THE STRUGGLES ARE ALL WORTH MY 500 DAYS..(For you mama dukes)

[jojo29]

Hello there .. oh what the hell, i was gona go nap & come back but iam here now,so let me do this now,b/c im so sxcited now,thanks cyn, ur great,luv u, i swear, if it wasnt for cyn & the other jojo i woulda missed my day today,which i looked at my clock its 499.22hrs.15min, so by 330pm im 500 days smoke free. as i said on my train, i couldnt go 500seconds minutes lets alone hrs or day.

As today, I will dedicate this blogg to my beautiful mother,( mama  dukes ) 🙂  I do that b/c for yrs my mom always was on my back to quit, begged me up till her dying day, but it was in the back of my mind for the longest ,but there was always tomm. thats not true, there is always tomm but its just never any easier tomm, so why we always wait for tomm, i have no clue. but my mom passed in aug of 2010, i was soo depressed, she was 18 when she had me so we grew together, I lost my best friend, so from her death, and the fact that i cant breath, sitting there looking for patches on line, some how brought me here to this site, an accident waiting to be made!! so i went threw it signed up, never came back t,that was oct, till nov 1st 2010, that was my quit date, that day i thought of my mom also b/c it was lung cancer awareness, which is why she passed, so,, i figured ok let me try,even if go a few hrs in her name for her i no shell be happy,my neice stephanie was there, i had 3 SICKOREETES in my pack, i smoked the last on & died it out exactly 130pm, was gona go to the store for a pack later on,well i decided just dont go out, see what happen, b/c i felt if my moms happy, oh no,, lmao well I never looked back, i never bought another pack nor took another drag, i went threw hell cryed screemed, fought every dam urge crave and i stayed very close to my home away from home,RIGHT HERE!! If anyone is thinkin after 4 months they dont need support anymore,WRONGGGG!! IAM 500 DAYS!! IAM STILL HERE!! WHY?? Well for one, you give back, all my good friends here had my back talked me right out of smoking ,talk and hepled me learn addiction, with there support i found such inner strength i never new i had. i reserched sickorettes, i didnt like it more and more but the urges still come, its all in ur mind, and i dont care 500days or 5000 days.. ill never ever put down my guard.someone said its used as therapy once, call it what you want, iam smoke free ill never trust myself that much, 40yrs is alota yrs.its called always protecting ur quit, & i plan to do that for the rest of my life and just think its all in ur head the way u handle ur self control ur brain, if i new if i tried hard enuf  that i woulda made it, well i would have done this 8 yrs ago when i got hit with copd, the very complicated disease,that complicated my whole life.when i say that is b/c at stage 4 i reli cant breath to good, sitting down im great i breath wooohoo just dont put my feet to the floor lmao.. right now im in exacerbation 4 times in a yr,10 mo. to be exact. its been very tuff but im making it.A girl gota do what a girl gota do :))) lmao.. & if you face ur fear, u will succeed, i always thought well if i quit, then what, what will i do with my hands something will be missing from my life, i loved smoking, yeaa right, smoking was my soulmate,my friend, my life my everything, if i couldnt smoke i didnt go there, usualy if ur kids are not invited u do go,lmao it was ok i cant smoke, no way.. now i go everywhere anywhere,life is great even tho the smoking sucked the life outa me, let me tell u guys, smoking will get u, some how some way its gona put some kinda strain on ur body. theres ppl out there who think just b/c u have copd or there mother father brother,that dont mean they will get it, HELLOOOO!! What is wrong with some ppl.&.. DENIAL!! YES.. B/C THERES NOT ONLY COPD ,EMPHYSEMA, THERE IS, ALSO LUNG CANCER, ALPHA 1 STOMACH CANCER PANCRESE CANCER BLOOD CANCER, THROAT CANCER, HEARTATAC, PULMONARY HYPERTENTION, BRAIN TUMORS, (LUNGS AND BRAIN GO TOGETHER!!!! ) SO YEA!! denial.. its ok i was there to,  & i always tell my kids what we do when we are young will bite u in the ass when ur older. so yea i stand by that till today.. so,, if u get urges, crraving ,the desire to smoke, change ur mood,laugh ur ass off, iam been sick im laughin my ass off, it keeps me goin. dance,sing anything to hold ur quit, remember, nobody said its gona be easy, but really, tell me, what the hell is easy in life, not much. be grateful for who and what u have in ur life too.you never no when ur gona need them urself, being opitmistic will help u see things alil different then u do now if ur really  struggling.well, as for me,, iam loving life,living it as best as i can, and still when my little urges come ,which now they come and go as fast,just remember,, its all up to you.. the little bastard nico :)) is there playing tricks on ur mind, tricks are for kids tho.lmao were grown,, or are we LMAO  Its all up to u and ur lungs reli do depend on you.. :)) well, i wanted to really emphasize a few things here, so rem them things,if ur quit is painful well imagine the lung disease any lung disease.I think thats worse.. you all seen that new comercial yet.. the lady suffucating too,guy novoice, they speak the truth so if u dont listin to me, watch them listin to them.. sorry this is soo long, but ITS MY 500 DAYSSSSS WOOHOO ME!! WISHING ALL U GUYS THE BEST ON UR MILESTONES,, FROM 1 MIN TO FOREVER,STAY FOREVER QUIT,, IT SUCKS TO THINK ABOUT QUITTIN FOREVER LET ME TELL U!!YA GET MAJOR HEADACHES :))

GOTA TELL U, THESE STEROIDS ARE KICKIN MY A$$.. 2 PEOPLE HERE (NURSES)TOLD ME ,I SEE YOU LUV TO TALK LMAOLMAO .. HOW FUNNY IS THAT,LMAO OK WELL LUV U ALL !! AGAIN THANKS FOR THE RIDE TO FREEDOM, Joanne,, Smokefree 500 days, a 40 yr smoker, stage 4 copd with end emphysema,, 23% lung function, lookin for lucky lungs :)) soo here to u mom.. i did it!! r.i.p miss & luv you still!!