Well, isn't that why we smoked?
I also STILL find cigarette smoke wafting on the air to be an enjoyable smell, and suppose I always will. I will even walk a bit closer to folks smoking to get a good whiff!
The last real associations to go with me are 1) the "reward" smoke after a chore completed, and 2) at times I have not relearned quite yet as a nonsmoker.
This IS a journey - and probably a lifelong one. GREAT comment, G!
I second that, Giulia. There was 'something' I enjoyed about smoking or I wouldn't have kept coming back to it over and over and over, & repeat ad nauseam. I attribute it now to the dopamine high, but at the time, I attributed the feel good dopamine high to everything else I happened to be doing or thinking at the time. Those associations formed a neuron network in the memory mechanism of my brain that is just as real as the doped-out pleasure receptors are. The catch: what felt good, was actually harmful, and addictive. !!!!! Killing myself actually felt good. !!!!! So I had a choice to make: find another way to feel good or continue to follow the slow, sure path to a miserable death.
You're point is well taken. Smoking does not create happiness and contentment. But so is Giulia's. There is a drug element to smoking that does create a euphoria-of-sorts; a relative of happiness. Smoking is analogous to traps we set for pests and rodents. At the core we place something desirable. Indulge at your own risk!
NO! Unlike the majority (or so it seems on here), I did not smoke because it created "happiness and contentment" for me. It never gave me that. I suffered emotionally whether I smoked or not. Smoking relieved NONE of that. There was no smoke screen in my life and I never used it as such. I smoked for other reasons (well obviously I was ADDICTED - and once you get THAT, what else is there really), but I smoked because it tasted GREAT after eating. Eating anything. A meal, a raw carrot, ice cream - whatever. It TASTED GOOD to me then. Sorry. My truth. And I believe that if I lit up a cigarette today, after 11 years, it would still give me that kick. AND make me dizzy, of course. It IS a poison, after all. But I suspect it would still taste good after a meal. Obviously not a humongous normal big puff, (that would make me choke and cough) but a gentle slight inhale. I smell a cigarette during the day passing by someone and - sorry but it smells good to me. That's MY truth. And I would be a fool to pretend that isn't so. I know my weakness to this addiction and until we do acknowledge that - if we pretend it ISN'T so, I think we are likely to revisit another day one. We did "enjoy" our smoking... sometimes. Most times it was simply addiction driven. But sometimes it actually did give us a sense of comfort or it "tasted" good. To deny that truth of our emotional experience - isn't going to - well perhaps help us reach the serial quitters on here, for example. You have to acknowledge not only the truth of the addiction but your particular relationship with it.
I also smoked as a reward. A treat for a job well done and as a moment to take a time out of working non-stop. That's also another major beckoning I've found from the beast. And of course I smoked when booze was involved. That's just par for the addicted course. Drink enough and you don't taste anything ultimately and then it's just because they're there and you've already lost your mind. But smoking never made me feel happy nor content. I used the substance for different needs. So if you were to say "Smoking Tasted Great After Meals Isn't that why we smoked?" I'd have to say - yes, that's one of the reasons why I smoked.
Obviously this was not your intent with this blog. The point you're making is, of course, that's not why we smoked (for happiness and contentment), nor because it "tasted good." We smoked because we were simply addicted to it. And that's the bottom line truth. Had we never put the thing in our mouths to begin with it would seem a hideous substance. But we did. And we became addicted to it. And I don't think we should deny that dopamine high that created whatever it created in each of our brains. Whether it be a feeling of happiness and contentment, or a tastebud treat after a meal, or a neat moment of reward for a job well done. It DID provoke those electric connections in our brains that made us feel good. And the behavior attendant to those feel good moments created the trigger patterns we need to learn how to break.
I recognize the lie of the addiction in that I smoked simply because I had to relieve the symptoms of the cravings. But I also recognize the truth of the emotional/physical brain impact it had which gave me a sense of pleasure, (those tickled and increased dopamine receptors). Both are facts and true. I think ultimately perhaps many of us who have long terms quits have come to an understanding of that very dichotomy and have simply chosen the path of greater resistance but better quality - and hopefully quantity - of life.
(This oughtta get a healthy dialogue going! Sorry, I know this isn't what you intended for this blog, but I just had to speak my truth. And even my truth changes through each venting. That's part of the journey.)