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All People > jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 > jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 Blog > 2014 > December

this is RARE. (Palomar Mountain)

(I just shot this off the back deck-It is 31 miles as the crow flies to the mountain from where I am standing)

       Of Course You Can     
       Here's a tip or two:     
When you say "this is going to be really hard" or, I really need a smoke" you reinforce those thoughts and take yourself further away from your decision to stay quit..When you tell yourself  "I can't do it", you've given up.    

So don't say those things.

No one is saying quitting smoking is a fantasy world of unbridled happiness.  
If you talk yourself out of your quit over and over with this kind of negative reinforcement and once again choose to smoke, what do you gain?

You've only stressed yourself out once again and talked yourself into smoking.

You have the power to decide to not smoke and honor that decision.

It's yours to do with what you choose. It's yours to make it whatever you want.

Negative thinking brings negative results.

When you get the urge to smoke say, "I don't do that anymore" and, say it out loud so it supercedes your inner thoughts of smoking. It will retrain your brain by creating new memories and patterns of behavior and that's what this is all about.

Give up on themselves too early.

You smoked for many years.

It takes about 100 days to get to a place where you begin to realize you aren't thinking of smoking every day.

The first 130 days are the danger zone during which most people give up.

Promise yourself 130 days from your last puff and I guarantee you won't be thinking of smoking in the same way.

The only way out is through!

Be willing, not fighting yourself.

See the choices bar above where you would enter your text in a reply to someone's blog or where you would write a blog of your own?

B Bold

I Italic

U Underline

abc Strikethrough

World symbol = pasting a link

Colored box on right = where you post a picture code to post a picture in a blog or a pm or on someone's page.

The first 4 are self explanatory

For posting a link you left click on the world symbol and paste your link in the top line and hit ok and then publish. Site rules do not allow posting links that have anything to do with payment for goods or services.

For pictures you left click on the colored box all the way on the right and paste the picture code in the top line and then click ok. You should see the picture in the box at this point.


There are a number of ways to get a picture code.

1. Sometimes you can just right click on an internet picture and choose copy and then paste it into the body of the blog.

2 If it's a picture off the internet you right click on the image and choose view image then you copy and past the code from the address bar at the top of the page.

This works on facebook pictures too, You right click and choose view image and then copy and paste the code from the address bar at the top of the page.

3. If it's a picture from your computer, you can either upload it to facebook and use step number one


Open a free photobucket account and upload it to there. Then when you open the picture on photobucket, there will be 4 codes to select from on the right. (all you need is an email address and a user name to open a photobucket account.)

The one you want to use for blogs or pm's is the one called direct.

The one you use to paste a picture on someone's message board is the html code which starts and ends with <a  a>.

you paste the code as in step one and click ok and then publish. If you want to add text above the picture, hit the enter bar once so you have a place to add text above the photo. If you want to add text below the picture, scroll to the right of the bottom of the picture and hit the enter key and it should drop your cursor below the photo. After you've added your text, hit publish.

And there you go!


PS If you can't get a picture to post, it's most likely your browser settings. I find I have the best chance with Firefox.


right click on the link and choose open in another tab.

once there choose count up. fill in your information.

with your page open, choose edit profile below your avatar and then way down at the bottom will be the boxes like mobile phone .

copy the code the link page gives you by right clicking on it. it will turn blue, choose copy and your computer will save it to it's "clipboard".

right click which box or location on your page you want it in and choose paste.

then hit save at the bottom of your page

there may be other count up clock links but i did a search recently and this was the only one i could find that still worked.

What is it about this place that makes people open their eyes to something they ignored for so long?

Where are you going if you keep smoking?

What will you accomplish if you quit smoking?

We've quit and we can help you do it.

Get involved with your quit. Make it your number one priority for awhile.

If you've quit before or tried to quit before tell us what went right and what went wrong.

Post a blog. Read others blogs, especially the responses.

This support in this place is so much more than reading something on your own and struggling alone.

Here's something to get you new years starters prepared.


Off Topic

Posted by jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 Dec 27, 2014

I think this is may be the new 2015 BMC

When were smokers, we didn't consciously think about smoking, WE JUST DID IT. Well, working our way to being a non smoker requires some emotional work.

I believe all of us may partially influence our own thinking in negative ways.


It's those four words in the title and their variations


With smoking, nicotine was our expectation so now that we don't have it along with the ritual of smoking to turn to, it's natural to feel like things are going badly. This is all part of the first two or three weeks of your quit.


Call it Emotional Drift..These changes can throw a quitter off track. Rest assured it's all a part of getting to the finish line of being comfortable as a non smoker.


Life isn't perfect.
We create our own expectations and make our own perceptions. Better to live in the moment than color life with memories or things that might not happen.


"The Only Way Out Is Through"



(This may be a little disjointed)

I think back to the last Christmas my mother was alive. It was 1999. I smoked for 40 years so yes, I was a smoker when I lost her.

She knew she was losing her health when it became harder and harder to climb the back stairs. I lived a hundred miles away, was self employed and had to do estimates on the weekends, so, I wasn't aware of any of this.

She told us in August on the way home from a cousins wedding that 9 years before, when she had led a tour group to England, she felt extremely ill when she landed at home and during the trip.

She went to her Dr., and he told her that she had contracted a virus that attacks the heart, most likely on the plane to England. He also told her that she had ten years to live.

She kept this to herself until the end of the 9th year when she couldn't climb the back stairs easily.

So she knew that the upcoming Christmas would be her last one as her heart was now failing quickly.

She never smoked.

I used to travel the hundred miles south with Linda and Jessie at least a couple times a month for 5 months to see her. Sometimes she was home and more often in the hospital. I remember having the need to go outside to smoke.

I was the general contractor on a job in Santa Monica when I got a call on a Tuesday that they were going to stop giving her the meds. She was getting so anxious that she wouldn't get them in time and panicing, that they both decided this quality of life was not worth her daily struggle. I asked him if they could wait to put her on hospice until Friday so we could come down and be with her.

I got to spend a couple hours alone with her. I sang for her. I told her how much I loved her and all that she'd done just for me during my teens and asked her forgiveness for some things I'd done.

The next morning at 10am, she was gone

What I really wanted to tell you is that last Christmas, she was as full of life as ever. She got up with one of her brothers and danced a jig. She sat and listened intently as I sang O Holy Night, which had become a family tradition long before then.

She didn't choose to be sad. She loved God. She knew where she was going.

She chose to make the very best of her last Christmas.

Choose LIFE don't smoke. there is no reason large enough.

Merry Christmas Love you mom

When we are smokers and have recently smoked, we are back in a good mood because we got our nicotine/dopamine fix.

20-45 minutes later when it starts to decline, we need to "feed the need" again.

I would say the need of any addiction creates counterfeit emotions because we are only ok with ourselves when the drug is in our system. Our reality is not what everyone around us is feeling unless they are all smoking too.

When we talk about freedom here, being free of the "need" and the counterfeit emotions created by the need is what we are talking about not just smoking.

Read some of the blogs. Being able to be in the moment. To play with your grand kids or your children without thinking of smoking is the real deal.

That's the freedom of which we speak.

Think about that one

People who continue using nicotine must still plan their existence around getting it.


Are you going to talk yourself into believing that a cigarette will fix your emotions?

The reason people smoke is really no different than why others use heroin. They want to change how they feel.

However, the change whether smoking or heroin, is only temporary.

We can only get past this delusion by facing it, not by going back to it.

Keep your emotions in check. Be resolved to learn new ways of looking at your circumstances.

You are not Pavlov's dog. You have the ability to think yourself through your quit until you aren't thinking of smoking and are free.

The only way out is through!

Keep Your Eye On The Prize

They lose them because they talk themselves into smoking

What is the nicotine doing to keep you from putting a cigarette in your mouth?

The answer is NOTHING!

Until you decide you won't smoke anymore, you will fail.

A nicotine quit aid does nothing to stop you from smoking.


For Example:

Catch sleep whenever you can (except at work or behind the steering wheel)

If your insomnia originates from your quit, it will typically pass for most within the first month

People quitting smoking seem to think their situation is different and individual.
Some want to use the patch, some the gum, some hypnosis, some cold turkey.
What we use or don't use doesn't define our quit or bring success


I'm going the tell you the one thing we all have in common. It's the one and only place we all have to get to to be successfull eX smokers


Are you ready?


Until you get to the place where you decide you won't smoke, all that came before is difficulty of your own creation.


That's where you have to be. That's where every quitter has to be. Some of us did it the first time because we understood this when we started.


Those who do it over and over must still reach this point to succeed.because it's the only way.


There is only one way.


Think about what I just said. Until you get to the place where you decide you won't smoke Going in circles, you are just spinning your wheels. You will either remain a smoker or be successful, dependent on whether you internalize this or not.


Now, everyone tell me it's different for you! LOLOL.

Ask anyone that has quit for a couple years or more if luck had anything to do with it.

the only thing lucky about quitting smoking is if you are fortunate enough to quit before you've done irreversible damage to your health.

You can't smoke if you don't have any around. Avoid the triggers when you can. Don't go to the store where you bought cigarettes!

It takes time to get there.

I smoked for 40 years.

I didn't quit for my health. I never considered the monetary cost.

I was a "considerate of others" smoker. I didn't smoke in the house or the car. Went around my job sites with a coffee can once a week to clean up all the butts outside.

What I've learned after nearly 8 years quit is many people won't succeed because they had a reason to quit. The perceived need to smoke and the addiction to nicotine often becomes more powerful than the reason.

People who succeed do so because they decide to quit and are willing to not smoke when they would have until they unlearn amoking and it is no longer the first thing they think of many times a day.

In the beginning of your quit much of the time is spent thinking of smoking and of not smoking.

I would suggest that where you want to be is living without the smoking or not smoking thoughts.

Anyone can do it but it takes time because we smoked for a long time.

Will you give yourself the opportunity to succeed and allow the time it takes or will you give up on yourself and talk yourself into smoking?

Trap # 1 You want to go someplace but there is no smoking allowed
Trap # 2 You need to take a trip on a plane but there is no way to time your cigarette breaks and you're freaking out.
Trap # 3 You're at your sisters and she hands you the newborn and you smell like a stinky butt.
Trap # 4 You are at your son's baseball game and miss the only home run he'll ever hit to go have a smoke by the car.

If Christ offends you, don't watch.

I wrote this last Christmas season. It's called Worship Him. It's about the promise and joy of the season.

I hope you will enjoy it. (there is no orchestra. LOL)


I was born on Christmas day, to take all your sins away I 'm here, here to light your way, lean on me (2x to the Father).my name is Jesus ....lean on me (repeat)

I promise forever that I will weather everything with you...(2x that I will save a place for you)

Nothing can hurt you   I won't desert you, I'll never leave you!

I have a favorite place I order a breakfast sandwich 2-3 times a week.

They are so big I usually save half for the next morning.

I phoned my order in and was amazed when I arrived to only find the owner of the shop working. He was in the back making my sandwich. There was no one working the front.

People were coming in the door and it looked like he only had 1/3 of the pastries in the glass cases.

I asked. "are you working alone?" to which he responded "yes". I asked for my usual which I didn't see in the case and he said he was still making everything that wasn't in the case so I chose something made instead..

Now if this hard working, non complaining guy who is doing the work of two, in two different locations AT THE SAME TIME. on a SUNDAY MORNING, his busiest day of the week...

If he can do that, you can "keep them away from your face!"

What It Takes To Get Through Tough Times

How a little advanced gratitude can change everything

By Denise Foley

When the editorial cartoonist Marshall Ramsey put together a list of things he was grateful for, his two Pulitzer Prize nominations didn't make the cut. In fact, even he admits his gratitude inventory sounds a little crazy: his first job after college as a high school janitor; the recession that forced him into part-time work; a melanoma diagnosis; all the people who didn't believe in him.

Every one of those terrible twists, he explains, was responsible for a blessing. That job led him to his future wife, the daughter of a fellow janitor; getting laid off gave him the time to launch a second career in book illustration and radio; and his cancer diagnosis spurred him to help save hundreds of lives by organizing a series of runs to raise melanoma awareness. And all those naysayers? Let's just say they were the ill winds beneath his wings.

"A good analogy is if you're canoeing downstream and you hit a rock, it can either sink you or push you in another direction," says Ramsey. "If you choose the other direction, it's a blessing."

Ramsey is a prime example of what might be called advanced gratitude: the ability to identify and appreciate the bad events in your life because of what you've gained from them. It's far from a rare experience. Studies have found that gratitude is a prevailing, if counterintuitive, emotion among breast cancer survivors, people with spinal cord injuries, and post-9/11 Americans.

Clearly, you don't become grateful for difficulties overnight (and rarely in the throes), but once you do, you're privy to some amazing alchemy that will allow you to heal what hurts and see the victory that's often at the center of every seeming defeat. It also boosts what one leading expert calls your psychological immune system, and it may even physically alter your brain so that gratitude isn't just something you feel occasionally but guides how you approach life.

And it all starts with making a habit of appreciating what you have, what you've lost, and what your life would be like if fate hadn't nudged you this way or that. Here are three steps to work your way into advanced gratitude. 

1. Establish a gratitiude baseline
Before you achieve advanced gratitude, it helps to get in the habit of being thankful for your good fortune. "If we train ourselves to look for the gifts when life is going well, it will be easier to spot them during the rough times," says Robert Emmons, PhD, director of the Emmons Laboratory at the University of California, Davis, and arguably the nation's leading gratitude researcher.

Numerous studies have found that people who keep journals or make lists of what they're thankful for are happier, more optimistic, more energetic, and nicer to other people than those who don't. Their physical health blossoms, too. In one of his studies, Dr. Emmons found that people who created weekly gratitude lists exercised 90 minutes more, on average, than a control group who tracked their hassles. And grateful people had less pain, slept an hour longer, and woke up feeling more refreshed, according to other research.

But don't overdo it. Counting your blessings via journaling just three times a week can help you build a strong, positive attitude, but doing it any more than that can backfire, according to studies by University of California, Riverside, researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky, PhD. "You just adapt to it so it's no longer as effective," she says. "It becomes boring or a chore."

2. Retrain your own brain
Tying thoughts of gratitude to the stressful events in your life may even change your neural pathways. A long-accepted concept in neuropsychology is that "neurons that fire together wire together." So when your stress neurons fire, make your gratitude neurons do so, too; this helps the two types connect with each other so that when stress hits, it will be easier for you to find something to be grateful for.

Gratitude can also counteract the many damaging effects of stress on the body, even improving heart health, found one study published this year in the journal Psychological Science. In research done at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, people who regularly practiced loving-kindness meditation, which promotes love and compassion toward oneself and others (and this one method only takes 60 seconds), improved in one measure of heart health—better tone in their vagus nerve, which extends from the brain stem to the gut and regulates heart rate, breathing, and the relaxation response.

Responding to the positive is a tough sell for the brain, which is programmed to suss out danger and avoid it, says neuropsychologist Rick Hanson, PhD, the author of Hardwiring Happiness and Buddha's Brain. "The first rule of the wild is to eat lunch, not be lunch," he says with a laugh. "But those avoidance systems are organized around opportunities and the response to threats, and they're generally more ancient than the systems that are organized around reward. We're more attentive to sticks than to carrots."

This means that to create any lasting changes in the brain—the kinds that will make thankfulness your default emotion, protect you from the ravages of stress, and increase your resilience—you need to hammer it home by practicing gratitude not only frequently but with considerable emotional intensity. "Try this as a regular practice," Dr. Hanson says: "Have an experience of gratitude that lasts at least 20 seconds, feeling it in your body, and giving yourself over to it to help it sink into your brain."

Don't just be thankful for that beautiful sunset, he says: "Sit with it for 20 seconds straight, and be open to the feelings in your body when you see it. Feel the positive emotions related to gratitude that come up—the feeling of being glad that you're alive, grateful for your connection with other people, your sense of awe. To build up neural encoding, it really helps to feel the emotion in your body—and even allow it to become intense."

3. Remember the hard stuff
If you have trouble coming up with reasons to be grateful, try the technique Dr. Emmons recommends to help remind you of what you've gained from sorrow, tragedy, and loss. "Think of your worst moments—your sorrows, your losses, your sadness—and then remember where you are now," says Dr. Emmons, who chronicles his 3-week get-thankful program in his book Gratitude Works! "You got through the worst day of your life, you got through the trauma, you got through the trial, you endured the temptation, you survived the bad relationship, you're making your way out of the dark."

He also encourages imagining a life in which you didn't meet your spouse, live in your current neighborhood, or encounter the people who became lifelong friends. That triggers what's called the George Bailey effect, after the character in Frank Capra's film It's a Wonderful Life who, with help from an angel-in-waiting named Clarence, learns how terrible life would have been for the people he loves if he'd never been born. Imagining the absence of something good, it turns out, is even more effective at making us thankful than remembering our own good fortune. In one study, participants who wrote about ways in which a positive event might not have happened and of how they might never have met their romantic partners felt more positive and happier with their relationships than people who just straightforwardly described the events.

"When we remember how difficult life used to be and how far we have come, we set up an explicit contrast in our mind, and this contrast is fertile ground for gratefulness," Dr. Emmons says.

It builds up your resilience muscles, too, so you not only cope well, but you're also able to find the good no matter how hidden it seems to be. "Gratitude is an element of resilience in that it helps us recover from adversity," Dr. Emmons says. It's part of a person's psychological immune system that helps convert tragedy into opportunity: "The ability to see the elements of one's life and even life itself as gifts is essential for this. Suffering can be a reason for gratefulness in that it shatters our illusions of self-sufficiency...and teaches us what's truly important."

In a 2013 Canadian study of 15 people with spinal cord injuries, most were grateful just to be alive. They had, after all, faced death. They refrained their post-traumatic lives as a second chance to embark on new adventures. Once they learned to deal with the practical obstacles, many of these people went on to start or finish college, launch new careers, or work as peer counselors for other spinal cord injury patients.

They also told the researchers that because of their injuries, they began to deeply appreciate all the little things they once took for granted, like the sounds of birds outside their windows and the joy of playing with their grandchildren. They realized that they were no longer self-sufficient, which also led them to appreciate the help and support from family and friends. Knowing that others are there for you makes you feel loved, says Dr. Emmons.

The ability to bounce back after trauma is what psychologists call post-traumatic growth, a positive transformation that can occur when people go through serious stress, such as a chronic illness, an injury, or disaster. "We're not talking about people being grateful for the cancer, the injury, or the disaster but for what happens in the aftermath, what they've gained from struggling through the event," says psychologist Richard Tedeschi, PhD, of the University of North Carolina at Charlotte, who coauthored four books on the ways people change after trauma. "They tend to go through a process: Who am I, what kind of future do I want, and what makes sense to do with my time here on earth, now that this event has stopped me in my tracks?"

There are lessons learned and lives remade better than before.

Marshall Ramsey admits that after his ordeals, he usually threw himself a "pity party." But over time, he began to notice the pattern: Whatever he thought of as the worst thing that had ever happened to him usually turned into something positive.

"After getting a cancer diagnosis, I came to appreciate life a lot more. I've given my mortality a big old kiss," he jokes.

"So many people who've had their melanomas caught come up to me at our runs and say, 'You saved my life.' After nearly winning the Pulitzer Prize, I got downsized, but I found that when you lose your dream job, you just have another dream. There's a lot of good that wouldn't have happened if I hadn't gone part-time.

"Now, with this gift of hindsight, when something bad happens and I stop and say, 'What's the good in this?' I've found that sometimes, the worst moment of your life turns out to be the best. I'm thankful that I now know that."

Thinking about NOT smoking doesn't really enter into the equation when you are thinking about smoking does it?

Once you let that "smoking talk" get started, YOU'RE A Goner!

This is why you must cut it off before it gains steam.

Please, Please, Please

Try saying this out loud before you've gained access or made a bunch of moves toward smoking and blowing your quit!

"I Don't Do That Anymore"

"I Don't Do That Anymore"

"I Don't Do That Anymore"

There are only two ways people blow their quits.

1. They talk themselves into it


2. They drink until they lose their inhibitions so they have an excuse to talk themselves into it.

Tell me I'm wrong. How have you lost all your prior quits?


You can't shoot yourself in the foot if there's no gun in your hand and you can't smoke without cigarettes, so, don't go buy any!


HOWEVER,  Smoking a brisket is fine,any old time!


What's for dinner?

you can't be wishy washy about quitting smoking.

you MUST GET INVOLVED. It isn't going to just "happen" unless you make it happen.

Why mess around with all this "maybe this time it will work" and "I hope I can quit" BS

Honestly, that thinking DOES NOT WORK

Think about what you are doing. Talk with yourself as your quit progresses.

Listen to your body feeling better not to  those smoking memories trying to take you back.

Nicotine's a LIAR. Don't you get it?

Wake up. You can't sleep through this.

It takes some thinking every day to plan ahead for unexpected situations. Thinking of smoking will begin to dissipate around 100 days. Success takes time but quitting is a definable statistically based process.

Step One

Give yourself 130 days from your last puff and I guarantee you won't think of smoking in the same way.

People who don’t reset their quit date will usually smoke again. The excuse is, “I did it before and it didn’t affect me.”

When you smoke after you quit, you’ve broken the agreement with yourself to not smoke.

If you don’t reset your quit date, you are no more accountable then the first time you broke your promise.

Resetting gives you a clean start without guilt. It also helps us figure out how we can best help you.

Scientifically: You can’t fool the nicotine receptors. If you feed them, they will want to be fed again and you will be back in the “should I smoke” battle with yourself. They will start dying off and being replaced when you stop feeding them but, not before

The date behind people’s names on this site means something. It is the date the last cigarette touched their lips.

PS There is no judgement here. We just want to help you get to living life without smoking.

I'll start it off with one I saw again just recently

"Fly Away Home"

All kinds of tears in this one. Happy Sad, The whole enchilada.

Which movies do you recall that water your cheeks?

Look at this picture! Amazing isn't it?



Posted by jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 Dec 6, 2014
          I really want to quit....but      
         I hope I can do it...but
I need all the luck I can get...and?
       I have to put it off because....    
      there will never be a perfect time to quit.  
if you learn what you are up against and what changes will happen when, you have better options than wishing and hoping.   
be willing 

ask questions


use common sense

Are You Willing to Change?

Because that's really what success is about.

This is all about making other choices until you don't think of smoking regularly, then rarely, and finally....

It takes retraining your responses to be a successful quitter!

"to improve one's behavior or attitude and perform better."

My mom used to say this all the time. LOL

I used to go out and stand under two trees that hid the trash bins about 15 feet over from the front door.

there was something cool about standing in the rain barefoot in shorts and a t-shirt smoking but not getting wet. The trees broke the rainfall and I might only get a few drops of rain on my head and shoulders as I hurriedly smoked my cigarette.

that was almost 8 years and 2 residences ago.but I had my very last cigarette under those trees


I got out the crock pot last night and threw a small frozen roast, a cut up onion, a pound of baby carrots and 4 cut up  potatoes, plus two 4oz cans of mushrooms and left it on high overnight.

It has become my smoking substitute for rainy days.

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