And God Said "Go Out Among All The Weirdos And Be Fruit-i-ful"

Blog Post created by jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 on Nov 28, 2011

  1. Law of  Mechanical  Repair ˆ After  your hands  become coated with grease, your nose will begin  to itch and you'll have to  pee.

2. Law of  Gravity - Any tool,  nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the  least accessible corner.

3. Law  of Probability - The  probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your  act.

4. Law of  Random Numbers -  If you dial  a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and  someone always answers.

6. Variation  Law -  If you  change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you  are in now (works every time).

7. Law  of the  Bath - When the  body is fully immersed in water, the telephone  rings.

8. Law  of Close Encounters - The  probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone  you don't want to be seen  with.

9. Law  of the Result - When you  try to prove to someone that a machine won't  work, it will.

10. Law  of Biomechanics - The  severity of the itch is inversely proportional  to the reach.

11.. Law  of the Theater &  Stadium -  At any  event, the people whose seats are furthest from  the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go  for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave  early before the end of the performance or the  game is over.  The folks in the aisle seats  come early, never move once, have long gangly  legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end  of the performance.  The aisle people also  are very surly folk.

12. The  Coffee Law -  As soon as  you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss  will ask you to do something which will last  until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's  Law of Lockers -  If there are  only 2 people in a locker room, they will have  adjacent lockers.

14. Law  of Physical Surfaces - The chances  of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face  down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or  rug.

15. Law of  Logical Argument - Anything is  possible if you don't know what you are talking  about.

16. Brown's Law  of Physical Appearance - If the  clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Oliver's  Law of Public Speaking - A closed  mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson's  Law of Commercial Marketing  Strategy - As soon as  you find a product that you really like, they  will stop making it.

19. Doctors'  Law - If you  don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll  feel better..  But don't make an  appointment, and you'll stay sick.