong move and it is gone! Arghh... So, I just will say this... if you are new here, welcome and congratulations! The choice is yours to make, every day. Choose to not smoke. Sommedays it is harder than others, but if you choose to power through the next 5 minutes, and maybe the next 5 after that, pretty soon you are building on your success! You can DO this! Invest in yourself and take the time to read "The Easy Way" by Allen Carr. It truly helps to change your thinking around. It is not scary or lecturing, it is a new way of thinking. And it will come in handy! You have the choice, it is up to you and it is do-able! Take it from all of us EX'es on this wonderful site, if we can do it, you can too! Welcome to the club! :)

ljguptill

131 days...

Posted by ljguptill Mar 6, 2014

Still guarding my quit as if my life depends on it ;)

I have made it through No Man's Land. However, I know, from past experiences, not to let my guard down. I am a non-smoker. I used to smoke, and today I choose not to. Every day I choose not to smoke, I get stronger, and I think about it less and less.

Well, here it is 125 days later, and who could be happier and more surprised than me? Well, thank you to my ex family- even though I am not here quite as often these days- your "presence" is always with me. Every time I feel challenged, I think of you. It is true. Knowing you are here, struggling with your own journey, feeling success in your own journey, rooting for the newbies journey.. it all matters. And it all helps get through the tough moments. And that "is all they are"... is moments. They pass, and you get through another one, and they get easier to turn down. But you must be vigilant. "Oh Happy Day" to all the new people, welcome and hang in there, these are wonderful friends you are making here. We all know why we are here... :)

ljguptill

100 Days!

Posted by ljguptill Feb 2, 2014

Yahoo! Well here I am on DAY 100- actually a few more hours to go, but ... Today is the day I reach the Triple Digit Club! Still in No Mans Land, but I have my tools and survival skills and use them everyday.

Thank you to all of the wonderful people in this community- new and old- being able to come here when you are feeling strong is empowering and coming here when you feel weak is a lifesaver, because everyone comes running to help you. We are in this fight for our lives. We may have taken a long time to come to the realization that we were killing ourselves, but we woke up, and did something about it. I keep saying "one day at a time", as cliche and worn out as it is, there is nothing truer. Just do it today. Tomorrow will take care of itself. Everyday you don't smoke you get stronger.

Goals, rewards, whatever it takes. My goals at first, were to get through lunch- then dinner, then make it til bedtime. Done. It only gets better! I have rewarded myself with concert tickets, some new clothing, a massage- money I would have spent on cigarettes without blinking. Yes, do it,  you earned it.

God Bless you all in your journey.

ljguptill

White Knuckles?

Posted by ljguptill Feb 1, 2014

You know how sometimes when you drive and you have been gripping the wheel so tightly and you didn't even realize you were "white-knuckling", and clenching your teeth? So much tension, expecting the worst? And then you wonder why? You realize it and decide to diffuse that tension, take some long, deep breaths and release the stress and tension. It's time to take a couple long deep breaths and let go of that fear of failure, and embrace your success! 

ljguptill

95 days!

Posted by ljguptill Jan 28, 2014

Yay! I am still here :)  Just knowing of the incredible support here, and not wanting to let the community down, has really helped avoid the cigarettes lately. 

Stress really brings out the monster. My husband is having surgery in about a week & 1/2. Torn rotator cuff. He'll be out of work for 6 weeks. The plow truck has a broken drive shaft... Just one thing after another, and zero and sub zero temps for way too long. Hoping we don't run out of wood and oil. Lol...blahblahblah.

Good friends are going to come over and replace the drive shaft for him, we are very lucky.

anyhow, I have been tempted, but luckily all the wise things I have read thanks to you people, have stood by me and I am still smoke free. Whew. Thank you.

It has now been 80 days for me, and for some reason I keep craving the habit more now than ever. I feel myself thinking how it would feel, the familiar comfort... gaaaaaaaaaa! I am keeping it at bay, but really feeling the tug. I guess it is review time!

I just thought I would stop in and say I am still hereeeeeeee :) Yipee! I come by and read a few times a week, but don't always post. I want you all to know that your posts are important. I gain strength from them and look forward to reading responses. 

I love coming and seeing the familiar names and the new ones also. 

This group is amazing and is such a big help, thank you! 

ljguptill

Just checking in... Day 47

Posted by ljguptill Dec 13, 2013

47 days! I can hardly believe it. I am so proud of myself, and at the same time I know how fragile this is... I do not smoke anymore. That is all I need to say to myself. Doing good, and I keep checking in here and reading and staying on top of the process, it helps to read all the other blogs periodically to not let the guard down. Thanks all :) 

I am feeling really great about the number climbing, but holy cravings batman! Have had to distract myself and change up my thinking alot lately. Just having to laugh at the nicodemon haunting my thoughts, "scram"! I know what those thoughts lead to... I've been there plenty of times before. But I know it leads to caving in and starting all over again. Nope. Nope.  Nope.  Not One Puff Ever. And then... the cravings pass, and I am proud to  have weathered the storm again. 

ljguptill

You know what I love?

Posted by ljguptill Nov 24, 2013

I love waking up in the morning without an ashtray in my mouth. Gross, yucky, smoker's hangover. I am free from that disgusting taste and feeling. 

No man's land, tomorrow.