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indingrl.01.06.2011 Blog

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Today is a great NEWS day for ME....MY daughter and grandson who live in Florida are safe....we just received a text from her.. she text......we are OK......I was praising and thanking God this morning....I prayed for God to poke the eye of ALL 3 hurricanes....Irma...Jose...and Katina...in Jesus name amen and amen...MY thoughts are of MY own....how spoiled I am here where I live and SOMETIMES.....I  take things and people for granted......I TRY to be of service....the library and church I TRIED to be a volunteer has not worked out...nothing heard back from library and I went to church meeting to help with babysitting after school teens...not MY cup of tea...I passed....so I came here to local library and thanked God for FREE COMPUTERS....I logged on to site and I read some blogs......I TRY to be of service here and NOW when I finished God willing..... I will walk home to do MY bible studying...what really amazes ME...how it takes ME to think of others.....BEFORE....ABOVE....MYSELF...only by Gods grace does this happen...bad news gets MY attention....I am only talking about ME....not anyone else...when I received a text from a friend......her husbands mom passed away.....when......I received a text from a friend...they are safe in Florida....when I  received a text.......MY husband sisters were both .....healed of lung cancer....one of them was a witness to her church community....I received a text....MY husbands mom is very ill with heart and kidney troubles.....she is at home now......he went to see his mom for himself and spent time speaking love and remembrance and thanking her for being a great mom...grandma....great grandma....and the rest of the family was there and it was freeing for MY husband.....He shared with ME when he returned home.....then I come here and I remembered Doris who use to send me love graphics of encouragement when I first quit using nicotine......I sent Staci a love BADGE...I hadn't seen her here until the Florida storm....then I read Sootie blog on Lady Betty......I remember Betty sent me love graphic when I was a NEWCOMER....then I read a comment from Thomas to another he was helping...and....I sent a love note to Thomas...I remember HOW HE NEVER GAVE UP ON ME......he taught ME in early recovery to keep coming back and reading blogs.....and to LOVE OTHER ABOVE MYSELF....that's what Thomas still does today......I am sharing MY thoughts....TODAY.....due to ALL the texts of loved ones not just affected by a earthly storms.....TODAY......MY storm is of the heart....to continue to be WILLING to accept when I LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY..GOOD AND BAD NEWS AND REMAIN SPIRITUALLY BALANCED THROUGH IT ALL...one day at a time...yet it took ME to pay attention to how PRECIOUS AND SHORT THIS LIFE REALLY IS....TO ME......it is due to life JUMPING OUT OF THE BUSHES.....AGAIN...to teach ME not to take life and those I love for granted.....you never know.....this could be MY last day on this earth.....YOU NEVER KNOW.....just sharing MY thoughts....I sent a prayer card to my friend who......lost of a mom......I was prompted in MY heart for ME to.... text MY mom....I love you and then I called her to talk awhile....then I got on MY facebook page....Joy McKinley Taylor....if anyone wants to be friends on fackbook with ME....I am  inviting you NOW.......just sharing MY thoughts....I am going to TRY and be more aware and NOT wait to get texts of sorry news...bad news...or things that JUMP OUT OF THE BUSHES AT ME...TRY IS MY WORD FOR TODAY.......to help ME remember....life and people are PRECIOUS and fleeting....it is written.....Your life is but a MIST.......thanks for letting ME share MY thoughts....STAY QUIT NO MATTER WHAT I THINK OR WHAT JUMPS OUT OF THE BUSHES......in Jesus name amen....PLEASE take what helps and let go of the rest....to be HELPFUL is MY only aim.

indingrl.01.06.2011

PEOPLE

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Sep 7, 2017

I walk to library to meet people......to make a friend it was SUGGESTED TO ME to be a FRIEND.....for ME and I am talking about ME not anyone else....so PLEASE take what helps and let go of the rest....thank you....I was decided to ask God for help a llllloooooonnnnnngggg....LONG...time ago.... how to be friends with MYSELF....because you cannot give away something you DO NOT HAVE.....so I love me today and I am my best friend to ME and MY Lord Jesus....My precious Holy Spirit who leads me....because I ask Him.... day by day to love and meet others along MY path....the local library in MY community has a quite room where they set up a table to fix a jigsaw puzzle....they have a sign that asks...please leave some for others to fix too......so I obey the rules....for a couple of months I stop by fix a few pieces yet didn't meet anyone....then TODAY... I met Ellie...so sweet and gentle and very pretty....a quite soul....full of love...these are MY thoughts of Ellie....anyway...before I use to just like people who treated ME like crap....I didn't know any better since I am a survivor of MANY ABUSES AS A CHILD...yes I made peace and sought professional therapy in 1988 for all the crap.....TODAY....I ask the Holy Spirit to help ME...I spent the morning with another of MY friends...I met her 5 YEARS ago...and she is willing to get to know ME and ask questions about Jesus and the bible too which is MY FAVORITE talking and sharing Jesus love and the Word of God...the Bible.....I TRY to remember to walk everyday.... God willing and TODAY I  choose to walk the park paths by MY NEW apartment...the park has a path with a tons of trees....so beautiful......then I came here with plans of fixing puzzle and blogging to all here and let you know to MY CHOICES are for loving people and the NEW adventure of meeting NEW PEOPLE.... to be MY friends.....those My Holy Spirit leads ME to are very kind....remember...these are STRANGERS....people that come to the library....anyway....I didn't have to use NICOTINE for courage or for meeting NEW PEOPLE...I prayed and I really enjoy fixing the puzzle and I was directed by the Holy Spirit to take it easy ....I have a tendency to get VERY EXCITED and JOYFULL.....at meeting NEW people....AGAPE LOVE SETS ME ON FIRE TO LOVE PEOPLE...just like God loves ME AND ALL OF YOU TO IF YOU DESIRE HIM..YOUR CHOICE...Ellie is Gods gift to ME..MY BELIEF......and I also have FAITH to BELIEVE... Ellie and  NEW PEOPLE will soon be a puzzle friend too...DOUBLE LOVE GIFT FROM GOD.....then a gentleman came in and we both said hello...I asked if he would like MY chair to fix puzzle...he said no he has to go home for lunch ...he spent too much time on computer.. I said I have to go and eat lunch too and thanked Ellie for fixing puzzle with ME and it was very nice meeting her...I ask Holy Spirit to help ME remember her name...I am getting better at remembering names...PROGRESS......I just wanted to share that I NEVER paid attention with love leading ME to get to meet NEW PEOPLE...today...I do and I am so grateful to have friends to talk with ....fix a puzzle at library with....and most of all for God blessing ME with ALL OF MY RECOVERING FROM NICOTINE FAMILY here....thank you ALL for teaching ME to share MY heart with new PEOPLE and trust God's AGAPE LOVE...not human fleshy love with strings attached...some PEOPLE ARE LIKE THAT....USERS....FOR SELFISHNESS....I KNOW PERSONALLY BECAUSE I USE TO BE ONE... UNTIL....MY Lord Jesus saved ME....I am so joyful to be healed in those areas so I could love me and be a friend....to ANYONE...I meet today...even if it is just to smile at....or say good morning in passing.....YOU NEVER KNOW....it was SUGGESTED....smile....you speak first and to NOTICE PEOPLE first......we all want to be LOVED.. to have friends...I know I do...so I am stepping OUT and making the FIRST MOVE...also...staying QUIT no matter what TOGETHER WITH ALL OF YOU....this NEW NICOTINE LIFESTYLE.... is well worth ALL the pain I went through to know in MY HEART...I am a TRUE FRIEND for I know I am loved by God....God loves you and so do I.....please remember smile at PEOPLE.....you NEVER know you may save their life!

Please I am talking about ME and not anyone else....so take what HELPS...and let go of the rest....thank you...I was walking here this morning and I was praying to not give up.....life on life terms is hitting BACK TO BACK...with NO RECOVERY BREATHING IN BETWEEN... changes is constantly happening good and bad...prayer is helping ME.......... I am a RECOVERING NICOTINE ADDICT with the BIG baby in ME FROM OLD BEHAVIOR TO FEEL SORRY FOR MYSELF FOR NO REASON...life is life so deal with it...that was SUGGESTED TO ME......the immaturity in ME OLD HABITS....OLD FEELINGS...OLD WAYS OF COPING.....not ACTING EMOTIONAL MATURE at handling life on lifes terms...just go with the flow...what is MY business and NOT MY BUSINESS...this OLD BABY ME IS TRYING to take ME to the pity-party....so I called the Trinity Broadcasting Network to ask for prayer that I don't give up....the woman was very loving...called me her sister and prayed so fast......like she had drank forty POTS OF CAFFINE.....I asked the Holy Spirit to help ME TO LISTEN....all I know is I am here TRYING to give out badges of ENCOURAGEMENT TO OTHERS.....and now to share MY emotions that are from EXPECTATIONS of life....people.....places....things....situations....OF MY OLD WAY OF LIFE WAYS....I WILL NOT BE A BIG BABY AND QUIT LIFE...I called for help NOT TO GIVE UP ..to ACCEPT LIFE MY LIFE AS IT IS AT THIS MOMENT.....just life on life's terms....nothing in particular...yet the life that is happening is ALL NEGATIVE CRAP.....my husbands mom is very ill and some of her children are saying she wont make it to thanksgiving....most of my friends are very ill due to physical ailments....its seems....I am letting MYSELF...not see the good with the overwhelming negatives of life just being life....my friends are getting old and suffering the consequences of life in the physical...FROM THEIR CHOICES OF OLD LIFE LIVING IN THE PAST.....some due to falling and breaking of brittle bones....some with no one to care for them at home due to insurance changes....if you don't DO THIS MEDICADE WILL NOT PAY.....I always TRY to remember to PRAY FOR OTHERS ABOVE MYSELF....yet today I had NOTHING TO GIVE.....I really didn't care at the MOMENT....I woke up and I  did PRAY FOR OTHERS FIRST....yet I notice in ME the.... false guilt.. then I remembered.......I was taught....SCREW GUILT.....I never have asked for PRAYER FOR ME...so today I let go of FALSE BELIEFS...FALSE GUILT...and called for prayer for ME...and now...I am thinking better about ME and MY LIFE in Christ Jesus....just because I have Christ does NOT mean I do NOT have to do any foot work ....I am responsible to have disciple and self-control to say....out loud and walk MY TALK....I pray and TRY to believe more and more......I am content and EMOTIONAL STABLE TODAY.....in Jesus name amen HOORAY FOR JESUS!!! Just wanted to share that it is OK to ask for prayer for MYSELF because how can I give away something I do not have to others.....so I am STAYING QUIT NO MATTER WHAT.... not using NICOTINE OVER ME...AND I AM NOT GIVING UP AND I AM VERY GRATEFUL I AM GROWING UP INSIDE AND NOT ASHAMED TO FACE ALL MY FEARS OF ADMITTING....I too need encouragement and who better to do it than MYSELF....with OTHERS LEADING BY THEIR EXAMPLES......not using nicotine over MYSELF....or letting FEAR OF SELF NEEDING PRAYER AND CALLING A PRAYER LIFE-LINE.....Gosh it is wonderful that I will remember.....r ALL God has done to bring ME this far.....GOD ALONE...God loves to hear from ALL his children.....even ME...when I am at MY weakest....to cry out and tell MYSELF...DO NOT GIVE UP.....step by step I made it here to share TODAY....the VICTORY in Christ in Jesus name amen....GOD IS LOVE....TO ALL WHO CHOOSE HIS LOVE....HIS GRACE.....THE GIFT OF THE PRESENT.....PRAYER to ask for HELP AND NOT TO GIVE UP! Thanks for letting ME share with all of you who MAY have to encourage themselves too.

indingrl.01.06.2011

PAUSE

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Sep 1, 2017

I was taught 6 YEARS ago...when I first stopped using nicotine....my thoughts were OBESSIVE and MY main objective was to USE NICOTINE for everything in ME and MY new RECOVERING LIFE in Christ.... I WAS CONSTANTLY THINKING OF USING NICOTINE ALL THE DAYS LONG......PLEASE take what HELPS and let go of the rest......THANK YOU......so it was SUGGESTED TO ME..it was SUGGESTED TO COME HERE AND TELL ON MYSELF AND MY THOUGHTS.....I was taught to PAUSE....BREATHE....PAUSE...... by MY brother Jonathan to PAUSE.....BREATHE.....for every I thought I had of USING NICOTINE.....so I took the SUGGESTION and I still apply the PAUSE.... when dealing with life on life's terms for ME......TODAY.....before I do anything in MY NEW NICOTINE LIFESTYLE..PAUSE..THINK WHAT YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT....in MY EARLY RECOVERING...THOUGHTS WERE CONSUMED WITH SMOKING MY 50 CIGS A DAY AT THE END OF MY USING NICOTINE..... thoughts were so obsessive that NOTHING I CHOSE TO HELP MYSELF WORKED....so I would blog... blog...... blog..... BEFORE I took that first puff over ME..... I remember it was SUGGESTED to PAUSE....come and blog and let everyone know what was going on in MY NEW NICOTINE FREE LIFESTYLE and MY OBSESSIVE THOUGHT LIFE....I confessed MY thought life in the NEW life was OLD THOUGHTS....NICOTINE THOUGHTS CONSUMMED MY EVERY THOUGHT.....I was told to go to whyquit.com and watch videos...read nicotine free books by those WHO it worked for them....try it and if it doesn't work for you TRY another's example that they are WALKING AND STAYING QUIT.....PAUSE......also to come here to this site and read the BLOGS of those staying quit..i still MISS THE OLD SITE..so I PAUSE and change MY THINKING attitude of gratitude for MY acceptance that NOTHING STAYS THE SAME...I can be a PART OF THE SOLUTION....or be SELF-CENTERED to be part of the PROBLEM.....this suggestion to PAUSE...and take the NEW suggestions OFFERED IN LOVE....to TRY......these NEW IDEAS and suggestions....I have thrown away ALL MY OLD WAY OF THINKING.......I would PAUSE...I would not take MYSELF so serious for laughter is the BEST medicine to  HELP ME let go of MY PRIDE......these PAUSE were taught by many many besides these I am listing here......Tommy...Froguelady.....Barbara.....Cindy.....Iriseyes...Izzy...Terrie...some of these people don't come here any longer......I would PAUSE and remember Doris who has now passed away....Doris helped ME everyday by loving ME and teaching ME to love this NEW WAY OF LIVING WITHOUT USING NICOTINE OVER ME.....everyday Doris left ME love graphics.....I love and miss Doris....I remember Laura who USE to come here and no longer does....taught ME TO PAUSE.....to get a menthol cough drop and breathe to get a NEW thought and say out loud...I no longer use nicotine....I remember Peggy who would encourage ME to PAUSE and think of others ABOVE MYSELF she always did....... I remember to PAUSE and be grateful I can breath after 38 YEARS OF USING NICOTINE....that PAUSE was taught to ME by my beloved brother THOMAS...attitude of gratitude I could BREATHE FREELY.......I remember G who was so pissed that I kept CHANGING MY ICON.....the PAUSE G taught ME was to let go of all MY CONTROLLING OLD WAYS....to be of SERVICE in tough love just like G was given.... the PAUSE I was taught by my beloved brother Denny.....who is no longer here .....he gave ME a new thought.....THINK....THINK....THINK......If one of us is going to use nicotine I feel sorry for you.....which I still PAUSE and thank MY Higher Power who is God...by his grace I PAUSE and surrender ALL OF ME....to God's perfect will for ME to PAUSE and try to help ALL those who suffer from nicotine.....PAUSE....has helped ME....to mind MY own business and remember to use MY experience at being taught a NEW WAY OF THINKING AND LIVING....for ME.... is to PAUSE.....give God thanks FIRST and come to blog MY experience at living ONE MOMENT AT A TIME....and to pass on the knowledge and wisdom freely given to ME....this is the one TOOL that helps ME....I was given many FREELY by others STILL HERE.... to PAUSE and thank ALL OF YOU.... even though.... I HAVE NOT NAMED YOU HERE IN THIS BLOG....THE LIST WOULD BE TO ETERNITY.....if I have NOT typed your name PLEASE PAUSE ......and know.... YOU ARE IN MY HEART FOR I HAVE MET ALL OF PEOPLE HERE IN MY SIX YEARS OF TRYING TO BE OF SERVICE TO ANY WHO SO EVERS....in Jesus name amen HOORAY FOR JESUS!

This past MONTH we have been dealing with confrontation with the NEW management at our NEW apartment home. The management selling point for us was....everything in the apartment you are going to be moving into is NEW...ALL NEW...well none of it came to pass and we were given another apartment the management said was clean and ready to move in....it wasn't....we CHOOSE to accept the management offer...we had no money to move to another place that DAY....we had all our belongings in a RENTAL truck that DAY.....NOW the consequences of OUR CHOOSING TO ACCEPT...moving into someone else filth and unprofessional management who are liars......We....fyi.... is my husband and ME ....we started July 28, 2017 with requesting the PROMISES MADE TO US in the beginning......NEW everything.....painting done....carpet done... stove done. TOOK A MONTH OF CONSTANT REQUESTING...you PROMISED and then stating over and over the LIST of PROMISES.....fyi ..delivered a microwave from the stone age...it had *****....*****.....we took microwave to office requested a 2017 model....that's  a whole different soap opera.....we have had to fight to get the management to do what they promised....I had to unpack and re-pack for painters and carpet people....the management said I should be good at that by now..  the management took his anger out on ME when they delivered the NEW stove for 1950...it would be different if I was remodeling for I love Lucy  era... my husband said to management yes the stove is NEW....we will accept 1950 model.....I CHOOSE to not be easily offended by any of this crap happening on those DAYS....now time has passed and TODAY.....thoughts come and go of vengeance....hateful FEEELINGSSSS.....not getting enough clean breathing...I catch MYSELF holding MY breathe as I fantasy getting vengeance on ALL of them to make them SUFFER........FEEELLLINGSSSSSS of dizziness....thoughts UNDISCIPLINED.....so I cried out to JESUS......please take what HELPS and let go of the rest....thank you....I prayed and confessed all my hate-filled thoughts and I ask the Holy Spirit to hold me and teach me to be disciplined and self-controlled just like Jesus....it is written.... love you enemies....so I am TRYING to accept MYSELF and love MYSELF....for I was taught .....if some person place thing or circumstance situation is bothering ME....I MUST ACCEPT.....that person place thing or circumstance situation as Gods will for ME.....I am talking about ME not anyone else......so I cried for Jesus to help ME because I want vengeance NOT discipline NOT self-control NOT love MY enemies.....I admitted ALL MY hate filled thinking and asked forgiveness.....received forgiveness with NO GUILT OR CONDEMNATION....and NOW I am here to confess to ALL of you.....MY really inside healing that has been done for I surrendered to JESUS ALL MY RIGHTS......ALL MY THINKING....and I claim by faith....it is written ....I have the mind of Christ.....this was taught to ME .....that I seek in MY heart to do Christ Jesus will above ALL I think....I sincerely want to be DISCIPLINED AND SELF-CONTROLLED....just like Jesus wants ME to be I confessed I didn't KNOW how to be genuine inside with REAL AGAPE LOVE and desire to be responsible for ME and MY thought life.....MY prayers were answered for here I sit after praying and exercising for one hour and 20 minutes by walking quickly and remembering to breath......then I chose to  walk to library to tell ALL of you who understand a RECOVERING ADDICTS addictions that will get out of control and TRY to created STINKING THINKING ACTION..... it is MY responsibility to be DISCIPLINED and SELF-CONTROLLED over ME....ONLY ME AND MY ATTITUDES....not the management ...WE did our part.....WE must wait for the rest of the PROMISES made by management.....so to walk MY DISCIPLINED AND SELF- CONTROLLED LIFESTYLE....I must share the WHOLE story with God...myself and I chose and made MY decision to share with ALL of you.....it is still possible to have thoughts of INSANITY AND FANTASY and NOT let them have CONTROL OVER ME....plus I am doubled blessed to have ALL of you to come and pour MY heart out and know I am still being of HELP to some  ONE and NOT ONE PUFF OVER ME.....I truly am DISCIPLINED AND SELF-CONTROLLED....I stay quit no matter what and choose the HIGH ROAD to be loving and enjoying helping MYSELF FIRST....for how can I give away something I don't have...TODAY I have the willingness to be all God wants ME to be TODAY...healthy...NICOTINE FREE....and DISCIPLINED AND SELF- CONTROLLED.  Thank you ALL for letting ME share...a moment of MY day.....NICOTINE FREE....HOORAY FOR JESUS!

indingrl.01.06.2011

H.O.W.

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Aug 28, 2017

How I STAY QUIT....I do not take that first PUFF over ME...H is for HONESTY WITH MYSELF....I am a recovering nicotine addict...one day at a time by MY Higher Power....who is God....gives me His grace....My Lord and Savior Jesus to remain NICOTINE FREE by MY faith in the Holy Spirit keeping ME....thinking of other NICOTINE addicts above MYSELF and to share MY experience, strength and hope with them ...FREELY GIVE...freely GIVEN ALL AWAY.

How do I put this in ACTION....by praying first and asking God to keep ME....O is for open- mindedness.... to LEARN from those who are YEARS living and staying quit and by taking their SUGGESTIONS...to always remain TEACHABLE IN LOVE and remember to HELP some ONE.

How living is done by Faith in the God I serve and the blessing of this site SUPPORT GROUP...to TRY and help out when I am able to come to MY local library to use their FREE computers...and to blog how the W is for the willingness to do Gods will and service other in His love to help give hope and share what I am living....A NEW LIFE NICOTINE FREE....in MY own skin...in peace with God, myself and others....to believe I can be of service to some ONE...that  if you CHOOSE to follow the SUGGESTIONS given from those with YEARS of living in THEIR OWN SKIN WITHOUT USING NICOTINE....you to will learn HONESTY WITH SELF....to remain OPEN-MINDED...to be TAUGHT by the WILLINGNESS of others on this site reading their blogs when they remember what they USE to be like using nicotine...what HAPPENED inside of them and what they are doing TODAY by living NICOTINE free....They taught ME...to admit in MY heart ...I am a nicotine addict and powerless over nicotine....I came to believe that with My Higher Power who is God and the support of this on line RECOVERING FROM NICOTINE GROUP.....we will STAY QUIT TOGETER NO MATTER WHAT...in UNITY...with each other loving and teaching each other NEW IDEAS.....NEW COPING SKILLS...also.....to enjoy life NICOTINE FREE....by living in the PRESENT of each NEW DAY and enjoying EACH THING WE DO......like sharing this blog with those who are NEW AND THOSE RECOVERING TODAY....I took the SUGGESTIONS and I still do by coming and reading and sharing MY HEART with just living in the MOMENTS. Please take what HELPS and let go of the rest .....to be helpful is MY only aim...in Jesus name amen. SMOKE FREE AND REJOICING IN MY CHRIST- LIFE STYLE.....in Jesus name amen.

indingrl.01.06.2011

Friendships to ME

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Aug 21, 2017

I came here today out of learning NEW changes....learning about NEW friendships too.....I have to put forth the effort of going and trying to meet NEW people....I overheard this man telling this man not to get old....I realized I am not the only one looking for company just to chat with....I put my NEW attempts out there and now I wait for a response....this waiting period is when I USED NICOTINE TO RELIEF THE ANXIETY OF WAITING....to be accepted or passed by.....I try NOT to look at being passed over as REJECTION.....people are busy and have appointments as MY friend just told me because I said you text ME when your not busy because I am tired to being rejected...she said I am not rejecting you I have things to do in life..so I said ok I understand.....yet NOT until she brought to MY attention...I am NOT perfect...that took ME along time to accept that I was not perfect because I tried so hard to be .....I am laughing..... it took YEARS....I am becoming more and more human...yet I MUST stay grown up in Jesus name amen......I have gotten grateful at accepting being passed by and not even thinking of USING nicotine or escaping through FOOD... I just keep trying NEW THINGS I have never done before because TODAY I will NOT live in fear......I do realize I always went LOOKING for some escape from the deadness space of waiting....for love ...for chit chatting....for company....for friendship......for someone's attention....NOW only by Gods grace....please I am talking about me not anyone else...take what helps and let go of the rest....thank you....I am able to admit to God to MYSELF and now to all of you...I trust MY recovering from nicotine family for understanding MY mental twists and emotional insanity at moments of MY recovery.....FRIENDSHIP'S OF TODAY.....I try daily to improve....MY ACTION.....I love people and I enjoy helping them daily....smiling at someone...saying good morning to all those I see and meet TODAY....going out of my way to lift people in prayer as My spirit is prompted to as we pass each other or thoughts come to mind to pray.....in MY heart to  prayed for all the schools that hold the next generations this morning on my walking here to the library....I tried to get together with a friend to fix a jigsaw puzzle...passed by she had busyness and life to do today....I got out went and exercised the walk paths at the park...walked here to the library...blog....BEFORE I give into emotional immaturity and LOOK for an excuse to be emotionally out of control and let my feelings lead me to ADDICTIONS......NOT ONE PUFF OVER ME....I made the decision to be honest with MY Daddy God and MYSELF...and now all of you....I asked God to be MY friend...I ask Jesus to be MY friend ...I ask Holy Spirit to be MY friend and to teach ME to be a friend to MYSELF first.... for how can I give away something I do not have...so what would I give to a friend first...a loving Good morning....and a comforting nudge to SUGGEST.... lets go for a walk and share our love with all others we meet and lets smile and be kind and gentle as we meet those on our path today...this is what I do to think NEW...live NEW....and to TRY...to be NEW in MY heart this day and remember to always be grateful to God ...I have all his blessings each day to see with MY own eyes to blog and type this love note to MY recovering family that I am very responsible for MY own joy and friendship to God and self first then to others....growing up nicely one moment at a time....God is good to ME always....the local library has free computers I can use for two hours...they started a jigsaw puzzle in the quite room for anyone who wants to fix....remember to let other fix it too...I obey the sharing rule....before I would be the ONE to fix it all the puzzle for pride not friendships....I am so grateful to be living life not using nicotine to PRETEND living life......thanks for letting ME be your friend.

I try helping others by sharing how I use to smoke 50 cigs a day...I prayed and was given a cold turkey quit...I have been coming to this site for over 6 YEARS....I still give what was given to me... you cant give away something you do not have.... as far as SUGGESTIONS....the lesson I am learning as of lately.....it was SUGGESTED TO ME....you GOT TO WANT to quit using nicotine for you....so I prayed and I was given MY FREEDOM through MY HIGHER POWER WHO IS GOD.....I come here to help ALL THOSE SUFFERING FROM NICOTINE ADDICTION.....not any other reason....to give support to RECOVERING MEMBERS HERE....and to the NEWCOMERS.... who are the most important members HERE.....it was SUGGESTED to educate MYSELF on MY nicotine addiction....I must admit to MYSELF....in MY heart....I am a nicotine addict and I am powerless over nicotine....one puff will send ME right back to 50 cigs a day and MAYBE...instant death...massive heart attack since MY addiction has been in remission or MAYBE a slow suffocation death.....CHOICES and I am choosing of MY OWN FREE WILL......I WILL NOT TAKE ONE PUFF OVER MY....please take what you like and leave the rest....to be HELPFUL is MY only aim....let go of the rest....don't deceive YOURSELF into thinking that MY BLOG OR USE OF MY HIGHER POWER....or the way I CHOOSE TO HELP..... causes you to have an excuse to use NICOTINE....by blaming.....SUGGESTED TO ME OVER 6 YEARS AGO.....admit complete defeat and let OTHERS who have YEARS LIVING LIFE ON LIFES TERMS.....teach you with your MIND OPEN to their STAYING QUIT NO MATTER WHAT......THEIR TRUTH....FACTS....WALKING THEIR TALK......if you think you can quit by YOURSELF....go for it....if you want HELP AND FELLOWSHIP WITH LOVE AND TRUTH....choices....choices...choices....then BEFORE YOU USE NICOTINE....give YOURSELF a chance and blog... blog.... BLOG!.....before you use NICOTINE over YOU and tell on YOURSELF... blog the TRUTH about YOU AND YOUR ADDICTION...NO ONE ELSE...that was said to ME...over 6 YEARS ago...I still blog to vent...blog to help...blog because I need  HELP...LOVE ....FELLOWSHIP TO KNOW I AM NOT ALONE.....and MOST OF ALL I NEED ALL OF YOU HERE....I WILL NOT DO THIS ALONE...I TRIED AND FAILED....it was SUGGESTED TO ME...I was the problem and MY PRIDE....MINE...not anyone else....ALL ME!!!  I was in the way of MY receiving the helping words with love....from ALL here that were LIVING NICOTINE FREE....its a LIFESTYLE now....thanks for letting ME share!

indingrl.01.06.2011

Self- deceived

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Aug 16, 2017

Back in the PAST of MY using nicotine... I thought I will NOT get cancer from smoking nicotine.... OTHERS get cancer from smoking nicotine not ME.... then I watched an early death video from using NICOTINE..... Bryon was his name... his wife and famiy wanted to post it at whyquit.com.... it OPENED MY EYES on how I deceived MYSELF... Bryon was so young... I looked at his wifes face and at his young son as the watched Bryon die.... sharing this video in HOPE that Bryons early death would HELP someone to QUIT smoking nicotine.... I emailed Bryons family to thank them and let them know how grateful I was for their love and courage to give unconditionally LIFE to ME.... I am no longer self-deceived... NICOTINE is still being used to cope with the issues inside of users thinking CANCER HAPPENS TO OTHERS....I thank God for ALL here who suggested I go educated MYSELF here at this site AND at whyquit.com... May God bless Bryons family and ALL here who TRY to help ALL those who WANT nicotine FREEDOM in Jesus name amen PLEASE take what helps and leave the rest... thank you. 

Today I filled out paperwork to be a volunteer at MY local library on Tuesday and Thursdays in the early morning. Yesterday I joined MY community church within walking distance to MY new home in MY new neighborhood and volunteered there to help out where needed on Monday Wednesday and Friday in the early part of the day....I have never experienced such FREEDOM in personal CHOICES....do exactly what I want to do in Christ freedom and love is amazing...I NEVER knew I had a CHOICE.... I always followed or just did stuff because others were...NEVER fully present in life let alone a full DAY...today I am in the PRESENT of each moment of this day in Jesus name amen....it is GREAT for ME... please I am talking about ME so please take what helps and let go of the rest....it is so nice to hold a conversation with a total stranger....and NOT be responsible for the person....I can just be ME...they themselves...and continue on MY day.....to meet others in the moments....of a day.....just living and letting others live in Jesus name amen

Please I am only talking about ME so take what helps and let go of the rest. Thank you. Today I was  taking inventory  MY INSIDES....I remembered all the things I use nicotine to escape....only I seem to be where ever I went....I notice TODAY I have really grown up on the inside...in 1997.....I was a victim of MY past...4 year old running around in an adult body...letting MY memories of old.....MY old feelings......habits of old that I  learned from MY past...steal MY relationships with people in general..... I would either be so deadly quite or so rage-fully loud....ALL for attention and to fill a constant CRAVING to be loved with NO STRINGS ATTACHED....it seems I would THINK I was doing things for others so they would love ME.....like ME.... yet what I discovered TODAY was the deeply rooted trouble in ME of this constant CRAVING.....to STOP this self-hate for wrong choices....mistakes.... failed as a mother...friend....human being.....things I hated doing because I was FORCED to do by the adult in MY life as a CHILD....then came the time in MY life when I was grown up on the outside....yet still CRAVING this unconditional love for SOMEONE...TODAY I discovered another LEVEL OF CHANGE IN ME....this CONSTANT CRAVING has been fulfilled TODAY....God filled ME with his love...My Lord Jesus....the Holy Spirit brought this to MY attention while praying TODAY....I LOVE MYSELF TODAY....I was looking on how to let more people into MY JESUS HEART..  I am taking a RISK......I am going to be brave and fill out paperwork to be a volunteer at the library TODAY God willing......I am going to TRUST God and risk being hurt by loving GOD, MYSELF AND NOW OTHERS......face to face....to see what a grown up relationship is in this place called....earth....this change is deep FACTS to the betrayal of blood family....and those I chose as BEST friends in 1997....FACT....no teaching on relationships EVER....MY past relationships examples.....one was MY best friend who knew my X-husband raped my kids...when he got out of prison...she CHOSE to have a relationship with him.... until he started hurting her sexually..... then she came to me for help....yes I prayed and helped her I went to police since he had to report to police where ever he lived....child rapist...etc......this was YEARS ago....yes I worked through a lot of crap in ME.... to be her friend this very day...she said sorry and thank you for helping her.....08-11-17...TODAY...I was thinking WHY am I her friend TODAY....This is the type of thinking and feelings that lead ME to use nicotine or ANYTHING to escape and shove these MEMORIES back down....I remembered.....GOD IS LOVE.... God forgave ME and no one is without sin...NO ONE......then another person I trusted to be MY best friend betrayed ME after I let her live in MY home....because she was going through her divorce and homeless....helped her get on her feet....then helped her find an apartment......she gets back together with her X-husband and she also knew my X-husband raped my kids....she invited the X-husband and her X-husband into her home for a football party....NOW I know they have every right to make these choices....regardless if I agree with them or not....TODAY.... I realized I was in a deep self-pity and self-hate that was deeply rooted in the PAST victim childhood and twisted perspective with the insides of me about these two relationships in 1997 bothering ME TODAY.....i was a people pleaser and went to any length to get this FAKE LOVE...TODAY.....I am honest with MYSELF.... I chose to help them and ACCEPT them just as they are....human just like ME....I  continue to work on ME....I have discovered this NEW LEVEL OF CHANGE inside of ME was MY choice TODAY....I CHOSE to continue in Gods love and learn from MY mistakes..TODAY...Praying and asking the Holy Spirit to teach ME how to be a Jesus friend and leave the outcome of MY relationships TODAY in his care.....GOD IS LOVE..... I continue to help others..... just like ME who are hurting...made mistakes...and failed as a friend...mom....human being....that just like ME... to continue to love...to forgive God...MYSELF.....and others.....This is MY chosen Christ lifestyle today.....I keep moving into a deep level of relationship with Christ Jesus by the Holy Spirit in ME to NEW level deep within ME...to keep growing up....INSIDE....now I am 33 years INSIDE and 60 years young on the OUTSIDE....ever so grateful for this deeper level of CHANGE.....STAYING QUIT NO MATTER WHAT.....in Jesus name amen HOORAY FOR JESUS! Gosh it is wonderful to admit completer defeat and still be rejoicing I aint using nicotine to share MY heart with ALL of you.

indingrl.01.06.2011

Grateful

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Aug 10, 2017

Thankfulness has always been a joy for ME..... please take what HELPS and let go of the rest... thank you. I am dealing with some EMOTIONS....thoughts and feeeeellllllllliiiiinnnggggsss....We just moved... unpacking I noticed FRESH smells of a variety... lavender scents... cleaning supplies...variety of scents...clean lemon... bold lavender bleach scent...and MY fav... tanning lotion aroma..to the pool I went after working of course.... cooking soup aroma....I was thinking this morning... I am so grateful I dont smell cigarette odor.... Thank you for teaching ME not only would I smell beautiful odors ...aromas... I too would smell good.... NOT from spraying perfume on so I wouldn't smell like smoke...I am grateful to God for ALL of you here who still continue to teach TRUTH ... with love leading your mouths cuz your STAYING QUIT FOR YEARS... you live your talk ....NOT ONE PUFF OVER ME...grateful is a wonderful way to live for ME in Jesus name amen. 

indingrl.01.06.2011

Remember

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Aug 6, 2017

I remember I had 3 months nicotine free and i received news my brother-in-love was killed by drunk driver... i blogged and the HELP came ....what to do during the first road trip without using nicotine... SUGGESTIONS from others who walked their talk by experience NOT from reading a book...I remember those here who CHOSE not to HELP.....I remember the little girl in ME who USE TO seek EVERYONE to approve of ME... i USE TO BE....living from the wounds of MY past life.... sucking on 50 nicotine death sticks a day over childhood issues I couldnt change..over MY past life ALL crap that was OVER.... I remember MY twisted perspective .....I USE TO THINK obsessively.... I WILL SMOKE AT THEM...I now... this day only....REMEMBER God has healed ME inside and outside to be of service to the next suffering nicotine addict....to share MY past RECOVERING STORIES... what I remember in MY EARLY days living without USING nicotine... I remember I blogged for HELP first BEFORE I used nicotine as an excuse because LIFE just happens at times... my friend Mary died of bone cancer and God willing i will go to funeral this monday...in town road trip ... i remember to blog first... NOT ONE PUFF OVER ME... everyone one WILL die..God willing I choose to die NICOTINE FREE in Christ Jesus name amen...please take what HELPS and let go of the rest... thank you. Gentle hug and please REMEMBER blog FIRST before you take that first puff...REMEMBER we will stay quit no matter what TOGETHER.  

Friday... beginning at 7am....my husband and I .. hustled at a pretty fast pace..... walked up and down for ONE hour....loading a one bedroom.... 20 boxes of STUFF... and 3 pieces of furniture... our friend Victor helped MY husband with.....a loveseat....a bowflex machine...and a queen size bed.....they put in the truck when it arrived....THREE FLIGHTS of stairs...one flight had 8 stairs and then walk on landing and continue down next 8 steps...total down 24 stairs  in building and then the 5  stairs outside building....when all done... I sat down on cement stairs while MY husband went for rental truck...it didn't open until 8am...when he returned with the truck...we loaded truck and drove to new apartment...one bedroom from a two bedroom....PROMISED when we signed up for NEW location....all gutted and all NEW everything....NOT READY..FYI WE WAITED FOUR HOURS FOR THE MANAGER TO RETURN TO OFFICE SHE WAS SUPPOSE TO BE AT 9am...WE STAYED IN PRAYER FOR HER FOR US FOR ALL PEOPLE INVOLVED....just blowing off some emotions....please....next the people helping  us to unload the truck had to leave and go to work...finally the manager arrived at NOON...telling US of her CHOICES..HER DECISIONS..no call ahead of time to give us a heads up during the week that the original deal is fallen and here is what we are offering you....NOTHING.... so we were between a rock and hard place...couldn't go back...all stuff in rental truck....FOUR hours waiting...waiting...waiting.....we CHOOSE to accept DIFFERENT apartment....READY TO MOVE IN....another PROMISE...not ready to move in....WE woke this morning to the kitchen sink leaking....LONG STORY....today MONDAY... we went to office...had manager...maintenance crew walking through the apartment they said was cleaned and ready....NOT..... and gave list of grievances....PROMISES again..... they will take care of all and when all done....cleaning crew...painting...new carpet.....then manager will sit with us to discuss NEW rental agreement ADJUSTED FOR OUR INCONVINCE....more PROMISES...this will happen this week beginning on Wednesday and Thursday....so I came here to share the frustrations of life on life terms...with the joy and rejoicing....while WE had to go to the bank...post office...electric...insurance for apartment for a year...required at this complex...no renting without it.....to UPDATE our NEW old address...to our NEWEST NEW address....WE just finished double work....they did their best to say sorry and WE accepted with Gods grace...since WE are ALL human and NOW....the word TRUST...for us and for that whole management and her staff.....to TRY again to believe them...as WE do our best for TODAY my husband and I ......EACH of us set our boundaries INSIDE of ourselves...he confronted and spoke his side and I confronted and spoke my side about  REAL boundaries CROSSED... frustrations,  feelings, and thoughts...OWNER ship for ourselves and the manager and her team keep theirs.....WE remained shining OUR light of faith....staying grown up in the INSIDE....to remain grown up on the outside too....setting the boundaries on MY INSIDE...to look people in the eye and confront with love the issues at hand and both parties still smiling and OWNING our own stuff......this was ALL done on MY part as a RECOVERING NICOTINE ADDICT TODAY.... with NO thought or OLD FEELING or OLD HABIT inside my mind....will......or emotions...MY soul...... to USE NICOTINE....this recovery life is ALIVE ON THE INSIDE OF ME....living FREE AND grown up INSIDE...is fantastic... MY husband showed the pic of the apartment I just cleaned that we left so WE get our security deposit back and the manager saw the oven I cleaned and said it looked brand new.....I was offered a JOB CLEANING and I said no thank you. She said I could TRUST YOU....I said yes because I don't answer to humans...I know WHO I will answer to and she said I KNOW who you would answer to.....thanks for letting ME share this adventure of breathing grown up INSIDE.. and still CHOOSING TO DO THE WILL of My Lord Jesus.....today and now WE are going home to eat lunch and then go to the pool for the afternoon.....in Jesus name amen HOORAY FOR JESUS....please take what is HELPFUL....and let go of the rest.

indingrl.01.06.2011

Changes inside ME

Posted by indingrl.01.06.2011 Jul 26, 2017

I am a recovering nicotine addict today and the changes God has done inside of ME are amazing...I am growing up to be a mature adult  INSIDE MY HEART AND MIND......setting boundaries...selecting friends that are grown up on the inside too...I don't accept TOXIC people anymore...taking on their responsibilities..... just so they will like ME....I am being taught that the CHOICES I make and the WORDS I speak...I will suffer the CONSEQUENCES in MY everyday life....I NEVER knew there was so much responsibility to ME...then to OTHERS...in relationships....to just enjoy the company of MY friends with no HIDDEN motives...it is REAL love to sit with another in silence and just enjoy quite....I am so grateful to ALL MY teachers here who taught ME by their WALKING THEIR WORDS...you taught ME to live without out using NICOTINE....in the beginning of MY recovery I just didn't believe I could live without NICOTINE... ALL of you here SUGGESTED to take it easy and read and blog.....NOT ONE PUFF EVER...N.O.P.E ....Thank you for helping ME to grow up inside and come and share also for ME...I was taught.... the H.O.W.....Honesty in myself.....Open-minded..... to remain teachable...Willingness to accept MY failures.....mistakes....joys...sorrows...and NOT USE NICOTINE as a way to cope or celebrate.....to NOT even think of NICOTINE.....to be HEALED IN MY HEART AND MY MIND.... which God renews daily for it is written ...I have the mind of Christ.....to think and remember God first...myself...then others...always letting love lead me and to share MY experience...I used to smoke 50 cigs a day to cope with the inside of me....NOW I pray and God leads ME to use the serenity prayer to cope with inside of ME and what is going on in ME....this MOMENT.... that is the emotion of sadness and gratefulness..... my friend Mary is in hospice with bone cancer....Mary says she trusts Jesus...she had love Jesus all her days and is grateful to have lived a long good life in Him....Mary always wrote notes...sent cards.....gave gifts of love away.....and made calls to any WHOSOEVERS.... to bring the joy and Jesus love....she did this to ME...unconditional love when I was sad inside and when we met at bible study...she gave me a love gift to let ME know I am loved by God and Mary...today I am able to accept...REALITY...and be very grateful to God and thank him for letting ME know such a beautiful inside adult woman.....CHANGES inside ME keep growing and growing to be just like MY Lord Jesus.....grown up on the inside and outside...thanks for letting me vent on my emotions in check.....please take what helps and let go of the rest.......gentle hug.