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jconfusion Blog

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jconfusion

pics of rebel :)

Posted by jconfusion Jan 15, 2019

 

 

 

jconfusion

lol rebel is so funny!

Posted by jconfusion Jan 13, 2019

lol I took a nap.   and I guess rebel discovered the warmest place for him  to sleep was between my legs lol duh cancer im a scorpio ! hes just lucky hes my furrbaby

jconfusion

meet my hansome lil man

Posted by jconfusion Jan 10, 2019

he has astar on his head! lol

jconfusion

rebel is getting braver

Posted by jconfusion Jan 9, 2019

he came out to greet my  caregiver Aubree I call her baby leo because her astrological sign is leo and im 11 years older than her.  well rebel came to me and then to her. lol she was chaoses girlfriend, lol 

and rebel took a nap with me and we woke up and I was petting his belly and he was licking my hand lol our bond gets stronger everyday.he wont be happy tomorrow night being fixed and declawed tomorrow sighs.

jconfusion

lol so i love rebel

Posted by jconfusion Jan 9, 2019

he looks at me when I say rebel lol he is a lot more affectionate than chaos ever was he lays on his back next to me on the couch.  he is a lot more vocal as he walks around our apt lol.  but I need him to know he cant be on my counters or other things but he is only 7  months old and im giving him all the space he needs lol.   it only took me 2 days to get him to learn his name.  good by rebel and he likes me petting his tummy lol im guessing he already trusts me.  chaos did pick him for me and my best friend brandy knew we would get along and that rebel is a fitting name for him.   chaos told me it in my trance.   good night my huge exsmoking family.  

love,

rebel and june

jconfusion

ok rebel is here!

Posted by jconfusion Jan 8, 2019

he is a calico/tiger/red tabby.  he got here at  6pm and didn't come out till like 11 pm but he came to me all purry.  its been a long time since ive been around a kitten the side of chaos and rebel is only just now turning 7 months lol

I got him a tunnel toy and 24 other toys to keep  him occupied.  hes woke me up this morning at 450 am hes a meower lol and he wont stop laying won so I cant use my walker lol

is like hedoesnt want me to walk around

jconfusion

deep breath

Posted by jconfusion Jan 6, 2019

breath in blue breath out black

feel your breath as low and shallow

fully relaxing

this is how i can tell healing is working

 

the subtle changes of breath and consciousness 

iits like being awake  but almost asleep

ive been told by a lot of healers and psychics no one asks for this

and I say I did

and my ex called me a dumbass

I find being enlightened to be the most fascinating

weird journey into whatthe buddhist call enlightenment 

is the understanding of the human condition

of suffering...

laziness

lying 

addiction

jconfusion

i give you my heart

Posted by jconfusion Jan 3, 2019

watching the thousands of chaos skipping around me digging out your mouse filled with cat nip

I was like I thought that was thrown away...lol

or I see him carrying one of those little plastic balls you get from those machines at stores..

it had cat nip in that too.

I don't know why you hide them are you hiding them from me?

im the one that filled them to begin with remember?

I loved watching you sleep and occasionally snored

you were so cute when I got back from my weeks long visit to the hospital you came running to me and gave me this look don't you ever leave me again!!

I remember when I had to drop you off at moms when i was leaving  my husband...now ex-husband.

you were safer at moms cause I had to go live at domestic harmony for 4 days, and when I walked in you came running up to me and jumped on top of a metal folding chair and I reacted like any mother would I wrapped my arms around you as the chair fell my silly perfect little man.

I woke up to you scratching your fleas at me.  

when grandma gave yo baths you would be crying for me to rescue you...

after she opened the door to came running to me and hid under my wheel chair I didn't have the heart to tell you the bath was my idea.

lol and I love how we were always together even in this little apt.  

we used to watch Roseanne together or supernatural or the walking dead. lol

I loved how unusual your purr was  and how you would run in circles while I patted and spanked  youre orange fuzzy butt.

I give you my heart but you see you've always had it just like ive always had yours.

and our love was fated kismet forever soulmates even through death

mommy june loves chaos with all that she was and had.

goodnight my perfect little man

our love curls around us of everything  we is. 

its insurance for your kitty or puppy.19.66 a month annual check up and teeth cleaning.  as far a I understand? anyone know anything else about this?

as im pushing myself to go faster riding the bike.

I still have all your pictures out and I listen to the recording of your raptor purr

I smile  at all the times youd beg me for a banana peel to chew on

or the yogurt you almost knocked out of my hands.

you were so smart I would be yelling at you to not scratch youre face

you  would just give me this look and jump down from our bed

and do it still but not infront of me 

I know you set up the whole dr mike and my friend happening to know another red tabby

I know your worried about me.

but im working on it.

on myself.

I gave you all my love

attention even if you didn't want it

told you a million times a day and night I love my little perfect man

even though I saved you from the pound you saved me too

and ill always be grateful for you being in my life

and I feel youre energy work when  it gets really bad.

I know youre not gone, just because you passed away.

ill always love you

unconditionally.  

 

your mommy june

jconfusion

wow i forgot how goodi feel

Posted by jconfusion Dec 30, 2018

I rode the bike and did seated tia chi mediated and rode the bike my body no longer hurts.

woke up at 5 am rode bike and did seated tia chi meditated,  I swear I can still hear you in our home,digging on the side of the couch with youre non existence claws, or you digging in the kitty litter.  even though the box was thrown out 2 weeks ago.  I swear I can still hear your raptor purr. or I can swear I see a flash of orange furr,and when I lay down to go to bed I say good night chaos love you.  and I light a candle for you to find youre way back to me.  I tuned on the fiber optic xmas tree just for you..i miss you like crazy, 

just breathe

the pain wont last forever, just our love is timeless epic golden.

finding youre soul mate and that love can fit in a life time  of beautiful bonding.

no one will ever replace that purr

I love you baby,

mommy june

it is hard to breath without chaos here.  its harder to, focus too.  i was worried id start smoking cigs agin after he died but i havent that was the only good thing about quitting for him  im on 7 years and  free of nicotine addiction because of him.  and ill continue to stay on my quit for him.  it was the easiest decision ive ever made,... 

I am very sad putting chaos to sleep makes me feel like I failed him...but I also know he wasnt acting like chaos, I could tell by the way he couldn't make it out of his cat carrier he was in pain...

I still feel him hopping on my bed and I heard his purr last night I know he hasn't left my side we are soul mates of course hes waiting for me I would do the same for him...I guess it pays to me enlightened hear **** no one else can hear or seeing things no one else is aware of.  he does energy work on me every night...

I will get find my inner peace. he did not die in excoriating pain.  I spared him that much at least.  my old massage teacher told me putting him was apart of taking care of him..it soo sucks being an a adult.

love,

june

jconfusion

wow

Posted by jconfusion Dec 13, 2018

dr mike my vet called me today and asked me how I was doing.. and then he went on to ask me if I was thinking about getting another kitty, because he would like to get my cat for me with all the shots being fixed and declawed.  im not ready chaos was put to sleep just this Monday.  he went to tell me I took great care of chaos and I made the right choice.   I just thought id shared how nice dr mike was this morning and it warms my heart that he bothered calling me to see how I was doing.  I thought I scared him when I was weeping over my poor lil boy, but I guess I made an impression on him he even said don't beat yourself up over this you did everything you could for him.  and I know why hes getting my next cat lol im a very good owner of pets.  yeah im saving money on the adopting and neutering but theres rabbie shots  meds food

or am I being too cynical?  I knw most people never do anything for free without a hidden motive im always wait for the second food to drop lol that is because it does. lol