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jconfusion Blog

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jconfusion

peace of floating

Posted by jconfusion Nov 17, 2018

floating feeling the drum through the water,  

stay relaxed

feeling the tide off the boats race by

spins me around as I continue to float

seeing her in the distance

she was scared

being targeted by something evil

masses of her tribe

were screaming for something from her,

she starts to run as her heart was beating a million miles a minute,

she finally falls down as she is being force to drink wine

and she get caught

in her heart that has stopped an she 

is endlessly running on the water 

drinking something that turns her into a skull with cross bones

being trapped in the loop of her death.

she is so beautiful  when she runs

as she looks down at the woman floating in the water she looked so peaceful in the water

let go

forgive yourself 

and move on.

-2018 Juniper Confusion

jconfusion

ok i feel better

Posted by jconfusion Nov 16, 2018

I actually feel better no more temp!   I just need to remember to stay hydrated and I even got to ride the bike today!  and I got all my books except for 1.  and I started reading healing hands the polarity experience and I read this in my energy class in college.   im happy I don't feel cruddy.  and bob has missed me lol. later exers! 

 

jconfusion

so here is my back tattoos

Posted by jconfusion Nov 14, 2018

I am going to be talking with a tattooist to finish my right wing 

jconfusion

health update

Posted by jconfusion Nov 11, 2018

ok im kinda nervous because I still have a temp at night.  I read that I shouldn't be using braggs apple cider vinegar if I still have a uti,   and  for the next 2 months ill be doing blood tests for tb, hep b and hep c, and its kinda like a trial and error thing...I see a urologist seeing if there is anything wrong with my bladder or if my little kidney stonehas gotten bigger in the last 2 years .

but good news I just saw the wound nurse and my bed sore is gone! woohoo!

and I feel alittle better, and my shot came through my insurance woohoo!

and chaos is loved by all who come to see "him" hes lucky I don't get jealous. lol

jconfusion

so far so good

Posted by jconfusion Nov 8, 2018

I went to the er this morning I got an antibiotic shot and new anti biotic meds but more aggressively I take 500 mg  4 times a day for 7 days.  and I am feeling positive about this  and after I get rid of the infection,  and I sat down and chaos sat down next to me and I just kept petting him,  and he just sat there purring with him  just purring and smiling.  he missed me and I missed him

so my mom called the nurse practitioner and my wound nurse messaged her too and they left my mom a message saying she wants me to go to the er and have them look at my rash on my bum. It sucks I cant fire her because the  doctor office is the only office that prescribes Percocet and morphine. in branch county.  and they  made me sign a contract saying I wont change doctors in this building.  and I felt like crap all day but I see a bone doc in Jackson and see my family doc tomorrow for my depo shot  aka birth control shot for 3 months I haven't had my period since ive been 16 lol.   I actually like that I don't have to buy women products.  

I am not exercising because I have a temp.  

worry not im not even think about  smoking I got past that hump when I was on year 2,. and im on year 7.

jconfusion

yah! 

Posted by jconfusion Nov 5, 2018

well I am celebrating today my bed sore is all scabbed up and healing, at least one thing is going right today. my friend brandy has stenosis and she had surgery today.  I was worried about her and I told her about kill bill where she ordered her big toe to move.

and that's how I relearned how to walk again, and I do all the stuff I do so I wont end up in a wheelchair, or worse a home. and mom was like you'll end up in a home if I ever die lol. no ill just get another home healthcare nurse.  lol.

id much rather crack jokes then letting myself cry I get slimy lol stupid sinusitis

well this a good news post

 

 

jconfusion

so im having problems

Posted by jconfusion Nov 5, 2018

I still have a temp off 99.5  I still have a uti, lol ive tried everything like apple cider vinegar, essential oils I drink a lot of water, I cant remember if I told you all I have E.coli im on my new antibiootics and I have a wound nurse to come measure my bed sore  and I have big welts on my bottom that im going to assume is psoriasis. and chaos is such a trooper, he chrips good morningand lets me pat his bottom lol so he leaves thinking im getting up and comes back when im still doing reiki on myself and if im taking too long he hovers around me meowing at me like id ever forget him?  lol

later my huge becoming an ex family!

love you all!

chaos and june

 

its really cool langude learning site

https://members.rocketlanguages.com/members/products/171/dashboard 

 

you can sign up for free and after that of u buy the  premium you get the life time has anyone russian rocket dog lessons?

Atta girl statement of Jennifer Skiver.

I am a very interesting insanely more creative and completely one artistic loving passionate a glint of humor in my blue eyes and very reactive to the surrounding environment.  I have pixie hair and draw my eye brows on everyday.  I am solarpheron, she who comes from the sun. and within a twirl my stance is solid as I hold my tattooed hands out.  Life is so much more inspiring when life is surprising bright loud chaotic look at my lashes to know when to strike.  I am proud to be different special, weird, beautiful, teasing  for the settle moments of that spark that makes me giggle manically. Coloring is better than sex and all the worlds are to be made how literally seductive to create with my tattooed hands.  The heat of a lust fueled magnatism when inspiration was discovered  Slap foil down for armor as the quest to find the artist or the artist began scribbling  cause the vibrations for my journey to make the art. Blow the fire out and take my hand ill show you have to get to her.  Wake up with the drive of sorcery flattened me with mozarts creativity leapingand climbing off the musical notes.  Lovely how she sits at the window not caring who sees or what others think.  She is strong fierce a multidimensional puzzle forever changing and eternally unsolvable.  The most interesting laugh that can not be copied.  Loves deeply and gets hurt just as bad.  The sun shines when I smile and the storm comes when I’m  sad.   I am whole love dark humored woman who is so complicated all who understand are friends and any who don’t understand are erased from my memory.  this was from a exercise from 

The Co-Creation Handbook: A Shamanic Guide to Manifesting a Better World and a More Joyful Life
by Alida Birch

I was taking a shower and my mom was helpng me dry off and I have a big mole om the back of upper thigh.and I have no idea when it showed up or how long its been there. and its big.

jconfusion

chaos is such a good boy!

Posted by jconfusion Oct 28, 2018

lol I was all sad and he climbed on his two giant pillows and just sat next to me and let me scratch his throat and chin. and just purred me to sleep.  he is so attentive when im sad or if im distracted and he just looks lovingly at me.  lol hes makes me so happy.  and he heals me with his raptor purrs. and he stands next o me and walks in front of where I am waling in front of mt walker and he waits for my basket touches his tail before he can move forward.  or he waits for me to do my leg lifts or he comes back if im taking to long to get up because hes corralling me to the living room cause hes out water or food, starvation is immanent. lol I know I sound like a crazy cat lady and hes my firat cat that wasn't the families first.  chaos and me are so close.  I love him so very much and his raptor purr  makes me insanely happy.   ive never been to close to another living being, and im to the moon in love with my soulmate:)

jconfusion

till i collapse

Posted by jconfusion Oct 28, 2018

I listen to Eminem till I collapse  when im working out its very inspiring makes me feel like I can take on the work of all its crap and still com out from a mile of poop and come out clean on the other side, yes im   quoting Shawshank redemption.

I watch movies like the 16th round, and life as a house. in life as a house he was fired and he destroyed all his lifes work because his boss was a real jerk.

and he collapsed outside his work and found out he was dying.  and he built his dream house with his messed up kid I cried.  I loved it too it sucks he was dyingbut he fixed himself  and hislife as he and his family built his house.   loved it what I took from this movie inspired me to get my book published after I got outta rehab and learned to walk again and its never give up n your dreams no matter if youre dying.

I also loved eminems song lose yourself and it helped me go to college.

keep moving because dreams do just live by wishing them to exist it takes will and determination, and passion to succeed matter if you know youre not going towin the race but you keep on running no matter what you don't do  it to win you do it to prove to yourself you finished for yourself.  that's why quitting smoking is so important you don't do it for anyone else you do it for yourself. run tiillyou cross the finish line.  you don't know how strong you are till you've tried

 

love,

chaos and june

jconfusion

i know

Posted by jconfusion Oct 28, 2018

you know I had a dream of my dad the night he died, and  hes even told me  Rachel isn't ready for my help yet he talks to me in my dreams, I felt him when I walked across the stage when I got my associates degree in applied science. and someone told me he was protecting me till I graduated. once I was dropping of my friend chris and I was driving my vw bug, and I got surprised when someone stopped short and I slammed on the breaks and buy car skidded to the other side of of the road, I lit a smoke calm ed down and drove to baker to sign up up for school and I had no idea what was going to be studying until I I got to the registration I was going to say website design but I said massage therapy last second. I had no business being at college I only got a ged and I had no idea how to graduate  or how to stay in school. I was a hard core chain smoker then. and I was in medical terminology basic massage therapy  and maintaining body mechanics.  aand I switched classes from basic massage and I ws driving for half an hour from Hillsdale to Jackson i

would leave at 7am to get to class by nine lol I realized I wasn't  going to progress to next semester, and Rachel my sister told me I have a photographic memory.  and I was bawling the first semester talking about how id be stuck in Hillsdale. but I got through it I got a b in medical terminology and start memorizing the  muscle charts and the bones and Swedish massage techniques. I got an a in basic massage and  an a in body  mechanics, lol wow I made it and I was working at the library  at baker lol and I figured our real quick what to do really quickly and started acting the part of college student and it was crazy amazing and I'm still surprised I graduated college lol  my sister was telling a teacher from an alternative high school I was going to college and I was a high school drop out and he got it it and said holy **** what is she doing there? lol I felt like a co-op stealth spy I came in under the radar and I was tricking everyone. lol I had so  much fun. I was even photo copying my book on free photocopy on sat at the library lol I got 40 books made, lol.  I miss going to college but I graduated when i was 26 and found out I had ms when I was 28.  now I don't do anything. And im going to be 38 in 7 days. sighs. I sorry im feeling like a grade a loser.  yes its not my fault I was diagnosed with ms but this one disease slowed me down and it progressed so fast, and I went to college to change my life its changed I only make 9400 bucks a year but I don't ask my mom for any money because I make it work and I still manage to take chaos to the vet.  and ive been raising chaos for 14 years hes the best thing ive ever did. hes taught me how to love unconditionally.  hes standing in between my legs so I can pat his butt his purr makes me so happy. im not going to start smoking im just tired of being disable.  and I still talke to my old college professor and he tells me my dad is proud of me.i already know but I just wish this didbt stop me.  I dropped out of highschool because I saw how they where goijng to kill my creativity and I got a letter from my self from 8th grade all it said was "don't screw this up!" lol and as far as I know I didn't. goodnight me ex smoker family!

 

lots of love,

chaos and june

jconfusion

  hell

Posted by jconfusion Oct 27, 2018

so I had a head ache from hell and I had a temp.  and alittle down in the dumbs im so tired of being sick.  ive had a head ache for the last couple of days.  stupid pollen stupid sinusitis. i do everything right, exercise, physical therapy reiki meditate, eat right. shake my head