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jconfusion Blog

189 posts



me me me lol

Posted by jconfusion Jul 18, 2020

raptor dreams

Posted by jconfusion Jul 18, 2020

did you feel that?  I just typed on the typewritter going to the beat beat bang bang

she dances wildly  swoppping those hips 

will openthat root

the root is RED

nd my survival

the scareed hips  saunter and teasingly 

i am orange 

and im so creative

i flow throught the thoughts of the the souls out on paper being sllapped buy the keys  wacking the paper

I glow bright

in yellow

im the gut feelings of not  quiting and just knowing

and the show must go on

my aura is ever changing and aqalways in a state of flux

upheaval of lust  and passion become one

speaki your words

because thats all it is

when i see you

i wonder if im hallucinating

oh sweet lotus brain

the 1000petals

breath youre about die

serinty got  in my thought throat

breath depper now

in this state 

being ev everywhere and no where

the moment gets caught in

time and space

have you ever wanted something so impotant

fear creeps inwhai happrns when the wish expires after is blownn out 

listen to the wind

it is the answet as i watched you flickeer in and out of exustance

i continue to breath

sitting here getting older 

trapped in a useless body

i am enough as long as i can still laugh

a journey starts with one step

breath this will be over soon

exhalelungs flat at I the lotus brain talkes to

no where and every where

exploded in the eyes

this is not going to hurt

coughing as her eyes glaze over in castrates

her smooth skin becomes rough aand patchy

deforemed limbs.

He hands fall off to the side of her wheel chair.

Come with me weve been waiting for you its my dad michelle my my twin holding chaos.

The rapture purrs reverberated

and I smiled

juniper confusion

ok update

Posted by jconfusion Jul 18, 2020

so my back has been killing me  i thought it was just a freaking knot i got x-ray and i have  a bones spur in mleft shoulder.  rebel is 2 this month i love him so much.    atleast its a reason why it hurts so much... i miss you all very much my sister had her 1 year anniversary of being drug free and she met a wonderful man from church.  im so very proud of her.

shr bought me a big screen smart tv.  i haven been doing tia chi everyday. my rash on my bum went away after i got my big screeen tv  and im taking less naps.   and ive stopped nervous snacking abnd lost 10 lbs.

you can see my dropped shoulder on the left. and i dyed my hair a brighter red love you all!

chaos was sitting under ,me wheelchair watching me i have alot more energy and im down to 211  pounds still quitting hard  3167 days nicotine free im so  happy my little sister met a great nice guy, finally but i usually just sense chaos last night was the first visualof chaos ast time i just heard his purr lol it was a nice surprize i miss him dearly chaos and rebel start play ing lol through out the night


i am so frustrated

Posted by jconfusion May 3, 2020

me and reb


so imm frustrated my immune system isnt working  right  and i gave little sores appearing on my tummy and im being told it was because i keep having to stop methtrexate because i get a uti sinus infection  and i was just following my arthritis doc told me to stop when im on antibiotics.

im thinking outside the box.

ive purchased a dibet 

i took rebel to see dr mke and he said rebel is a beautiful csat. and hes not fat hes a big boy so i need to stop listening to mom she kept sayoing he was 15 pounds lol crazy crazy woman. lol he got his distemperment  and rabies shot.  but he started acting sluggish and not being his usual annoying hyper self. and i think he was tramatized from being forced inhis kitty box and he already knew something was up. and ive been letting him sleep in my bed at night so hedoesnt have to be scared he acted like hiis shoulders hurt from where he got his shot and i called  the vets and told them what was goining on. and asked if if it was normal for him to be laying down all the time?  they said it happens.but he was running laps this morning and is acting like his fuzzy stalker kitty he was so cute he was kinda laying on me purring and looking deeply into my eyews lol.



come on ma its bed time 


So my sister is doing good and is being hired into her factory job gets to Have her visitation with her 2 oldest boys.  My doctor visit at infectious disease doctor in Ann Arbor  2 hour drive she agreed with with the infectious disease doctor in Jackson  which really pisssed me off...I still get uninary tract infections. I still get low grade temperatures,  I am doing what is necessary drinking 5 through to7 32 ounces of ice water do tia chi and temperature regarding to riding the exercise bike I only go 1 miles every other day. I’m sorry I haven’t been on lately I figured no one wants to hear me whining about my my stupid health problems...I love you all and miss you all more.  I’ll try to get on here more.a and rebel is a pain but I need to keep reminding myself he’s not even 2 yet! Lol he likes following me from my comp desk to my nightstand and to my bed lol helps me so much we grow closer through time.  He is laying  next to me on the bed purring and licking me .lol

Its really been an amazing journey one i waasnt even sure i could do.  i used laugh at people who tried to get me to quit... but it was one of my researches when i read i was the reason chaoses already damaged  eyes werent getting better, and i was just done.  im really glad i  was able to quit smoking after i quit i heard about all my friends and my mom getting copd,  my mom too.  i didnt do it for myself i did it for chaos, but now i am going forward for me thank you my huge quitting smoking family we in this together!  You dont know how strong you are until youve tried!


ok attention cat lovers

Posted by jconfusion Sep 7, 2019

ok so my sister is doing pretty good as far as i know.

rebel likes to wake me up by laying on me lol  hes 15 pounds now.

and mom thinks i over feed him but he only gets 1 can of cat food a day and half a scop so he has a snack through out the day lol. and shewas trying to tell me i need to stop feeding him dry cat food and i was like im not going to starve him mom  its really not alot of food.


so what's next?

Posted by jconfusion Aug 24, 2019

i started taking methotrexate again, im just getting so tired of pain...arthritis pain tempature low grade fevers, i didnt want to take a shower but i did do tia chi. but  i splept most of the day rebel bless his heart he woke me up by purring in my ear.


so when it rains it pours

Posted by jconfusion Jul 26, 2019

i have poiatic arthritis   and my dermatologist recommended i get light box therapy but they are in jackson but i have found light therapy boxes on amazon lol i emailed my skin doc and gave her the name of the light box. infectious disease docs I'm  bit underwhelmed she can't find the infection but i still have a uti and she said i could be still getting a fever  from inflammation of my mutifple sclerosis or my prostatec psoriasis  of from both  sometimes it just sucks being juniper confusion ! lol   its just no fun having a 100.x tempters either every night but i got an antibiotic for the uti and my dermatologist  said i am not to take  methotrexate because ill be in the same boat without the pebbles shortly down the road. sorry kids.


sister update

Posted by jconfusion Jul 15, 2019

ok she dosent get sentenced till the 26s so she is still in jail